Where Am I Going To?
Part Three
Chapter Eight
There was a time
Our happiness seemed never ending
I was so sure
That where we were heading was right
Life was a road
So certain and straight and unbending
Our little road
With never a crossroad in sight
Back in the days
When we spoke in civilized voices
Women in black, and sturdy young men at the oar
Back in the days when I let you make all my choices
We can never go back to before
He'd walked demurely up to the shield hanger. The Troopers had ordered him to halt or they'd fire. Simple enough to deal with. He paused, said with out any sort of difficulty at all. "My name's Luke Skywalker. I'm here to surrender myself. Now who's in command or at least on duty?" They'd been stunned for a moment, and Luke folded his hands behind his back, very, very calm. "Take your time, no rush." They'd stuttered out an answer, to which he'd said, "Excellent. I'd like to see him."
And they hadn't known what else to do but to take him to their commander.
The commander hadn't been much better. He actually recognized the former Imperial Prince when he saw him, and he'd quickly stood up, then sat down again, and then was sort of caught between standing and sitting, unsure of what to do. "I'd like to see Lord Vader, I know he's here, so…"
"Ahh…" the man stuttered. "Well, I….yes, of course, um…." He was about to motion them onward, terribly confused, when Luke held out his wrists.
"I'm a Jedi and a Rebel Officer. It might be a good idea to shackle me." The idea clearly mortified the officer, so torn in his loyalties. He did as the young man asked, clearly reluctant, and very nervous.
"Oh, and…"
"What?"
"My lightsaber?"
"You mean….you want me to take it?" Luke nodded expectantly, and the officer gulped, carefully unclipping it from Luke's belt. "Right….right this way, please."
There was a time
My feet were so solidly planted
You'd sail away
While I turned my back to the sea
I was content
A prince, just asleep and enchanted
If I had dreams
Then I let you dream them for me
It was….incomprehensible how he could just stand there, so calm, not at all ruffled in the slightest. Stand there and watch him with blue eyes that had not changed in the four years he'd been without the boy. Stand there, glancing at the officer who nervously said what had happened, still with the binders on his wrists, still not at all upset by the current situation.
But maybe that was only because Vader wanted him to show some emotion. Show something that meant that he had been missed and that he was loved.
Then the commander reluctantly stretched out his arm, offering Vader his son's lightsaber, and his mind briefly spun back to the other time an officer had done the same thing. And he wasn't sure which hurt worse.
He watched Luke, who watched him right back, before turning away. "Good work, Commander. Leave us. Conduct your search and bring his companions to me." That did merit a response, and he felt a very slight, temporary wave of panic flow from the boy, didn't see the pupils widen for a hidden reason that he was very dubious about. But, really, he wasn't thinking about any of that.
This was the closest he'd been to his boy in four years, excluding that awful mess in Cloud City. That always had to be excluded. Vader's breathing would have gone up in pace with his nervous excitement at the moment were it not consistently regulated, and he just sort of shifted on his feet, trying to break the silence.
"The Emperor has been expecting you."
A slight, cold shudder ran through his son, but it was shrugged off very quickly, soft sounds of the forest around them permeating the silence. "I know, father."
His heart had to have stopped beating. How well he remembered Luke's bitter query of how he had ever called himself his father. And yet, there it was, his boy standing next to him, dressed in black and very powerful, and calling him father….it was too much…It was really too much…
Back in the days
When everything seemed so much clearer
People in black, who knew what their lives held in store
Where are they now, those people who stared from the mirror?
We can never go back to before
"I…" Vader tried, one hand almost reaching out to brush a lock of stray hair from the blue eyes, but he resisted the feeling. This was still far too dangerous a game to begin to relax now. "It's been a long time." An understatement by a million years. "I'm glad to hear you've finally come to your senses. I'm glad to know you've come back to me."
"I have neither come to my senses, nor am I coming back," he said evenly, sort of taking a step along the catwalk and making his father instinctively keep pace when it ought to have been the other way around. Such was Vader's willingness to compromise if it meant having his son returned to him. "Don't ask me to turn, because I won't do it."
