Just a quick note: if it happens in the hospital and it seems strange - remember, been there, done that, happened to me.

For those who may not know: Menorah holds the candles during the Hanukkah celebration. The Shamash is the middle candle that is lit first. You light all other candles from the Shamash. Gelt are the Jewish chocolate coins which can be used in drediel. Drediel is a top with Jewish lettering on it. It's a fun game.

The Menorah in this story is actually true. I don't mean to offend anyone when talking about how tacky it is. I've stared that this same Menorah now for 14 years in the office where I work, proving that Jewish lawyers do, on occasion, have tacky Menorahs. Not all plug in ones are tacky - just this one.

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It was just before dinner when Seth finally came in. He was surprisingly quiet as he slipped into the room. "Sorry. I, ah, had some last minute stuff to take care of. How's Ryan doing?"

Kirsten stood up and gave Seth a hug before taking his bags of presents and adding them to the pile. "Not bad. He's been sleeping for a while now."

Seth inched his way into the room. "Does he know about Mr. Greenberg yet?"

"Not yet. First he wanted a little Chrismukkah. Then we plan on telling him everything." Sandy put his arm around Seth as he gently guided him all the way into the room.

"Everything?"

"Yes, Seth, everything."

"Well, tonight should be fun then."

"He has the right to know."

"No. I know; you're right. It's just…it's going to be the end."

"The end?"

"I'm about to lose my best friend - my brother - all because of one massive ginormous screw up, and I can't figure out how to make it right."

Sandy tried to think of something kind to say, even if he wasn't all that sure how true it was. "Don't sell Ryan short. He may get over it, you never know. Family's important."

"Ah, yes, spoken like a man who barely acknowledges that he has a family back East."

Kirsten hadn't said anything at first, preferring to let Sandy try to explain it to Seth, until that last comment. "Seth!"

"I'm just saying I wish there was a way he never had to find out what happened."

"Well, there's not. So you're going to have to own up to your mistakes, apologize for them and take it from there."

"I know." Seth looked over at Ryan. "So what do we do? Do we wake him up or just wait for him to wake up?"

"He'll wake up on his own," Kirsten explained.

"But he has a concussion. Aren't we supposed to wake him up all the time?"

"No. The nurse should be in shortly, probably with his dinner."

"And if he doesn't wake up…"

"Then we wait until tomorrow night."

"But he's okay?"

"He's going to be okay," Kirsten said. "In time."

"But two things you need to know right now," Sandy said. "First, he got sick the last time he ate. He may get sick again. Be prepared. More importantly, he still can't talk in complete sentences. It's improving but he still has trouble, especially when he's tired. I don't want you teasing him about it."

"God, Dad, I'm the reason he's like this. Believe me, I'm not going to make fun of him."

Kirsten gently rubbed Seth's back. "What your father is trying to say is that it's a little difficult sometimes watching Ryan struggle and it can get a little stressful, so we hope you don't try to joke about anything in an attempt to lighten the mood."

"In other words, don't be a jerk."

"We never said you were a jerk."

The conversation came to an abrupt end when Ryan suddenly jumped and began to frantically feel around for something, slamming all around the bed then onto his tray table, getting more and more agitated.

Seth was about to say something when Kirsten patted Ryan's shoulder and handed him something. "It's okay. Here they are."

Some how Ryan managed to get the sunglasses on, although it wasn't easy since his hand was shaking.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" Kirsten kept her hand on his shoulder and gave it a gentle reassuring squeeze.

"No. I'm…it's nothing."

"Are you in pain? I can get the nurse…"

"No, it's just…no."

Ryan looked around, trying to calm himself down. He didn't want to admit that he'd had a nightmare especially when he couldn't even remember what it was about. All he could remember was that he was alone and scared and falling? It made no sense so he definitely wasn't going to admit to a childish nightmare. He figured it had to be all the drugs they were giving him that caused his nightmare.

Ryan smiled when he saw Seth. "Hey, man. You made it."

"Yeah. I heard there was some candle lighting and present getting to be had."

"My presents?"

"Mom took them. Added them to the stack. Did you see it all? Dude, I think we're really going to clean up tonight!"

"Nah. I good. Don't need."

"Shh, Ryan. You don't want to hurt Mom's feelings, now do you? Come on! 8 days of gifts to be had."

