Where Am I Going To?

Part Two

Chapter Four

It was definitely not the most unpleasant sight he'd ever woken up to. All the same, it was a little bit confusing. He felt both calm and nervous.

So what happens now?

He couldn't say for sure.

Mara stirred in her sleep, and rolled over, a lock of her wavy red gold hair falling across her bare shoulder. Quite tenderly, Luke brushed it away, kissing the exposed flesh. Was she still taking him to Coruscant when she woke up? Supposing that by the grace of gods he did live, could it possibly be worth it? Being Imperial Prince definitely had it's perks. He hadn't had a decent power trip in a year, and he'd been practically raised on them. He'd have a lover again, not merely a girl that he pinned after and was continually rejected by. Yes, it was entirely possible that he could have everything he ever wanted again, and all he had to do was turn himself over, and….

I've got to get out of here.

The blood had drained from his features when he realized where that particularly dangerous line of thought was headed: the Dark Side. And he'd be damned if he was ever going back there again.

He slid out of the bunk as quietly as he could, but in his panic, he couldn't help but wake Mara.

"What are you doing?" she asked him warily as he quickly slid back into his scattered clothes.

"I can't stay here any longer," he pleaded.

"What are you talking about?" Her voice was dark and demanding, and it left no room for questions.

Luke pulled his shirt on, but paused, leaving it unbuttoned. "These thoughts, these emotions….I get and….they're wrong, Mara, I just can't! I look at you, and I am so tempted to go back, and I….I look at you and…." There weren't any real words to describe what happened. "I'm not going back. I've got to go."

It was amazing how quickly she could bolt from the bed, wrap the sheet around her slim figure, and manage to find her discarded blaster. "I told you," she growled. "You weren't going to change my mind. You are going to Coruscant."

He faltered slightly, realizing what a precarious situation he'd put himself it.

You stupid, lustful, egotistical jerk! Skywalker, when will you learn your lesson? he berated himself.

"Mara," he said cautiously. "Please, you don't understand…."

"No, I don't think you understand!" Her eyes were practically pleading with him to think rationally. "You're Darth Vader's son, Luke. That is something you can never escape, for as long as you live! How long do you think that your rebel friends are really going to trust you when they know exactly who you are and exactly what you've done?"

He didn't really believe it, did he? No, they were his friends, they knew that he wasn't Imperial anymore. Didn't they? Those cursed seeds of doubt had been planted.

Very slowly he snarled "I am not my father."

"No, but you're his son, isn't that close enough?"

He braced his arm against the wall, trying to remain calm and clear headed. "No, it's not true…they know me, I'm not…"

"You will be the emperor one day, it is in your blood. You've told me so yourself since you were thirteen. That is a destiny you will never escape."

"No!" Damn it, where was his lightsaber? He'd left it on his own transport, of course. Stupid, stupid, stupid… "No, I am not, I won't be, I…." When words fail, the best bet is to simply walk away.

Unless you're walking away from an armed individual.

The blaster fired and Luke felt a white hot searing pain trace up his left arm. He gasped quite audibly, his mouth moving like a fish until he found his words again. And what words they were. "Sith, fuck, shit, hell, damn, damn, damn!" He spun around so as to fall back onto the wall on his good arm.

Gasping for his breath, he stared Mara down with his own icy blue eyes, but her green eyes were flashing fire; she was not back down.

"Coruscant," she snarled. "Or next time I aim for your black little heart, you bastard."

After a few seconds to focus on the Force and deaden the pain in his arm slightly, he tried to rationalize. "Mara…now, just listen to me, Mara, just for a second….It doesn't have to be like this." Her features softened in visible confusion. "You don't have to be the Emperor's Hand."

She faltered for an instant. "What are you saying? Of course I have to be."

"No…" He sucked in a breath to keep from swearing again, giving himself time to focus. "You….you can have a choice." He suddenly held out his good hand to her, and she found herself staring at it as though it were a poisonous snake. "Come with me, Mara. You can join the Rebellion, it's alright. You have a choice. How much of our lives are destiny and how much is choice, have you ever wondered? Well, I'm not letting destiny dictate my every breath. You don't have to either. Come on, Mara, think about it, please."

She seemed to hyperventilate for a brief instant before raising her blaster and backing up. "Never. Never, never, never."

He closed his eyes briefly, before opening them with fresh determination. "I'm sorry to hear that." He closed his eyes again for a moment, and suddenly another one of the large boxes, much like the ones Luke had sat on last night, came hurtling through the air with a Force induced push, cracking Mara neatly to her head. Knocked completely unconscious, Luke just barely caught her from smacking her skull against the floor and doing more serious damage.

His fingers gingerly touched the point of impact, imparting some of the healing flow of the Force he'd been using on his arm to her skull. Awkwardly, using his left arm as little as possible, he managed to slide her back into her bunk, and gave her forehead a quick kiss.

"I meant what I said about you being pretty. You're gorgeous." Rising, he winced as the pain flashed up his arm. He gave Mara one last glance as he awkwardly finished dressing. "Guess it just never could work out between us, could it? Ah, well, it's probably for the best."

Making a quick temporary bandage for his terribly painful arm, he bolted out of the ship and back to his own transport as fast as he could.

…

The mole had been found. Luke had returned to base to find Wedge extremely bitter about it, as it had ended up being what Wes reported to be an extremely attractive young woman.

