GUYS I AM SO SORRY FOR PINGING YOU GUYS FIVE BILLION TIMES ON HERE. I PROMISE I DIDNT MEAN TO BUT IT DIDNT WORK AND I GOT MAD. Does anyone else have problems with ff?

A/N: I don't even know any more guys. Ronin appearance idefk. Not gonna even bother to try to like justify it rn. Just read and enjoy.

I have a note at the end if you still have no clue.

And yes, guys this fanfic is dark. It's a lot of shit happening all the time. If you have read never far from home, the first one in this series, you know Natasha never gets a break. That's just how it is. If you haven't (that's totally fine don't worry you don't have to) now you know. I love torturing Natasha. She do be my nr one tho.

I am getting super frustrated with FF net like I'm fuming so there is that. Like I have my majority of readers there so it's just really frustrating.

Anyways have a good whatever you're having rn, day, night, week, whatever you want, and I'll talk to you all soon. Love you all.

Red/S-B

If anyone were to ever hear about Laura's life, they would have thought her life was crazy. Her husband who was a former spy, and Natasha, her best friend, was a former assassin, and now they were both a part of the Avengers. They were superheroes. Fighting aliens and breaking helicarriers.

While Laura could see where they were coming from, thinking her life had to be kinda crazy with family members like that, truth was, it kinda wasn't. Or at least not as much as it seemed. Sure, it wasn't like a perfectly normal life, obviously, but Laura would argue it wasn't that different.

Clint and Laura had a silent agreement. Technically they had never really talked about it out loud, but they had agreed in silence. And it was simple really. Clint's work-life would never merge with the life they had.

Why? The answer was simple; none of them really wanted it to.

What Laura knew about his work and his mission was what he wanted to tell, but the work he actually brought home was minimal. Shield wasn't a part of their family lifestyle. And even when people like Maria Hill and Phil Coulson had occasionally visited, they had kept away from work as much as possible. To be honest, Laura was pretty sure that was the main reason the two of them did visit too, just to get a break.

The life Clint was living was like a double life, and the two were never to be mixed because they were so different. Like water and oil. As if it was designed. Two lives that were never meant to merge.

Clint was a man who loved his job, but he was also a father who never wanted to bring any danger to his family and loved ones. SHIELD knew and respected that. They always had.

This norm changed over the years, but never because anyone wanted it to.

Laura was well aware the two lives were starting to mix more than ever before. It was happening faster than expected, and they needed to adjust, they needed to change.

When Laura met Clint years back, he never talked about his work. Laura had of course asked about it a few times, and he had replied he was an archer, but he didn't say anything more, she decided not to push any further. It wasn't before he got offered to work for SHIELD, he told her about the intelligence community. It was always vague and little details. But Laura didn't care, she never pushed. And eventually, he told her more and more.

The more missions he got, of course, the more of a topic it became. But still, when they were at home, he never looked at his paperwork for too long. What he told was mostly to make sure Laura had some sort of knowledge of what was going on to keep her heart and worry under control. Which was something Laura appreciated very much. Because knowing he was in such a scary and dangerous business without having any clue of what he was doing in his missions would have been a nightmare.

When Cooper was announced, the line between the two lives became even more clear. Clint had no interest in bringing a secret agency into his son's life. He took a step back from his missions and would rather look at a few more mission reports if it meant he could sit back on a few of the bigger ones.

Natasha was the first big exception to the rule. Not only did Clint agree to a big and seriously dangerous mission, but it was also the first time in years Clint introduced Laura to anyone.

Before Natasha, Clint would always leave his bow just by the door. He would change out of his suit immediately and erase any trace of the mission as fast as he could. But with Natasha, everything changed. Laura's view on SHIELD changed.

Between the three of them, Natasha had always been the one with the biggest desire to keep the two worlds apart. Ironically, she was also the one that made that job completely impossible.

In the beginning, Natasha didn't know a world outside of a mission and her orders. But when she finally did separate the two Laura could tell, her home was a safe haven and an escape for the girl. The redhead hated to work when she was back home, and if she had to, she tried to do it away from them, so they didn't need to be involved.

