Seth was surprised when he opened his eyes and saw the sun up. That meant he had literally cried himself to sleep. He was even more surprised when he realized that his dad never came up to finish their talk, tell him everything would be okay and help him figure out how to fix it with Ryan. He showered quickly and hurried downstairs, figuring that even if his dad was still really mad, they could at least talk over breakfast before they left for the hospital.

It was quiet when Seth got downstairs. He looked in the kitchen and found an empty coffee cup and a note from his dad stating that he already left for the hospital, his mother should be home soon and there was no change in Ryan's condition. Seth grabbed a cup of coffee and a bagel and sat at the bar, trying to figure out what he should do next. He didn't need to ponder it too long before he remembered it was Sunday, the day his mother wanted to decorate the inside of the house. If this was going to be Ryan's best Chrismukkah ever, Seth needed to get the inside of the house ready. Seth left both his coffee and his bagel at the bar and hurried to drag out the decorations.

Seth was knee deep in the holiday decorations a few hours later when he heard the door open. "Hey, Mom. You're home. How's Ryan?"

"The same."

"And that's a good thing, right?"

Kirsten sighed. "All things considered, Ryan is doing as well as can be expected." She knew she was pretty much just regurgitating what the doctor told her not an hour earlier, but she was tired.

"Can I see him today?" Seth sounded so anxious and like such a little boy that Kirsten couldn't help but give him a slight smile.

"Probably not. He's still in I.C.U."

"How long will he be there?"

"Until he's awake."

"And that would be…"

"They're hopeful that it'll be sometime tomorrow."

Seth only nodded and looked down into the box of decorations. "Mom, I'm sorry."

"I know. I'm going to go take a shower and then try to take a nap. We can talk later." Kirsten knew what had happened between Sandy and Seth the night before; Sandy told her. And she felt for her son and what he must be feeling, but she really was too tired to want to deal with it at that particular moment.

"Don't you want something to eat first? I can make you something." Seth was anxious not to let her go. He didn't want to talk later. He wanted to talk now. He wanted to hear that it was all going to be okay.

"No thanks. Your dad brought me something earlier, and I'll probably meet him for lunch later."

"Mom…" Seth was a little surprised to hear his voice crack. "Please, I'm sorry."

"Seth. I said I know. I believe you, but right now I'm tired and worried and…"

"Mad." Seth finished.

Kirsten looked at her son standing amongst the holiday decorations and shook her head. "No, Seth. We're not mad. We're…" Kirsten hesitated. "We're disappointed."

And with that, there was nothing more to say, so Kirsten turned towards the bedroom. Seth stood silent for a minute. Disappointed. They were disappointed. That was somehow just so much worse than being mad. When they were mad, they would yell, lecture and ground. Disappointed was harder to fix. It was reserved for those times when he really messed up, but as Seth thought about it a little bit more, he realized walking away from a ladder and letting the guy you consider to be a brother crash to the ground was probably his biggest screw up ever.

Seth quietly continued to work on the decorations, trying his hardest to remember how it looked the year before, but the word about Ryan must have spread quickly because it wasn't long before the phone started to ring. Summer apparently told Marissa, because she called first, and Seth had to explain to her how he let Ryan down. Then his grandfather called, and again Seth explained the story. Summer also called for an update and to once again remind him of what an ass he was. Even Luke called since Marissa apparently called him. So after Seth again explained his massive screw up, Luke being Luke promised to kick Seth's ass on his next visit to Newport. Seth also remembered to call Alex and tell her he needed an 'as yet undetermined amount of time' off from toilet cleaning, and she too offered to kick his ass. His next call was to Lindsey since he remembered Ryan said something about having some sort of physics thing with her on Monday. Seth just wished he could remember what thing Ryan had, but Lindsey wasn't home to ask.

The four stockings were the last of the holiday decorations that Seth put up. He then put away all the boxes and took a look around. It looked just like last year, and Seth was slightly proud of himself that he was actually able to remember what the house looked like the year before – Ryan's first year with them, his first Chrismukkah. All things considered, they had a great holiday, better than any Seth ever remembered, and he knew that was all due to Ryan being there, Ryan being part of their family.

Seth's next self-imposed assignment was to decorate the pool house. Okay, so the year before Ryan knocked the wreath off the door, but this year he seemed more into the holidays, more into being a Cohen, so Seth figured Ryan would be more into decorations as well. He was just finishing making the pool house Chrismukkah friendly when Lindsey came flying in.

"Seth! Where is he? I've been calling since yesterday. We have to finish our physics project! He didn't meet me at the library. He didn't even call me. What's going on?"