Ryan frowned. There was something about the number eight. No, that's wrong. "7 days. Sorry missed yesterday."

"Don't be sorry about yesterday. It's not your fault. It was…don't worry about it, man. We'll just get twice tonight. Huh? Right, mom? We'll just kick off the Chrismukkah season tonight."

Ryan mumbled, "Hanukkah. Kickoff to whole Chrismukkah season." And then he frowned again. He said that before. But when did he say that? He looked at Seth. He'd said it to Seth. When the hell did he say it to Seth?"

Ryan opened his mouth to ask but was interrupted when the nurse came in with his dinner.

"Okay. Ready to try again? We'll stick with the liquid diet again. If you can handle that then later we'll try something more solid. Any preference? Ice cream? Maybe a cookie? Pound cake?"

Ryan thought for a minute. "Um, fruit?"

Seth couldn't help but laugh. "Fruit? Did you really just ask for fruit? That's just, well, wrong."

Ryan glared as Sandy warned, "Seth…"

But the nurse just nodded. "Let me guess. You'd like some grapes, watermelon, maybe an orange?"

Ryan nodded as he realized that sounded good. Really good, but definitely strange.

"Don't worry. It's common. Your body is craving Vitamin C because it helps the body heal. Manage to keep this down, and I'll see what I can do about some fruit salad."

Ryan stared at his tray, remembering what happened the last time he attempted to eat. He then looked at Seth, Kirsten and Sandy. "Go. You eat."

Kirsten walked over and just like Sandy did with his lunch, started opening the containers, putting the straw in the drink and cutting up the Jell-o. "Seth can go get our dinner. Then we'll all eat together."

"No, go. Eat. Come back."

"No. Seth can go down to the cafeteria and bring back our dinner. We'll eat together and then we'll celebrate together."

"No. You…I…Sandy?"

"Sorry, kid. You wanted Chrismukkah tonight. Dinner together as a family before we light the candles as a family - that's Chrismukkah."

"It you're not up for it, we can always put it off until tomorrow," Kirsten said as she handed him the juice. "We don't have to celebrate tonight."

Seth agreed. "Yeah, Ryan, who says we have to do it tonight? We can wait 'til you feel better. If you want, we can, well, just talk."

"No. S'okay. Just…" He looked at Sandy, hoping to get his understanding.

"Don't worry - if you think you're going to get sick, just say something, and we'll give you your space.

Ryan mumbled, "yeah right," since he knew they wouldn't leave if he puked again. Sandy didn't leave the last time. Hell, he even held the bucket for Ryan to throw up into.

As Sandy handed Seth some money, he whispered, "Get something that doesn't smell too strong, maybe some sandwiches."

Seth nodded as he turned to leave. "Hey, Ryan, I'll see what I can find fruit-wise. I'm sure I can get some oranges, but I'm not so sure about watermelon or grapes. Not here in the hospital since it's not exactly summer."

Ryan frowned yet again as he nodded. Summer? Summer…why was Ryan suddenly mad at Summer? Not the season, but the person? Didn't make sense. Ryan couldn't even remember the last time he spoke to Summer.

He was still thinking about it when Kirsten touched his arm. "Hey, you okay? Is it your headache? I know the pain medication is wearing off soon. I can call the nurse so she can give you another shot. It'll help you sleep."

"No!" Ryan didn't mean for it to come out as loud as it did. "Um, no. S'okay. I fine. Eat, celebrate then shot, if need."

Ryan looked down at his tray so he didn't have to admit that he was a little afraid to fall asleep and risk another nightmare. He needed to stay off the pain medication.

He continued playing around with the stuff on his tray, waiting for Seth and listening to Sandy and Kirsten talk. He tried every so often to add to their conversation so they wouldn't think he was too tired or in too much pain. He also hoped Seth would get back soon to fill in the quiet moments.

Luckily, Seth returned quickly with sandwiches, chips, sodas and about a dozen oranges and grapefruits. "Hope this is good enough. I'll stop by the store tomorrow and pick up more fruit."

Ryan only nodded, and then slowly began to pick at his liquid dinner as everyone else ate their sandwiches and listened to Seth's non-stop chattering. Despite being glad Seth was there and being really happy to see him, for some reason Ryan was starting to find Seth's conversation annoying. He wasn't really sure why. Normally he'd just listen to Seth rambling unaffected, but not this time. This time it was annoying. Ryan assumed it was because the pain in his head was slowly intensifying.