Natasha was especially careful working around the kids. Sometimes she would read on the tablet around Clint and her, but never around the kids. And Laura had noticed it was actually mostly around her and not Clint. She didn't know why, but she didn't question it either.

Sometimes Laura would forget the harsh reality. About their work and everything that came with it. All of that would be gone and all that would be left was this wonderful family and loving people. These two humans that she adored with all her heart.

But other times, on the bad days, Natasha would remind Laura of the hard reality of the other world.

Natasha would bring two wounded humans through her door, reminding her they were still out there. She would bring nightmares who kept both of them up for hours. She wore scars from a world Laura never had seen. Scars that never went away. She had a cloak of a dark past, and a shadow with a feared name. And no matter how many times she would try, she could never put it away.

Natasha was the obvious bridge between their work and their family life.

Laura was sitting in the living room with Maria on one end of the couch and Clint on the other. Both were very visibly working, not even being slightly discreet about it, which would never have passed 7 years ago. Maria had a frown on her face as she read whatever document in her hands.

Laura was very thankful for Maria being here, knowing very well she had a lot of work besides watching over Natasha.

Laura wished Natasha was with them now. She wished she was sitting beside her looking at some weird document on her tablet, occasionally throwing her a small grimace or a small smile. Instead, she was still in the guest room, recovering. Using what felt like a lifetime just to show any sign of recovery.

It had already been two weeks since Maria and Steve had fallen through their door with Natasha in their arms. Two weeks and they had seen no progress. Natasha was only awake three to five hours a day. She barely ate anything and sometimes it seemed like it had gotten worse rather than better.

Her wound had started to heal, which was the only thing that signalized any progress whatsoever.

Laura was well aware of the drug Maria had been giving her. It scared her that they were now drugging a woman that had the most inhuman pain tolerance in the world to keep her at peace.

It reminded her a lot of the time she got shot by the winter soldier, but at the same time, it also didn't. Back then Natasha had also been very ill, but in a way, it felt even more serious now. Even more real. Of course, it had been very, very real back then as well, but it was something about off this time.

Natasha was still Laura's number one outside of her family. And it hurt her more than words could ever describe watching her fight and struggle.

Maria had turned passive quite fast. Even though she was helping around in the house, as well as being on top of Natasha every single second Laura wasn't on it herself, Laura could tell the woman was very stressed. And considering how much the woman actually was doing around the house, it was understandable, but of course, it didn't help her own nerves watching the former Deputy Director crumbling.

Clint on the other hand had stepped back from Natasha. She didn't know why, but it felt cold and a bit out of character. Laura was so used to him always being so protective over his partner, but now he seemed almost over her.

Of course, at this point, all of her assumptions could be way off. Over the two weeks, Laura hadn't gotten much sleep so maybe she was just being paranoid.

She could feel herself starting to struggle to keep up with everything as Maria started talking to Clint. Maria was talking in a soft but still somewhat firm voice as she updated Clint about something. Laura really had no idea what she was talking about and soon she could feel her head drift. She could hear them talk, but behind her yawns, most of the words got muffed.

She wanted to check up on Natasha again. Her heart never seemed to get to rest anymore and it bugged her so much. The only thing that seemed to really calm her down was being with Natasha, but she couldn't be with her all the time. She still had three kids to look after. Three kids, who all needed attention and care. Especially now that time was hard with their aunt injured and all.

"I'm heading to bed after one last checkup, okay?" Laura said as she turned to the two former spies. They both only nodded at her before she slipped out of the room.

Laura opened the door to the guestroom already scared of the sight that was waiting for her.

Natasha was lying on her side sleeping peacefully. Her hair was neatly tucked behind her ear framing a beautiful and peaceful face. Laura studied her in silence. Watching her chest rise and fall and a small frown appeared on her face before it disappeared into a natural face again as she was dreaming. Her breath was steady and slow.

In and out. In and out.

Laura let out a small sigh before turning around. At least she was alive. It was a slow recovery, but as long as Laura had her here, alive, she couldn't complain. All she needed was her being alive, and as long as she was, Laura knew it would turn out fine. It just had too.