Seth held up one hand in an attempt to slow Lindsey down. "So, I guess this means you didn't get my message this morning."

"Message? No, I've been at the library waiting for Ryan. Where is he?"

"He's in the hospital. There was an accident…"

"Accident? But he's okay, right?"

Seth sighed as he once again began the story and hated the look in Lindsey's eyes as his words began to sink in. "Can I see him?"

"No, but neither can I. Only my parents for now."

Lindsey nodded as she cast her eyes down and turned towards the door. "So then I guess I'll go. But call me, okay? And give Ryan my best. Well, when he wakes up, I mean."

"No, wait. What about your physics thing?"

"I don't think it really matters at this point. It's due tomorrow, and Ryan won't be able to… I mean, he can't exactly… Um, it's not important."

Lindsey again turned to leave, but Seth grabbed her arm. "But it is important. It's important to you, and it's important to Ryan. I can help. I want to help. Please. Come on, we have Ryan's backpack, and I'm sure it has all the information we need. Let's just go into the kitchen, put our heads together and finish your project. For Ryan. Please?"

Despite her better judgment, Lindsey again nodded and followed Seth out of the pool house and into the kitchen. It just didn't seem right to continue working on their project while Ryan was unconscious in the hospital, but they had been working really hard. And if Seth could help, they could probably finish it. Mr. Greenberg did say any projects that he thought were exceptional, he would be submitting to the upcoming physics fair, and that meant the potential for awards, recognition and scholarship money – everything Lindsey needed if she was really going to go to Yale.

Unfortunately, it wasn't as easy as Lindsey first rationalized. Seth wasn't exactly Ryan when it came to physics, plus they didn't have all of Ryan's data, and they had a lot of trouble reading Ryan's handwriting. Lindsey finally threw her pen down in disgust. "This is hopeless. We can't do this. It's impossible."

"No. Come on, we can do it. Really, I think I've got this part figured out." Seth held up Ryan's notebook. "Okay, so just tell me, is this word celibate?"

Lindsey squinted at the notebook, then pulled it out of Seth's hand and looked closer. "I think it's cancel or maybe channel."

"Well, both make more sense then celibate. Unless your project has to do with…" One look at Lindsey's face and Seth decided not to continue. "Yeah. Bad time to joke, I guess."

Lindsey chose not to answer as Kirsten came rushing into the kitchen. "Seth, I'm going to go now. Your dad should be home later. Oh, hi Lindsey. I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting to see you."

"Yeah. I was just helping Lindsey with some homework. What's the rush? Is everything okay? I mean, nothing happened, right?"

Kirsten shook her head. "No. Your dad said everything's fine. Well, not fine, but everything is the same. But the doctor is supposed to come by sometime this afternoon, and I want to be there when he does."

"But what about lunch? I was just going to offer Lindsey something to eat. I could grill us something."

"No, thanks. I'll have lunch at the hospital." Kirsten was about to leave when she noticed Ryan's book bag and notebook on the table. "What homework is that? That's not… Oh, Lindsey, the physics project, the one you guys were hoping Mr. Greenberg would submit. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay. Seth's been helping. We're… getting it done."

Kirsten could only look at Seth, not bothering to hide her surprise as Seth gave her a small shrug and half a smile. She knew 'thank you' really wasn't appropriate so she said nothing to him and turned her attention back to Lindsey, "Well, I have to call the school tomorrow and tell Dr. Kim about Ryan. Maybe I could explain it to Mr. Greenberg as well and see if he could give you an extension."

"No, really, it's okay. Seth's helping. I… Really, don't worry about it. It'll be fine." Lindsey gave Kirsten a slight smile. She would love to get an extension, like until Ryan was better. Since that wasn't going to be possible, Lindsey didn't want them to have something else to worry about.

Kirsten couldn't help but return Lindsey's smile, even if it was mixed with sadness. "Oh, sweetie. I am so sorry about this. I know how excited you and Ryan were about this project. You must be so disappointed."

Seth cringed at his mother's use of the word "disappointed" again. He quickly changed the subject. "So, Mom, you sure you don't want some lunch? Remember, I am the grill master now. Gourmet Seth-burgers?"

"No, really, Seth. Thank you, but I really should go. Your dad should be home for dinner. Maybe you guys can grill then."

Seth jumped and took a step closer to his mom. He couldn't believe how tense it still was between them and desperately wanted to come up with something that would help. "Maybe I could meet you guys at the hospital later?"

"They won't let you see Ryan."

"I know, but maybe I can eat with you guys. You know, maybe just peek in on Ryan. Maybe…"

"No, Seth. You won't be allowed in." Kirsten didn't want to hurt him but had to admit, "It would just be easier if you stayed home today."

