Where Am I Going To

Part Three

Chapter Seven

He'd slipped into the cool night air, taking a deep breath of it. It smelled…clean. Well, no, it didn't, it smelled organic. Yes, that was the right word for it. It smelled natural, and he liked that. He didn't have a lot of memories connected to such a scent.

So he thought he might remember this one.

"Oh, but, Luke, you were the Imperial Prince. You must have lived in dozens of fascinating and interesting places."

"That's exactly the problem. There were dozens."

A breeze picked up and he shivered slightly, opening his eyes to the dark of the night and looking irresistibly up at the sky. Dozens of places, wherever his father was called.

Luke paused. He saw it. And he trembled.

The second Death Star. Why did they do it? Why did they think it was a good idea? He remembered how his father had argued about the construction of the first one and how thoroughly Palpatine had shot him down. He must have argued over another one. But the Empire rarely made the same mistake twice, he knew that much. They were all going to have to be very careful…

Luke just watched the Death Star. But his father wasn't there. No, he was much closer….

"Luke, what's wrong?"

He froze, back turned to the voice. Something in him trembled, and he looked down again, eyes shut tightly.

It had to be now. He knew it had to be now. It all had to be right now, there was no other time.

I could die there….

Which was why he had to tell her now.

He very slowly wheeled, trying to smile, his eyes offsetting it. There stood Leia, hair shimmering in the starlight and flickering torches, and Luke was so very tempted to embrace her because he was so afraid…But fear was something he was going to have to get over. The wordless, soundless language that was the Force replied that he must face his fears.

But will I come out conquering them or them me?

You will not know, he was told, he felt, until you try.

He smiled a touch wider now, motioning her closer and leaning against the wood piling taking another lungful of the totally natural air. "Leia," he said softly, "do you remember your mother? Your real mother?"

Leia blinked, leaning next to him, close enough to keep the night chill a little off, and he gently and unobtrusively put his arm around her shoulder. "Just a bit. She died when I was very young."

He remembered all those nights of pestering and pestering and pestering his father and getting nothing. Absolutely nothing. He remembered the frustration and the anger and the heartache and the desperate wish that he could have known her once, just once, and that he never would. The feeling had never dissipated. It never would.

"What do you remember?" he whispered in the dark.

She glanced up at him. "Just…images, really. Feelings."

"Tell me," he insisted.

"She was very beautiful. Kind, but…sad." He released her, standing up and sort of staring off into the fog. She stood now, too. "Why are you asking me this?"

He rubbed at his shoulders, a nervous habit he never had been able to drop. "I have no memory of my mother….I never knew her…"

"Yes, I know," Leia replied, confused. "But what does that have to do with any-"

"But I've seen her," he replied, wheeling, eyes taking on a slightly inhuman glow. "Oh, I've seen her."

"What are you talking about, Luke?"

"In dreams. She was the most beautiful woman in the world, I really believe that."

Leia paused a moment before walking closer to him, brushing hair out of his eyes. "Luke, tell me," she gently commanded, not the way she'd commanded him when he'd lost the will to live after Yavin IV and not the way she'd commanded him to move aside as he tried desperately to keep her from going to Black Sun. This was different. "What's troubling you?"

His eyes were drawn to hers, and he whispered, "Vader's here. On this moon."

Leia blinked, startled. "You can't mean that."

"Of course I can. I cannot have been raised by him for seventeen years and not know."

"Seventeen? Luke, what are you talking about?"

He gripped her by her elbows, holding her out a bit, trying to breath and failing miserably. Courage…. "You'll understand it someday."

She laughed slightly. "I'm sure I won't. I never understand your sort of things."

"But you will," he drew her close again, trying to comprehend it all. "I promise."

"Luke, I think you're tired. Maybe you should go and get some rest….."

"No, I'm not tired….I feel fine. I feel afraid, but I feel fine."

"Afraid?" she pushed away. "Why? What are you afraid of."

A tremor ran through him for a moment, and he paused, trying to comprehend it. "Dying." She blinked up at him, astounded. "Just a little. Not enough that I won't do it – I must do it – but I am afraid."

"Luke, what-"

"Make me a promise," he begged. "If…If I don't come back-"

"Come back? What are you saying!"

"-you've got to go to Tatooine. Remember all those old books I was looking through when we were there to rescue Han? Yes, Obi-Wan's old books. They'll tell you everything, everything you'll need to know." He held her close to him again, and Leia could feel him tremble, even though she couldn't understand it. "And I'll still be with you. Even if they turn me, something…something in me will never let you go."

"Luke!" she finally broke free. "What are you talking about?"

He gulped, opened his mouth, closed it again. "You're Force Sensitive too, Leia."

She now reeled in muted shock. "What?" she whispered hoarsely. "I'm what?"