Laura woke up the next morning earlier than expected. Nate had been crying for most of the night and while Clint and herself did switch on checking up on him she felt like she had gotten no sleep. She could always try to go back to sleep, but the odds of that being successful was very low.

She turned to her side so find Clint still sleeping. She wasn't surprised. Heavy sleepers always did seem to get the most sleep, didn't they?

She let out a sight before throwing a leg out of the bed. Letting her eyes fall over Clint behind her one more time before she stood up and walked away from the bed. She grabbed a flannel to wrap herself in before sneaking out the room closing the door carefully behind her.

She needed to pee. She had a few options. Of course, she had her own bathroom, but she didn't want to disturb Clint too much. She could use the family bathroom upstairs probably waking up Nate while doing so or try to go downstairs also probably resulting in waking Nate. Why were all of these options so bad?

Since Natasha was still in the guestroom downstairs Maria had of course gotten her room upstairs while she was staying. The agent hadn't mentioned having to go back to HQ yet, and Laura had a feeling Maria wanted to stay until Natasha at least was well enough to be up on her feet.

As she passed the room to go to the toilet, she could see the door slightly open. And being the super spy, she was, Maria wasn't going to sleep with her door open, so the woman was probably already out and awake.

Maria, like Natasha, was an early bird. They both woke up ridiculously early and went to bed really late. She had no idea how they were both still functioned like that.

Laura on the other hand wasn't really a morning person by choice. Sure, she woke up early every day, even without an alarm. But it was more because she felt she had to, not because she really wanted to. And today was definitely one of those days where she just really needed a few more hours. Just looking at herself in the mirror and at her huge bags under her eyes made her feel worse.

She continued to just look at her reflection for a minute after finishing on the toilet. She was already done with the day, and the day had barely started. She needed to get Nate soon, who most definitely was up awake right now, before he started crying.

The first thing she spotted when she got down into the living room with Nathaniel in her arms, was Maria was sitting by the kitchen table. In front of her, she had her laptop, and in her hand, she had a steaming cup of coffee. Unlike her, she seemed wide awake.

"Good morning Laura," Maria said with a small smile as they entered the room. Her eyes were following them carefully as Laura made her way across the room and into the kitchen.

"Morning" Laura answered back softly taking a seat on the opposing side of the table to start nursing the baby. Modesty was long gone around Maria. And whipping out a boob to feed the child was not uncommon any more. Maria never seemed to care anyway. She never even tossed her a second look, only keeping her eyes to herself.

"Want your one dose of caffeine now?" Maria asked already on her feet knowing very well Laura was gonna answer yes.

"How early is it?" She only replied with a tired voice leaning back on the back of the chair as the child ate.

"Only 4:45" Maria answered with a small chuckle, handing her a cup of coffee. Laura accepted with a small smile, holding tightly around the warm mug with her left hand, supporting Nate with her right.

"Figures. Why are you up so early?" Laura let out a small sigh. Nathaniel was already done feeding and was more or less already asleep. She hated how he already did this. But then again, waking up because of bad sleep only to fall asleep again a few hours later wasn't really an unfamiliar territory in this house considering that was more or less the only thing his aunt did when or if she got any sleep at all. And considering how unstable the household really was right now she couldn't really blame him.

"Natasha spiked" Laura lifted her head slowly to look at Maria. The woman was looking at her with a small reassuring look trying to not make her to worried too early on. It was a nice try, really it was, but Laura could already feel her heart start to speed up.

After Natasha got her first dose of the mysterious pain killer serum thing, Maria had given her a watch to monitor and keep an eye on her and her heart rate. If It got too high for some reason, she would get a notification on her own phone alerting her even if she was somewhere else.

Laura was very thankful Maria was keeping such a close eye on her. But it also worried her that the former agent thought that was necessary in the first place.

"What happened?" Laura tried to keep her voice as calm as possible to make sure Nate didn't wake up.

"Not much. She just woke up in pain. Gave her some painkillers. She fell asleep fast after." Maria said with a small smile. Laura only nodded slowly.

