Where Am I Going To?
Part Three
Chapter Nine
"What?" Vader whispered hesitantly into the cool, artificially lit corridor.
Luke did not blink, but with a bit more insistence said, "Come with me, father." He took a step towards him, and it made Vader want to shy away for some inexplicable reason. "I cannot follow you anymore. So let me do the leading instead. Come, please, I can save you from your Darkness."
"I don't need to be saved," he insisted stubbornly. "I chose Darkness."
"And I chose Light," Luke replied coolly, trying to get his father to give in. "Is the Darkness so much more beautiful."
"You know as well as I. It is far, far stronger."
Luke shook his head, eyes closed. "I don't believe that."
"Yes, well, Obi-Wan has done a lot tinkering with your head. It's just as well that I killed him."
Luke's eyes shot open and he froze again. "That isn't going to work, father."
"On the contrary, it already has."
Luke felt himself tremble, about to hesitate, when he finally asked firmly, "Father….what happened to my mother?" Vader had frozen completely, horrified at the question. Luke pressed on. "Just tell me, I'm sure I could understand!"
"How can you possibly understand?" his father growled in a low whisper. "Nobody can understand. They never did. Even she didn't understand."
"Then share the burden with me!"
"I…." No. He didn't have to give into this. He'd dodged the boy's every question for seventeen years, there was no sense in changing now. But Luke took another step, very close. Very tantalizing and real and full of delicious possibilities that could not even be dreamt of without the boy.
And as for the boy's fine blond hair, his pale blue eyes….it didn't matter. Vader was painfully reminded that there had and always would be times he could see Luke as his mother's son.
"Please," he asked softly, and Vader had rarely had the strength to fight that tone of voice, that look in his eyes.
"She…" Vader stopped, trying to garner up strength. "She was the senator from Naboo, and I was Obi-Wan's padawan. I was supposed to protect her from assassination attempts and I did. I was twenty, she was twenty five, we fell in love and…."
"And?" Luke gently maintained.
"And…about three years later the council found out about it. I….I don't know how they could have, I'm still not sure, but Chancellor Palpatine-"
"Chancellor Palpatine?"
"-offered me safety, protection, and….all the powers of a Sith Lord. And so, the day before our trial before the Council was supposed to begin, I…."
Luke had frozen, stunned. "You abandoned her." And Vader said nothing. "You…you betrayed her!"
"She betrayed me!" he cried vehemently. "She and Obi-Wan and all the Jedi! And my master offered the true path. You think Darkness can blind, don't you? Well, you don't even know until you realize that Light can too. That's right, Luke," he whispered while his son tried to absorb it all, trembling. "You're just as blind as you were four years ago. And not as strong as you could be. So you tell me, is it worth all of this wailing and moaning and carrying on? Is it that much more self-righteous to be a slave of the Light?"
Luke didn't answer for a long time, before his eyes suddenly snapped in his father's direction and asked, "And what about u-…What about me?"
Why had he almost said us. Oh God, why had he almost said us! He could not even begin to crumble yet if Leia was on the line, and that little slip could have been deadly…
Alright, now I'm afraid….
Vader paused, taken aback. "What do you mean what about you?"
"How did I become the Imperial Prince? How did all of this happen."
Vader inwardly preened to the question, able to handle it in all the smoothness of a patient anger. "Obi-Wan would have had you hidden away on some tenth rate planet, forced to become a Jedi. Your mother would have had you never know me, never know your true potential. They betrayed us both, Luke. Obi-Wan would have had you be a Jedi. But my ship stumbled across his, and I took you from him. Destiny takes a hand, so you see."
"Obi-Wan would have had me be a Jedi?" Luke asked calmly. "Then what am I now?"
Patiently, Vader responded, "You are confused."
"I don't think so. I don't think things have ever been this clear in my entire life."
"So you think you know your destiny, do you?"
Luke paused. "Not at all. But I won't let it rule me."
Vader took a long moment to sort of watch his son, momentarily mesmerized by the shinning presence in the Force. That had to be his, he had to be able to make Luke see the vision and go for it with all his soul the way he once had. It was as much for the son as it was for the father.
"Why are you fighting me?" Vader finally asked, and Luke shook his head.
"We don't have a fight, either of us. I refuse the idea."
"If you're not with me, you're my enemy."
"I am your son!" he cried passionately, eyes flaring. "I am for the salvation of your soul, not to give strength to tyranny."
"And why not? Tyranny has it's uses. The Empire functions the way the Old Republic never did."
"That doesn't matter. People are enslaved, they are starving, they are dying. And I can't stand by and watch as one man controls it, allows it to happen."