"Wedge," he explained with a snicker, "had been making passes at her for a week." He clapped Luke on the shoulder, only to quickly draw his hand away when his companion yelped like a puppy. Whimpering, Luke gingerly placed a hand over his wounded shoulder. "Sheesh, Luke, what happened to your arm? I thought all you were supposed to be doing was transferring credits, not fighting Imperials." Wes chuckled again, gently patting Luke's unharmed shoulder. "Isn't it funny though? Who would have believed that an Imperial spy would end up being a total babe?"

Luke had to laugh slightly awkwardly at that. Wes figured it was because his arm was giving him trouble. In actuality, he was thinking of the comely Imperial that had caused him the injury.

I am so dead if she ever catches me.

…

"You haven't talked to me once since you've gotten back. You haven't even said hi. Now, what's going on, Luke? What's wrong?"

Leia had cornered him, as worried and protecting as she always was. Luke hadn't really talked to anyone at all, and, according to Han, hadn't said so much as a word about the mission, when he was usually bursting with an inflated ego.

"Nothing's wrong," Luke lied, staring at the floor. "I don't want to talk about it."

Stupid, you never add that when you say there's nothing wrong!

Leia forced his head to look her in the eyes, and she was amazed at the pain she found there. True, Luke often came to her filled with pain when he was upset, but he'd been getting so much better. He'd been so happy.

"Luke," she begged, placing a hand against his cheek. "What happened?"

He faltered and winced slightly. Finally, he blurted out "Am I doomed to be exactly like my father?"

She paused, surprised. "What?"

"Am I…Am I destined to become the emperor? Am I really just fooling myself by thinking that I have some control over my own life?" He swallowed hard, one thought instantaneously coming to mind, and he didn't have time to stop it. "Force, why, why, why can't Master Obi-Wan be here? He'd tell me what to do, he'd help me see the truth….It's just so unfair!" He sniffled slightly, but did not cry.

She pushed him into a chair, gently rubbing his hand and whispering hush. "Luke, everyone has a say in their own life. You chose to leave the Empire."

"But how can I know that it isn't destiny? That fate isn't playing some cruel trick?"

"You can't know. No one can know. We just try and do our best and see what happens."

"But what if my choices aren't the right ones? What if, even now, I'm leading myself right back to the Empire? To my father, and the Sith?" He bolted from the chair suddenly, pacing like a tiger on a chain. "How can you trust me, Leia? How do you know that I'm not just going to turn around and stab you in the back someday? Because I'm terrified that I might." He collapsed back into the chair, clutching her hands in a pleading manner. "I don't ever want to lose you, betray you. What if the only way I can protect you is to stay as far away from you as possible."

"Don't say that," she ordered. "That's not even funny to joke about."

"I'm not joking!"

"You are not your father."

"No, but I'm his son, isn't that close enough?"

He was serious, she realized, as well as desperate. She hadn't seen him this unhinged in a year. What had happened? He obviously wasn't going to tell her. She gently stroked his cheek, calming his quick and nervous breathing.

"No…no it is not. Until you give in, go back, and be exactly what Vader wants you to be, you will never become your father….And I don't think you ever will go back, Luke. And I will trust you until the day that I die."

He embraced her, clinging to her as if she was the only one to save his soul. But they both knew that that responsibility had belonged to one person and one person only, and that person was gone. It was up to Luke to save his own soul.

To Be Continued…

Well, that little sideline's over, except for the major, huge plot twist in the next chapter. After that it's on to ESB (my personal fav).

Schnickledooger: patpat There, there. I kinda figured it was you, because I thought to myself "Hm, they review in the same style as Schnickledooger. How odd." And then it was you. What do ya know?

Insane Pineapple from Naboo: Ah, there's more likely to be a whole bunch of goopy fluffy stuff with Luke hitting on Leia rather than Luke hitting on Mara. Though Mara does get her sappy moment in the sun in the next chapter. Then you don't see her again till the end. Unless the characters change their minds on me, which they frequently do.

As for Luke and trouble, it's sort of like, in my mind, something like this: "Oh, something with large teeth and sharp claws! Let's go poke it!"

Nathalia Potter: Mostly it gave me a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, but otherwise, it wasn't so bad….

PrincessSkywalkerOrgana: doing so.

KnightAragorn: Aw, thanks. I don't do so great…..

Cookiemunster: o.o…..XD! Oh my God, that has to be one of the funniest things I've ever seen….ah…hold on, I've got to wipe the tears of laughter from my eyes….

Moving on.

-blush- Ah, that's very sweet of you. Unfortunately, were I to lock anyone in my extremely messy, slightly smelly shed, Timothy Zahn would not be at the top of the list. That spot belongs to Terrence Mann. The joke among my friends is that if something ever happens to his wife, we know exactly who to blame….um…I'm not psycho, really.

Speaking of which, I should probably go feed John Williams now. Toodles!

Daae: It's not so much moving on so much as it is rebound dating. Luke does care about Mara in a very "Well, you're pretty, and you're not like anyone else I know," kind of way, but he still loves Leia. That's something he's never going to get over. And it's going to take a massive plot twist at the end of this little fic for Luke to realize that a part of him always did and always will love Mara. Likewise, no matter the plot twist, a part of him will also always love Leia. Who he ends up giving his heart to completely, however, I'm saving for the end ;).

xInuyashaxangelx: Blood and violence, it seems.

Stephanie C: They are rather cute together.

Hewgleymom: Thanks! I hope this is to your taste.