Hey guys! Thank you all so much for all the awesome reviews. They're the best. Anyways, here's chapter 11. Enjoy and don't forget to review. But you never do forget so just enjoy. (and review). :D
Chapter 11
"Time of death: 2:56 am."
"What?" Tim yelled and turned to look at Haley who couldn't speak. She stood there her mouth open looking at her mom's pale face. She tried to come into terms of what had happened but couldn't.
"You can't stop now! She's not dead!" Tim yelled and ran into the room.
"Son, we did everything we could but there was just too much internal bleeding. She-"
"No! She's not dead! Try again!" he yelled and tried to get to her mom but the doctors stopped.
"Let me through, she's not dead!" Tim yelled. Haley blinked and took a step forward. She needed to be strong for Tim. She put her hand softly on his shoulder.
"Tim..." Haley whispered. Tim stopped yelling and turned to look at her. Tears welled up in his eyes and he hugged her fiercely.
"Oh, Hales..." he said while sobbing on her shoulder. Haley didn't know what to do. She couldn't start crying because she knew she would've broken down completely. And that was the last thing Tim needed. So she didn't let her emotions get the best of her.
Nathan looked at Haley and the emotions on her face. He saw her as shocked, scared and caring but what bothered him was the last expression on her face. The one that didn't change. The one without any emotions.
With a blink of an eye, Nathan saw Haley shut down completely. Her eyes became cold and empty, in another word: dead. Just like her mother.
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The next few days went by the same way: Tim sobbing while Haley comforted him without dealing with her own emotions. When Haley wasn't comforting Tim, she was sitting in her room staring out of the window without saying anything.
Peter was also grieving but his main concern was his children. He felt like it was his responsibility to arrange the funeral and take care of Lydia's business for a while.
Brooke, Lucas, Peyton, Jake and Nathan called them and visited them every day and every day Tim told them they didn't want any company. Haley wouldn't even talk on the phone. In fact, she barely talked at all. She had been mostly quiet and the only time she spoke was to calm down Tim and comfort him.
Tim and Haley had shut everyone completely out of their lives except each other. Haley didn't open up even to Tim. Somehow after everything she was still in deep down denial and shock.
Which was why she hadn't even cried yet.
It had been 7 days since the death of her mother but for Haley the days didn't matter. She hadn't slept at all during the nights, just dozed off during the days. She had barely eaten anything but she didn't even feel hunger. It was like her body had shut down completely.
She had been avoiding everyone and everything. But she knew that the day had come when she couldn't continue it anymore. Because that day was the day of her mother's funeral.
"Haley?" Peter opened the door to his daughter's room. Haley was sitting on her bed wearing a gorgeous black dress.
"Are you ready?" Peter asked. Haley nodded her head and got up. She put her black high heeled sandals on and grabbed her huge, black sunglasses. Her hair was up in a tight bun and she had dark but clean make up on. Peter waited by the door for her and closed the door behind her.
"Tim's already downstairs." Peter said when Haley started towards his room. Haley looked at him and nodded her head. She went downstairs and found Tim sitting by the kitchen counter looking sad. There were maids and cooks in the kitchen making sure everything was ready when they got back from the funeral. They were going to have the reception at their house.
Tim lifted his head to look when he saw Haley and Peter enter the kitchen. Tim got up and gave Haley a hug. She hugged him back, just like she had done the entire week.
"You ok?" Tim asked.
"Yeah, you?" she asked concerned.
"I will be." He said and sighed.
"We should go." Peter said. "I hope you don't mind but I invited your friends to come too. I think it's important to have all the people that care about you present." Peter said.
"It's fine, dad." Tim said and got up. The rest of the ride was done in silence.
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"'I am the resurrection and the life that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live: and whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die, I know that my Redeemer liveth..."
Haley, Tim and Peter were sitting in the first row listening to the priest. Nathan, Lucas and the rest of their friends were behind them. Eddie and Travis were at the end with the rest of Lydia's colleagues.
Haley had not taken her eyes of the casket. She was watching her mom getting buried. It had been one week since she died. One week since she laughed. One week since she talked more than soothing words to Tim.
Tim was sitting next to her staring at the ground while trying his best not to start crying. Haley had put his hand on top of Tim's and squeezed it lightly. Haley sighed as she heard the familiar psalm, The Lord is my shepherd. She couldn't believe this was happening to her. Her mother, her confidant, her best friend was gone.
The priest stopped talking and turned to look at the Haley, Tim and Peter. Peter got up and looked at Haley and Tim. They both got up and went to stand round the open grave. The guys started to lower the coffin slowly while the priest started talking again.
