2009

Tree Hill, North Carolina

"I'm a Princess, I'm a Princess!" five year old Jenny Jagielski ran around the house chanting.

From the stool at the kitchen counter, Ellie smiled as the child twirled around and around in tights, a bikini top, a tutu, leggings and pink and purple Barbie sneakers that lit up. A crown was placed on top of her head, a magic wand in her small hand.

"Well, hello Princess Jenny", she smiled.

"Nana, do I look like a princess?"

Ellie picked her up and placed her on her lap.

"You are the prettiest princess in the whole world", she kissed her, causing Jenny to giggle.

A key turned in the lock and the front door open. Balancing a purse and an oversized diaper bag along with two toddlers, entered Peyton.

"Mama's home!" Jenny ran to the living room. "Hey, Mama! Hey, Micah! Hey, Mason!"

Peyton gave a tired smile as the girl kissed her little brothers. She left the children to play as she walked into the kitchen.

"How did it go?" Ellie asked, sipping from a mug.

Peyton rolled her eyes as she leaned against the counter.

"Micah is fine. Mason has a lower respiratory infection."

Ellie frowned.

"That sounds serious."

"It's not too bad besides the fact that he's been little Mr. Cranky lately. Anyway, the pediatrician prescribed some antibiotics. Says he'll be fine and it should clear up within the week."

"What about you?" Ellie looked at her daughter. "I'm worried."

The younger blonde shrugged.

"Don't be. I am the 21 year old mother of three, a five year old and 18 month old twins, mind you. My daughter is about to start kindergarten, I'm about to start my senior year of college, I spent the entire summer up to my eyeballs in snotty noses and dirty diapers, while teaching an art class on the side for extra cash to help pay the rent on this house Jake and I can barely afford. And speaking of my better half, we found an hour this summer to sneak down to City Hall and get married and honestly since then I don't think we've had 20 minutes alone with him working full time and overtime and picking up extra classes for credit on the sides."

"That just gives me all the reason more to worry about you."

"It's okay. I'm just tired, that's all."

"Maybe I should stay. You don't look so good, kid."

"No, it's okay. You already saved my ass by watching Jen this morning for me. I really appreciate it."

"But you look like you could use some sleep. I could stay on a few more hours, get all the kids fed lunch while you go lie down."

Peyton closed her eyes. It sounded heavenly. One full hour of peace and quiet of interrupted sleep. She hadn't had that since Jenny was an infant and it was an offer almost too good to refuse but she did.

"Isn't it your deadline today for Alternative Press?"

Ellie shrugged.

"The column is done and it's ready. I'll meet my deadline. Don't worry about that but if you need me…"

Peyton managed a smile.

"I'm good. Thanks but I have it under control."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. I'm gonna make lunch, then I need to run to Wal-Mart and by the time we get back, everybody should be worn out and ready for a nap. Then I'll make dinner. You could come over then, if you want."

"Please, Nana?" Jenny asked from the doorway.

"How could I say no to a princess", Ellie winked.

She stood and gave a kiss to her daughter and three grandchildren before being off to start her own day. As the kids played happily in the small living room, the Disney channel keeping them quiet and entertained, she searched the cupboards for food to prepare. Opening the cabinets, all the labels and colors on the boxes sort of blended together in one big haze. Peyton stumbled back and turned on the sink, splashing cold water on her face. She took a deep breath and tried to gather her thoughts. Her limbs felt so heavy and her eyes, woozy. She knew it had to with those damn pills.

It had started out simple enough. The constant lack of sleep due to motherhood, work and school had begun taking its toll the previous year when a fellow student let her take a few light blue pills to help her relax. They weren't addicting or dangerous or illegal. It was simply an over the counter aid to help ease nighttime restlessness. Peyton had only used them occasionally, a full bottle lasting months and months at a time but the night before had been particularly stressful.

