A/N: no… I will not give Laura a break. And not Natasha either. You guys, they are literally gonna fall apart because I am mean. Anyways… enjoy as always. I know I enjoyed writing this so xD.

Also, this was actually surprisingly hard to write. And this was also probably not the best chapter to come back to. It's just kinda complicated.

Hopefully, I'll get back into the flow soon. I will try to write every day. Before I could do a chapter every three to max five days. But I'm not sure if I am able to do that anymore xD

Red/ S-B

Laura was sitting in a chair tucked into a corner trying to finish a few emails regarding some of the furniture they were looking at. While it wasn't ideal to distance herself from the rest of the Avengers like this, she just needed the breather. From the kids, from The Avengers. From everyone really.

She had taken one of the smaller common rooms. It was a living room with a small kitchen in it and was mostly used as a backup for the Avengers, or if some of them were having a date night or something. Basically, if some of them needed a break from the rest and also wanted an actual living room and kitchen to hang out in.

She really enjoyed the room and was hoping to maybe be able to make the garage back at their new home something like this. For a small escape for whoever needed it in the future. She still liked the study she had gotten access to. The one Natasha liked to use as well. But this was cozier in a homelike way.

She wasn't sure if anyone were aware she was here right now. She hadn't told anyone, but she was sure they would find her if they needed her. But as for right now, she was not planning on moving at all. The silence from just her own company was just what she needed. It was no sound from anyone else. No kids, no humans. Nobody typing on a pc or reading the newspaper. It was just silence.

Laura had just opened her last unread email on her phone when she heard the door open with a loud bang as it collided with the wall.

To her surprise, it was Steve who walked into the room with Natasha behind him. She lifted her head to see the two of them making their way over the floor in a fast phase. Natasha was pale and clearly tired. It was the middle of the day, but the woman seemed to just have woken up. Or not slept at all.

Steve on the other hand seemed worked up. He seemed upset as he walked. With a big frown constantly keeping an eye on Natasha as they walked barely watching where he was stepping.

"Nat, I need you to listen to me." The man walked past her and stopped in front of Natasha as he tried to block her from moving. He had clearly not noticed Laura, not looking around in his surroundings at all. And Natasha seemed too distant to do so too and mostly just looking on the floor which was very unlike Natasha. The woman only listed her head and looked at him for a second before pushing him softly away before moving towards the kitchen island. Her movements were slow as she moved.

"I don't need you to fuss over me," Natasha said with a very clearly tired voice still trying to get away from the man to make some distance.

"Well, somebody does. You haven't let anyone look at you. And what do you expect from me when you are clearly just avoiding everyone. You didn't even come to the living room today! How is that supposed to make me well better or believe you when you say you're fine!" Steve said continuing to push her more. Laura knew it was a bad idea, but at the same time Natasha needed medical care and she needed to start talking. Maybe Steve would be successful? She doubted it, but at the same time, she really didn't want to jump in now.

"Steve please just…" Natasha let out a small groan as she tried to finish her sentence. Immediately Steve ran up to her and was by her side in what seemed like a blink of an eye.

Laura could only watch as the blond pushed him away letting out another groan in pain, closing her eyes stumbling forwards, only to almost faceplant with the floor, barely getting saved by Steve at the last second who grabbed her arm.

"Friday get Maria." Steve's voice was shaking as he tried to hold around Natasha who only punched after him weakly to get him away from her.

It only took around 30 seconds before Maria ran through the door dashing towards the two of them. Laura had no idea how Maria was able to get here so fast, but now she was here in the room with a very worried look on her face.

She fell down beside Steve not even getting the chance to get close to Natasha before the woman tried to push her away. Maria threw Steve one nervous look as Natasha continued to struggle to keep her upright sitting position and the two others away from her.