Seth looked down at his feet and nodded. "Okay. I'll, um, finish helping Lindsey, and then I'll, ah, maybe I'll clean up the house." Seth did look up long enough to ask, "Did you see the decorations? I did finish them. Nice, huh?"

"Yes, Seth. They're nice." Kirsten leaned closer to him and kissed the air next to his cheek. "So I guess I'll see you later."

Seth could only hold up in his hand as a small goodbye as he watched his mother leave. Lindsey had been quietly watching everything and waited until she heard the front door shut. "God, she seems so sad."

"Disappointed."

"Huh?"

Seth sat back down in his chair. "She's disappointed. In me."

Lindsey folded her arms on the table in front of her and leaned forward. She wanted to appear to be as serious as she felt. "Do you really think this is all about you? Don't you think that maybe she's also really worried and upset about Ryan?"

"Oh, no. I know she is," Seth added quickly. "I'm just saying Ryan wouldn't be in the…where he is if I hadn't… If I just… If I wasn't being me."

"Being me? That's how you explain what happened? Seth, can I just ask? How high was that ladder?"

"You didn't see the wreath above the door when you got here?"

"No. I didn't come through the front door. I came around the back to the pool house."

Seth nodded as he stood up. "Come on, I'll show you."

Lindsey collected her books and Ryan's notebook before she followed Seth to the front door. She figured she'd do a better job on the project alone, plus she didn't want to admit that she was really annoyed at Seth at that point. Seth waited until she joined him on the front steps and then he pointed up towards the window high about the front door. Lindsey looked up to where Seth was pointing. She never realized how high up that window above the door was. "You guys must have one big ladder to reach all the way up there!"

Seth only nodded again as he looked down, away from the window and the images of Ryan up on the ladder that were still very vivid in his mind. "I just wish there was something I could do," he finally mumbled.

"I don't know what to tell you. Look, I'm going to go. I have Ryan's notebook. Please call me as soon as you hear anything, okay?"

Lindsey started down the front steps but Seth stopped her. "I thought we were doing lunch. You know, Seth-burgers."

"No, thanks. Not really hungry. Bye. Call me."

Seth stood on the front steps watching Lindsey drive away until he could no longer see her old beat up car. Then he stood there a little while longer, looking down at the spot where he found Ryan. It sent shivers down his spine so Seth quickly turned and went back into the house.

Seth wandered through the house, not exactly sure what he wanted to do. The house was so quiet and big and empty and lonely. He told his mother that maybe he would clean something, but he looked around. There was nothing to clean. He couldn't bring himself to Play Station it alone, and he didn't find anything on television. Five hundred channels and not a thing to watch, his father's favorite line. Seth finally found himself standing in the pool house. Ryan's pool house. There wasn't anything to clean there, either. Ryan was too damn neat. Seth did find a pair of Ryan's jeans laying over one of the bar stools and decided he could maybe hang them up for Ryan. That was at least a little bit of help.

Ryan's closet was also way too neat in Seth's opinion as he stepped in to hang up the pants. All Ryan's shirts hung in a row, followed by his pants, then his jackets, and finally his dress clothes. The same with his shoes. All lined up in a neat, organized row. At the end of the row of shoes, Seth noticed a Barnes & Noble bag with a roll of Hanukkah wrapping paper sticking out.

Another thing he could do, Seth thought as he grabbed the bag. He could wrap Ryan's Hanukkah gifts for him. As Seth sat on Ryan's bed, he shook his head. Only Ryan would buy his own Hanukkah wrapping paper. Seth either used what his parents had or used Christmas wrapping paper. Hanukkah paper wasn't all that easy to find in Newport Beach.

They had all agreed the week before that if Seth and Ryan both insisted on getting Kirsten and Sandy Hanukkah gifts, they would be small, token gifts. Nothing big or expensive. Seth had picked up surfboard wax for his dad and some perfume for his mom. Both items were small and although his mother's was more expensive then his father's, both were still modestly priced. Seth noticed as he pulled Ryan's gifts out of the bag that Ryan had put a little more thought into his. Ryan managed to find Stephen King's autobiography, "On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft," and pre-ordered Stephen King's latest book, "The Dark Tower V: Wolves of the Calla" which wasn't coming out until January. Seth felt a twinge of jealousy that Ryan had remembered that Sandy had the rest of "The Dark Tower" series, and not until after Seth saw the book did he remember that Sandy had mentioned wanting to read King's autobiography. Seth wrapped up the book and the gift certificate, vowing that he was going to take the surfboard wax back and find something better for his dad.

