Help me…hurt me.
T: You've all heard of pointless fluff, right? Well this fic is pointless angst…anyway; that warning out of the way I give my latest work…hopefully someone will appreciate it! Oh and I own nothing you see here apart from the blackness!
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The Final Battle had been an emotional experience, one that he was, with the help of others, slowly getting over.
Tokyo, also, was recovering from the damage that had been caused during 'The Year of Destiny' with buildings appearing almost over night.
A warm hand tangles into his own and a moment later the strong warmth of his beloved is at his side.
"You are brooding again."
"I thought that we had agreed to call it 'deep thinking.'" He remarks, the words casual enough that another individual might let it go.
His beloved knows him as no other, however and pulling them to a stop he remarks,
"Perhaps you should not go today, Kamui."
"I have to go."
"But each time you come back a little more of your smile has faded." His beloved remarks as he smoothes this hair away from his face.
"He helped me at my lowest, Keiichi and if not for me…"
His beloved leases his grip then and, thus 'released' he continues on towards the Imonoyama mansion.
As always when he comes here, he and his beloved separate as they cross into the hallway, his beloved going to find a way to amuse himself and he heading up the stairs.
Once he reaches his destination he pulls off his coat and ruffles his hair back into its usual position.
This done he opens the door and steps through into the room beyond.
Through it is mid afternoon the curtains are drawn tight across the windows, this oddity further enhanced when one notes the small screws hidden in the folds of the fabric.
He has grown used to this oddity and the many others that this room holds over the months…has even become accustomed to the all but complete darkness of this space.
"You look a little flurried, Kamui," The rooms occupant remarks, the gentle melody of his voice as a comfort despite its emptiness.
"It has been a hard day."
"Have the attacked another Kekkai?"
"Yes." The lie feels uncomfortable on his tongue and yet he can not yet bring himself to utter the truth.
"Soon I shall be strong enough to help you."
"Do not rush things, Subaru; it has only been a month since the loss of your eye."
The other presses a hand to the gauze at his eye and Kamui takes the moment to centre himself.
For the month before the Final Battle he had searched for Subaru…had been desperate to get the other again into his life.
Then he had learned where Subaru had been…had learned that the other had joined with the Dragons of Earth…
The betrayal had cut him and yet still he had wished Subaru back…had thought to talk to the other once the battle had been done…
Yet Subaru had been injured in the fight and Kamui's thoughts had turned to getting the other well again…of healing the physical scars before turning to the mental.
He had been bent over the others bedside when the doctor had given his assessment…when everything had been turned upside down.
For the injury had been to Subaru's scull, the impact of the blow enough to cause damage to his brain…
Damage that had, in turn, affected Subaru's memory.
How much of the past Subaru had lost had become apparent only when the doctor had gone to remove the dressing about his eye.
Recoiling the Onmyoji had requested that his eye remain bound, when the doctor pressed for a reason the other had explained 'It is not yet time to reveal this hurt,'
This had been the exact phrase that Subaru had uttered when Kamui had enquired as to why his eye had remained bound two weeks after the incident on the Sunshine 60.
A suspicion clear now in his mind Kamui had, on his next visit, asked the Onmyoji,
"Are you truly blind now in that eye, Subaru?"
The other had replied to the positive and, in doing as such, had presented Kamui with the hardest of choices.
For he had now the opportunity to steer the Onmyoji's life on a new course…had opportunity to listen to the others emerging memories and twist them just slightly.
The want to do such a thing, to hurt the other rather than help him, had been selfish and yet, at the time, Kamui had felt no remorse.
For a while he had been content to enjoy the charade…had been content to relax in Subaru's presence and listen to the bitter wisdom of the other's words.
Then he had learned of Keiichi's feelings, had realised that he felt something for the other in return and suddenly the lies had lost their pleasure.
He had gone to Subaru that day with the intent of telling him the truth…
An intent that had crumbled as he had stepped over the threshold of the Onmyoji's room and found him brushing away the residue of tears.
He has enquired as to the cause of the tears and the other had smiled a bitter smile before replying,
'It is foolish.'
'Tell me anyway.'
'I dreamt that I killed Seishiro-san…dreamt that my Wish was turned so horribly against me…"
Presented with the reality of the hurt that the truth would cause the other he had chosen to retain the lie, chosen to continue his double life.
Keiichi had asked him many times, since then, to tell Subaru the truth or to stop the visits and always Kamui would change the subject or simply retain his silence.
It was the one point of argument between them and yet despite this, despite the strain it was placing upon him, he could not tell Subaru the truth.
"It shall have to be long enough, Kamui, for I can not stand idle for much longer."
"Subaru…"
There is a knock on the door and a moment later Noruko is stepping into the room.
"Forgive the interruption, Sumeragi-san, but I need a moment with Kamui."
"Of course."
Once back in the world outside of Subaru's room he leases, at last, all the worries and concerns that had been weighing on him.
"Segawa-kun has been unexpectedly called away and he asked that I inform you of this and he asked me also to tell you to go 'home' without him."
"Thank you, Noruko-san." He places his hand to the door handle and, hesitating a moment, he enquires,
"Do you believe I am doing the right thing?"
"I believe that you are thinking of Sumeragi-san's welfare, Kamui-kun and I admire the strength you are showing."
"But?"
"I can not but believe that there was more to the fall of the Rainbow Bridge than sadness….that Sumeragi-san lived for something other than a misplaced sense of loyalty."