"Went for a run after. Got back around four before taking a shower. It's very nice running around here. Super nice terrain and easy on the body." Maria said with a small chuckle making Laura huff.

"Yeah, so I've heard. I mean Natasha decided to run on said terrain for four hours because of this guy so" Laura said referring to the time Natasha had run away from home, being gone for four hours after Laila had slipped out that Laura was pregnant before she could tell her herself.

Laura made a small eye-roll looking at Nathaniel who was still in her arms. That was a time she definitely did not miss, that was for sure.

Maria let out a soft laugh.

"Well, Natasha is her own category. No fun running with her. Always playing keep up with her. No exceptions" Maria said with a small smile making Laura chuckle. She really was thankful to Maria. Without her, she would have been lost. She made sure Natasha always was fine while also somehow lifting Laura's own mood.

"You should try to get some sleep," Maria stated after a while. The woman was looking at her with a thoughtful look. It wasn't a rude tone, more worried, and caring if anything.

Laura only looked at her. She knew she only tried to be nice but going back to bed now was so unlikely to be successful. That was just how it was.

"Or you could just take ten minutes on the couch. I can take Nate for a bit." Maria added softly. She had finished her cup of coffee in like two minutes and if anything, she felt more dead now than before. Ten minutes would be nice, but she didn't want to bother Maria too much.

As if she was reading her mind Maria quickly added. "It's no problem looking after him, Laura." Laura looked at her for a second before nodding.

After a small transfer, Laura was free to walk over to the couch. Immediately she could see Maria bouncing the child softly as he started to wake up. She observed the two of them for a second before she finally closed her eyes letting her head rest again.

She didn't know how long she had been sleeping. Her head woke up before her eyes and she could hear Maria talk softly to Clint. Not having the energy to open her eyes she just continued to lay there listening to the two of them talk.

"Around 5. She is fine Clint she just needs sleep."

Maria's voice was just a whisper as she talked to him. She seemed to try to talk him down for some decided to keep listening instead of trying to interfere. She could still feel her head kinda spinning, clearly still being very tired and having a need for sleep. Of course, the night before had been bad, but she wasn't aware it was this bad, making her still feel it as much. She was starting to wonder how long she had actually slept last night because her body was telling her she barely had.

"This is all because of Na-"

"Come on, don't blame it on her. She would have been worried regardless if she was here or at HQ. And you have to agree, bringing her was the better move."

Laura heard Maria cut Clint off. Her voice was firm as she stopped him from finishing his sentence. She had no idea what made them fall into this topic. Both of them seemed very worked up. And it was weird hearing them talk about Natasha like that.

"I agree that at the time it felt like it. Now I don't know anymore." Clint's voice drifted. He seemed annoyed. All of it felt kinda out of character. Maybe she had missed something. Whatever it was her head did not have the energy to try to even think. Her head was heavy and tired, and for some reason, she couldn't even hold her thoughts together.

She could hear somebody move around before the backdoor in the kitchen got opened and somebody left. Outside she could hear Clint then yell after the kids. Was he leaving?

She didn't really have the time to wonder before she heard a small sigh from Maria and some new movements. Before she had the brainpower to even try to figure out what was going on, she felt a hand slip under her back and one under her legs and with one swift motion she was off the couch and her head drifted long away and off from the planet and present.

Literally, even if she tried, she remembered nothing from her morning or the day. She had no idea how she got from downstairs to up in her room again. But at least she felt very well-rested.

It was 2 in the afternoon when she woke up. She had been gone for quite a while. But even if she actually felt rested for once, clearly the rest of the house did not.

She had no idea what they were saying but she could hear Maria and Clint. Shouting over each other clearly arguing about something. Please don't say it's the same thing still. Please don't be arguing about Natasha.

She pushed the cover off before slipping out of bed and jogging downstairs, heading for the living room where it clearly was going down.

"And you honestly don't think I didn't think about that? OF COURSE, I DID, but you weren't there you didn't see-"

"Exactly, so why the hell did you drag me and my family into this then!"

