Authors Note: This is one of my favorite chapters for some reason. I had fun writing this one. Once again, thanks for the reviews and I look forward to seeing more. :)
Chapter 9- Poisoned Icing.
What a load of bullshit.
Of course today would be the day Miss Brown forced a select few to read aloud from their literature textbooks. Of course today would be the day she chose Kyle. Why wouldn't she? It was the poisoned icing to top off the already bitter cake of Stan's day. All that was missing was the sour cherry in the middle. If he had any doubts about it, they were whisked away the moment Mr. Mackey poked his head in the door and asked to talk to Miss Brown. Kyle, being the good student he was, had the privilege of continuing to read to the class until she got back. So now Kyle's "one paragraph" had quadrupled into reading the entire nine page Edgar Allan Poe poem.
Great. Grand. Wonderful.
If Stan didn't know any better, he would bet his life on the fact that Cartman had planned the entire thing somehow. The fat bastard had his devious ways of conforming things to fit his amusement. Strangely enough, he seemed to be in his own little world today, his eyes barely leaving Wendy long enough to blink. He had a plan that somehow revolved around her. That much was obvious by the glint in his eyes. He also seemed to be oblivious to Stan's little problem. Which either meant that he was too preoccupied to care, (Like that would happen) or he honestly hadn't planned this somehow.
So, Stan did the only thing he could do. He crossed his arms over his desktop, buried his face in the bend of his elbow, and listened to Kyle read from the goddamn literature book. And people thought Chinese ice torture was bad…
The irony? Kyle didn't have a clue what a tease he was. He carried on without a doubt, breezing through "The Black Cat" like his voice was just ordinary. Like it wasn't doing scary, yet amazing things to his best friend.
"…On the night of the day on which this cruel deed was done, I was aroused from sleep by the cry of fire…"
Christ. He would have to say "aroused".
God, Kyle… stop talking…
Stan never wanted to see Miss Brown so badly in his life. But, the sooner she came back, the sooner Kyle would shut the hell up, and the sooner he could take his book off his lap. For now he wouldn't remove it for the world. No way in hell he was about to let the entire class see exactly how extraordinary he thought Kyle's voice was. It heightened his senses, made his body hum, his breath deepen. It made him want to listen to Kyle talk forever… and that scared the living fuck out of him.
Damn Edgar Allan Poe and damn Shakespeare. Stan was really starting to have a thing against old fashioned poets. They brought trouble. Every single one of them.
He heard the pen scribbling, heard the paper rip, felt it smack against his shoe. Ordinary note passing. But why the hell was he making it a secret? Kyle was in charge, and he wouldn't tattle on them.
Stan lifted his arm and peeked down at the crumpled piece of paper before bending over to collect it, careful to keep his book securely over his lap. He unfolded the note and recognized Kenny's writing immediately;
"You want him just as bad as I do."
His heart skipped a beat. How did Kenny always know crap like that about people? It was like a sixth sense to him. He could smell any trace of sexual excitement. He knew if you had a dirty thought, no matter how slight it may be. Kenny was one with sexual desire.
Stan turned in his seat, flipped off his perverted friend and mouthed "Fuck you", to which Kenny immediately scribbled another note, this time handing it over without even trying to conceal it.
"Your place or mine?"
Stan glanced back up with a glare, to which Kenny smiled and waved, deciding to sweeten the deal by blowing a less-than-silent kiss.
How the hell did he do it? How was he so open and calm about wanting to screw everyone? And why didn't anyone give him hell about it? It was almost as if it were expected of him.
Stan gave a start when his eyes connected with the steady gaze of Cartman. They were squinted just slightly, a reaction from the smirk residing on his festively plump face. That look was not a look you wanted to receive from Cartman. Ever. It was that look that meant; I know something you don't want me to know, and you're a dumb shit if you think I'm not going to give you hell about it.
Stan swallowed thickly and diverted his attention back to Kyle. At the moment, he wasn't too sure that was any better, especially when every few seconds those emerald eyes would glance right at him, hold just long enough to make his breath catch. He closed his eyes for a moment.
Kyle…
He reopened them when he felt another wad of paper hit his shoe. One look at Cartman was enough to ensure it was from him this time. Reluctantly, Stan retrieved it, and with shaky hands read the amazingly neat writing.
"That's a pretty book decorating your lap. Is that a kick stand holding it up, or are you just happy to see Kyle?"
At first, Stan wanted to die. He wanted to dig a hole right there and crawl into it. But, he realized something; Cartman was just fucking with him because he had a book sitting on his lap, not because he had actually seen anything. That was impossible. At this point he was so worried about someone finding out he had nothing to hide anymore. So, he lifted the book, carefully just to be sure, slapped it onto his desk, wadded the offensive note with more force than necessary and threw it at Cartman's head. Unfortunately, he dodged it like an expert, turning quickly to watch it smack Butters instead.
"Ow." Butters murmured, rubbing his forehead absentmindedly.
