Gordo

I kicked at the clothes on the floor of my bedroom. When Miranda broke her date with me to go with Danny, I knew that I should have felt mad, sad, or anything than what I was feeling.

Relief.

How weird was it that I would be feeling relieved after I had a girl break a date to the prom with me? Pretty weird, but I have not been feeling peachy keen lately.

I knew the real reason that I didn't want to go to the prom with Miranda, but I did not tell anyone because I feared that they would think I was a little bit crazy.

I wanted to go with Lizzie.

Even though I could not, I still wanted to. I yearned for her to still be alive.

I wonder if she knows now. If she has been watching me from heaven, and seen that I loved her the entire time.

The entire time.

FLASHBACK

"Gordo...wow. I did not mean to kiss you. I am so sorry."

I felt like crying as I heard Lizzie utter those words. We had just shared the most magical moment ever on the rooftop.

"I mean, I really don't have those kinds of feelings for you. I think its better off that we just be friends."

I nodded silently.

"We probably would not work out anyways, and then our friendship would be gone."

I nodded again as she rushed back into the party. How could she flit around so carelessly when she had just tore my heart into pieces, stuck in a blender, and then stomped on it?

But with the logic she applied, it was probably best that we stay apart.

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I winced as I remembered that memory. It was then that I tried my hardest to get over Lizzie, but I did not succeed. I still felt jealous when I saw her with a boy, and my heart still fluttered when I saw her and she rushed up to me with that special smile that she reserved just for me. Or so I hoped. Even though I tried to deny my feelings, I could not help but have those feelings come back again that one special day.

FLASHBACK

"Gordo, can I come in?"

She stood at my doorway, soaked from the rain, her face streaked with tears.

"What's the matter?"

"Daniel broke up with me."

I wrapped my arms around her in a hug.

"I am so sorry. But why are you here?"

"He was going to drop me off at my house, but I asked him to drop me off here. I could not stand being in the car with him."

"Why did he break up with you?"

"There is somebody else," she replied quietly.

"Oh."

"He likes her more, he explained to me. Why would he like her more than me? She is probably gorgeous."

"Nobody is as pretty as you," I said.

"Thanks, Gordo."

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I banished the memory from my mind. I had tried to tell her my feelings that night, but I was too worried that she might be too vulnerable at that time.

So I waited, and waited. But once I would finally muster up the courage to tell her, something would happen, and I would chicken out. The one day that I actually thought that I could do it, she was pulled away from me.

I looked at the clock. Seven on a Friday night, and I was sitting in my room, like the loser that I was.

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The only thing that I can do to take away my hurt feelings is to visit her. So I am a crazy person. So sue me.

I trace the letters on her gravestone. LIZZIE MCGUIRE. BELOVED DAUGHTER, SISTER, AND FRIEND. MAY SHE REST IN PEACE.

Friend. Just a friend. That's all I ever was to her. Nothing can change that now.

For the first time in a long while, I start to cry. Not just a single tear running down my cheek, but violent sobs.

Pull yourself together, Gordon. Don't let her see you like this.

What am I saying to myself?

"I'm freaking crazy."

"That's right you are," a voice said from behind that I strangely recognized.

I turned around to see a glimmering vision of white light, and through the light, I saw Lizzie.

"Lizzie..." I whispered.

"Gordo," she said back, smiling. She stroke my cheek with her hand, but all I could feel was a cold breeze.

"Hi."

"Hi."

I smiled at the angel in front of me.

"Lizzie, I have to tell you something."

"That you were crazy in love with me the entire time."

I shrugged my shoulders and blushed.

"How did you know?"

"I suspected it for a long time. Everytime had told me too, and I..."

She looked down, one single tear grazing her cheek.

"I loved you too. But I would deny it the entire time."

"I always thought that maybe you didn't think the same way."

She smiled.

"Prom's next week."

"Yeah."

"Miranda's due in a few weeks. And you are going to graduate from high school."

"Yes."

"But none of it will be fun without you there," I said wistfully.

"I will be there," she replied. Lizzie drew herself closer to me, and wrapped her arms around me. She kissed me on the lips.

It was what I had been hoping for my whole life, and I would remember it for my entire life.

I turned around to find nobody where Lizzie was sitting. All that was sitting there was a single red rose.

A red rose.

Even though Lizzie can't be here with me and Miranda right now, I realized that she is here.

In my heart and always surrounding me in spirit. I returned home later that night, and threw myself full force into my film.

I still needed a few shots from graduation to complete it for myself, but it would do for my college applications.

Little did I know that this film would earn me a full ride scholarship to NYU Film School.