She had been on the go all day and when night finally came, it had been an epic battle just convincing Jenny to get in the tub. Then the twins had been sick and she had been particularly afraid to leave Mason whose wheezing had made her fear the little boy had asthma. By two a.m. Peyton could take it no more. She was more exhausted than she had ever been in her entire life but she could not sleep. Then she had thought of the pills. Popping two, one more than her usual dosage had done the trick. But instead of waking up feeling rested and refreshed, she had been slow and sluggish. Everything had seemed to move in slow motion.

Shaking it off, Peyton cooked Jenny's current food of choice, pork and beans with chopped up hot dogs and junior meat entrées for the boys. The children had eaten and made a mess as usual and after lunch, the twins were out for the count. Postponing the Wal-Mart excursion, she put them to bed as she found Jenny in the living room dressed in her swimsuit.

"Mama, can I get in the pool?"

It was nothing spectacular, just an above ground swimming pool the owner had previously installed. Peyton sighed.

"Jen…"

"Please, Mama. Just for a little while."

It was hot and the little girl was bored and she had been on her best behavior all day. The young mother relented and followed the child outside with all her favorite water toys. For a half hour, Jenny happily splashed and played in the water as Peyton watched. The lessons at the YMCA had paid off as well as all those times Larry or Jake had taken her to the beach. Jenny was an excellent swimmer.

"Be careful, babe", Peyton yelled out as the five year old attempted a dive.

"Watch me float, Mama! I can float, Mama! Look! Papa taught me!"

Peyton smiled as the phone rang.

"Jen, it's probably your dad. I'll be right back, okay?"

"Okay."

Peyton hurried inside to answer the phone and to her dismay, it had been one of those annoying telemarketers. She'd hung up and then checked on the boys before grabbing a juice box from the freezer for Jenny. Then she felt it gain, that overwhelming fatigue. Sighing, Peyton took a seat for a minute on the couch. She was just going to rest, to catch her breath before going back outside. But her eyes grew heavier and heavier and heavier…

The sound of crying jarred her awake. Peyton sat straight up, the apple juice still in her hand. But she looked at the clock and noticed a whole five minutes had passed. The boys were up from their nap. Taking them from the crib and balancing each one on an arm, they walked back out and that's when it hit her. Jenny.

The silence made her blood run cold. There was no noise, no laughter or water splashes and instantly the young mother knew something was wrong, something was horribly wrong. She sat Micah and Mason on the floor and rushed outside to the pool. But it was too late. A parent's worst fear was realized.

"Jenny!" she screamed so loud she even scared herself.

The little girl was floating face down in the pool as Peyton jumped in fully clothed to retrieve her. She pulled her out, the tiny body already cold and blue. In a panic, Peyton pounded on her back before placing her flat in order to perform CPR. A neighbor had heard the commotion and dialed 911 and when paramedics arrived, they found a hysterical and soaked young mother frantically trying to breathe life back into her precious baby's limp body.

It felt unreal. The ride in the ambulance to the hospital. Calling Ellie and Larry. Her father had come for the boys while her mother stayed with her, holding her hand.

"Mrs. Jagielski?" a doctor asked as he emerged from behind the double doors of the ER.

"That's me", she jumped up. "How is my daughter? How's Jenny? Can I see her?"

The doctor sighed.

"Jenny suffered what we call Cerbral Hypnoxia, which is a lack of oxygen to the brain. It appears as if she may have hit her head accidentally on the side of the pool and fell in. It is impossible to know just exactly how long she was under but it has been determined through the MRI, EKG and EEG that it was a significant amount of time. Jenny is in a coma now and based on the monitored levels of the lack of brain activity…well, the affects are irreversible."

Peyton frowned, grabbing Ellie for support.

"Irreversible? No! What do you mean? What does that all mean? She's gonna wake up, right? Right?"

"I'm sorry, ma'am. Jennifer had several seizures and she lapsed into a coma and now…your daughter is brain dead."

Peyton felt her legs give way as Ellie caught her before she hit the ground.

"No! There has to be some sort of mistake. She was breathing when she got here."

"She was breathing but she had been underwater too long. I'm sorry. There is nothing we can do. It is medically impossible for Jenny to recover from this."

