Authors Note: Reviews are nice. :)


Chapter 4- Lucky Charms:

It was getting unbearably painful to watch any longer. It didn't even matter that it were only a play, designed to falsely entrap people into believing the characters playing the parts actually felt that way about one another. It didn't matter because the two of them didn't look like they were acting at all. It was much too real. He didn't like to feel jealous, especially over a tree-hugging hippie whore and an overly-sensitive animal lover. They were so perfect for each other it made him sick. There was only one thing that could make him feel better at a time like this;

Pissing off Kyle.

His eyes zeroed in on his pray, who was standing off to the side, whispering and giggling with Kenny. The way they leaned against one another in laughter was almost as nauseating as the two on stage.

Typical Jew. Cartman thought with and irritated grunt. If Stan wasn't there to flirt with, he'd corrupt Kenny. Not that Kenny wasn't already corrupted. In fact, if he wasn't mistaken, Cartman had seen the pervert give both Kyle and Stan once-overs when the two weren't looking. He thought of everyone, including his friends, as "eye-candy".

Kenny nudged the snickering Kyle and pointed toward the stage. "Five bucks says he'll puke all over her." His arms sprung forward for visual effect.

"Yeah, you're probably right." Kyle readily agreed. "But I'll bet in Stan's favor, you need the money."

"I'm not worried about the money. If he gets her shirt wet we might be able to see through it."

Kyle grinned. "Maybe you should have mentioned that to him so he can aim in that direction."

"Hey, Stan-" Kenny cupped his hands around his mouth like a megaphone, but Kyle quickly pulled him back, where they both began snickering again. They stifled their laughter at the teachers death glare and turned their attention toward the stage.

Kyle grinned as he looked at Stan. He looked nervous, even when he was suppose to simply be lying there, dead and stiff. He certainly had the stiff part down. In fact, he was so tense he looked like a piece of plywood.

"Sorry to break your heart, but Juliet wasn't a stupid Jew."

Kyle turned his attention from the school's stage, already angry as he faced Cartman. "What the hell are you flapping your gums about now?"

Cartman could feel his soul laughing on the inside, though his exterior remained cool. "I can see right through you, Kyle. You want to be Juliet. You want to feel Stan's lips pressed against yours in a timeless kiss that will leave you craving more."

Kyle could feel himself begin to shake with fury. The fat-ass had been at it all day. All day. It was amazing the way he could find one subject to annoy someone with and not get bored of it after a while. He had freaked Stan out so badly, he refused to come to class after the lunch bell rang. The only good part was the fact that Kyle had gotten out of class as well to "calm his psychotic friend", as the teacher so bluntly put it. Stan hadn't been "psychotic", only a little spazzed about Cartman's seemingly accurate predictions and the fact that he'd just been hugged by an openly gay Butters. But Stan was a smart kid, and it didn't take much to convince him that Cartman was full of shit. Which he was.

"Could you please just grab a hold of whatever decency you have in that over-sized body and shut the hell up about me and Stan!" Kyle's shout echoed.

This gained the attention of every individual in the room, Wendy included, who's lips had been a half inch from Stan's.

"Stop, stop, stop!" Their teacher demanded at the interruption.

Wendy sighed, stood up straight and crossed her arms across her chest. Stan sat up from the prop where he lay and rubbed his lips as though she had actually kissed him, though his eyes locked with Kyle's questioningly.

"Is there a reason you have disrupted my play, Mr. Broflovski?" Miss Brown asked.

"Yeah, Cartman's a stupid asshole!" He answered, pointing angrily to emphasize his point.

The accused waved it off. "Don't mind Kyle, Miss Brown. He's on his period."

"You see what I'm talking about!"

"No, but they see what I'm talking about, Mr. PMS." Cartman assured.

"Enough!" The teacher wailed dramatically. "If you disrupt my play one more time, the two of you will be giving our stars a preview of what the kissing scene will look like, and you will do it together."

