Seasons
Chapter III
I woke up and saw someone taking a stroll around my farm. It wasn't Karli. It wasn't a girl. I strolled out and pointed my handgun to them. "Why are you on my farm?" They were holding the suitcase for shipments. A thief! I assumed pulling the first trigger. "I deliver the stuff to the city. I heard his grandson was taking over. No one told me he was a nut. How did you think the shipments got taken? With a magic wand?"
Karli walked up to me, "He's not lying. You're just nuts."
I frowned and put the gun down, "Sorry, just being careful." He rolled his eyes, "Relax kid. This is the country. People came here to get away from the stuff in the city." He said walking off. "Glad you're joining me today. It's past eight. What have you been doing all this time?"
I frowned, "Sleep, like a normal person. Go back to bed." She handing me a map. "Lily and Vesta sell seeds. We need to be planting and we need some fertilizer." She said walking back in the shed, "The money in the drawer was left for you by our grandfather." She yelled. I went and purchased seeds and fertilizer.
While I was there I noticed two nice looking young ladies; one brunette and one that looked like an adult version of Rini from Sailor Moon. That was the first thing I thought of with the red eyes and green hair. She was even dressed similar. Oddly enough they both seemed quite cheerful.
Oh the joy of walking around in circles and occasionally watering a crop. Then there was that Marlin guy with the look on his face like someone did him wrong and he just hasn't been the same since or my favorite; he's hurting inside.
I walked towards Celia, "Excuse me, but do you know where I can purchase a few items for gardening?" She smiled putting her hands behind her back, "Yes, you wouldn't mind coming inside, would you?" I followed her into a room full of assorted seed and things. I ended up purchasing several packs of grape seeds and fertilizer.
As I walked off with my award winning smile I tripped over a rock and landed in a bag of the fertilizer I just bought. "Oh my, are you okay?" Celia asked. "I'm fine." I said getting up and running home as fast as possible. Why of all things to fall into a pile of manure? Why not the grape seeds? At least it wasn't my face. I wasn't so optimistic then. After getting out of the bath I started kicking the bags.
"Jack! If you keep doing that the bags will break and you'll be covered in more manure than you were when you got here!" Karli yelled from across the farm. I sighed and got to work on a part of the field that had been cleared out. A very small part at that.
Who in their right mind would want to be a farmer? Do they think putting manure in the ground is fun? Do they like the smell of cow shit? My there must be some sick people. It didn't occur to me that food couldn't be manufactured and had to originate from somewhere. The ground was cold and wet and it was raining. But none of this was as bad as smelling manure for so long.
I used to walk by flowers and gardens and just walk faster because they smelt like dung but now I'm the one putting it there and there isn't anywhere I can go. You know, in my own unvalued opinion cow crap is the worst smelling crap in the world. It's a very noticeable smell. While you're in the car passing a farm, the smell seems to linger for miles. It's insufferable!
I decided to get to planting. That was until I saw Karli walking off the farm with a giant sign that said slut written over her. Oh the joys of parenthood. "Karli! Get your half dressed ass back in your room and put some damn clothes on!" She started laughing and walked back in her room before coming out in something reasonable. I ought to just ban her from leaving at all if she's going to dress like that!
"You look annoyed. Well if you think that's annoying I guess I should tell you that's my job you're doing. You work nights." I frowned. "At least I'm being slightly honest?" She said before quickly getting to work. "At this time of the day grandpa is either sleep or out doing old people stuff. I know! When I'm done, I'll introduce you to the other people at the town." I shrugged and walked out.
That day after another shower and change of clothes I saw a guy loitering on the farm. "What are you doing here?" I said in my displeased tone. "I just came to check on you. I suppose you're sober now? Allow me to introduce myself; I'm Cliff. This here is Caine." He said holding up a multi colored bird. "You lost me. You came to check on me, and I don't know you." I said grabbing my gun.
"Relax. You were really drunk last night." Oh No! "What? Please tell me I didn't do anything I'd regret to hear about." He scratched his head for a second before he got it, "Um…It's not what you're thinking. I dragged you home because you were talking about someone named Daisy and then you passed out." I laughed, "Sorry." Hmm, the word for right now would be awkward. "Umm… T-thank you." I said nervously. "Well, I see you have a lot of work to do so, bye." He said walking off.
I looked around at the condition of the farm and Karli's pathetic attempts to clean up. It was a truly pitiful sight. She had no idea what she was doing. She tripped over everything she passed by and she could hardly lift the equipment. I sighed, I guess I'm not going to have time to do old people stuff. I snatched the axe from Karli, "Give me this before you chop off a limb!" I said walking away. She could pull weeds but she was not going to have any of this stuff. Let's see CPS, Criminal charges, child support. Doesn't really sound like something I'd plan on.
I did the farming chores which included Feeding and milking a cow that Karli didn't even bother to mention. While doing so I looked at the name tag and noticed it said "Mocha" and it was a black and white spotted cow. There wasn't the slightest reason for it to be named Mocha and it really bothered me.
I wasn't going to make any comment. Karli walked over to where I was fertilizing the field. "You can't go talk to people smelling like that! Go wash your hands!" She said before walking in her room. "When you're ready just knock!" I went to my room and got dressed. This was my third shower and change of clothes.
Ah well, it's a chance to meet women with an excuse to talk to them and they aren't kids. It's not that I've got something against kids besides the fact that they're uncouth, immature and you can't date kiddies. Let's see…There were those girls at the farm, the waitresses and probably more but I've counted four good looking women since I got here. I didn't expect much from the country but if for nothing other than women and peace, I'll say it has its perks. I'm not really sure I want to talk to anyone who noticed that fertilizer incident. Worst first impression ever! It couldn't have been worse if I turned around and mooned them all!
