Where Am I Going To?

Part One

Chapter Nine

"Stop that ship!"

Luke felt a stone knot of fear and dread suddenly build at the base of his stomach as he turned to find Storm Troopers approaching. He'd drawn his lightsaber out, but kept it off as Han whipped out his blaster. Solo fired a few shots, and Padawan Skywalker was forced to deflect to keep their only kind of sort of ally from getting himself killed. They both glanced at each other, and a wave of mutual understanding passed. It was, in retrospect, a rather extraordinary thing. They felt an odd connection to each other they neither expected nor wanted, and it threw them for a bit of a loop.

They put away their weapons, turned, and bolted up the gangplank as fast as their legs would carry them.

Both the last ones on board, they slammed into each other as they tried to get in, and ended up scowling fiercely and inwardly blaming the other. He felt the overwhelming desire to push the other off a cliff, but the need of the vessel and the Wookie's odd, if devoted loyalty, stopped that train of thought. Luke was stubborn; he might have even pursued the topic – even if they were being fired upon by Imperial soldiers – were it not for the fact that Captain Solo had turned and was shouting "Chewie, get us out of here!" Instead, the young Jedi tried to do as he'd been taught and let the incident go, calmly sitting down next to his Master and the droids and buckling himself in. It was so very hard, though. Especially with Captain Solo's enormous and obnoxious ego. Luke didn't quite figure that his own wasn't exactly small.

He was very conscious of the fact they were leaving Tatooine's atmosphere, and he doubted he'd ever been so glad in all of his life. It even out competed his relief whenever he left Coruscant. He instantly felt the stress that his odd bouts of illness placed on him lift just a little bit. He couldn't explain the odd memories he got that had never taken place, only that they preceded a sudden physical fatigue and a crescendo in using the Force. His body exhausted, his soul could do anything, and he felt as though he were being ripped apart by the warring factions.

It's done, it's over, he tried to rationalize to himself. But in his heart of hearts….he didn't really think that it was.

He wished he knew who those two people had been. He wondered why he'd cared so much that they were dead. He wondered a lot of things these days. He used to wonder enough, but it was very little, compared to now. Most of the questions he'd had before had been answered, but they'd only been replaced by new, terrible ones that gave the boy no rest. He was sure they would drive him past the brink of insanity, and that was just another burden he really didn't want to have to deal with. He needed to get some rest. He needed to take a break.

The Millennium Falcon rocked as it was fired upon, and Luke and Obi Wan ripped themselves out of their seats and rushed to the cockpit. The boy couldn't help but swear as he watched the pirate's hurried and imprecise techniques in handling the vessel. He never would have gotten away with that under his father's intense watch. His father had been an amazing pilot, so Luke had been told. That's where he got his skills from, again, so he'd been told. Luke wasn't exactly sure he believed much of any of the things he had been force fed as a boy. Everything about that life had been force fed. Luke was so used to having no choice at all, that when he found out he was supposed to have some options, he felt so…cheated, used. How could his father do that to him?

"Are you trying to get us all killed?" he demanded, and he could feel the aggravation coming in waves off of the smuggler.

"Shut up, kid, I know what I'm doing," he snarled as Chewbacca rumbled in a pleading sort of manner. Luke seriously doubted that he did, and despite Kenobi's whispered words of "Let it be," Luke was terrible at letting these sort of situations pass harmlessly.

"This bucket of bolts is-"

"Going to get you to Alderaan, in less you want me to eject you out of the ship."

The two faced off, and it almost felt as though they would be ridiculous enough to come to blow. It was unexplainable why the two rubbed each other the wrong way. They clashed so terribly it was unbelievable. The answer was that they saw in each other the qualities they hated about themselves.

Kenobi was looking extremely weary of the argument, though it continued in its insults for a few minutes before the old man practically dragged his apprentice out of the cockpit. And even then, Luke was in such a rage, that Kenobi practically had to beat mantra into his head to get him to calm down.

"You've got to exercise control, Luke. Remember, self discipline is key."

The boy's movements were precise, but they were still heavy. Using the Light Side of the Force was mentally draining and did not come so easily as the Dark Side always had. It frustrated him. It was as though the Force had suddenly become some sort of slippery creature, and the tighter Luke held to it, the slicker it became. It evaded his every attempt at snaring it, and it was crushing his enthusiasm. Had he done something wrong? Could you upset a web that connected life together? Did he need to apologize? He had to prove to Obi Wan that he could do this, that he could become a Jedi.

Moreover, Han was just laughing at him.

"You can't try and force it," reminded the old man. "When you are calm, at peace, then you will be your most powerful."