"God damnit, Butters, paper doesn't hurt." Cartman pointed out.
Seeing a golden opportunity to get some groping and touching in, Kenny slipped out of his desk to stand next to Butters'. "How do you know if it hurt?" He asked Cartman with fake anger as he pulled Butters head against his chest and pet his hair. "Did it hit you in the head?" Kenny asked.
"Yeah," Butters agreed, clinging to the boy holding him and allowing himself to be coddled. "Did it hit you in the head?"
Cartman scoffed. "It's common sense, you retard. Paper doesn't hurt. It's not hard enough. It would have to be a least as hard as Stan's boner." He pointed at the boy sinking lower and lower in his chair.
"It could have cut him, paper does have edges." Kenny rushed, purposely changing the subject as quickly as possible. "You need me to kiss it, make it better?" He asked Butters. Before he could respond, Kenny kissed his forehead with a resounding smack sound, hugged him tighter and ran his hands up and down his back slow and thoroughly.
"Jesus Christ." Cartman sneered in disgust. His eyes brightened when they caught Stan's again. "But Stan knows what he wants Kyle to kiss and make better, don't you Stan?"
"Oh, oh, oh!" Wendy suddenly exploded, smacking her hands on her desk after being uncharacteristically quiet all day. Everyone immediately hushed their whispered conversations and looked toward her, Kyle included, who had just now realized no one was listening to him read anymore.
"I am so sick of you picking on Stan!" Wendy continued to yell at Cartman, who actually looked hurt for once in his life. "That is the tenth time today! I know because I counted!" She wailed, getting right up in his face and pointing an angry finger at his nose "You are such an asshole all the time! Can't you see that something is bothering him today? He doesn't need to take any shit from you, so back off! Just once, shut your god damn mouth, you inconsiderate, vile little bastard!"
Silence followed, broken only by the sound of Wendy's heavy breathing.
"Well, miss Testaburger," Miss Brown announced from the doorway. "You've just won a slip for after school detention. Congratulations."
"Detention?" She breathed, disbelief written all over her face.
"Oh, that's tough shit, man." Cartman commented, to which she glared at him viciously and slowly backed away and into her chair.
Her gaze shifted to Stan, who gave her a soft, apologetic smile. Normally he wouldn't like the idea of a girl coming to his rescue, or anyone for that matter. But today was different. Today he felt vulnerable. Today, he wouldn't have been able to save himself from Cartman's more than true accusations. He was far too embarrassed. He gave a slight wave in way of saying "thanks".
Cartman watched with a death glare as Wendy smiled back. That was minus five points for him and bonus points for Stan. The thing that really pissed him off was that Stan didn't even know he was in the game. But, with him sucking up all Wendy's affection, he wasn't getting out of it.
It was on.
"Damn. That was hot." Kenny remarked. "Wendy's hot when she's pissed, huh Stan?"
The addressed boy never answered. He never even heard the question, but that didn't stop Kenny.
"I wish she would have grabbed my shirt, hauled me against her and yelled at me like that." He went on, his hands making dramatic movements in the air. "I bet he could feel every inch of her. That's hot shit right there, dude."
Silence could be deafening, and Kenny was finding out first hand. Stan kept pace with him perfectly as they took their time walking toward the school cafeteria, but he never said a word. His eyes were cast downward, his hands tucked deep into his pockets. Kenny smiled. If ever there were a time to test his suspicions, it was now.
"Not as hot as Kyle, of course." Just as he thought, Stan's eyes snapped up immediately, holding a mix of shock and guilt. "Nice of miss Brown to put him up on display so we could look at him and fantasize while she was out. Think that'll count toward sex ed.?"
Stan choked for words, looking more paranoid by the moment. Kenny almost felt bad for putting him on the spot, even though he was barely able to hold back a laugh. "Christ, Stan, you're hot when your flustered. You'd better stop before I attack you right here and now."
Their footsteps died simultaneously a few feet in front of the cafeteria, almost like an unspoken agreement.
"Really, Stan," Kenny spoke seriously for the first time that day. "What I said in my note is true, isn't it?"
"N-no!" Stan denied too quickly. "It's not-"
"That's it." Kenny shook his head with a sigh. "I warned you." In a flash he had Stan pressed against the lockers, his arms pinned up over his head.
"What the hell are you doing!" He shouted, more frantic than pissed.
"An experiment," Kenny replied calmly. "Just close your eyes and pretend I'm Kyle."
"Not again, Kenny," Kyle voiced as he walked up. "Leave Stan alone."
Kenny, still pinning Stan to the lockers with his own body, opened his mouth to retort, but was stalled by Stan's sudden escape. "Damnit!" He cursed instead.
"What did Cartman do to piss Wendy off so bad this time ?" Kyle asked.
Kenny, ignoring his own sexual frustration, glanced quickly at the ever embarrassed, frightened Stan and came to the rescue by shrugging it off. "You know Cartman."
Kyle rolled his eyes in agreement. "He's still in the classroom trying to get detention. What a stupid ass."
