Where Am I Going To?
Entr'acte
Luke sucked in a deep breath, the air hot and dry, not quite to the point that he would have started coughing. There was only a slight breeze, not enough to kick up the sand, for which he was grateful for. Sand got into everything, which was something he had forgotten about Tatooine.
And there were so many things to forget about Tatooine.
He'd spent most of the afternoon in Mos Eisley, conning gullible suckers out of information on the Lars massacre of four years ago. And he'd been moderately successful. At any rate, he'd managed to find his way back there, where crumbling ruins just barely poked their heads out of the sand, and a few very long gravestones still stood, bleached by the sun. Enough of the names he didn't recognize, but the important ones he did. Owen and Beru Lars. Just like…he….that boy….he had said, in that strange dream vision. After….
No, he didn't need to tell himself not to think about it now. He looked back and he saw no pain. No pain at all. How extraordinary. In fact, this was strangest of all, he even felt….love again, towards his father. An emotion that had been absent for so very long. He sucked in another breath, thought about the other gravestone he recognized.
Shmi Skywalker. His grandmother. He'd stood there revering it for some time, just kind of wondering about it. About her. About his father.
About his mother.
He liked to replay that dream he'd had of her and Obi-Wan in his mind, it made him smile. His father had been right about one thing, she was terribly beautiful. Painfully so. Oh, his father's heart must have broken to lose her however he did.
Maybe I'll never know?
But Luke thought he would. He thought very much that he would.
He'd returned back to Obi-Wan's little hermit hut mid to late afternoon. They had been staying on board the ship, but Luke found himself so inevitably drawn to that old shack that he finally convinced everyone that it was absolutely necessary to stay in it. Lando had been gone for three weeks now, and Leia had done an admirable job of cleaning up the place. It had been dusty, and of course sandy. It had gone without use for four years.
Obi-Wan….
And Luke still loved Obi-Wan, too. The moment upon entering he had to stop, squint in the darkness, looking very mature and old wearing all black once more, but not evil. Not in the least bit like a Sith, if it really came to that. He had to pause reverently, gasp; move as more of a shadow, gingerly touching something as though for fear it might shatter. Once that fear would be allayed, he'd eventually lay his hands fully on it, astounded and quite pleasured at the sensation. He briefly recalled the course of events right after Yavin IV; the wild grief, the dozens of failed suicide attempts, and especially the bitter sweet dreams and tears all for the old man whom he adored and worshiped. It all seemed like a dream now. Was he ever the Imperial Prince? It didn't seem quite possible. And it didn't seem possible that he was this tortured young man who could not breath without pain. Oh, there was still pain. There would always be pain. But he could draw a breath, smile, and reflect on it all with a marvelous patience. Sit for hours, meditating, focusing, so calm, so at peace. No conflict, how extraordinary, no conflict. Just him and his black cassock and austere clothing and his brand new green lightsaber. The cassock was for Obi-Wan, that he recognized, but he debated with himself about the choice of color. Recognition for his past? A symbol of mourning? Or simply a statement of how things were. He was quite changed now. He was a serious young man of twenty two, breathing easier, still in pain, but realizing so many things weren't the correct answer. He had yet to find the correct answer, but there he was.
A Jedi. Wouldn't his master be proud?
Entering the hut he had to blink to adjust his eyes to the light, but there was Leia, calmly holding out a cup of water to him and a little food. He wasn't very hungry, but dreadfully thirsty, and ate and drank it all gratefully.
"Did you find what you were looking for?" she asked, sitting down on the edge of the bed while Luke took the chair he'd occupied when with Obi-Wan. He'd made it perfectly clear that one eccentricy of his that must be followed to the letter was no one sat in Obi-Wan's chair. Lando had tried protesting shortly before leaving for Jabba's palace, but Leia hadn't even attempted it. Leia knew Luke's ways, and there was no way Luke would let anyone else ever sit in that chair again. Far too many memories.