"It's not a matter of asking. This is not a choice. Deep down you've got to realize that. Your brief game at playing Jedi is at an end. Why else would you turn yourself into me?"
"Because I love you, father." Vader stopped his walking, as did Luke, watching and waiting for a response. "And I…I know you love me, too. I know that now. You are my father, you won't turn me over."
"The Dark side is stronger than paternal instincts," Vader said in a low murmur, turning away. But Luke desperately darted in front of him, forcing him to meet those blue eyes.
"Is it stronger than love?" he demanded, and Vader felt something in him start to break. No, not yet. He could not give into this. All the same, he couldn't formulate an answer, and Luke was continuing with unaffected dramatic flair. "Because I don't think so. You've had every chance at killing me because you couldn't turn me, and you've never taken it. Now, why is that, father?"
There are people out there
Unafraid of reveling
That they might have a feeling
Or they might be wrong
There are people out there
Unafraid to feel sorrow
Unafraid of tomorrow
Unafraid to be weak
Unafraid to be strong
Vader did not respond to that, and Luke turned away a bit too soon, staring out the window. Too confident he had his father pegged…. "I know," he was continuing, "that four years can change a great many things, and I am a testament to that. But this…us…that can never change."
He heard the click, buzz of a lightsaber turning on, and the hair on the back of his neck briefly stood up. Oh dear Force…
"I see you've constructed a new lightsaber…" He still sounded so proud of him, something Luke had hated during the fight at Bespin, but now, well…now was different. "Indeed, you are powerful. You are everything I've expected. I am…." No, better not to finish that sentence. Too much emotion, he was losing a terrible battle….
"Then you've underestimated me."
"Funny, I said much the same thing to Obi-Wan once before, when I was about your age."
Luke turned full around, but his ire did not extend beyond that. "Is that supposed to upset me? Are you trying to goad me on? I have not lived these last four years after what you did on the Death Star not to be able to handle something like that, not to be able to control my anger to a certain degree."
"You were always filled with anger. It made you powerful. It made you…glittering," was the only word he could liken it to, but Luke would not accept that.
"Then what about now, without all that anger? What about how powerful I am now?"
"You seem to like guessing at my motives. Might I inquire as to your own?" Luke opened his mouth to protest, but Vader held up a hand, stopping him. "Oh yes, I know. There is a reason you came here, there is something ulterior going on. You can deny it to me all you like, but I know you too well, my son."
Luke watched him for a moment, his eyes once more even. "My motives are…" He stopped, trying to fight some emotion he only barely understood himself. "Father….things cannot be as they were before." In a move not even Vader could have predicted, he said barely above a whisper, "Come with me."
There was a time
When you were the person in motion
I was your son
It never occurred to want more
You were my sky
My moon, and my stars, and my ocean
We can never go back to before
We can never go back to before!
To Be Continued…
I'm really surprised that song-fic worked out as well as it did! All those curious as to why Anakin did turn will find out in the next chapter, so be prepared. The song used was "Back to Before," from Ragtime by Stephen Flaherty and Lynn Ahrens. I did alter the lyrics somewhat to fit better, so please don't sue'
Stephanie C: Actually, in all honesty, nothing's with the books. They're mentioned in Shadows of the Empire as a convenient plot hole filling device, and I figure if Steven Perry can do it, I sure as hell can. Oh, thanks! I actually have a surprising number of lines…
Ledagirl321: Thanks, this chapter's really grown on me!
Jedi X-man Serena Kenobi: Thank you!
Madame Naberrie: Oh, thank you very much. At first I wasn't sure, but I really have grown to like that chapter.
wildchartermage: That's a good question. But I'm evil, so I'm not going to answer it.
Relyan: Thanks, I really adore reoccurring themes, as if that's not obvious. I almost had Luke use Obi-Wan's line verbatim, but didn't. I really kind of wish I had now, but it still turned out well. Extra cookies for you if you can figure what I did take word for word from another chapter, though.