Where Am I Going To?

Part Two

Chapter Ten

"Concentrate…"

Legs crossed, Luke sat in silent meditation, slowly regulating his breath, trying to remain calm.

"Yes. Good. Calm, yes," Yoda praised, and a small smile crept onto Luke's face. This was wonderful. He felt wired, alive, and yet so calm, so relaxed. It was perfect. It was like being surrounded in perpetual light, and he half listened as Yoda continued his instructions.

"Through the Force other places you see. The future…the past…."

The past? Like…his mother? That dream! He'd entirely forgotten! The one he'd had right after Master Obi-Wan's death as they desperately tried to escape the Death Star. Oh, his beautiful, perfect mother. How she had cried, and no matter how much Luke had pleaded with her, nothing could get her to stop. Could he talk with her? No, she was a part of the past, and even if meditating, he was stuck in the present.

Before he had a clue what was happening, Luke had fallen foreword, retching his guts out, his head spinning. He rolled a few paces away from the bile, clawing at his head as he pitifully moaned. And then….sound from his lips, but even he couldn't have known the words. "Leia! Han! No!"

As swiftly as it had come, it was gone, and he was clawing his way back to his feet, shakily grabbing at branches and vines as he worked. Yoda shook his head, tapping at the boy's calf with his Gimer Stick.

"Sit down, you should. Vision through the Force you have had?"

Trembling, Luke did sit, shaking his head as his shoulders began to quake. "Master…I've had these visions…oh, Force, they're horrible, these nightmares…ever since Tatooine. But it's never been this real before. I could see….I could…and…" How to make it coherent? "Leia and Han, were-"

"Calm!" ordered the Jedi master, and Luke resumed the position he'd been in for meditation. "Now….What saw you?"

Luke closed his eyes, trying to breath calmly, his shoulders quivering. "I saw a city in the clouds."

Yoda nodded sagely. "Mmmm. Friends you have there."

Trying to be patient, Luke did not move. Distressed, he whispered, "They were in pain!"

"It is the future you saw."

The future. That was one thing Luke had never wanted to see. It was too painful, carried far too many burdens. Yet here it was, all the same, and what a weight it brought with it! Finally, Luke's eyes shot open, and looked pleadingly at the small Jedi master. "Will they die?"

Yoda scrunched up his face momentarily, before closing his eyes. "Difficult to see. Always in motion is the future."

They stared at each other for a moment, one calm, the other desperate. Finally, Luke just had to bolt, snatching up his jacket once more. "I've got to go to them."

Yoda's words, however, rooted him the spot. "Decide how to best help them you must. If you go now, help them you could…but…Destroy everything for which they have fought and suffered."

Luke fell against a tree, pounding his fist against the unforgiving surface. He shuddered, whimpering and begging, thinking he might very well cry for them. The Rebellion. It must not die. Worse, not by actions of himself. But Leia, Han… If there was one thing Luke feared it was loss. It had happened too many times to not remain a constant trouble. And the loss of Han or Leia….

I would die without them!

But the question was, would they die by his having gone to save them?

Swallowing hard, he turned back to the Jedi master, resolute, but not calm.

I won't know until I try.

…

"Luke, you must complete the training!"

It was the same argument he'd heard night and day since he'd decided to leave. Carefully moving a snake from its resting spot on the nose of his X-Wing, Luke cringed, inwardly begging for strength.

Turning, his eyes held the wild look of grief that Leia so often comforted. He had to save her, as she so often saved him. "I can't keep the vision out of my head!" he pleaded, hopping off the ladder and just begging Yoda to understand. "They're my friends, I have to go to them."

"You must not go!"

"But Han and Leia will die if I don't!"

"You don't know that."

A pause.

No…not again…not another vision, please!

But there, materializing behind the tangible Jedi master stood Obi-Wan Kenobi, a shimmering blue mist in the night. "Not even Yoda can see that."

Luke didn't dare move, staring wild eyed at his master. Obi-Wan smiled sadly, gesturing to Luke, palms up. Carefully, Luke took a few steps foreword. "Alright…" he admitted, whimpering. "Now I'm afraid." He moved past Yoda without giving him a glance, so close to Kenobi. Close enough to touch, but Luke knew what he would be greeted with – emptiness. The same as always. He reached out and nothing reached back. "I'm afraid that this is another dream, a nightmare…."

The old man's arms, however, were now fully outstretched to Luke, and he rushed into them, unable to stop himself. The powerful arms of the Jedi wrapped around him, and Luke felt…light, warmth. Security, peace was here. Beyond the fact that this was the master he adored, it was that he was touching the Force, real, and tangible, and terribly beautiful.