The threatened duo's eyes widened in fear, though they kept their mouths clamped. It was Miss Brown's favorite way of punishing her students; making their worst fears come true. No one knew for sure if she would actually follow through with her threats, but no one was brave enough to test her. She appeared to be shy, with her skinny, hunched figure and rusty colored hair she always wore in a fashion that resembled a falling beehive. Beneath the surface beat the heart of a witch. Kenny had once voiced his opinion that she was most likely a dominatrix in her spare time. They had all agreed.

"Now please resume your position, we'll take it from the point of Juliet's awakening."

Stan cast a quick glance at Wendy, who still refused to look at him, and slowly laid back. His eyes were closed, preventing him from seeing what she was doing. But he could hear her as she spoke, sweet and perfect, just like everything else about her. It was the moment now, and he could feel her lean over him. Closer and closer she came, slowly but surely. He could feel her breath against his skin, and smell the light fragrance he remembered so well.

That's when he opened his eyes.

"Mis-ter Marsh!" Miss. Brown slapped at him with the script she held. "What kind of an idiot do you think I am?"

He scoffed, then shrugged. "I don't know. What kind are you?"

Kyle had to burry his face in Kenny's shoulder to muffle the laughter he bit back at the smart-ass reply. Stan really did not want to do this play. So much so that he was literally risking a life-sentence of detention. In a way, he couldn't blame the poor guy. Wendy had been giving him the cold shoulder all day, and the purple circles beneath his eyes were becoming more visible by the second. It was obvious he still wasn't feeling one-hundred percent yet.

"Not the kind that can be swayed by your tactics, I can assure you." She threatened.

"What tactics? I don't have any tactics."

"You think that if you do a shameful rehearsal that I will replace you with the understudy." She announced. "I will worn you now, Stanley, that you are my Romeo. I will post-pone this play and hold rehearsal after school every day of the week until you get it right. You should also know that if I can't make this play come together, there is another we will do. It's set in Scotland and you will all be required to wear kilts."

Stan frowned. "You mean those little skirt things?"

"Precisely." She answered with a glint in her eyes.

"Don't get too excited, Kyle." Cartman whispered. "You don't want to cum all over those pretty tights you're wearing."

"Show's how much you know. These aren't tights, they're leggings. And for your information, I have to wear them for the stupid play."

"Oh, so you would cream yourself if you saw Stan in a skirt."

"Cartman-" He started in a threatening tone.

"Why are you blushing, Kyle?"

"I'm not-"

"Yes, you are. Why don't you just ask if you can be Juliet? You know you want to. You're thinking about it right now. Go on, Kyle, give Stan a little kiss. Show Wendy what real passion looks like."

"God, shut-up Cartman! Just shut the hell up!"

"Okay, on stage." Miss Brown announced. "Come on." She encouraged, motioning them with her finger. "You two are going to show Wendy and Stanley how to do this scene properly."

Kenny immediately burst into laughter, regardless of what the consequences may be. "Go on, Cartman, give Kyle a little kiss. You know you want to." He mocked.

"Shut-up, Kenny!" Cartman hissed in response, gaining nothing but Stan's laughter along with Kenny's.

"Hey, shut the hell up, Stan! This isn't funny!" Kyle pointed out, to which Stan unsuccessfully tried to hide his amusement behind his hands.

"Well?" Miss Brown planted her hands on her hips. "We're all waiting."

Kyle's eyes shifted to the stage and back. "I can't do it."

"And why is that?" The teacher questioned.

"It's against my religion to kiss fat-asses."

"Aye!" Cartman exclaimed.

"If you insist on being the center of attention, you will do it while helping to rehearse this play. Otherwise I suggest that you keep your mouth shut. This is your final warning."

Cartman flipped her off when she turned around. "This is your final warning." He mimicked in a girly voice. "Fuckin' bitch."

Now he was really pissed. If he couldn't keep himself amused by taunting Kyle, he would have no choice but to watch Wendy taint herself with Stan's mouth. His eyes sought and found her pretty blue ones. She was staring at Stan, biting her lip thoughtfully.