Kirsten noticed first that Ryan was rubbing his head and no longer eating. She tapped Sandy, who motioned for Seth to be quiet.

It took Ryan about a minute before he realized no one was talking. He looked up to see everyone staring at him. "What?"

Sandy stepped closer to Ryan, looking at him closely so as to gauge how Ryan really was doing. "We're just waiting for you to finish so we can get this celebration underway."

Even with his sunglasses on and the shades drawn, Ryan knew it wasn't time. "Not dark 'nough."

"This is condensed Chrismukkah," Sandy joked. "We can start whenever we want so we'll start as soon as everyone's done eating."

Kirsten and Seth both quickly wrapped up their dinner and said 'done'. Then Kirsten scanned Ryan's tray. "Not bad. Are you feeling okay?"

"Fine."

"You don't feel sick at all?"

"No."

"That's good." Kirsten removed Ryan's tray as Sandy brought the Menorah over.

It took Seth less than 30 seconds to as, "What is that?"

Sandy unraveled the cord and plugged it into an extension cord. "This is from my college days. Your mom found it in the attic."

"That has got to be the ugliest thing I have ever seen."

Ryan only nodded. It was definitely not their usual Menorah.

"Hey, Ryan, want some Hanukkah gold?" Seth scraped the base with his finger, and they both snickered as more paint chipped off.

Sandy looked at them both. "Hey! Don't ruin it! Some day this will be a valuable antique. It's a classic."

Ryan looked at the menorah. "It's ugly!"

Seth looked at Ryan. "It's yours."

"Huh?"

"Someday when we divide up the 'rents possessions, I bequeath it to you."

Ryan made a face. "Gee, thanks," and Sandy joined in with a sarcastic, "yeah, thanks."

"Hey, I'm just saying – it'll always be in the family. Just, Ryan's side of the family!"

Kirsten took out the yarmulkes. "Well, we can't use candles in the hospital so it's either your father's treasured antique or nothing."

Seth laughed again when he saw the Christmas bulbs but Ryan didn't. Something about the Christmas lights suddenly bothered him. Seth then joked about lighting the Shamash as he screwed the center bulb into the Menorah. But Ryan wasn't listening as he suddenly became fixated on the light just as Sandy began to recite the prayers. Kirsten tried to get him to read faster when she noticed Ryan's blank stare.

Ryan finally closed his eyes as Sandy continued. The nightmare started just as he began to doze off. He saw the ground rushing up to him. Over and over, Ryan saw the ground, each time he got just a little closer. Just before Ryan saw himself hit the pavement, he jumped and looked around. He was still in the hospital, but now Kirsten, Seth and Sandy were all staring at him.

"You okay, man?"

"Okay, that's it. We're finished for the night. Ryan, you need to get some rest now."

"No. S'kay. I fine. Go on."

"Sorry, kid. Kirsten's right. This is a little too much for you tonight."

"No. I'm 'kay. Just…"

"Just what?"

"Nothing. Really. Please." Ryan didn't know how to explain his nightmare without sounding childish. So he just didn't say anything.

The doctor said he'd remember so Ryan rationalized that this was just him remembering. Kirsten and Sandy said he had fallen. That nightmare had to have something to do with the fall.

It was outside in front of the house.

So he figured he fell somewhere in the driveway. Ryan couldn't go back to sleep until he figured it out just a little more. He must have been quiet too long as he saw Kirsten reach over and pick up the Menorah. He quickly put his hand on hers. "No. Please. Sorry. I fine."

"Ryan, there's no reason to be sorry. You just need some rest."

"No."

Kirsten was about to continue the argument but Sandy spoke first. "Okay. We'll continue, but we're going to condense the already condensed Chrismukkah. I think it's acceptable to forego the prayers for tonight. We'll light the other two candles and move directly to presents. Deal?"

"Um, kay."

"Seth, go ahead."

"Sure." Seth tapped the light bulb in his hand against the center bulb before screwing it in. "Get it…I'm lighting it off the Shamash."

"Seth…" Kirsten sighed. "Okay, Ryan. Your turn."