"But, Luke," Vader reminded fiercely. "You're the one who is going to be controlling and allowing it to happen someday."
The young Jedi took a step back, shook his head. "I don't believe that, no. I will not sit on the Imperial Throne and I will not be the Imperial Prince."
"Will not be? You already are."
"No!"
They stopped again, soft night sounds gently permeating the walls around them. Foliage pressed up against the windows, a reminder of the living Force. All around them, constantly a part of them, in every breath they drew it was there.
And Luke had chosen the Light side, and he would not give it up.
"If she's as backstabbing, as awful as you say she was…." Luke was asking, "why do you still love her?"
Vader's heart stopped for a split second. "Who?"
"My mother."
"I…I don't love her."
"Yes, you do. I know you do. Because if you didn't, then you wouldn't love me at all."
Vader felt his knees buckling, felt his strength giving.
This is our child, Padmè….
This was a part of them, and here it stood, twenty two years old and just as amazing and surprising and beautiful as the very first day he'd held him. This was a testament to their love. And Vader wanted to reach out and clutch his boy and never let go – but he couldn't do that. Couldn't let Luke win. Couldn't let the Light win.
Was Luke light? Was he his fall back into grace? No, he couldn't believe that.
"Love is not the question here."
"Then what is? Power? No, that fades too quickly. Wealth? You don't care about wealth. What's left, father? What do you have left to hold onto and believe in?"
"Maybe I have nothing to believe in. Maybe I've grown wise enough to know that all those things that you cling so desperately to will fade in time."
"Then I pity you to have no impossible dream."
"What's the point of dreaming the impossible dream? What's the point of fighting lost causes?"
"Because they're the only ones worth fighting for." Vader moved to protest, but Luke beat him to it. "They're the only ones worth dying for. To give everything you have to a single glorious quest." Luke closed his eyes for a moment, filled with an unseen power even greater than the Force. "And that's why I'm a Jedi. That is my quest, to follow that unfading star." He opened his eyes again, sizing up, entreating his father. "What happened to your star, father? You've only lost sight of it."
And in a gesture that he had not done since he was a child, Luke reached out and too his father's hand, even with the binders still clapped around his wrist. And Vader was stunned, unable to move, unable to breath, unable to protest.
"Let me show you your star."
And they stood like that for a long time, father and son in the pale, yellow light on the catwalk, silent except for the sounds of the forest. Stood there and said nothing, because there was nothing worth saying that hadn't been said already, promised already, known already. Soul to soul and mind to mind they stood, and Vader felt his heart cracking under the pressure of his son's big, blue eyed gaze, expectant and patient and unwavering.
Finally, after such a long, struggling moment, he took his son's hands, and gently pushed them down so they hung in front of the boy again. "It's….too late for me, my son."
"I've never believed that. I never will."
"Well, now you must." He singled to some distant Storm Troopers, and Luke did not blink as they gently circled him, did not take his gaze from his father.
"We must be dead to each other," Vader insisted, motioning for the guards to take him away. They hesitated, and Luke just watched him. Why, why did he have to keep watching him like that, making him feel those eyes on him, making his tremble. But after another moment, they carefully grabbed the young man's arms, leading him to the elevator. Unresisting, Luke stepped in, turned and faced his father again who could not look away.
"You've never been dead to me, father."
And Vader felt himself choke, would have maybe even flung himself foreword and grabbed his boy and dragged him to safety far, far away from the transport that would take him to the Death Star, to the Emperor – were it not for the fact that the doors were already closing. And that second of hesitation was all it took to fail in all aspects. And he continued to stare at the door even after his boy was out of sight. Really, he couldn't look away. He trembled and shook and wondered, which was the worst of all things, the wondering. Wondering for a split second where they'd be right now if he had followed him….
Oh God, what have I done?
To Be Continued…
So, all the back story secrets are out! I think. Except that Leia is Vader's daughter. And that Mara was pregnant. And…..
Oh, and if you'll all remember that sucky job I took last August…I DON'T HAVE IT ANYMORE! YES! I hated that job. I've been trying to quit since December. But they're closing the store so I got laid off. Yessssssss…..
Spirit White: Sorry if my updates aren't that soon. I'm super short on time.
Madame Naberrie: I'm so super glad you like it
Shi Feng Huang: Wow, I didn't think of it as funny, but I'm glad you liked it!
Jessica -Angel- Skywalker: Thank you
Stephanie C: If you have imesh, you can find it on there.
Ledagirl321: None taken, I really appreciate the honesty. I was debating with doing one more songfic chapter, and your review convinced me not to. I'm really glad to know what you honestly thought.
Myotismon13: I kinda liked this one.
denique: Hm, well, I'm afraid that's a secret.