"Miss Brown, I need to talk to Stan alone for a minute." She announced, completely deflating Cartman's heart and not even realizing it.

The teacher sighed heavily. "Very well, Wendy. Please make it quick."

Without a word, she grabbed Stan's hand and pulled him backstage, stopping just beyond the curtain.

"Wendy?" He asked, obviously confused at her sudden need to talk to him.

"I know things have been weird between us ever since it happened." She began immediately. He blinked once, a little stumped at the way she called their break-up 'it'. He had never heard it put quite that way before. "I know you hate me for what I did-"

"I don't hate you, Wendy." He cut her off. They were too absorbed in one another to even notice as Cartman snuck passed, eavesdropping on their conversation.

It was her turn to look surprised. "You don't?"

He shook his head. "No. I did. For a long time. But then I realized that I didn't hate you. I was just hurt."

"I'm sorry." She cast her eyes down at the shiny floor, missing Cartman as he snuck passed again, closer this time. "I don't want to have to feel weird around you anymore, Stan. Despite what you may think, I do still care about you."

He felt a small smile involuntarily curve his lips, but she continued seriously.

"Being tense and awkward around each other is the reason this play is going so badly. I thought maybe we could have a truce, clear the way so we can give this our best. Deal?"

He found himself unable to resist returning her smile in full. "Deal."

Her smile widened as she leaned in and hugged him tightly, only to snap back, wide eyed at the sudden commotion of a metal object clattering to the ground.

"Cartman!" She exclaimed angrily when she spotted him in the shadows.

"Oh, I'm sorry. My bad." He apologized, sounding anything but sorry.

"What are you doing back here, fat boy?" Stan's irritation was evident.

Wendy elbowed him. "Stan, that isn't nice."

"I don't need to be nice to him, he's an asshole."

"Hey, screw you, you hippie loving gay wad!" Cartman shot back.

"Fuck you, fat ass." Stan cursed and disappeared through the curtain.

Cartman's glare deepened, if that were at all possible. "Ass rammer." He spoke beneath his breath.

"Why do you have to be that way?" She asked, completely fed-up.

"What way?" He asked innocently.

"Immature and inconsiderate." She stated. "You should try to be more thoughtful. If you did, people might actually start to like you. Look at Stan; He has the biggest heart in all of South Park, and everyone loves him."

"Yeah, all the rainbow children." He remarked around a half-laugh, half-cough.

"I'm serious." She stressed. "You really should take a step back and really look at the way you treat other people."

He sneezed loudly. "Excuse me, I'm allergic to nagging bitches."

Her eyebrows furrowed. "You really are an asshole." With that, she followed Stan's footsteps back onto the stage.

"Yep," Cartman sniffed and ran his fingers through his hair. "She wants me."


"That was thee biggest pile of puke I've ever seen!"

"Shut up, Cartman."

"No, I'm seriously. I'm surprised they didn't need to bring in a snow plow to dig her out."

"Shut up, Cartman."

"It's gonna take her weeks to get the chunks out of her hair."

"Shut up, Cartman!"

"Alright, alright. Jesus crap, Kyle, you need to give your boyfriend a blowjob before he explodes."

"I'll give him one." Kenny offered.

"Kenny… Goddamnit." Stan cursed.

"No, seriously. I will."

Stan huffed, shook his head and looked at the ground as they continued their walk home. The bus had long since gone, considering they were held for the 6th grade play dress rehearsal. He shuddered as he thought of the mortifying last ten minutes.

"Don't barf on me." Wendy had joked, moments before pressing her lips against his. It was sweet and gentle, enjoyable. But it only took one comment from the fat ass to change it all.

"Don't you wish that were you instead of Wendy, Kyle?" Stan had heard Cartman asked.

It was that exact moment Stan had thought of Kyle hovering over him, lips pressed lightly against his. He felt his stomach flip-flop, and he puked.

Everywhere.