"Kay." Ryan too clicked the bulb against the center bulb before screwing it in. His light was barely on when Kirsten started pulling out the presents.

Ryan managed to open his presents, albeit slower than the rest. It never failed to surprise him how much the Cohens always appreciated the small gifts he got them and yet not think twice about all they got him. He was still thinking about it when he noticed Kirsten cleaning up, ready to end the super condensed Chrismukkah celebration. Ryan knew that meant she would insist on the nurse giving him a shot. He'd fall back to sleep and have another nightmare without remembering the entire accident. He needed to remember the accident so the nightmares would stop.

"Dreidel!" Ryan finally blurted out, and then noticed three pair of eyes staring at him.

"What?" "Dreidel?" "Huh?"

"Yeah. Play dreidel."

Kirsten continued cleaning up as she shook her head. "Ryan, I don't think it's a good idea." She was relieved when Sandy agreed with her. "Maybe tomorrow night."

"No, come on. Seth…"

Since Seth knew the talk was next, he knew this was probably the last chance they'd ever have to play dreidel together.

"Well, if we really want to give Ryan some Cohen Chrismukkah normal, then I think a game of dreidel is just what the doctor would order."

Kirsten continued shaking her head. "Sorry. I didn't bring a dreidel or any gelt. So no dreidel for tonight." But then Kirsten saw the pitiful expressions on the faces of both boys.

"Okay, one fast round and then Chrismukkah is done for tonight. Deal?" Seth and Ryan nodded.

"Still one problem," Sandy said. "No dreidel or gelt."" Then Sandy saw the looks on the faces of Seth and Ryan. And Kirsten. He sighed and threw up his hands in defeat. "Fine. I'll go down to the gift shop and see what's there."

Ryan grew quiet again after Sandy left, relieved at the slight reprieve from not having to sleep. Besides, dreidel was fun, or it was when he played it with the Cohens. Not that he'd know what it was like playing it with anyone else since last year was the first time he'd every played, but he had fun. And this way, he'd have time to think, try and piece together the accident.

Seth, on the other hand, felt the need to fill the time with talk. If Ryan didn't know any better, it sounded a lot like Seth's nervous constant babbling – the extra nonsense talking he did when he was uptight about something. It was really annoying. Ryan again closed his eyes and began to rub his temples. He opened them when he felt a hand on his shoulder again. Kirsten was looking down at him, concern on her face.

"There is no reason you have to overdo it tonight."

"I'm not. It's just…" Ryan looked over at Seth.

Kirsten smiled as she picked up the water pitcher. "Seth, why don't you go fill this up for Ryan?"

Seth nodded as he took the pitcher. As he turned to leave, Ryan was sure he heard him mumble. "I guess Mr. Greenberg was right, I am a water boy."

Ryan stared at the door as it closed behind Seth.

Greenberg? Seth didn't have Greenberg, so why would he call Seth a water boy?

Kirsten smiled. "Okay. So, now Seth's gone, and we've sent Sandy on some kind of dreidel mission. Anything else?"

"Nope. Thanks."

"So, why don't you just rest while it's still quiet?"

"Kay."

Ryan leaned back and closed his eyes. He wanted to relax, so he could remember what happened. But he just saw the ground rushing towards him over and over again. No, he was falling to the ground. The pavement in front of the house, by the stairs. But he couldn't have just fallen off the front steps. He wouldn't have gotten this hurt. He'd have to have been higher up, but on what?

Seth returned quickly. "Hope you like it cold. Lots of ice. Can I pour you a glass?"

Ryan could only nod as he watched Seth fill his cup. He tried to raise it to his mouth, but water was spilling all over the place.

"Ryan, buddy, you okay? Your hand is shaking really bad."

"No, I 'kay."

Kirsten took a step closer to the bed. "Ryan…"

"I said I 'kay!" He didn't mean to snap but he was suddenly feeling very anxious and scared and mad, and he wasn't exactly sure why.

All he could do was mumble "sorry."

No one said anything for a few minutes before Kirsten said, "Oh, wait. There is another present. Julie dropped it off earlier."

Kirsten pulled out a small box out of her purse. It was wrapped in red and green paper with a big red bow on top. Ryan quickly became fixated on the bow. He remembered a red bow from somewhere. It was on something somewhere. A present? No, that wasn't it. Ryan kept trying to remember where he saw a red bow before and why it suddenly felt very important to remember. Was it a Christmas tree? No. Not a tree but some kind of evergreen. A wreath? Suddenly Ryan had the image of a wreath with a big red bow.