"Friday, I need doctor Snow here right now," Maria said as she tried to work out how to help the woman who didn't let anyone close to her. The woman continued to both push and punch after Maria and Steve. But it was no hiding she was getting weaker. She clearly had no energy left in her, and when her body sent out a last wave of pain, Natasha had nothing left in her. Natasha let out a small cry as it hit her, falling onto Maria with a yelp holding around herself. Her eyes were wild, and Laura felt her heart cleanse so she watched Natasha cry out.

"It's okay Nat, she is here soon," Maria said, trying to some instructions to Steve by eyeing and nodding at him even though he clearly had no idea what to do with himself only looking at the woman.

Soon a relatively young woman came running through the door. She seemed to know Maria well based on the looks they exchanged. She immediately ran to the woman's side, helping Maria trying to get Natasha's clothes off to get to the base of the problem. Natasha hadn't let anyone look at her before, and they all knew that was a risk in itself, but now they could clearly see this was a bigger problem than expected.

When the doctor toucher her Natasha reacted instantly. Kicking after the woman as she continued to try to get closer. She was far from actually landing the kick. And Laura was well aware Natasha would have easily gotten away from them on a normal day.

"Calm down it's okay" The doctor tired as she grabbed something from her bag beside her. Laura had no idea what it was before it was already out of the bag and was moving closer to Natasha. Laura's eye widened as the syringe made contact with Natasha's arm. Immediately Natasha's body stopped moving and she let out a loud sight in what heard like relief. Her face softened and even from the distance, Laura could see the whole body finally relaxed.

She watches as both Maria and the doctor jumped into action the second Natasha lowered her walls. Laura closed her eyes as the woman started to cut the clothes off her. She knew what was there. She didn't want to see it again. She refused.

Laura didn't lift her head before she heard the doctor's voice say. "Take her back to her room." Her voice was soft. And she could hear her as she started to pack up her things. Probably ready to follow them into her room or something like that.

When she heard movement as they started to leave Laura opened her eyes to watch them go. To her regret she was just a bit too early, so instead of only watching their backs as they left, she was forced to meet Maria's eyes. They were wild. Angry. Sad. Aware.

She knew. She knew she knew.

Laura didn't sleep that night. She couldn't. She sat in the living room the whole night. Watching the stars pass and the moon rise. That was all she could do. She felt so guilty. She felt sick and didn't know what to do anymore. Lost for both words and actions.

It was around 5 in the morning when she heard the door open. She didn't know who she hoped it was. She just wished it wasn't Maria. But she knew it wouldn't be that simple. She knew it would be her. Who else would it be?

Maria walked over to her slowly before looking at her. Her eyes had calmed down now. She wasn't as mad anymore. But still, it was some anger left, and sadness, Laura noticed, only making her feel worse. She didn't know she could feel more shit than this. But somehow now as she looked at Maria, she did.

"You knew." Maria started slowly looking at Laura with two hurt eyes forcing her to look back at her.

"Yes." Laura only whispered not wanting to look at her but still ended up with her eyes locked into hers.

"Why didn't you say anything? She was in pain. She was hurting. She needed medical attention now and you knew it." Maria's continued looking at her. She didn't sound angry, but clearly sad. And Laura could only nod at this point. She didn't know what to even reply. She knew it was wrong. Of course, she did. But she constantly felt like she was doing something wrong. No matter what and who she was talking to, she always felt like she was doing something, everything, wrong. She had kinda had this feeling linger in the back since she got here. And it only got worse when Natasha finally came back home.

"She told me not to tell you," Laura whispered back with a low voice. She could feel her own tears behind her eyes now. At least she wasn't lying.

"When," Maria answered shortly.

"Christmas time. When she and Wanda came to the farm" Laura replied this time the tears broke through. "I didn't know it lasted. I didn't know she would let it continue to happen. I never thought she would." Laura said looking at the woman with hurt eyes. She didn't know why she was defending herself at this point. She didn't know what she even was trying to defend. She was wrong. She did herself and Natasha wrong. And Natasha was now playing the price.