"I've missed you so much," Luke whispered, a tear forming in his eye. "You don't know how hard it's been, so many times I wanted to give up and die…." He was a coward though. No matter how many times he unclipped his lightsaber and swore this would be the time he did it, he always put it back on his belt.

"I was there to keep you from dying," admitted Obi-Wan, stroking the boy's hair. For the moment, Han and Leia were forgotten in the simple peace of having Obi-Wan again. Of course, a moment was all that was to be spared.

"Master…surely you understand? I've got to, I can help them."

"This is a dangerous time for you, Luke," admonished Kenobi, but Luke did not cower. "You will be tempted by Dark Side of the Force."

Luke took a few steps back, shaking his head. So, Master Obi-Wan didn't think he should go either. And, it was true, Luke didn't know how well he could withstand the Dark Side…

"Yes, yes!" Yoda was reproving as well. "To Obi-Wan you listen. The cave! Remember your vision at the cave," he stressed, and Luke had to gulp, nod. It as true….

But then….

"You don't understand!" he cried out to them, pleading. "They mean so much to me! I would die for them! I would…I…I would become a Lord of the Sith if it meant saving them."

Luke clapped his hands over his mouth after he said it, shaking his head and backing further up. No….he hadn't said that….He didn't mean it. But he did! He would do anything to protect Han and Leia. The ultimate sacrifice, whatever it took.

"I…." He tried to correct himself, but there was nothing to be done.

"That is why you must not go!" stressed Yoda, and Obi-Wan also agreed.

"You cannot deny the truth of your own words, Luke. Spoken in haste they may have been, but it is what you meant."

Luke tried to formulate some sort of protest, but there was still nothing.

"A compassionate heart have you," Yoda nodded. "But destroy you it can."

"I've learned so much, though! Master Yoda, I will return and finish what I've begun, you have my word." He had to make himself go, and thus fell to organize the rest of his things for the X-wing.

"It is you and your abilities the emperor wants, that is why your friends are made to suffer."

Luke merely glanced at the mentor he loved. "That is why I have to go."

"Luke, I don't want to lose you to the emperor the way I lost Anakin."

He knew every button to push, didn't he? Luke thought it a rather low jab at getting him to stay, and for a moment he stopped, then shook his head again.

"Stopped they must be! On this depends!" Yoda was crying, and Luke clawed wearily at his face, no longer sure what to do. "Only a fully trained Jedi Knight with the Force as his ally can defeat Vader and his emperor. If you end your training now, if you chose the quick and easy path, as Vader did, you will become an agent of evil!"

"No!"

"Yes!

"And what should I do to stop it?" he snarled. "Sacrifice Han and Leia?"

Yoda's chest puffed up, and met the boy for his passion filled glare. Too much passion. Jedi did not give in to passion. But he did. "If you honor what they fight for…yes."

There was a long moment of silence while Luke just collapsed. He pulled his knees up to his chin, arms resting on them. He then just buried his face in the arms, shaking. What did they want him to do? What? Did they want him to go insane!

Gently, he could hear Master Obi-Wan say, "If you choose to face your father, you will do it alone. I cannot be there to help you."

Alone?

Luke looked up, weary and in anguish. "You promised you'd always be with me."

"This is a battle that you must face yourself," the old man said with a shake of his head.

What do you want of me!

It wasn't fair! It felt like the Force was ripping him in two, demanding things of him, screaming at him. He was so turned around he didn't know which way was up anymore. Or maybe he never did. What did they expect of him? Couldn't they understand? Couldn't they feel the pain that ate at his very soul and gave no rest, merely howled and galled and pushed in a voice all it's own?

Luke gulped, and sucked in a breath. Finally, he got up, closing his eyes tightly. "I understand."

He looked at each of them, prayed, and bolted up the ladder.

"Artoo, fire up the converters."

To Be Continued…

Wow, half way through ESB already! Well, there's still a ways to go till Part Two is over with, so stay tuned, people!

Anthestria: I plan on using him once more, but more in a reference. But who knows? I'm still desperately trying to get my hands on a copy of Shadows of the Empire, and it is looking less and less likely that I'll have a chance. Stupid James Fenimore Cooper. I hate Last of the Mohicans. –kills it- There! Die!

Locathah: Why am I not surprised someone said cheese?

-nodnod- Ah, yes, agreed, that is a problem. Not sure if it's one I quite know how to fix yet, but I still thank you very much

PrincessSkywalkerOrgana: Thanks, I like that too! I really loved Lukie freaking out in this chapter.

HermioneSkywalker: COOKIE! –tackle glomps.- -munches-

Stephanie C: Maybe it's another one of those things where it makes perfect sense to me when I write it, and afterwords people are like WTF? ..'….Like Luke's catarsis on Tatooine. Unlike this, however, that will for certain be explained later.