It made no sense. The wreath from last year had a yellow bow. Ryan remembered because Kirsten was annoyed. She said it blended too much with the color of the house. It wasn't bold and bright enough. So it had to be from this year. No, that wasn't right. Ryan remembered- the landscapers hadn't brought the wreath yet. Maybe he just wanted to tell the landscapers to bring a wreath with a red bow?

Ryan's thoughts were interrupted when Kirsten began to read the card. "'Not sure if I'm doing this whole kosher thing correctly but Merry Hanukkah,' and look, it's a month's supply of bagels. Well that's…original. On the bright side, at least we don't have to spend Christmas dinner at the Haunted Mansion."

Christmas. Haunted Mansion. The landscapers were at the Haunted Mansion. That's right. That's why they hadn't brought the wreath yet.

After a few more minutes of silence, Seth finally said, "I don't know, Mom. Something about Christmas lights on a Menorah. It just seems so wrong. Next thing you know we'll be spinning the poinsettia and not the dreidel!"

Christmas lights…Christmas lights?

Poinsettias!

Suddenly the words clicked with the images. He and Seth were supposed to decorate because the landscapers went to the Haunted Mansion. But Seth didn't. He was…where was he?

Ryan was up on the ladder with the wreath. He looked down. Where was Seth? He wasn't there. Ryan fell. He suddenly remembered it all. And then he knew why they wouldn't tell him. Why every time he asked, they wouldn't tell him. Seth walked away. He let Ryan fall. It suddenly made perfect sense. The accident wasn't his fault; it was Seth's. No wonder no one would tell him, and no wonder Seth was so quick to help finish his physics project. But if Greenberg called him a water boy for it, well, that couldn't be good.

"What 'bout Greenberg?" Ryan asked. It was the first question of many, since he wanted to see how long they planned on continuing the lies.

Kirsten looked at Seth as he stepped closer to the bed. "I messed up, bro. I tried to finish the project, but Mr. Greenberg returned it un-graded. I really did try to help Lindsey, but the data was wrong. I couldn't read your writing."

"My fault?"

"No, mine. It was mine. And look." Seth pulled an envelope out of his back pocket. "This is half of what the first prize would have been had you guys won the physics fair. I gave Lindsay her half before I came here."

Just from the thickness of the envelope, Kirsten knew it must have contained a great deal of money. "Seth, where did you get that kind of money?"

"After Mr. Greenberg reamed into me about messing up the project, I went downtown and sold my comic books. All of them."

"Seth…" Kirsten sighed, but Seth continued addressing just Ryan, "I know you and Lindsay keep talking about getting the money for college. I mean, I know this doesn't help with the prestige of winning but I figured it would help toward the costs."

And Kirsten continued trying to be part of the conversation as she looked from Seth to Ryan. "What does he mean, worried about the cost of college? Ryan, I thought we already talked about this in September?"

Ryan ignored Kirsten, glaring only at Seth. "Grand gesture?"

"Grand gesture?" Seth repeated. "I'm not sure what you mean."

Ryan struggled to get the words out which made him even madder. "Payoff for leaving."

Seth just stared at Ryan for a minute, "Um…"

"Where you go?" Ryan raised his voice as he continued to struggle with the words.

"Go? Where? Before? I told you, I went downtown. I would have been here sooner, but I wanted to see Lindsey first."

"No!" Ryan shouted. "You left. I fell."

"Oh… you mean…" Seth looked at Kirsten who stood with her mouth open staring at Ryan. They knew at that moment that Ryan remembered the accident.

"Ryan, man. I am so sorry. Really, I am. It's just… I thought you were done."

"Done? Done! How done? Still on ladder!"

"I know. And I'm sorry. Really, truly sorry…"

"Always sorry. Never have back."

"That's not true! There have been a lot of times I've covered for you." But at that moment, Seth couldn't think of one. "And I would list them, too if, well, if Mom wasn't standing right here!"

Ryan only glared at him and then looked away.

"Look, I know I screwed up. Believe me, it's all I've thought about since that day. I wish there was a way to take it back. To re-do the whole day over, but differently. But I can't, and you have every right to be mad. But I'm so sorry."