Grief, panic, fear, confusion and guilt all rolled up into one began to form in a mass of the pit of Peyton's stomach.

"No! She…Jenny is a good swimmer! She's a good swimmer!" Peyton cried.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Jagielski."

"I didn't leave her alone that long!"

She collapsed onto the floor in a heap of sobs. By the time she walked to the room and saw her child's near lifeless body on the bed, Peyton was inconsolable. It didn't feel real. She kept waiting to wake up from the nightmare. Any minute Jenny would sit up and grin and yell, 'Gotcha, Mama' and throw her arms around her. But it didn't happen. There was only quiet and stillness.

"I'm sorry", Peyton cried as she stroked Jenny's arm. "I'm so sorry, Sweetie Girl. Mama is sorry this happened to you. I love you so much. I love you, Jenny. I wish it were me on that bed instead of you."

She said it and she meant it as it took Ellie almost an hour to coax her away from the bedside.

"It's okay", the mother held her daughter.

The women looked up in time to hear the commotion barreling towards them. Jake Jagielski, out of breath and terrified, bounded around the corner.

"Where's my daughter? Jenny! Jenny!"

"Sir, calm down", a nurse approached him.

"My little girl", he managed to say. "There was an accident. She was brought here. Is she okay? I need to see her. Where is she? Jennifer Jagielski is her name and she's five years old and…"

"Jake", Ellie called out.

"Thank God", Jake whispered as he walked over to his wife and mother in law and hugged them both. "What happened? Where's Jenny?"

Peyton began to cry.

"There was an accident. Pool…I only left her for a minute!"

"Peyton, calm down. Babe, talk to me. What happened?"

"Jenny was swimming in the pool and the phone rang and I went inside and it all happened so fast and I found her and I tried to give her CPR…"

"CPR? Whoa, Peyton…"

"I'm so sorry."

He looked at his wife. He had never seen Peyton like that before. Never.

"Peyton, talk to me. Tell me."

"I'm sorry, Jake. I'm so sorry. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life but I'm so sorry to tell you that Jenny was in a drowning accident and I tried to save her but it was too late. She…they say she's brain dead. They say she is in a coma and she is never gonna wake up and never get better."

Jake felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. He stumbled back, barely able to speak or even breathe.

"Peyton…"

"She's gone, Jake."

Ellie helped him to a nearby chair as he tried to process the dire news.

"Where were you? Weren't you watching her?"

"I was…I, I did. The phone rang and I thought it was you but it wasn't so I hung up on this salesperson and then I checked on the boys because they were upstairs napping and I came down to get Jen a juice from the fridge and I sat down on the couch and I must have dozed off for a few minutes and…"

"What? Peyton! You fell asleep?"

"I didn't mean to. Jake, I'm sorry! I swear it was only a few minutes…"

"It was those pills wasn't it?"

"Jake…"

"Answer me! Did you take a pill?"

She nodded in shame and guilt.

"Two late last night. I, I guess they didn't wear off…"

"How could you let this happen?"

"It was an accident! I didn't mean it! I am so sorry! I wish it were me on that bed in there instead of her!"

"My little girl…" Jake began to wail.

Ellie wrapped her arms around him.

"It's okay, sweetie. Jake, it's going to be okay."

He cried softly then his emotion quickly switched to rage. His eyes turned so dark they almost looked black as he lunged from his seat so fast and hard that Ellie fell over.

"You bitch!" he grabbed Peyton and slammed her into the wall, choking her. "You killed our baby! You killed Jenny!"

It took Ellie, a doctor, a nurse, an orderly and two security guards to wrestle him away from her. Peyton crumpled to the floor still weeping.

"I'm sorry, Jake!" was all she could repeat.

But her apologies, her own cries of grief temporarily meant nothing to him. Jake was lost in his own pain. It was a hurt so unreal yet so deep that it was hard to fathom or comprehend. But it was true. His baby, his little girl, the beloved Jenny he had fought for and tried so hard to protect her whole life, was gone.