His thoughts snapped back to reality when Kenny's hand touched his shoulder. "Just name the time and the place."

He was still talking about blowjobs. Sometimes, with Kenny, it was hard to tell whether or not he was joking. And that was a scary thought.

"You shut up too, Kenny!" Kyle snapped.

"Jealous?" Kenny smirked.

"Of what?"

"Of me, because I'm going to give Stan a blowjob and you're not."

"I don't want you to give me a blow job, Kenny." Stan announced dryly.

"Yeah, he wants Kyle to give him one." Cartman amended.

"No, he doesn't." Kenny argued.

Kyle rolled his eyes. "He'd want one from me before he'd want one from you."

"Why the hell are you arguing about this?" Stan interrupted, rather annoyed.

Kyle was the first to answer. "All I'm saying is that if you did want one of us to give you a blow job, it would be me."

Stan shoved his hands in his pockets and swallowed hard, refusing to make eye contact with anyone. It seemed that him and Kyle took turns being the sane, mature one. Apparently it was his turn. He could sense Kyle frown at his lack of comment.

"It would be me, wouldn't it?"

"Kyle… What the hell difference does it make?"

"It makes a huge difference!"

"Fine, I'd choose you. Happy?"

It was now Kenny's turn to feel abandon. "I could make you moan louder."

"Fine." Stan changed his mind darkly. "Kenny."

"What?" Kyle's expression radiated betrayal. "Who's fucking friend are you anyway!"

"Look!" Stan shouted, suddenly coming to a stop. "I don't want a fucking blowjob from either of you, got it?"

The two glanced at each other.

"Then you want one from Cartman?" Kenny asked.

"No!"

"Miffy, the get better bear?" Kyle asked, breaking into a bright smile.

Stan hesitated a moment. Of course Kyle had been joking the entire time. He must be completely brain dead to have thought otherwise. Somehow he managed to refrain from smacking himself on the forehead, and instead began laughing. "You're so full of shit, dude." He teased, giving Kyle a playful punch in the stomach.

Cartman moaned in disgust. "Get a fuckin' room, you faggots."

Kyle took every chance he got to get back at Cartman for all the things he had done. And this was one of those times he saw a golden opportunity. There was no way he would let it slip away, and all it took for Stan to understand was a simple smirk from his best friend. He smiled back, not knowing exactly what his plan was, but already glad he thought of it.

"Actually, Cartman, that's exactly what we're going to do." Kyle announced, placing an arm around Stan's shoulders.

"What?" Cartman asked, his expression suddenly blank.

"Your psychic abilities must be fading fast."

Kenny had caught on by this point, and decided he didn't want to be left out. "You knew about the skittles, but you forgot Kyle's Lucky Charms."

Stan nodded. "He's magically delicious." His tongue slowly licked the perimeter of his lips.

Cartman's wide-eyed, slack jawed, terror stricken expression was too much. Kyle was the first to crack, followed shortly after by Stan and Kenny.

"Oh… Oh, God I hate you guys!" He wailed the moment he understood the prank, causing their laughter to grow.

"Did you…" Kyle started, breaking off on a laugh. "Did you see your face?" He collapsed against Stan, who was already leaning against Kenny in laughter.

Cartman's face twisted in anger. What pissed him off more than Kyle and Stan screwing with him was when Kenny decided to become a trader and join them. "Laugh while you can, you pussies." He threatened. "It wont be so funny when you realize you really do want to blow each other."

"Whatever, Cartman." Stan shrugged it off.

"You can already feel it, Stan." He promised. "I can sense it, and you're going to go through hell trying to make sense of what the hell is going on."

At this point, Stan's laughter had completely vanished. Something about the way he said it made him believe that just maybe there was some truth behind it.

"Same goes for you, Jew boy." He hissed at the still-giggling Kyle. "It wont be so funny when Stan abandons you for someone else. Then I'll be the one laughing. Until then… Screw you guys, I'm going home."


-Lisha (BratChild3)