Ryan still wouldn't say anything. Still wouldn't look at Seth. Kirsten was about to say something when Ryan suddenly backhanded the old Menorah off his tray table, sending it crashing to the floor at Seth's feet.

"Ryan!" Kirsten didn't mean to shout. It was more from shock than anger. She turned towards Seth who was looking equally as shocked. "Seth, I think you should go see what's keeping your father."

As Seth hurried out of the room, Kirsten softened her voice and approached the bed. "Ryan. I know you're upset, and I'm sorry. Do you want to talk about it?"

"Now talk?" Ryan continued looking away, refusing to look at Kirsten, but his tone said it all.

"We were planning on talking tonight. All four of us."

"Yeah. Right."

Kirsten spoke slowly, raising her voice slightly. "We were planning on telling you tonight."

This time, however, Ryan didn't bother to answer. He slumped down in the bed and began to stare up at the ceiling.

"Have we ever lied to you?"

Ryan continued to stare at the ceiling, still refusing to answer.

"Have we?"

Ryan shrugged in response and continued to stare up at the ceiling. Kirsten just sighed. "Look, I can't make you believe me. All I can do is promise you that we were planning on talking this evening. After Chrismukkah. Sandy and I both felt it was important that Seth be here, and that you be strong enough to handle the truth. You just woke up this morning!"

Ryan closed his eyes as Kirsten continued. "Not telling you right away was more about protecting you than it was Seth. We both believe you had the right to know, but…"

Kirsten jumped when Ryan suddenly pulled off his sunglasses and slammed them down on the tray table, breaking them in half. He then pulled the covers up to his shoulders and turned to his side, signaling to Kirsten that he was clearly done listening. She was glad that it was only a minute or two later when Sandy came back.

"What happened? Seth said Ryan knows about the accident."

"He remembered on his own," Kirsten said. "And now he thinks we weren't going to tell him."

"Oh. He's just upset. Give him some time."

Yeah, Ryan thought, just keeping talking about me like I'm not even here. Ryan shifted in the bed to let them know that he was still there, still awake and could hear everything they were saying. He quickly regretted that decision when he heard Sandy tell Kirsten, "Why don't you take Seth home? I'll stay tonight."

Ryan didn't hear Kirsten's response, but could pretty much guess that she would leave. That way, Sandy could have a talk with him. Not happening, Ryan thought to himself. When he felt a hand on his shoulder, he burrowed further under the covers. When Kirsten bent down to kiss him good night, Ryan moved so the kiss landed by his ear. He then heard her sigh. "Okay then. Good night Ryan. I'll see you in the morning."

He didn't bother to answer her, nor did he answer when Sandy said, "I'll be right back, Ryan. I'm just going to help Kirsten bring this stuff out."

And continue to talk about me, Ryan thought as he listened to them gather up everything. As they were leaving, Sandy said loudly and to no one in particular, "Well, I guess that solves the problem of which one of them will inherit my treasured antique."

"I'll stop by the nurse's station on my way out, and tell the nurse to bring you something for the pain." Kirsten, naturally, didn't get an answer, but by this time, she wasn't expecting one.

Ryan heard the door shut, but stayed under the covers. He wanted the nurse to come in. He wanted something for the pain. He wanted to go to sleep. He was no longer worried about having a nightmare. He remembered everything about the accident – that was the nightmare in and of itself. Ryan tensed when he heard the door open. Luckily, it was only the nurse.

"Your mother tells me you're in pain. I need your IV."

"Seth's mother," Ryan mumbled as he moved just enough for the nurse to reach his IV.

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing."

Ryan tried to relax after the nurse left. He hoped to be asleep before Sandy got back. Or at least, he could pretend to be asleep. He didn't move when he heard the door open again. Nor did he move when he heard Sandy sigh.

A few quiet minutes later, Sandy finally said, "I know you're still awake, but I also know you don't want to talk right now. So we won't talk about it tonight. But I'll be here when you wake up, and I'll be here when you want to talk. We will always be here for you, Ryan. I promise you that."

Ryan didn't answer. He didn't want to answer. Hell, at that moment, he had no answer. He just wanted to go to sleep and forget everything. Everything that happened, and everything they said. Just everything.