Remotes were never this difficult before. They were usually child's play, and yet as the young Jedi switched off his lightsaber, he was panting, and had to slick his messy blond hair back.

"The Dark Side will aid you quickly in a fight, but it leaves your soul a little weaker. It will not support you past your immediate goals."

Padawan Skywalker nodded at the Jedi, swallowing grimly. He stood straight and tried again, but not before shooting an odious glare in Solo's direction.

Do not slice him in two, do not slice him in two, do not…..

He was still doing terribly, no matter what he tried. He was about ready to throw in the towel, he was so frustrated, but he had to make his master proud. And he had to shut Captain Solo up.

"Stretch out with your feelings, Luke," the old Jedi implored.

Luke closed his eyes, and took deep, calming breaths. He felt his soul coming into focus as he found his center, slowly raising the lightsaber. He switched it on. The remote hummed into life.

Slash!

With quick, precise, flowing movement, every single attack of the remote was blocked, and all the same, Luke's heart beat never sped up, his breathing never became labored. He whirled, he sliced, he struck, and each time he achieved his goal. Opening his eyes, he was smiling very calmly, was more at peace and in tuned then he had ever been before. Moreover, the pirate was looking utterly stupefied.

His focus shifted back to Obi Wan, and he gazed lovingly for approval. He was met with a smile and a pat on the shoulder, and Luke felt extremely happy. The Light Side was not weak. It was flowing. You had to be in the flow of it, whilst the Dark Side moved with your own flow. That's why it was so ineffective. It had to put up with your inefficiencies. The Light demanded that you mold to it, so it required more effort. It required discipline. It required focus and strength, and Luke's confidence in his abilities as not a Lord of the Sith but a Jedi were so strengthened that he was practically walking on clouds.

Until both he and Kenobi suddenly felt a terrible rocking sensation, and had to lean on each other's shoulders for balance. The smuggler was looking at them funny, and the Wookie was growling worriedly.

Luke locked eyes with his mentor as they continued to lean on each other for support.

"What just happened?" the boy whispered, finding it hard as hell suddenly to catch his breath.

"I sense a great disturbance in the Force."

"But from what?"

An alarm went off and Han, still watching them, got up calmly. "Looks like we're coming up on Alderaan. I'll just leave you two to…whatever it is the hell you're doing."

Luke snarled, but the old man's grip on the young Jedi's shoulder tightened.

"Let aggression go. Do you see what happens when you let it go? You become powerful, you become calm. It is healthy for you, not only physically, but for your mental and emotional state as well."

"Do you think I'm doing a good job? Letting it go? Becoming a Jedi?"

"Excellent. I always knew you would. Ever since I cradled you in my arms when you were a baby, I knew."

The look of loving devotion in Luke's gaze increased tenfold. They shared a moment of silent understanding. Who was Vader to Luke? Not his father. Obi Wan was Luke's father. There was no grain to rub against, only support and understanding.

Luke had adored his father since he was a child. The sudden idea that his icon had lied to him and forced him into something that Luke had always known he never wanted made his soul ache so terribly that he felt the respect that bonded the boy to his sire fray so terribly it could not support the weight of a healthy relationship. In his wild careening away from his first father, he was really looking for a second, and he had found him in the beloved Kenobi. The admiration he felt for the old man was like nothing he could liken it to. He needed the Jedi terribly. He was the boy's hold on sanity, on hope. Otherwise….what could Luke do? He would be stuck in a quagmire, sinking deeper and deeper into the Darkness. He would not escape it if someone wasn't holding a light for him, trying to guide him out of the endless night. And he knew, in his heart, that the candle bearer was the old Jedi.

Come to take him home.

Now Luke just needed to find where home was.

To Be Continued…

Well, we went to State on Friday and got back Saturday. By no means does this mean my troubles are over. Far from it. I had a nervous breakdown this morning. I wrote this up last night, and it's actually a pretty touching moment between Luke and Obi Wan.

Annmarie Aspasia: Thanks! I've designed Luke as sort of a Ying Yang. He isn't entirely dark, but there's a darkness in him that he'll never escape.

Cookiemunster: You'll see –big grin- Maybe he'll tell him later, maybe he'll tell him sooner.

Schnickledooger: Actually, when I put that chapter up, I hadn't received your review yet. Sorry.

TorontoBatFan: You hit the nail right on the head on Luke's love of Kenobi. Exactly. Perfect!

o.O? I knew that. Why did I say he did that in a TIE? What's with me? I think that was just my brain being loopy. Sorry –sweat drop.-

Genie05 the second: That's what I was going for Thanks.