I knocked on Karli's door before opening it. She was dancing around like an idiot with headphones on. Not to mention her singing was similar to some Britney Britney wannabe. I unplugged the headphones. She tripped on the cord and fell into a shelf on the wall. The rest off the room started collapsing like dominoes as I closed the door and ran back in my house.
It wasn't long before I heard a knock. "Hey! Are you ready yet?" I stepped out trying to look inconspicuous. "Yeah." She walked off to the right before the bridge. "The harvest sprites live up this way. People take walks through here frequently.
"I think Lily and Vesta are sleep by now but maybe Marlin is awake. I'm pretty darn sure Popurri and Celia are sleep. Oh well." How obnoxious.
She went and woke them up anyway. "Hi Celia! Hi Popurri. This is Jack; he's going to be my new caretaker." Popurri looked outraged. "Hi Karli, this is a clock, it's says it's past nine. What it doesn't say is you broke in my house and woke me up." She had a point. "Hi Jack." She said trying to put on a smile but failing.
"Popurri, be nice. Hi Jack. Hi Karli. I believe we've met but it's nice seeing you." Celia said with a smile. Popurri was already halfway back to sleep, "I don't mean to be rude but can't this wait? I can hardly even stay up." Karli stepped back, "I suppose it is a bit inconvenient. Okay bye." She said running out. They were both sleep at that point.
After a night of being dragged around town like Squidward in a lobster suit she started dragging me to a place that looked suspiciously like a bar. "Phew, that's all the old people. There are a lot of those, aren't there?" She said going in.
I looked at the sign to ascertain that it was the bar I was at the previous night. "Is Karen off today?" She asked at the counter. "She said she wasn't feeling well. I don't really know where she is." They responded. "Well, I'll have to of the usual." I was seriously expecting them to hand her a glass of milk. She handed me the other one, it wasn't milk, it was a strawberry daiquiri "Bottoms up!" She said finishing it in one sip. I should be telling her not to drink but I don't want to address it publicly.
"Why are you giving her an alcoholic beverage?" I asked. "Cause in this part of the world it's legal to a certain extent. Besides she's with you isn't she? Sorry. You must be new here but a lot of laws are different here. It would help you avoid surprises if you checked sometime soon. Takes me back to when I first moved out here." What could possibly happen while I'm here? I frowned and drank it before paying him and walking out.
"You know, I already paid for that." Then I went back in and got my money back. I can't hold my liquor very well but nothing can make me drunk enough to leave a dollar behind. "Come on, Karen is probably at the beach." She said dragging me down hill causing me to fall.
I stood up spitting out sand. It was the girl from the other day. You know; the one with the Mary sue like description? Why does this keep happening to me? At least there's no manure. I quickly wiped the sand off my face. "Hi Karen! This is my cousin Jack! Since our grandfather died he's going to be the one putting up with me." She smiled and reached her hand out, "Hi, it's nice to meet you." I stood up and shook her hand, "Likewise." I replied. Something about her smile seemed forced. I'm no psychologist but despite the fact that she was smiling, she looks pretty upset.
"I was just on my way home. I'll see you later." She said walking away. It might be paranoia, but I get a very cold feeling about her. Maybe she just didn't want to talk to me. Karli sighed, "Okay, bye." She walked up and started pushing me in a different direction, "You might want to leave her alone now. Well maybe Nami is somewhere around."
It wasn't long before we found her. There was some tacky guitar music in the background. "Hi Nami!" Karli practically yelled. "Shh." She covered Karli's mouth. Karli continued trying to talk so I suppose she was only doing things more efficiently. "I'm trying to listen." I looked around to find not far way something that reminded me of that gnome from the Travelocity commercial was playing a guitar. I'm on my way! I tried so hard not to laugh, I really did, I failed with flying color in less than two seconds flat.
She frowned and took her hand from over Karli's mouth, "What wrong with pretty boy here?" Karli shrugged, "I don't know, he just doesn't have the tact." I frowned. "Of course jail bait thinks it's funny. He looks just as girly as you." Nami said walking around me. I looked at the ridiculous ribbons and bows in Karli's hair. Right…
"What would you be implying?" I asked in my confident tone of voice. Of course even to me it sounded border lining cocky. "Fine, I'll dumb it down for you. I'm implying you're a sissy and you'll be gone before the end of the week because farming is too much work and you'd rather get paid for lying and whining." I left myself open for that one. How would she know I studied the law program? "A woman who could easily pass for a man thinks I'm a sissy, how hypocritical."
She smirked, "I only thought so at first, until opened your mouth and removed all doubt." Karli started pushing us away from each other. "All right, calm down you two. You people have gotten off on the wrong foot. Jack, this is Nami. Nami, this is Jack." She said plastering a big smile on her face.
We shook hands and continued arguing. Eventually the guy with the guitar got up and walked away. "You moron! You were yelling over him the whole time!" Nami yelled. I shrugged, "Oh well. I suppose I wasn't doing you a favor then." I said before walking away. Karli frowned, "The rain seems to be getting worse so maybe we should go home." She said trying not to sound as angry as she should have been. That night I began to worry a bit less about the whole farming situation.
Diary,
"I somehow don't feel as worried about farming as I did when I got here. The only thing that worries me now is cow shit and fertilizer. I am pretty confident that this job will be easy. However what about my years of law school? What about my Master's degree! It can't sit around collecting dust and cobwebs! It's just wrong! I guess you never know what to expect from life. However I always wanted to run my own business. Something I owned and made the rules on. It didn't seem to be headed in that direction but I could see about it because I have a degree. I look good! I suppose I shouldn't spend so much time whining. It's not healthy."
End chapter