"BECAUSE SHE IS YOUR PARTNER!"

"SHE WAS MY PARTNER. ITS PAST TENSE"

"SHE NEEDS YOU"

"DOES THAT INCLUDE NEEDING TO KNOCK OUT MY WIFE?! My priority is with her, and my kids, I don't need extra weight."

Laura just stopped. Shocked she just stood there in the door with her mouth open as she watched the two yelled back and forth.

None of them had seemed to notice her. Both of them just yelled. Raising their voice as if they were fighting for their lives as if this was a world-ending case. And maybe it was.

But even with them yelling and screaming, and when she couldn't even try to imagine something worse, she felt her body freeze up. completely locking up in fear as she felt something against her back. A body standing behind her and a breath softly breathing in her neck.

She felt it. She knew it. It was so familiar.

The yelling died down. They had both noticed. They had both seen the redhead as she stood there. Behind Laura. Watching them with two big eyes.

She could feel her own body slowly move away from the redhead. Taking a step forward before turning around to look at her, before slowly backing up, as if this wasn't a real being in front of her.

Natasha was looking at them. She was completely white in her face and her eyes were huge staring at them in hurt and disbelief.

Laura hadn't had the opportunity to get a good look at her in a while. But there she was, standing in front of them. She only had a loose t-shirt on, barely hanging it one of her shoulder and falling off the other injured side revealing the nasty injury. Her shoulder was destroyed, clearly taken most of the impact as when she fell. It was blue and green, and you could see how it had completely locked out of place before getting relocated later on. And while Maria had taped the shit out of it already Natasha didn't seem to care about the sling, or the brace Maria had recommended her using.

On her bottom half, she had some short. You could still see the big marks from her sliding along the floor along her leg. Again, it really just showcased how bad it still was. It was an awful sight.

Laura knew Natasha's health situation was still very server and needed to be taken very seriously, but it was something about looking at her now. Seeing her standing there so small, that made it just 10 times worse.

"Nat, please be careful; I need you to please sit down on the couch okay?" It was Maria who broke the silence as she slowly made her way over. Her body language was low as she tried to reach out to the other woman.

"Do you not care anymore?" Natasha rejected the hand from the other woman only looking at Clint. Her eyes were starting to get red, and Laura could already see the woman was struggling to breathe properly as her body fought the pain and injuries she was most definitely flaring up right now.

"Tasha, no that's not what I'm saying. I just meant that you need medical attention. And this, you being hurt, is a toll on all of us. It affects the kids too. Like when we had that accident with our car because of Lila…"

"What?" Natasha's voice was shaking now, again backing out of the room as Maria tried to close the distance.

"We just didn't want to make it worse on you and at the same time shielding Cooper and Lila it was the best choice." Clint tried again, only to get cut off.

"You sent me away!"

"No, I –"

"YOU PUT ME IN EXILE!" Laura had never heard Natasha yell like that. She barely raised her voice around them, but now she was on full fire. Screaming as her heart was clearly breaking in front of them.

"FOUR MONTH CLINT! I DIDN'T TALK TO ANY OF YOU FOUR MONTS BECAUSE YOU THREW ME OUT. Threw me out when I needed you." The last part was only a whisper. The woman looked at her for a second before she pushed the whisper away.

"I spent WEEKS trying to understand why you would send me away. For weeks Pepper had to watch me crumble because I thought I did something wrong. Something that could have HURT HER TO."

The woman had barely gotten the sentence out before she let out a heavy groan. She turned around and away for a second leaning forward letting out another loud groan holding around herself.

"I did it to protect you!" Clint walked past her and Maria who tried to stop him. He ignored them and was only a second away from the redhead when the woman straightened up.

Her eyes were on fire. And not before she had made sure she was looking straight into his eyes she growled. "No. You did it to protect yourself."

"Natasha how can you say that?! We always look after you!" Laura didn't register she had said anything before it was too late. The redhead only looked at her for a second before turning away. Laura could see the hurt in her eyes as she turned around and took her first step.

Immediately Natasha's legs gave out under her body, only giving the redhead a small second to desperately grab the railing on the stairs.