Maria only looked at her before slowly nodding at the other woman.

They sat there for an uncomfortable amount of time just looking at each other, and when she didn't reply Laura ended up being the one raising her voice again. "How is she?" Laura asked looking down at her lap.

"She is alive. So that's something. She is beaten up. She is hurt. Broken ribs. Under nursed…. Other things… She is just not great. But she will recover. We just need to know why she would do this… all of this. I am gonna guess she didn't tell you?" Maria's voice was defeated. She didn't seem like she had much left in her either.

Laura shook her head. "No, she said nothing. Wanda only told me she came from a mission before they came to us. I know nothing about it nor why."

Laura watched as Maria nodded slowly before saying.

"Pepper is with her now. We are hoping she will talk sooner or later. Bucky doesn't want to talk anymore. Not until she will. He cares about her a lot. For some reason."

Laura nodded. She had noticed that too. How they seemed very close at this point. She didn't know they even knew each other at all. She knew he had tried to kill her a few times, but other that than she wasn't aware it was anything friendly in it.

"I just don't understand what you are thinking." Maria turned to her completely now and looked at her with a very serious look. Caught off guard Laura only shook her head.

"You haven't asked her to talk or helped us when we clearly didn't get through to her. Like when she was on the floor you probably could have forced her down knowing she would listen to you. You didn't move. But Natasha talked to you yesterday. She told me!" Maria stopped herself as her voice got louder, and Laura could already feel herself getting a bit stressed. She didn't know what to do now. She didn't even know what to reply at this point.

"And I get that you are confused and don't know what is happening. And I understand you didn't want to talk about something she specifically asked not to talk about. But you forgave her! After everything." Maria said, the last part only with a low voice. It came completely out of the blue and now Laura was beyond confused. Why wouldn't she forgive her? She could never picture herself forcing Natasha to do anything because they were close. What was she even talking about?

"You should be mad at her Laura. You should... be horrified. Terrified of her and what she did to you. She turned on you. And used your trust. I love Natasha I do but I'm not going to lie when I say, her turning on your family was like she turned on me. And I don't know if I'm ready to forgive that at the moment."

Laura looked at her stunned still completely lost for words. She didn't know what to even feel. Was that why she and been holding back? No! She wanted to give Natasha a new chance, right? She deserved it. Of course, she did. She would never hurt them. Even if what she had done was scary and questionable. She still trusted her. Right?

"All I know is that Black Widow isn't the same as Natasha. And I wouldn't trust her very much. She is fierce and powerful as hell. But she works alone. And I just don't want you to get hurt again." Maria looked at her for one more second before she stood up ready to leave. "I would suggest getting some sleep if I were you." She finished off before turning around walking out of the room not letting Laura reply to her.

Laura continued to look after her way after she had left the room completely. She didn't know what to do. She felt confused and lost. She didn't even know exactly what Maria had meant. But knowing it wasn't the time to just sit around here she finally pushed herself from the chair to maybe at least try to get some sleep. And if not sleep maybe she could at least talk to Clint.

Clint was to her surprise actually awake as she entered the room they shared. Sitting in the bed with his tablet in his hand. He looked at her as she opened the door carefully slipping into the room. The lights were on but dimmed, and she watched as he shifted in his seat as she moved closer.

"Didn't know you were awake?" Laura said carefully as she moved over to the bed to curl up in his arms. He followed her as she moved and opened his arms automatically as she got closer.

"Been awake for a while. Maybe 30 minutes." He mumbled into her hair as he tucked them under the cover carefully. His voice was reflecting her own low tone to try to keep the volume down not to wake Nate.

"Oh. I see." Laura said looking up at him. She could tell he was looking extra closely at her.

"You talked to Maria?" he said with a thoughtful voice. She looked at him almost surprised. She wasn't aware they had talked to.

