Once the all-important forms were completed, a candy striper showed the Cohens to the surgical waiting room, and the waiting began. And with the waiting came the questions.
Sandy paced the floor, as Kirsten sat in her seat, twirling her wedding ring around and around. It was Kirsten who spoke first. "Seth. What happened? You said something about a ladder. What ladder? What was Ryan doing on a ladder?"
"Um," Seth said. "He was hanging the wreath."
"Wreath? What wreath?"
"The one that goes over the door outside."
Kirsten looked at Seth before looking at Sandy, trying to understand what Seth was trying to tell her or not tell her. "I asked the boys this morning if they wouldn't mind decorating the front of the house while we were shopping. I didn't think they'd also do the wreath."
Sandy and Kirsten both stared at Seth as he swallowed the lump in his throat and looked down at his feet. "Ryan said he knew Mom was upset about the landscapers and Julie, so after he took out the decorations, he went down to the garden center and bought the poinsettias and the wreath so he could finish everything. That way when the landscapers called Mom next week, she could tell them to get lost."
Kirsten could only give a slight "Awww," as she realized just how sweet and kind this gesture was, but Sandy noticed that Seth only mentioned what Ryan did. "Ryan put out the decorations. Ryan went to the garden center. Ryan knew your mom was upset. What did Seth do?"
Seth only shrugged his shoulders as he continued to recount what happened while still looking at his feet. "I was there. I gave him my money to go to the garden center. I helped put out some of the decorations, but he changed them to be like last year. He wanted everything to be just like last year."
Sandy was slowly getting a sense of exactly what it was Seth was trying really hard not to say. "But what was Ryan doing up on the ladder?"
Seth looked up at his father for a moment. He thought he already answered that question. "I told you, he was hanging the wreath."
"I mean, if you were there, why was it Ryan up on the ladder? You're not afraid of heights."
"So you'd rather it was me who fell off the ladder?"
Sandy decided not to dignify Seth's question with an answer. "How did the ladder fall?"
"Um…"
Kirsten finally began to see where the conversation between the two was going, and she didn't like it. "Seth. What happened?"
"I don't know how to ladder fell," Seth said quickly. "I wasn't there."
"You just said you were there. Where were you? Why did Ryan go up on the ladder alone?"
"He didn't. He thought I was there."
Sandy raised his voice as he took a step closer to Seth. He wanted answers, and he wanted them immediately. "Where were you? What happened?"
Seth looked from his father to his mother before looking down at his feet again, ashamed of himself. "I didn't want to hang the wreath. It was huge. But Ryan insisted. He wanted everything to be perfect. So he went up on the ladder and told me to hold it steady. I thought he was done so when my phone rang, I answered it and went into the garage to get something. When I got back, Ryan was on the ground."
"Ryan was still up on the ladder when you walked away?" Sandy asked.
"Yes."
"Anything else?"
"No." Seth hesitated for a second before adding, "I'm sorry."
Kirsten looked at him, then at Sandy before sighing and sitting back down in her seat. Sandy stared at Seth for a moment before meeting Kirsten's gaze and then he too sighed loudly and turned away. Seth waited for the yelling and/or lecturing to begin, but no one said anything. Both of his parents quietly continued not looking at him. "I am so so sorry, and I swear, just as soon as Ryan's out of here, I'm going to make this up to him. I promise, this will be the best Chrismakkuh he's ever had."
"Seth…" Kirsten started but then stopped and looked at Sandy.
"We'll talk about this later, Seth." Sandy sat down next to Kirsten and put his arm around her.
"I'm just saying," Seth continued, "I know I owe Ryan big time for this, and in a few days when he's feeling better, I promise to make it up to him."
Kirsten just stared at Seth with a look that he didn't really recognize before shaking her head and looking down at her hands.
"No, really, Mom…" Seth started before Sandy snapped, "Seth! I said we will talk about this later." His tone left no room for argument, and no one said anything further.
After what seemed like an eternity of quietness, Kirsten finally asked, "Who was on the phone?"
"Huh?"
"Whose call was so important that you would let go of the ladder and walk away?"
"Um, Summer. She was calling about the Chrismakkuh present I left in her car. See, I got this idea…"
Kirsten just held up her hand, stopping Seth from continuing his explanation. She then let out a loud groan and laid her head in her hands as Sandy gently rubbed her back.
"Mom…" Seth tried again, but the glare he got from his father shut him up quickly.
There was nothing left to say as the three waited and watched television and read through the old magazines and drank the free, horribly water-downed coffee. They took turns pacing the floor and moved from one chair to another and each sighed at different times. And each offered up their own silent prayers for Ryan to be all right.