"NAT!" Maria was beside her before Laura had the time to process what was happening in front of her. It had happened so fast. Laura knew Natasha, and she had witnessed her falling and fainting more than once, but she immediately felt her own body freeze up knowing very well this was already serious.

"Nat!" Maria repeated again holding around the redhead who was now very visibly struggling.

The woman was gasping after air holding over her chest, eyes wide open in shock and pain. Her eyes were focusing on her hand on her chest not even blinking as she continued to gasp.

"Clint get Stark on the line!" Maria ordered still only looking down at Natasha trying to help her down to sit down on one of the steps.

"NOW" Maria yelled when he didn't move, not even giving him a look as she tried to keep Natasha alive and awake.

"Nat, take a deep breath I need you to try to calm down. Nat, listen to me." Maria was already starting to struggle to keep Natasha still in her arms giving Laura only a small look before turning her head back at the redhead

Laura could tell it was getting worse as Maria continued to try to Natasha to listen getting more and more stressed when the redhead only continued to gasp holding around herself.

"Yes, she is right here, hang on." Laura yelped as she felt an arm around her waist and got dragged backward. She tried to fight him as he continued to drag her out of the room only throwing the phone to Maria before closing the door between them, shutting them away.

A/N: Before you all hate me, I can explain okay. I do not think Clint is a bad character! BUT in endgame, we saw Ronin, and while this is not like canon and more of like an AU, all of the characters are still like the MCU vibe. Which means still need Clint to end up in a place where Ronin is realistic.

And no, you cannot come for me telling me "oh he killed shit load of people because his family disappeared" because guess what, NAT ALSO LOST HER FAMILY THAT DAY. AND SO, DID STEVE AND PEPPER AND EVERYONE ELSE AND THEY DID NOT TURN OUT LIKE THAT.

So, I've talked about this with a reader of mine (I love you, and you know who you are) and I think Clint suffers a lot from PTSD vibes. Now I don't know much about PTSD, so it will be more of like a guess from my side. But I think when Pietro sacrificed himself for Clint, and then at the same time kinda landing Wanda as someone he felt he was a caregiver for/got a more parent-like role for, he really felt like the need for protecting them. All of them, his family. To make sure nothing like that happened again.

You see it in civil war as well. How he goes after Wanda and get very protective over her. And yes, I do believe regardless of Ultron events Clint would be team cap, not just bc of Wanda and everything that happened there. But I do think he identified even more as team cap bc of that too.

Team cap stood for the idea of being able to do whatever they needed/wanted if they believed it would result in the right things /their values (and not really caring that much of the aftermath). For Clint being able to do something kinda rebellious to protect his family for sure seems like a thing he would do, and cap's side was the closet to supporting that.

That is why I think Clint could have pushed Nat away if it meant his family would be safe (or safer or whatever). While I still think he loves Nat very much, the family he made with Laura, the three kids, and her, would always be his priority, with the one exception of Wanda. This is even partly confirmed when Natasha asks, "we are still friends right" and he answers "depends how hard you hit me". Translated to "Depends on how big of a threat you want to be to me and my family right now being on Tony's side"

Again, back to CW and team cap, do I think Nat talked to the Barton's about the accords, (they even confirmed this by saying he retired), but Clint chose to not be involved (retired) because that was a risk. UNTIL Cap was like "oh and Wanda is being held captive in HQ and not allowed to move" and now, not only Wanda who he counts a family was now involved, cap also pointed out that "yeah Nat who signed the accords isn't really allowed to do anything about even if she wanted or you asked her too, and that's how it will be if Iron man wins."

You see what I mean. He is very protective over his family AND – THAT – NEEDS – TO – BE – EXPLORED – SO – RONIN – WILL – MAKE – SENSE.

Was this chapter kinda extreme? Sure, it was. But was going on a rampage killing everyone even making War machine scared to find you extreme too. Yup.

I'm just trying to make sure it makes a bit more sense writing in Ronin as a part of his character. And now we can get a small peak of at least why the hell he is doing this. (and so I can be even more extreme later on if I want to)

Red, again