Luke nodded, swallowing his last drink of the precious water supply. Hell, did he hate Tatooine. But not for the same reasons as before. Before he had been mired in too much emotion. He had now risen calmly above it, gliding on the surface of past pains into a better life. At least, that's what he hoped lay ahead. "Yeah, I found the old homestead. Not much left of it. Just a bunch of sand, mostly…."
"Maybe it's better that way."
"Yeah…."
And they sat in respectable silence for a while, Luke watching her calmly with a thoughtful expression on his face. "I think…" he said at last, "I think Obi-Wan would be proud of me."
"I think he always was."
He flushed, looked away and instead at the empty chair.
Obi-Wan….
No sign of Obi-Wan since Dagobah…
Dagobah! Oh, Force, he'd passed his twenty second birthday and had yet to return to Dagobah. Never mind what Obi-Wan would have thought of him, what would Master Yoda think when he returned.
Luke took a deep breath. He had priorities, and maybe they weren't ones Master Yoda would agree with, but he had to follow where his heart lead. At least he'd learned that.
The young man figured he'd done a lot of growing up in the four years it had been since he'd left the Dark Side, his position, and the only family he'd ever had. He'd also learned a lot of truth and a lot of lies. Lies or truth like whether Obi-Wan had really kidnapped him from his mother. There was a good question, one he'd chosen not to dwell on for a while. Still, it bore discussion, and Yoda would know, once he had a chance to get to Dagobah. But that could wait for a while. Maybe he'd never know the whole truth, but he knew enough to get by on for now, and as long as he could get by, then, well….he was doing alright.
Except one thing.
He now sighed, turning back to Leia again who watched him expectantly. He smiled, rising, and offering her his hands. She accepted and he pulled her up, embracing her fondly. They pulled apart, smiling for no reason at all. "Last chance to ditch Han and let me carry you away."
She snorted. "Not going to happen, Jedi."
Jedi….That sounds nice.
He smiled sadly, nodded. He still loved her and he always would. But he wouldn't be a sore loser. Instead, he leaned foreword and she leaned in, letting him kiss her forehead. "I could not have given you up for anyone less deserving than that scoundrel Solo."
She smiled. "I could not have refused you for anyone else."
"Well, with that settled," he replied, releasing her, "we might as well get ready. R2, you around here?" The blue astro droid buzzed, wheeling over the sandy floor. "There you are. Come on, now, I've got a very important message for you."
R2D2 beeped again and Luke lay a hand on the smooth dome, bending down to adjust some knobs before standing up straight. "How do I look?"
Artoo beeped and Leia sighed, "Just fine, you narcissist."
Luke smirked, winked, and pulled his cassock straight, trying to look as powerful and proud as he could. "Greetings, oh powerful Jabba…."
And from there he simply rattled off the speech he'd written up to kiss some Hutt ass. It was a little painful that he, once Imperial Prince, Heir to the Empire, was now groveling to a sandworm, but, well, Han was worth it. But he'd already known that.
Just hold on, Han. I'm on my way.
To Be Continued….
denique: ' sorry! Unfortunately, she still doesn't appear until the epilogue. If it's any consolation, I'll be doing a sideline on what she was doing while Lukie was being tortured and stuff, but only after I finish the fic. Too many spoilers.
Stephanie C: I'm really glad you liked it.
Insane Pineapple from Naboo: Yes, but the end's a long way off yet.
Myotismon13: I kind of felt bad for just kicking him out like that, but another Xizor's tormented moment wouldn't have fit.
Shi Feng Huang: Hehe, thank you. Well, I personally thought Guri was an annoying snot, much like Xizor. I wasn't a terribly big fan of the whole book, but ..' ….. Why? What does Luke have to find out about Leia? It's not like they're related or something….
Baculities: Yeah! Thank you! Cookie for the new fan!
Ledagirl321: Wow, neat, thank you very much! Hope I haven't made your mom too annoyed at you. You can have a cookie too!