2015

Wrightsville Beach, North Carolina

Haley stood on the beach, hands in her pockets watching the waves crash in against the wet sand. She couldn't believe she was right back where she had started from. She never imagined it would end up that way but life was funny. Funny and cruel.

"Haley…"

She turned around and saw her mother in law behind her.

"Deb, what are you doing here?" the two women hugged.

"I couldn't stay away any longer. How is he? How's my boy?"

The young wife closed her eyes and sighed.

"Not good. He's adjusting but not very well. And he is angry and bitter but what do you expect?"

Deb closed her eyes.

"I'd like to see him."

"I know but that just isn't possible right now. I'm sorry. He just isn't up to company."

"I understand. It must be hard having to give up basketball and everything else."

Hard? Hard? Haley wanted to scream. Hard wasn't the word. It was an absolute nightmare.

"We're just trying to cope. It's a new reality", she said quietly.

"You're a brave young woman, Haley and a good wife."

"Deb…"

"I know this hasn't been easy for you and it probably won't be for a while. Everyday I ask myself why you stay, why you don't take Landon and just leave, do what I tried to do so many years before with Dan and Nathan."

Haley shrugged.

"He's my husband. I love Nathan. I am loyal to him. For better or worse, right? Always and forever. My place is here with him."

Deb nodded. She knew a thing or two about allegiance, even if at times it had been forced. She watched her daughter in law's face carefully as tears threatened. She draped an empathetic arm around her small shoulders but before Haley could relax and let it all out and let someone take care of her for a change, she heard the sound of glass shattering a few yards away in the beach house behind them.

"Is everything okay?" Deb questioned.

"I don't know. I'm sorry. I, I have to go."

The older blonde nodded and watched the younger girl scurry off into the house. Haley found a red faced, angry Nathan surrounded by broken glass.

"Don't touch it", he barked.

"We can't just let it sit here, Nathan."

"We hire people for stuff like this. And speaking of, where the hell are their sorry asses? Can someone get in here and clean this shit up?" he bellowed.

"I've got it, Nathan. It's okay. Please don't yell."

Haley shook. She hated it when he raised his voice like that but over the past few months, sadly it had become a way of life. The accident had changed him forever in more ways than one. She dared to remember the months leading up to it, the months that had been the happiest of her marriage since the early college days in Charlottesville. Moving to Indianapolis had been a dream for their family. Nathan had had more time to relax. He was spending more quality time with Landon, being a better father. And best of all, she had her husband back. The sweet, funny, wonderful guy who picked purple wildflowers for her. The marriage was solid as they had grown closer. Life was so perfect and in an instant, in the blink of an eye, suddenly everything changed so unexpectedly and cruelly. The dream was soon gone and overnight they sold their dream home in Indiana and returned to North Carolina to be closer to the specialists and their family.

Nathan may have lost control of his lower body but Haley had lost an element of control as well. Despite the hired staff of nurses, it was her wifely duty to be there for and take care of him. But it wasn't an easy job. It was demanding and never ending and she often bore the brunt of his verbal abuse so their son and hired help wouldn't have to. He had turned into evil personified but she couldn't leave. Who could blame him? He had everything and he'd lost it so quickly. How hard for him it must have been to never be able to walk again.

"I'm gonna go in the living room", he muttered.

"I'll fix you something to eat."

"I'm not hungry."

"It's lunchtime and you already skipped breakfast."

Besides, he had been fumbling with the dishes for some reason.

"Haley, I'm fine!"

"Okay", she threw her hands up in defeat. "Okay, okay."

Stuck in their mutual frustration, matters were further complicated as they heard the pitter patter of little feet bounding towards them. It was Landon.

"Daddy! Daddy!"

Nathan sighed.

"Hey, Sport."

"Daddy, come play with me."

Haley kneeled down.

"Maybe later, sweetie, okay? How about I make you lunch and then we'll watch a DVD together, any one you want. After your nap, maybe you and Daddy can spend time together."

The little boy frowned.

"No!" he stamped his foot. "I want to play now!"

Haley sighed as she sensed a tantrum coming on.

"Not now and no stomping your foot, please."

"But, Mommy…"

"What did I say, sir?"

He threw his toy and she bit her lip, knowing he was testing her. The last thing she wanted was to spank his little bottom but he was asking for it. He turned to his father and yanked on his hand.

"I want to play basketball", he pouted. "Daddy, come play with me."

"Landon…"

"Please, Daddy, please. Get up. Come play. Get out of the chair."

Their child's pleas broke Haley's heart but the pain in Nathan's eyes was tangible. No, he couldn't get out of that stupid chair and what he would do if he could and play basketball and run and chase his son one more time.

"Landon, honey…"

"Get up, Daddy."

Nathan slammed his fists onto the arm rests before reaching out and swatting the boy hard against his legs.

"Stop whining and being a sissy brat! Go to your room now!"

Landon began to wail as a nanny came out of nowhere and scooped up the sobbing child, removing him from the situation. Haley's brown eyes narrowed with anger.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" she shouted.