"We therefore commit her body to the ground; earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust in the sure and certain hope of the Resurrection to eternal life." While the priest talked and the coffin was lowered, handfuls of earth was scattered on it. Tim tightened his hold on Haley's hand.
Nathan looked at Haley with a worried look. She was wearing a gorgeous black dress, with matching shoes. Her hair was in a tight bun and she had big sunglasses on. Her face hadn't reacted to anything the priest had said which worried Nathan more than anything. Tim at least had a pained look on his face but Haley hadn't moved a muscle. It was like she didn't quite understand the reality of it.
The funeral was over. Only the reception was left. Peter announced that they would meet at the Smith residence. Tim and Haley followed Peter to his car while the rest of them went to their own cars.
As soon as Haley got to the house, she went to her own room where she intended to stay for the remainder of the day. After about half an hour later her door opened.
"Honey?" Haley didn't need to look to know that it was Peter standing on the doorway. Haley was sitting close to her window staring outside. She had taken her sunglasses and shoes off, other than that she looked the same.
"Haley, why don't you join us downstairs?"
"No thanks." Haley muttered.
"Your friends are also there." He said.
"No thanks." She said. She didn't want to see or talk to anyone.
"Tim misses you." He finally said. Haley turned to look at him. She sighed and got up.
"10 minutes." She mumbled while walking towards him. Peter smiled and held the door open for her. Haley walked downstairs and found Tim sitting on the couch surrounded by his friends. He was talking to Nathan about something but he looked miserable. He turned to look at her.
"Haley! Come here." He said and made room for Haley to sit on the couch. She reluctantly made her way there and sat down.
"How are you holding up?" Brooke asked from her.
"I'm fine." She said without looking up. Haley looked at Tim who wasn't talking to Nathan anymore. He was resting his elbows on his knees covering his face while sobbing quietly. Haley put his hand on his shoulder and squeezed it lightly. He knew without looking that it was Haley.
Haley wrapped her arm around him and hugged him. Tim turned around and hugged her fiercely. Haley sat there with an emotionless face looking straight ahead while hugging her brother.
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"Thanks for coming." Peter said when the last guests left. He closed the door and turned to look at Haley and Tim who were still by the couches with their friends.
"Do you guys need anything?" he asked from the group. Haley and Tim shook their heads. "Alright, if you need me I'll be in my study." He said and left. Tim had stopped sobbing. He was talking with Nathan about something while Brooke tried to cheer Haley up.
Haley suddenly stood up.
"I'll be in my room." She said and left before Tim or Nathan or anyone else had any time to react.
"I'll be right back." Tim muttered and followed Haley.
"I'm worried about her." Brooke said when they were gone.
"Yeah, me too." Nathan said in a quiet voice.
"Her mom died. It's normal to be upset." Jake said.
"But the thing is that she's not upset. She's not sad. She's not even angry. She's still in denial. She hasn't excepted Lydia's death yet. How can se ever be ok with this if she doesn't even grieve?" Brooke asked.
"Is there anything we can do?" Peyton asked.
"If she won't open up to Tim, I don't know who se will." Lucas said. Then they all turned to look at Nathan.
"Wha-? Why would she talk to me?" he asked even though secretly he hoped he could be that person for her.
"You two are close. She trusts you." Brooke said.
"I don't know... I haven't really talked to her since the night at the hospital. She hasn't talked to anyone." He said.
"You're the only one, Nathan. You gotta talk to her." Peyton said.
"Fine, I will once I get the chance." Right then Tim came down and went to talk to his dad.
"How about now?" Brooke asked. Nathan sighed and got up. He walked towards Haley's room. His heart was beating so fast he was certain she could hear it before he even opened the door. He knocked on the door twice and opened it.
"Haley?" he asked softly. Haley stiffened up. She had not expected Nathan to be there. Nathan closed the door and went to sit on her bed which was close to the bean sack she was sitting on. She was looking out the window so her back was towards him.
"How are holding up?" he asked. "Ok, dumb question. You're obviously not doing good." He said and waited for her reaction. He wasn't surprised when she didn't move or say anything.
"The reason why I'm here is cause I'm worried about you. I know I'm probably the last person you want to hear this from since I was the reason you couldn't get to the hospital sooner that night." Nathan said.
Haley closed her eyes. Nathan was right. Haley had been mad that the reason she couldn't get to the hospital sooner was because she was having sex with him. But she was also aware that it wouldn't have mattered whether she got there sooner or not. She was just so confused about the whole night. It had turned from the best night in her life to worst.
