I was seriously debating deleting this story because it's so cringe and my old authors notes make me want to die of embarrassment, but after rereading it, I want to keep it up. Most of the gods are wildly out of character and this 'story' is pure chaotic energy, but that's what gives it character I guess. Anyway, this chapter was inspired by r/oldpeoplefacebook. The gods are technically old people, so it seems fitting.

Poseidon: This is my son (insert picture of Percy here)

-Hermes: We know...

-Poseidon: His name is Percy Jackson

-Demeter: He's grown up to be so handsome

-Percy: Dad, please stop! You're embarrassing me!

-Poseidon: He's in college now


Hades: I really wish people would stop dying so much. The Underworld is really crowded

-Hermes: Who died? Usually I'm the first to know these things

-Zeus: I don't live in the Underworld

-Demeter: Well what do you expect me to do about it?

-Hera: I've been in Olympus all week, what happened?


Hera: Who is Spam Risk and why do they keep calling me on my cellular device?

-Artemis: I don't have a cellular device

-Apollo: I have a cell phone, but I don't know who Spam is

-Dionysus: Probably one of those demi-brats that you all don't take care of

-Poseidon: My son isn't a brat!

-Dionysus: No one mentioned Peter Johnson

-Poseidon: This is my son Percy Jackson and he's in college (insert picture of Percy here)

-Zeus: Percy Jackson isn't my son

-Hera: WHO IS SPAM RISK!


Rhea: THESE ARE MY SONS AND I'M SO PROUD OF THEM (insert picture of Big Three here)

-Athena: Why are you yelling?

-Rhea: I CAN'T SEE THE SMALL LETTERS ON THE SCREEN SO I TURNED ON THE LOCK CAPS

-Demeter: MY VISION IS BAD TOO, THANKS FOR THE IDEA MOM!

-Rhea: MY BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER YOU'RE WELCOME. YOUR FATHER IS A DEADBEAT

-Athena: isn't Kronos dead?

-Rhea: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MY WISE GRANDDAUGHTER. HOW'S YOUR MOTHER DOING?

-Athena: Your son ate her...

-Hermes: Athena You know Gods and Titans can't technically be killed, but Kronos is definitely in Facebook jail.

-Hestia: Amen

-Hera: Amen

-Demeter: AMEN

-Hephaestus: Amen

-Aphrodite: RIP

-Zeus: F*ck father

-Poseidon: Amen

-Hades: Amen

-Persephone: Amen


Aphrodite: Call Ares

-Hephaestus: Seriously?

-Aphrodite: I wasn't talking to you I was talking to Siri

-Ares: I'll DM you ;)

-Percy: Lmao

-Poseidon: That's my son

-Percy: Could you not?

-Annabeth: Lighten up seaweed brain, he's just proud of you and wants to tell Facebook xD

-Aphrodite: Where do you want to meetup today?

-Apollo: You do realize this is your status right?

-Aphrodite: Hey siri call Ares


-Zeus: My name is not Siri and I'm not calling Ares for you

Hera: Where to buy organic ambrosia

-Demeter: I think they sell it at Food Mart in Olympus

-Hera: What is the best brand of Nectar

-Apollo: Please tell me you're not using your status as a search bar

-Hera: Why do I keep getting pregnan

-Hermes: If a women has starch masks does that mean she has been pargant before xD

-Percy: Can u get pregante xD

-Annabeth: Can my be pregnan!

-Will: Jhaven't taken my birth control in 12 days!

-Nico: My circle is nomal but I still not get peegnant, halp

-Leo: Dangerops prangent sex! Will it hurt baby top of his head?!

-Travis: 38+2 weeks pragananant!

-Piper: Did any of you feeeeel pgrenant or am I normal

-Demeter: What in the world is going on?

-Zeus: I don't know, why would I? Get off my back!

-Athena: It appears that the young people have some kind of inside joke

-Poseidon: Can I be pargant?

-Athena: You're old like us, how are you in on the joke?!

-Poseidon: My son Percy


Zeus: I just cleaned out my chariot

-Hestia: It's good to know you're doing okay :)

-Zeus: I went to the grocery store and then I made a doctors appointment

-Persephone: Father how's your hip doing?

-Zeus: It's still hurting, but I'm having it looked at by a doctor soon. I'll update Facebook.

-Rhea: AMEN


Helios: Some people are hoping for your downfall and they try to take your blessings, but karma will catch up with them.

-Selene: Don't let it get to you brother, just take the high road

-Apollo: Why do I feel like this is about me

-Artemis: When did they get a Facebook.

-Hestia: Let's all try to get along. I'm spreading love and light to everyone! :)

-Helios: The sun has light

-Apollo: It sure does and I love being the god of the sun.

-Hermes: Did I miss something?

-Helios: PM me.


Chiron: It's a lovely day at Camp Half-Blood

-Zeus: I don't live at Camp Half-Blood


Ares: I heard someone wants to fight me!

-Percy: Get over yourself!

-Hermes: Yeah, no one cares about fighting you

-Apollo: This status is very attention seeking

-Ares: That's funny coming from you of all people Apollo.

-Helios: Apollo loves taking people's shine and stealing attention

-Apollo: Dude, the sun is mine, get over it!

-Hestia: We must pray about this

-Hera: Amen

-Demeter: AMEN

-Rhea: AMEN

-Persephone: Amen


Hades: I love my wife

-Persephone: He who finds a good wife finds a great thing. It says that in the Bible

-Hades: Husbands must love their wives as Christ loves the church.

-Artemis: I think I'm gonna be sick.

-Zeus: I have a wife

-Poseidon: I also have a wife. And a son Percy Jackson

-Ares: No one cares about your stupid son!

-Poseidon: He's going to college soon


Hades: I went to the Wall-Mart and they had nothing but walls. The Underworld needs souls with work ethic and the common sense to stock stores with items

-Zeus: I don't live in the Underworld and I've never been

-Hades You're insufferable

-Zeus: I need penicillin

-Hades: I just said that they have nothing but walls

-Zeus: I don't know that