Seth finally cracked under the extreme silence and slammed his magazine down on the table. "What is taking so long? Dad, you said it would only be a few hours. It's been, like, forever and nothing. Do you think they forgot we were even here? Mom, go tell them who grandpa is and get some answers."
"Seth," Kirsten said. "It's not that simple. I'm sure someone will come talk to us just as soon as they know anything, either way."
"Either way? What do you mean either way?"
"Seth," Sandy continued for Kirsten. "The doctor said Ryan was seriously injured. Gravely injured. At this point, no news is probably good news."
Seth looked from Sandy to Kirsten and then back to Sandy. "What do you mean gravely injured? Gravely injured as in… as in Ryan might not be okay?"
Kirsten quickly pulled a couple of twenties out of her wallet and handed them to Seth. "Why don't you go get us all something to eat? It's way past lunchtime, and who knows when we'll be able to get some dinner. Okay?"
Seth looked at the money in his hand as he nodded and turned to leave. He glanced over his shoulder at his mother. "Let me know if you hear anything." He then quickly walked away. He needed to get away and try to wrap his head around what they just said. As Seth wandered through the hospital corridors looking for the cafeteria, all he could think about was that Ryan might not be okay.
By the time he finally entered the hospital cafeteria and began to load his tray with sandwiches and salads, he had convinced himself that his parents were wrong. Ryan would be okay. Ryan was always okay. He was Ryan after all. Seth began to whistle as he waited in line to pay, but jumped at the hard slap he received to the back of his head. As he turned around, he expected to see his father or maybe his mother and was shocked to see Summer standing there in her candy striper outfit.
"Cohen! I can't believe you followed me here! I'm warning you, if you don't stop, I will tell my father to have you killed. Remember, he works here. He knows how to use a scalpel so just… leave!"
"First of all, OW!" Seth said as he rubbed the back of his head. "And second, I didn't follow you here. I didn't even know you were working today."
"So, what, you just like eating here? You're into the hospital food?"
"No. I'm here… There was an accident. Ryan got hurt. He's upstairs."
"Upstairs? Upstairs where? What happened?"
Seth looked at Summer for a minute before turning his head. "He fell. Off a ladder. He's in surgery now. My mom asked me to come get some lunch while we wait."
Summer paused a minute before slapping Seth's arm. "Cohen! Why didn't you call me? Ryan's in surgery? Is he okay? I mean, I guess he's not okay if he's in surgery, but is he going to be okay?"
Seth shrugged his shoulders as he pulled out the money and paid for the tray of food. He began to walk away, but Summer grabbed his arm. "Cohen! Is Ryan going to be okay?"
"I don't know. My dad… My mom… No one knows anything yet. I've got to get back in case they know something."
Seth didn't say anything further as he carried the tray of food out of the cafeteria and headed back to his parents, with Summer following close behind. As they continued back to the surgical waiting room, Seth filled Summer in on the accident – almost everything, that is. He was just finishing telling Summer that he knew Ryan would be okay, since he was Ryan when they got back to the waiting room.
One look at his parents' faces and Seth dropped the lunch tray. Sandy was white and Kirsten was holding a tissue, dabbing her eyes. "What? What is it? Ryan's not okay, is he? I did it. I actually killed him, didn't I?"
"No, sweetie. You didn't kill him." Kirsten wiped her eyes and smiled slightly at Seth.
"Ryan's been moved to Recovery. He'll be there for a while before being moved to I.C.U." Sandy said as he watched Summer pick up the tray of food.
"So he's okay? Or he's going to be okay, right?" Seth again looked from his father to his mother, forgetting for once that Summer was standing right next to him.
"The doctor says he's strong so barring any complications, he should be. In time. But there was some internal bleeding. They had to remove his spleen. And he suffered a head injury; something called a grade three concussion. Plus some other injuries including a fractured ankle, a dislocated shoulder and some bruising to his lungs and ribs."
Seth couldn't believe how the relief swept over him. He heard what his father said, the seriousness of Ryan's injuries, but at least he wasn't dead. He was Ryan – he was going to be okay. And now Seth could make it up to him. "When can I see him?"
Kirsten rubbed his arm. "Not for a while. He probably won't be awake for a few days, and then he'll be pretty weak. He's going to need a lot of time. Your dad and I can see him once they move him to I.C.U. and one of us can stay with him during the night."
Seth nodded as Summer spread out lunch across the coffee table. "Lunch is ready. Maybe we can eat while we wait."
The waiting room again became exceptionally quiet, but this time it didn't bother Seth as much as now the four of them waited and picked at their food. After they were finished and Summer cleaned up, she smiled and excused herself, promising to check in on Ryan later. Seth sat in the chair and closed his eyes while Sandy and Kirsten watched him and continued to wait.