"I'm so sorry about your mom, Haley." Nathan continued. "But I'm also worried about you. You don't talk, cry or get angry. Peter told me you haven't really eaten or slept or even sang or played with your guitar. I know you want to be strong for Tim but you've gotta grieve too." He said. Haley didn't say anything.
"You don't have to be the strongest. You're allowed to be miserable too. Don't swallow your emotions, Haley. You can't keep them inside forever." He said and gave her a small kiss on the top of her head. "I'm here for you if you need anything." He said and left. Haley didn't move or say anything but when the door closed, a single tear fell from her eye.
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Nathan, Lucas, Brooke, Peyton and Jake all went to their homes after saying good bye to Tim, Haley and Peter.
Tim had went to his room to be on his own while Peter made business calls in his study.
After her friends had left, Haley had changed into her pyjama pants and a tank top. She sat down on her bed and stared at the wall in front of her. Nathan's words kept echoing in her head.
She knew he was right and she knew she had to do something. She had kept all of her emotions and feelings to herself and said to herself over and over again that she shouldn't feel anything. The part that scared her was that she was actually starting to believe that. But Nathan's words had woken her up. Haley looked down and almost fainted when she saw her hand.
It was shaking.
For the past week she had been numb and her body had been limp. She hadn't cried, smiled or laughed and certainly not gotten upset. Now her hand was shaking and she knew it had nothing to do with the coldness. She put her right hand on top of the shaking one but it didn't help.
Then she felt something else.
A familiar knot in her throat she had gotten used to after all the fights with Chris Keller. The feeling when you almost start to cry. She swallowed it back.
Her head started to spin lightly and she knew she couldn't it hold it much longer.
She looked in the mirror at her scared, troubled reflection. Happy thoughts, Haley. Think happy thoughts. Puppies, babies, ice cream... she tried to think but everything made her think even more of her mother. Ok, positive thoughts... Nathan! Think Nathan! But the thought of Nathan only made her miss him more. She swallowed again.
She swallowed harder but she only felt worse. She started to pace around her room furiously while trying to stop the tears that were starting to form. Her whole body was shaking and vision was starting to get blurry. She now had tears in her eyes.
She quickly grabbed Mr. Woffles and hugged him but it didn't have the same effect it used to. She threw the teddy on the floor in anger.
The action surprised her. Not the action itself but how she had done it. Angrily. A feeling she had forgotten in the past week. She spotted the remote control on her bed and grabbed it thinking that the TV might calm her down. She turned it on.
"... not so good news for Haley James. Her mother Lydia James, the owner of the popular night club "Club 16" died in a car accident last week-" Haley's hands started to shake even harder.
"-and today is the funeral. We couldn't reach Miss James for a comment but we all mourn her loss." Her hands were trembling so hard now she thought she might break the remote. Not that she cared.
"-Her mother was a regular guest in the backstage of her shows and tour and she was also her manager. She will be deeply missed-" Haley took a deep, shaky breath when the picture of a smiling Lydia James and a laughing Haley James shopping in Fifth Avenue, New York filled the screen.
She quickly turned the TV off. She was still shaking but now she had a desperate look on her face. She stared at the remote control she was gripping with her shaky hands. Then she threw the thing against her mirror.
"Goddammit!" she yelled and almost collapsed on the floor. She wasn't ready for this. She wasn't ready to let it all go and accept her mothers death. But it was happening now. The emotions she had tried so hard to suffocate were pouring out of her and she couldn't help it.
She inhaled deeply but couldn't help the small sob that escaped her lips. She looked outside and noticed that it was raining.
"Perfect." It had been sunny the whole week and suddenly it had gotten dark and rainy. Just like inside her head.
She walked past her mirror and froze. Her face was pale and she was shivering. Her eyes were upset and desperate but alive, something they hadn't been for a while.
By now Haley was holding her hands on top of her mouth to prevent the sobs. She was officially losing it and she didn't want to. And most of all, she didn't want to do it alone.
Haley opened her closet and took a pair of blue flip flops and slipped them on. She opened her door and started to walk downstairs. She went through the kitchen, opened the back door and headed towards the familiar house across the lawn.
Peter looked up from his papers when he heard the crash and yell. He got up and went upstairs to check up. He went to Tim's room but noticed it was empty. He saw that the light was on in his bathroom so he opened the door and heard the shower running.
"Tim?" he asked. Tim peeked his head out of the shower.
"Yeah?"