Stan, who was half hiding behind Kenny, tried to pull his shirt down to cover any evidence that seemed to be coming back. Couldn't Kyle ever shut the hell up? Apparently not, because he kept on going. Stan could feel it happening again, his insides melting at the sound. He had to get out of there, fast. As if on cue, Butters shuffled through the cafeteria door and paused when he noticed the trio of friends. He twisted his fingers and smiled at Stan, who smiled back with an equal amount of nervousness and relief.
"What's going on?" Kenny asked when he noticed.
"I'm gonna… sit with Butters today." Stan answered.
"Oh, right. I forgot." Kyle snapped. "You need some time away from me." He mimicked spitefully.
"Dude, that's not cool." Kenny warned.
"No, this isn't cool!" Kyle spread his arms, indicating Stan and Butters.
Stan scoffed and started in the opposite direction of the cafeteria. "Come on, Butters, lets get out of here."
"You'll have to talk to me sooner or later, Stan!" Kyle shouted after them, watching until they disappeared around the corner to shout a string of colorful curses and stomp his foot like a five year old. "Son of a bitch!"
"You're being the bitch, Kyle."
"Me?" He asked incredulously. "He's the one that's been ignoring me all day! Didn't you notice that? Because I sure as hell did!"
"Shit, dude, it's not that big a deal." Kenny shrugged it off.
"Not that big a deal?" Kyle repeated. "You weren't ditched by your best friend three times today!"
"It wasn't that many."
"The hell it wasn't!" Kyle retorted. "He ditched me on the bus, he ditched me a second time when we had to pick science partners, and now he's doing it again! And every time has been for Butters!"
"Jealous?"
"Shouldn't I be?" He exclaimed. "Stan is my fucking friend! I don't even know what the hell I did! He's acting like I raped him or something!"
"Give him time. Just trust me on this." Kenny assured. "Have I ever lied to you?"
Kyle snorted and crossed his arms over his chest. "There was that time you told me we had to shower together in gym because there weren't any more open and we would be late to class."
"Okay, one time."
"Or that time you told me I had something on the back of my pants so you could rub my ass."
"Okay-"
"Or that time-"
"Okay!" Kenny yelled. "If you knew what was going on with him, you would understand. He's not mad and he doesn't hate you. You know how much he cares about you. You should know better than anyone that this is killing him more than it's hurting you."
His expression was blank, but his eyes were sad. "He told you and not me?"
"No, no," Kenny denied quickly. "I just know this shit. I'll talk to him about it, make sure I'm not wrong. For now, just… leave him alone."
"But, he's my best friend." He murmured softly, hands turned upward in a helpless gesture. "How did it come to this?"
His voice was so sad it broke Kenny's heart. He put his arm around Kyle and gave a brotherly squeeze. "It's okay, Kyle. It's not forever."
Kyle sighed and looked down, completely ignoring Cartman as he approached with a bounce in his step. "Ha ha ha ha ha ha! I got detention, and you guys did-n't!"
"We don't want detention." Kyle snapped, pissed beyond the limit.
"Aw, is your heart broken, Kyle?" Cartman asked sympathetically.
"Cartman," Kenny sighed. "Just don't." Even though he considered Cartman his best friend, he became annoyed with him easily. He just didn't know when to quit.
"I told you Stan was gonna ditch you, but did anyone believe me?"
"Cartman-"
"No." He answered himself, ignoring Kenny's pleas. "So, maybe next time you'll listen to what I'm saying."
"All you ever say is a bunch of crap that isn't true so you can fuck with our heads!" Kyle shrieked. "I bet whatever is going on with Stan has something to do with all the shit you're filling his head with! What the hell did you tell him, Cartman!"
"Your boyfriend?"
"He's not my boyfriend!"
"Well, not anymore…" He agreed.
"Not ever!"
Cartman pat his shoulder. "Never say never, Kyle. Sometimes dreams come true."
"This is a fucking waste of time!" Kyle burst out, turning on his heels to stomp away. Before he got too far, he paused and turned to give his own piece of mind. "I've got a prediction for you, hippo-ass. If you don't stop being such a goddamn bastard, Wendy is always going to think you're a lame-ass, jack-off and wish you would go to hell and die."
"Oh, that's such bull crap." Cartman insisted.
"Wendy hates liars!"
"I'm telling the truth, Goddamnit!" He pointed off in the distance. "Is Stan, or is Stan not off with Butters right now?"
"So what if he is?" Kyle spouted back.
"I just came out here, how would I know they're together?"
Silence filled the hall.
"For once in my life I'm telling the truth and you assholes don't believe me!" He raged. "I know things. You can kiss Stan's ass goodbye, Kyle, I'm telling you right now! You're just gonna have to wipe your snotty little nose and get the hell over it!"
"I'll never give up on Stan." He promised in a hushful whisper, and walked away without looking back. He didn't want to believe Cartman, but a small part of him already did.
-BratChild3 (Lisha)