"I'm sick of him acting like that. No more temper tantrums, Hales."

"You mean like the ones you've been having lately? Gee, I wonder where Landon gets it from."

"Someone around here has to discipline him."

"You call that discipline, Nathan? You hit him too hard."

"Stop babying him."

"He is my baby. Don't tell me how to be a mother!"

"So don't tell me how to be a father!"

"Screaming at the top of your lungs like a crazy person, constantly putting him down and now roughing him up? Oh no, Dam Jr. So not gonna happen in this house, not as long as I'm alive."

"Haley…"

"I can't do this anymore. Nathan, God, something has to give. You have turned into a complete monster. Living with you is hell. Do you have any idea how it feels to…"

"Do you?" he spun around.

"Nathan…"

"No, don't give me that shit. So it's hard for you. Think I don't know that? Think I don't know it's hard and confusing for Landon? Yeah, I know that too. I see it, I feel it every single day. Do you think I like you or a nurse having to help me bathe and dress and go to the freaking bathroom?"

"Nathan…"

"Do you know how that makes me feel? All this new technology is supposed to make it easier and I'm supposed to have a so called normal life but there is nothing easy or fucking normal about this, Hales! I'm supposed to do all the things I did before…yeah right, I can't even make lunch for myself. I'm trying but it's hard and I can't and it makes me feel like half a man."

Tears fell from her eyes.

"Please don't say that."

"Why? It's the truth. You know it. I see it in your eyes, the way you look at me."

"I love you."

"No, you don't. You just feel sorry for me."

"Nathan, how could you say that?"

"I see the look on your face when you have to take care of me like I'm a baby. The doctors say we can still make love but I see the disappointment and disgust in your eyes when I have to do it like some freakazoid robot, or worse when I can't get it up at all."

"Nathan…"

"And I see it in my four year old's face. He just wants a normal dad to get up and play with him and I can't even do that."

"We love you and we're here for you", she kneeled down. "I know it's hard for you. It's hard for me, it's hard for everybody. Baby, I'll help you but you have to help me, too. This won't tear us apart. Always and forever…"

Nathan grabbed another plate off the counter and hurled it onto the floor, watching it shatter as well.

"It's not okay! Look at me!"

Haley broke down and as she threw a plate of her own.

"You think I don't see?" she cried. "I see! It hurts me, too! It kills me! Damn you, Nathan! It's not just you that is affected by this! My world got turned upside down, too! I'm trying to cope, to deal but you make it so damned hard!"

He smirked and leaned back.

"Life has a way of throwing curve balls, huh? Bet you never thought it would end up like this. I bet you wish you could turn back time and walk a few miles down that beach and take back those vows, don't you?"

"Nathan, stop it!"

"It's true! I want to hear you say it!"

"Fine! Sometimes, I do, alright? Sometimes, I hate you! I hate you all! I hate my life! Sometimes, I regret marrying you and being with you! I regret Lucas ever joining the Ravens! Because maybe then if all our paths hadn't crossed, maybe we'd all be happy. Maybe there would be peace. Maybe Jenny wouldn't be dead and Lucas wouldn't be the inexcusable bastard he can be. And everyone wouldn't hurt so much."

"And you'd have your dreams. No whiny kid and invalid husband. You'd be Haley James, the rock star touring with Chris Keller living the good life."

"Don't you dare bring that up! Don't even go there! Twice, I sacrificed that dream for you, for our family!"

"Any regrets now?"

"Nothing but. You know, you love basketball and you miss it and it kills you that it was taken away? Now you know how I feel. Welcome to my world. Life snatched your dreams away too and it sucks."

"Lucas snatched away my dreams", he responded coolly.

"And you snatched away mine. And I hate it. And a part of me hates you for it. And before this goddamned accident, maybe it was all worth it. We were happy. We had our family. And now that's gone. I have no husband, no friends, no career, nothing! And for what? Nothing! So I'm just as miserable as you are. Congratulations. You're a dream crusher, Nathan Scott. You sure stomped the life out of mine."

He nodded before wheeling away.

"You don't have to worry about that. Now, I can't stomp anything."

She stumbled into the living room hysterical. All those framed pictures, those damned photos only made it worse. The smiling, carefree faces of the past were all one big lie and she hated it. She hated her life and the people they once were. She hated Brooke and Peyton and Jake and Nathan. She hated herself. Most of all, she hated Lucas.

Why? Why did he have to join that damned Ravens team junior year? Why did he have to be Dan Scott's son? Why did he have to have HCM? Why did his dreams have to end? Why did he become a lying, stealing alcoholic compulsive gambler? Why did he cheat on Brooke? Why did he have to get Peyton pregnant? Why? Why, why, why, why?

With a final pain filled scream she took the smiling group high school photo of the six friends and threw it through the glass window. Where had it all gone wrong? Would it get any worse? Would peace ever come? And why couldn't they just be happy?