"Everything ok?" he asked. Tim looked at him with a weird face. He obviously hadn't heard the crash from Haley's room.
"Yeah, why wouldn't it be?" he asked suspiciously.
"No reason. Just making sure." He said and smiled. Tim nodded his head. There was a short silence.
"Dad, do you mind...?" Tim asked raising his eyebrows while pointing at the shower.
"Oh, sorry. Of course." He said and left. Right when he closed the bathroom door, he heard another door slam. The back door in the kitchen. He went there and pulled the curtains away and looked outside. His face turned into a worried one when he saw his daughter walk fast in the rain.
He was about to go after her but then he realized she was going towards the Scott's. He smiled a bit and pulled the curtains back before going to Haley's room to clean the mess. He then went back to his study.
Few minutes later, Tim appeared on the door way wrapped in a towel.
"Where's Haley?"
Peter smiled a bit and thought about telling him the truth but he knew what Tim thought about Haley's and Nathan's friendship and Peter didn't want to worry him. "She's with Brooke. She picked up Haley to cheer her up." He said.
"That's good." Tim said. "She needs company."
"You're right." Peter said. "Why don't you try to get some sleep?" he suggested.
"Yeah, good night." He said and started to leave. He turned around to look at him. "I love you, dad." He said.
"I love you too, son." He said. "Good night." Tim nodded and went back to his room for some much needed sleep.
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Nathan was trying to get some sleep. He had turned the lights off and was lying under his blanket on his bed. He was staring at the dark ceiling while listening to the rain. His thoughts were on Haley. The way she looked, sounded, smelt, felt... Everything about her. He felt so bad for her and wanted more than anything to just help her but she didn't make it easy.
Had he not been in so deep thought and paid attention to the small foot steps on the stairs, he would've been less shocked when his door was opened and light from the hallway filled his room.
Nathan tried to see who was on the door but it took a few seconds for his eyes to get adjusted to the light. He quickly sat up when he saw the small, wet, shivering girl standing on his door way. Nathan just sat on his bed not knowing what to say or do fearing he would scare her away.
Haley's pyjama pants and a tank top were soaked from the rain and her hair was messy. Her eyes were scared and shiny. Did she cry, Nathan wondered. She had her arms crossed over her chest tightly and she was biting her lower lip while shivering violently. Something made Nathan think that the shivering wasn't just because of the rain.
"Haley?" Nathan asked quietly after a while. Something inside Haley snapped at the sound of his voice saying her name. She walked slowly towards him while trying to breath deeply and to not burst out crying. She finally got to his bed and kicked her flip flops off. Without a word she lied down next to Nathan who made her room. Nathan touched her cheek lightly with a worried look. As soon as she could feel his touch, she couldn't hold it.
Haley let out a small sob that was followed by a bigger one. Nathan wrapped his arms around her, pulled her closer and let her cry on his chest.
Nathan couldn't do anything but hold her and stroke her hair and that's what he was planning on doing now matter how long it took.
Haley cried all night and Nathan held her the entire time. Finally after god knows how many hours, she finally didn't have any tears left and she was too exhausted to stay awake.
Right then, right there with Haley finally sleeping peacefully in his arms, Nathan made a promise that he would always protect her. No matter what happened, he would always be there for her.
A small voice inside him reminded that Haley was supposed to fly back to Los Angeles the next day. And that same little voice reminded him that she was a rock star and he was a high school kid. Nathan shook the negative thoughts out of his head and turned to look at Haley who was still sleeping peacefully.
Nathan sighed and kissed her softly on the forehead. He had never felt like that towards anyone before. So much caring, compassion, joy... and love. Nathan surprised even himself with that thought. He had never loved a girl before and a month ago he didn't think he would for a while. He smiled at the thought. It was nice to be in love.
But then that little voice inside his head spoke again. What if she didn't feel the same? What if she would leave him and go back to LA? What if... Nathan shook the thoughts away again. This time he felt helpless. He knew he couldn't force her to stay and that it would have to be her choice.
Nathan had never felt so happy and lost at the same time. For the first time he had no idea what was going to happen and he knew he wouldn't get any answers till the morning. So for now, he just enjoyed the feel of Haley James sleeping in his arms.
Because god only knew if he ever would again.
So, what do you think? Any thoughts? Please, review.
I won't be able to update until the Sunday of next week (the 26th) since I'm going to Slovakia for a skiing holiday in less then an hour. I'll try to update on that Sunday but can't be sure if I have the time. Anyways, I know most of you don't have a holiday now, but the ones that do: happy skiing holiday:)
-Fes-