He then looked over Ryan's gift to Kirsten. A whole collection of those sappy love stories that they all teased Kirsten about reading, a box of Earl Gray tea and a big box of microwave popcorn – everything for Kirsten to curl up on the couch on a semi-cool Newport night. As Seth wrapped up those gifts, he again promised that the perfume was going back and his mom was getting a better gift, too.

Seth reached into the bag one more time to see what else was there. He stared at the last gift in his hand and then felt himself on the verge of tears again. Seth mentioned, just once, in passing, on the plane ride home from Portland that Luke got him hooked on The Matrix. And despite mentioning it only that one time, in passing, here in Seth's hand was The Ultimate Matrix DVD Collection. "Damn, Ryan. I am so sorry," Seth whispered as he wrapped up his own gift from Ryan.

Seth stared down at the gifts lying on Ryan's bed, all wrapped and ready for Hanukkah. Suddenly the gifts got blurry as Seth felt the tears again in his eyes. Since he was still home alone, he didn't stop the tears and once again found himself bawling over what happened and what he was afraid was going to happen once Ryan woke up.

It was dark outside when Seth woke up and realized he had once again cried himself to sleep – this time on Ryan's bed. He slowly rose off the bed and noticed that his dad still wasn't home; despite the fact Ryan's clock said it was 6:30. Seth wandered out of the pool house and into the kitchen. He figured he should make himself something to eat, since it appeared his father wasn't going to be joining him for dinner. He tried calling the hospital, but since he wasn't a parent, the nurse wouldn't give him any status on Ryan.

Seth was just finishing making his sandwich when his dad came in. Seth didn't say anything as he handed his plate to his father and turned to make another sandwich. He didn't see the look of surprise in his father's face as he lowered his head and began to cut a roll. Sandy grabbed two sodas from the refrigerator and carried them and his sandwich over to the table. He waited until Seth joined him before starting to eat. For two talkative people, neither one of them seemed to know what to say, how to start the conversation.

Seth finally mumbled, "Ryan?"

"The same."

"That's good, right?"

Sandy nodded and shook his head, almost at the same time, which was confusing to say the least. "It's good and it's bad."

When he heard Seth suck in his breath, Sandy quickly continued, "I shouldn't say bad. Not really bad. Just not as good as I think they wanted. They were kind of hoping for some more, um, reaction from Ryan."

"Reaction?"

"More awake."

"But Mom said tomorrow." Seth was suddenly feeling very panicky. Was his dad really insinuating that Ryan wasn't going to be okay?

Sandy again nodded, and luckily didn't shake his head as well. "They're still hopeful. But they will do another CT Scan in the morning, just to make sure everything is how it should be."

Seth was still confused. "If they think Ryan's going to wake up tomorrow and be okay, then why do they need to do more tests?"

"Seth," Sandy said slowly, "even if Ryan wakes up tomorrow, you've got to understand he's not going to be okay."

Seth's sandwich was suddenly very dry, and he found it almost impossible to swallow what was in his mouth, what with the large lump that was stuck in his throat. Sandy put his sandwich down as he looked at Seth. "You do understand the severity of Ryan's injuries? That waking up doesn't make Ryan all right?"

"But Mom said…" Seth started but didn't know how to finish the sentence.

Sandy let out a loud sigh and then rubbed his forehead with his hand. He folded his hands in front of him and began to explain to his son. "Ryan is going to have a long road a head of him before…"

Seth couldn't help but interrupt. "But this is supposed to be Ryan's best Chrismukkah. I mean, there won't be any Marissa drama, and I'm working hard to make sure everything is perfect for him, for all of us."

"Seth!" Sandy said a little harsher then he intended. "This is not going to be Ryan's best Chrismukkah. It's not going to be good at all. Ryan will probably spend most, if not all, of Hanukkah in the hospital. And even though he should be home by Christmas, he probably won't be able to get out of bed. At the very most, he'll probably be able to lie on the couch."

Seth stared down at the table, trying to fully comprehend what his dad was saying. "I just thought..." he weakly started to say.

Sandy stared at Seth and waited until Seth looked him in the eyes before starting, "Let's start with the less serious injuries. Ryan's left shoulder was dislocated. It will remain in a sling for about three weeks. After that, Ryan will need physical therapy to regain full mobility. His left ankle was fractured. It will remain in a cast for about six to eight weeks. He will need physical therapy for that as well. The bruising to his ribs and lung is healing nicely, but breathing will continue to be pretty painful for a while. The laceration on his head will leave a scar. But they're more concerned about what effects the concussion will have. There's a very distinct possibility that Ryan won't remember the accident, and he's going to have a pretty bad headache. Plus he may suffer from dizziness, fatigue, irritability, nausea, vomiting, sensitivity to light, difficulty concentrating, double vision and confusion. These symptoms can last anywhere from a few weeks to a few months before they go away completely. They won't know for sure which, if any, of these symptoms Ryan will suffer from until he wakes up."

