Title: The Hardest Word
Author: BehrBeMine
Feedback: I'm not expecting any. Surprise me.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Don't sue, I'll cry. ;p
Rating: G
Summary: A short letter of sadness and sorrow.
Distribution: My sites, otherwise just ask.
Dedication: For anyone I have ever wronged.
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Dear Lindsay,
The weather is hot and sticky as summer invades our senses. I see the sun and think of you, in your little bikinis. The blue one, with yellow moons on it; the one with a rainbow top and deep purple bottoms, like a bruise; the yellow ones that left nothing to be desired and always made me blush.
We were two kids who thought we knew what love was. What we learned is that we weren't ready to feel that for anyone, and somehow I think that's why we rushed things, so that we wouldn't have to think and analyze and wonder if what we were so intent on doing made sense. Married under 25 years old. It seems our marriage lasted 25 minutes. We lit a flame with a dying lighter that sparked melted wax and burned out.
It's been a long time now, since I walked out on you. I know you've heard the details. And you cried when you saw me again, after learning what I had done. You cried, and you said that you hated Rory, and you hated me, and that you would never, ever have hurt me in that way. And I know it. I know it. I feel it, like a sickness, a nauseating curtain closed over my heart that suffocates me with the guilt of what I have done to you.
My wish is that you will forgive me; my expectation is that you will not.
The hardest part of it all is that it is all my fault. I blame you for nothing. I tried... blaming you. But it just didn't work in my mind. You were an innocent, and I destroyed you. For that, I will give you the hardest word to say: sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, and I hope that one day you can forgive me. If you can't, I will understand.
Just know that my heart is just as broken as yours is, and even if you're not the one for me, my heart will always be with you.
Yours,
Dean
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end