They both breathed another sigh of relief when the doctor returned and told them Ryan had been moved to I.C.U, and they could finally see him. Sandy and Kirsten smiled at each other as Sandy grabbed Kirsten's hand and they walked together into Ryan's room.
Despite the doctor's warning, neither was prepared when they actually saw Ryan. His head was bandaged, the left side of his face was bruised, and his arm was immobilized in a sling. It was obvious under the covers that his left leg was bigger then his right due to the cast, and Kirsten could only imagine the bandages that were wrapped around his chest and stomach. The doctor told them that Ryan would remain hooked up to a respirator for the next few days, but it was still a shock to see the tube coming out of Ryan's mouth in addition to all the other machines and IV's that were attached to Ryan. Had they not see the name "ATWOOD" written on the front of his chart, it would have been almost impossible to tell that it was even Ryan lying in that bed.
Kirsten felt the tears welling up in her eyes again as she bent down and kissed Ryan's right cheek. "Oh God, Sandy. He looks so…"
"I know, but he's strong. He'll be okay. Given time, he'll be okay." Sandy couldn't help but reach down and squeeze Ryan's right hand before giving Kirsten a kiss on her cheek. He then pulled up a couple of chairs so they could sit right next to the bed.
They both continued to sit quietly next to Ryan's bed, losing track of time as they listened to the beeps and steady clicking of the machines. Sandy finally spoke first. "I guess one of us should take Seth home."
Kirsten nodded. "Do you know what you're going to say to him?"
"No. Not yet. I was thinking of maybe waiting until tomorrow. Let him think about it overnight before approaching the subject."
Kirsten again just nodded as Sandy stood up and kissed the top of her head. It was never a question as to which one of them would be spending the night with Ryan.
Sandy found Seth pacing outside the doors of the I.C.U. "How is he, Dad? Nothing's changed, right? He's still going to be okay?"
Sandy nodded as he headed for the elevator. "Nothing's changed, Seth. Come on, let's go home, get some dinner and some sleep. Your mom is staying with Ryan, and I'll come back in the morning."
Seth waited for the lecture to start, but his father said nothing. Not as they left the hospital, not when they got into the car, not even as they headed out of the parking lot and towards home. Seth figured maybe they weren't really all that mad at him. It was, after all, just an accident. Seth stared at the window, thinking about the day's events and finally mumbled, "Ya had to get the ginormous wreath, didn't ya, Ryan."
Seth's head jerked forward as Sandy slammed on the breaks. "Are you saying this is Ryan's fault?"
"No. Um, no," Seth stuttered. "I mean, he was just doing what you asked him to do."
"So this is now my fault?" Sandy shouted.
"No…" Seth started.
All the anger Sandy had been suppressing during the day finally came rushing to the surface. "Or maybe it's your mother's fault for wanting the house decorated for the holidays. No, wait, it's Julie's fault for hiring the landscapers away from your mother. No, no. It's your grandfather's fault for marrying Julie in the first place."
"I was just saying…"
"I know what you were just saying. And it stinks. This is your fault, Seth. No one else's. Not Ryan's, not mine, not your mother's, not Julie's, not your grandfather's. Ryan is in the hospital because of you, because you walked away from him. Because you let him down."
"Dad…" Seth felt the tears in his eyes again. It hurt to hear his father say it, to tell him something he couldn't yet admit to himself.
Sandy exhaled loudly as he continued towards home. "Let's just drop it for now. We'll go home and get something to eat, and talk later."
Seth stared out the window until they pulled into their driveway. As he climbed out of the car, he saw the ladder still lying on its side and the dark pool of what he knew was blood, Ryan's blood, on the sidewalk. "Oh, God," Seth sobbed as he ran into the house. Sandy could hear him running up the stairs and heard the bedroom door slam shut.
"Damn," Sandy muttered as he carried the ladder back to the garage and got a bucket of hot soapy water and a scrub brush. As he knelt on the ground and tried to scrub away Ryan's blood, Sandy too felt the hot tears welling up in his eyes.
After Sandy finished hosing the blood off the sidewalk, he went into the house, made something for dinner, called the hospital to check in on Ryan, and then headed up the stairs to talk to Seth.
He was about to knock on Seth's door, when he heard something he hadn't heard in years. He heard Seth's loud, heaving sobs. Sandy stood outside the door, listening to his son's cries, and decided for once, he would not offer his words of comfort. For once, he would let Seth think about it and try to come to terms with what happened on his own. Sandy knew that if they were going to get passed this, Seth was going to have to learn from this. And as much as Sandy hoped that would happen, he also wondered if Ryan would also be able to come to terms with what happened and somehow learn to forgive Seth.