Sandy paused for a moment before continuing in his monotone, lawyer sounding repeat of what the doctor told them earlier. He wanted Seth to understand that much before he moved on.

When he saw Seth close his eyes and take a deep breath, he continued, "As for the loss of his spleen, Ryan will now require yearly flu shots and long term antibiotics. Long term as in possibly two full years, depending on how well Ryan does. They usually prescribe penicillin, but since Ryan's allergic to that, they will need to prescribe something else. There was a drainage tube in place for the first twenty-four hours, but the doctor removed that just before I left. The incision is about 10" long, and that too will be a scar. A very large scar, going down Ryan's abdomen."

Even though Seth still had his eyes closed, Sandy noticed the tears that had escaped and were silently rolling down his cheeks. He reached over and gave Seth's hand a squeeze.

"I'm not going to be able to make this up to him, am I?" Seth finally whispered.

Sandy again squeezed Seth's hand. "I'm not sure. I don't know how Ryan's going to feel when he wakes up. I think he's going to be pretty mad and probably very hurt. Will he be able to get over it? I don't know. I hope so. We'll just have to make sure he knows we're here for him and go from there."

"Do you think he'll want to leave Newport? Never see us again? Never want to talk to me again?"

Sandy shook his head. "I don't think so. He won't be in any condition to go anywhere for a while, and your mother and I aren't going to just let him walk out of our lives when he is well. We do have the final say until he's eighteen. If he decides to hold a grudge until then? Well, then I doubt I can stop him."

"But, but…" Seth stuttered, "We're like brothers. He can't hold a grudge for that long. I mean, can he?"

"How often do you see me talking to my brother? He still holds one hell of a grudge and it's been twenty years. Better yet, how many times has Ryan so much as mentioned Trey since last Thanksgiving?"

"That's different," Seth blurted out. "Trey made Ryan do something stupid that Ryan got hurt doing!"

"Well, since you and Ryan seem to be the only two in this house who know what Trey made him do, I can't comment on that. Unless, of course, you want to finally tell me what happened, how Ryan ended up with a black eye."

Seth just shook his head. Ryan was already going to be pissed at him. He wasn't about to make it worse by telling his dad what happened last Thanksgiving.

"Fine. All I can say then is think about it. Trey had Ryan do something he didn't want to do, and Ryan ended up hurt. Do you really think Ryan wanted to climb that ladder? I seriously doubt it. But he did, and he got hurt. You may have to accept the fact that Ryan may not get over this. I'm not telling you not to try. I expect you to do everything you can to make this up to Ryan, but I am warning you, Ryan may not forgive you. And your mother and I can't force him. This will be between you and Ryan. If Ryan doesn't remember the accident, you will be the one who tells him what happened. But not until we feel Ryan is strong enough to hear it. And as long as Ryan is housebound, so are you, except you will go to school. Ryan probably won't go back until January at the earliest. But you will come home right after school until break, and then you will spend all of break in the house. No lit mag, no Bait Shop, nothing unless your mother or I approve. Understood?"

Seth nodded. He had no plans on going anywhere as long as Ryan was home so being grounded forever didn't bother him. "Can I see him tomorrow?"

"If he's awake. Otherwise, he'll remain in I.C.U. and you won't be allowed in. But come by after school anyway."

"I don't want to go to school, I just want to go to the hospital…"

"Too bad. You are going to school for the entire day, and then you can come by the hospital."

Seth didn't argue further. He again nodded his head as he stood up. "I'm kind of tired. I think I'll go to my room. Night." He walked out of the kitchen quickly. After waiting all day to talk to one of his parents, he now no longer wanted to talk. They didn't tell him it was going to be okay, and he still had no idea how he was going to make this right by Ryan. He doubted Ryan was even going to let him try. Trey never got Ryan this hurt before, and Ryan still didn't want to see him. What the hell was he going to do once he found out this was all Seth's fault? Despite already crying his eyes out twice in less then twenty-four hours, Seth couldn't believe he felt the tears rolling down his cheeks again.

Sandy sighed as he heard Seth going up the stairs. That was about as hard as he expected it to be, and yet he knew that was probably the easiest it was going to be for Seth for a long time. And worse, he had no idea how hard it was going to be for Ryan. This all could tear his family apart permanently, and all he and Kirsten could do was be there for both boys. It was a really scary thought.