"I don't suppose I should have been so surprised," Luke was continuing, now pacing with his hands crossed behind him. "I had suspicions after Bespin, but nothing was ever conclusive enough to…But, it doesn't matter. Obi-Wan told me, and now I know everything. Well, not everything, but enough for now. I will learn more, presently…"

Leia collapsed against the railing again, mind doing somersaults as she tried to grasp the idea. "But…how is this even possible."

"Oh, it's not so difficult, once you stop and think about it," he spoke softly, now stopping to take her hands in his. "You see, my father is very powerful in the Force. So am I. It follows, therefore, that…my sister would be, too…."

Leia's jaw dropped now, and she stared up at him, eyes wide, trying to comprehend it. "What did you say?" she murmured in the dark, and he swallowed, looking down at her with sad, pitying blue eyes.

"Oh, Leia," he whispered, "if I could protect you from the awful truth for the rest of your life, I would, but there it is…It's bound to be much worse for you, I'm sure, you haven't had seventeen years to…come to understand the idea. Even love him for it."

She bolted, standing several feet away from him, shivering, and it somehow hurt him to see that. "It can't be true. It isn't."

"It is," he whispered, eyes looking misty in the dark night as they sort of faced off. "You are my twin sister, Leia," he closed his eyes now, imploring her. "Think, you do know!" He opened his arms to her, and she remained frozen, slowly realizing within herself that he had to be right. And after that followed her rushing into his embrace, Luke's arms surrounding her tightly, refusing to let go.

"I'll never love him," she whispered fiercely through a rush of tears. "I can't, please don't ask me to!"

"Sh, alright…" he whispered, rocking her in his arms and petting her hair. "I'll do the loving for us."

"How can you, though? After everything, after four years, after all of it! How can you still love him so much?"

"He's our father, Leia. And he does love me."

"Maybe he's your father, he isn't mine."

"Stop that," he ordered gently. "That won't help, it never does. He is your father, whether you want it or not, and I am your brother. You were," he laughed jokingly, "the Imperial Princess."

"I never will be," she almost growled, still hanging onto him. "Never. I refuse."

"Alright, that's fine. I can accept that…I had to tell you, because…" He was choking now, fighting back tears that were winning the battle, "in case…In case I didn't come back…"

"Luke, no!" she cried, looking up at him now. He looked down at her, brushing away a gossamer tear. "Now more than ever, I will not let you go."

"I have to, Leia. He's our father, I can save him."

"How do you know that?"

"I don't know."

"Well, I need to know! I need to know," she insisted.

He sighed, shaking his head grimly. "Because there is good in him, I've felt it. He will not turn me over to the Emperor and he will not kill me. Because he can't do it. We are too connected, we are too much a part of each other. I've known that my whole life, and four years without him cannot change that."

"I won't let you go," she cried, holding onto him tightly.

He held her as close as he could, so torn, so certain… "If I don't go, everything we've fought for will be for nothing. If I don't go, I'll never be able to look at myself ever again. If I don't go….It will never stop."

"I don't want to lose you," she whispered.

"You never will," he softly replied. "I am with you, and I always will be. Hang onto that, Leia. That's a promise. That you can keep forever."

She very reluctantly let him go now, and they stood there for a moment, just watching each other. He swallowed boldly, silently communicating his love and respect and lost wishes, before he reluctantly brushed past her, walking down the path, disappearing into the night fog.

To what he went he did not know. But he had to do it, and that was all.

To Be Continued…

From here on out, this whole thing is gonna be UBER fun. Man, I'm excited. I made it into our school musical, so that eats up a bunch of time. So, maybe I can make this fic last a whole year, who knows. And, also, check it out! Our fiftieth chapter! Whoot!

Stephanie C: Isn't he just a jerk? Don't worry, she's coming back soon.

Jedi X-man Serena Kenobi: XD! Yes, must agree. According to my handy dandy scripty thingy, it was a cut scene. Poor Red Guard. Thus their non-speaking-ness was forever immortalized.

Spirit White: Oh, thank you so much

denique: Well, I do try….

Madame Naberrie: I was a little unsure about this chapter, but I think it came out okay….

Relyan: You know….that's really an excellent question. One I don't have an answer for. I think the only excuse I have it, "Everyone else does it!" But really, I don't know. Because I hate calling him Luke Vader? Very perceptive of you….

Oh, glad you liked the desert thing

Tap Dancing Widow: I don't know. I'm really hoping twenty. I'll be lucky at this point if I stretch it to fifteen. But we'll see what I can do.

Asrayu: Oh, sorry to keep you up! Thank you very much I did a good job on the prologue. Yeah….I myself do mock that random switch rather mercilessly at time….I tried to explain it as best I could…I dunno, something I'll have to work on. Pimpernel fan! Yeah! Many hearts for you! Welcome to the fic

tasuja: Oh, sorry, but I can't. It would throw a total wrench into everything else at this point. As it is, Luke will have missed the infant years by now anyway. The kid and/or kids would be about two by now, so it's a little late…. But thank you for your interest, glad you like the fic