"Thank you for being honest, Noruko-san." He remarks before he opens the door and steps back into the twilight of Subaru's world.
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There is a faint displeasure in the Imonoyama's eyes as he steps back into the kitchen and, in the hope of dispelling this mar, Keiichi smiles brightly and informs the other,
"I'll tell him that I coerced you into helping me Imonoyama-san."
"I will not have him anymore upset with you than he shall be Segawa-kun, especially when I was the one to put the idea into your head in the first place."
"We can discuss fault later, for now I have a truth to tell."
"Be gentle with him."
He does not bother to respond to that request, for Noruko knows well enough that he shall be as gentle as possible, even despite the envy he holds still towards the other.
His eyes take a moment to adjust to the gloom of the room and then he is met again with the face of his 'rival.'
"I recall your face." He remarks, his voice soft, seductive and painfully hollow.
"We met once on Campus. I'm Segawa Keiichi, Kamui's…" He is about to say 'boyfriend' out of habit and stops himself a moment before the word leaves his lips. It was not yet the time to inform the Sumeragi of that particular development and thus he says instead, "Classmate and I wondered if I might have a moment of your time."
"Certainly."
He settles into the chair opposite the other and taking a moment to find his words he says,
"I am here without Kamui's knowledge and I wished you to know that he has no part in this…wish you to know that he has done as he has simply to protect you.
"Sumeragi-san, things are not, precisely, as you believe them to be."
"What do you mean by that?"
"I mean that the things you have been dreaming of are, in fact, reality…mean that the war is already over."
The Onmyoji stills at this and, after a moment, his fingers lift to touch at the bandage about his right eye.
"What of Seishiro-san?"
"The Sakurazukamori has left this world."
"By my hand?"
"Yes."
The Sumeragi pulls at his bandage and, standing, he goes to look at himself in the mirror.
"Sometimes I believed that I could see the inside of my bandage and yet I knew that such a thing was impossible…knew that I had, at last, paid for my part in the loss of his eye…" He turns again to face Keiichi and the other can not help but stair at the oddity of the Onmyoji's right eye.
Unlike its opposite the organ is a vivid hazel in hue and it contains a sharp, predatory, look about it.
"Yet it seems that I paid in a manner that displeased him…seems that he was selfish enough to want no mark but his own upon me."
The Onmyoji settles back into his chair and fixing Keiichi into his mismatched gaze he enquires,
"How did the Final Battle conclude?"
"The other Kamui fell on the blade of his own Shinken."
"Would you explain, please?"
"The Shinken of 'our' Kamui shattered during the fight and weapon-less it seemed as though the victory would fall to those of Earth.
"Yet the other Kamui hesitated a moment to mock 'our' Kamui and in doing as such he left himself open.
"Hesitant still for the outcome 'our' Kamui reached for the other Shinken and, by chance more than anything else, he managed to pry the thing from the other's fingers.
"He struck then and this time the blade stayed true…this time the strike landed its mark."
"Did Fuuma return?"
"You would have to ask Kamui; for that is a thing I have allowed him to keep to himself."
"You are more to him than a classmate, are you not?"
"Yes."
"Would you tell me your tale, Segawa-kun and of the other tales that are gone still from my mind?"
"Certainly."
The Onmyoji listens intently as he spins his tales, an odd light sparking occasionally in the depths of his left eye.
Eventually he has said all that he can and the barrier of his words removed he is plunged, at last, into silence.
"I am glad that Kamui has found peace…glad that the outcome of the Final Battle was not as much a heart ache as it could have been…"
"But?"
"But I do not believe that I have a need or a right to be part of that happiness. My life…my existence…is of the shadows of the war and now that that time has passed…"
"Do you mean to take your life?
"No, I have, after all, the last remnant of the one I loved to protect.
"I mean rather that I will leave this place…will fade into the shadows."
"Yet Kamui wishes you here."
"Kamui believes me still kind…believes me still the only individual able to comprehend him…
"Yet such beliefs are ill founded and in time he will come to see that…will come to understand why I have done as I have."
The other stands again from his chair and, crossing to the window, he pulls the curtains hard enough that the fabric tears free its restraints.
Opening out the window he takes a deep breath of the summer air and informs him,
"I understand why Kamui chose to retain his silence and I do not hate him for his choice.
"I understand also why you have told me the truth and I thank you for your kindness, Segawa-kun."
The Onmyoji steps out onto the windowsill and turning he asks Keiichi, "Tell Kamui that I begin to believe, at last, in the truth of the words we utter as we die and that I am, in some regard, content," Before he leaps out into the sunlight.
He lingers in the empty room only a moment more and then he heads towards Kamui's apartment, those odd parting words burning in his mind.
He would ask Kamui what the other had meant, would ask Kamui to forgive him this small betrayal and then, hopefully, he would be able to continue his life with Kamui at his side.
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T: Warned you, didn't I? A few little niggles that I could never quite get tied up…Subaru is injured in such a way that the doctors have to again bandage his right eye, thus the bandages! Kamui was actually meant to take Noruko's advice on board and tell Subaru the truth himself but things evolved away from that idea somehow! Keiichi lives near Kamui not with him (Yet) thus they walk to school, and to the mansion, together…thus the need for Noruko to lie about Keiichi heading back without the Shirou….I think that's it…R+R I really need confidence about this one! (is a one shot BTW…)