"Yeah… she joined me in the living room," Laura whispered. She felt so out of place. She had recently. And she didn't like how they all seemed to talk about her with each other.

"She… she said she was surprised I forgave her?" Laura said looking at him with big eyes. She had, of course, told him about everything with Natasha and how they talked a bit in the study. He hadn't said much back then only listen to her. But now he seemed to know a bit more. As if he kinda knew where she was going already. The way he looked at her made her feel uncomfortable. She didn't know why but she felt like he too was judging her.

"Do you… think it was wrong too?" Laura whispered looking at him as if she really had done something wrong. And maybe she had.

"Would you be mad if I do?" Clint said as he continued to hug around her, petting her carefully. It felt so wrong on so many levels. He was going directly against what Laura really thought hers and also his view was on this. But also, against everything she thought they had with Natasha.

"But why?" Laura could only whisper. She didn't want to look at him anymore. She really didn't think forgiveness was wrong.

It was like he was reading her mind because the first thing he said was "Laura I'm not saying I think you being able to forgive is wrong." He stopped and Laura knew he wanted her to look at him. But she didn't want to. Instead, she continued to look at her hands as she listened to her husband talking.

"I just don't believe in forgiveness when you have to do it over and over again. She hurt you. And you know she did. She broke your heart. And this makes it sound like you two are in a relationship or something, but I'm serious. She hurt you. And she used the trust she knew she had from you, and us, to manipulate our actions. She- "

"But she did it to protect us!" Laura cut in turning around in his arms this time. Almost surprised by her own anger and voice as she actually confronted him this time.

"You don't know if that's all she di-"

"How can you say that! She would never put us or the kids in danger!"

"She burnt down the house!"

"She savaged everything she knew meant something to us!"

"She betrayed me!" Laura stopped. She looked at her husband's angry eyes before he let out a sigh. "She told me she would never let anything happen to the kids or you after I was taken by Loki. She promised she would always keep them out of danger." Laura looked at him still not wanting to say anything. She didn't even know what she could say. Instead, they continued to look at each other before she finally whispered.

"How do you know that's not what she did?" She watched as Clint's face softened before he pushed her softly away from his body to move out of bed.

"Well, if it is, she owes me a fucking apology and an explanation," Clint said looking at her before he moved out of the room picking the crying Nathaniel up and with him on the way.

Laura let out a loud sight as she finally got up from the bed. After her and Clint's small argument in the bedroom earlier the same morning, she had ended up getting left alone in the bedroom. She knew she had slept for around 5 hours, but it didn't feel like it, even if that was what the watch told her.

She felt exhausted. Tried from all that had happened the last two days. From Natasha falling through the door, collapsing in Maria's arms, and then both the conversation with Clint and Maria. She felt conflicted. Compromised. As if her feelings just stopped working. It was so much to take in.

"Laura. If I am not bothering you, Natasha is asking for you. She wanted me to alert you when you woke up."

Laura lifted her head as she listened to Friday talk to her. Her voice somehow seemed softer than normal. She didn't know how it worked, but it sounded different. Nicer. Sweeter almost.

She didn't bother to reply. She only walked over the floor and out of the room. She knew Friday could tell Natasha was on the way and she didn't have the energy to keep the conversation between the AI.

It took absolutely everything in her to walk up to Natasha's door and push the handle down under her hand. She could feel the door open as she let her thumb touch the sensor in the underside of the handle. And with one soft swift motion, the door opened so easy and smooth.

Laura took a moment just to look at the blond. She was still not getting over the fact that she was indeed blond now. It was very light blond with some darker browner roots. It really did look real. But it also looked wrong. Out of place. This didn't feel like the Natasha she knew.

She was pale. Really pale. With two tired eyes. Staring at her from her bed on the other side of the room. Two green eyes locked on her face. She could tell Natasha was analyzing her as she was analyzing her back.

Clearly, she had either been completely knocked out or she had finally given in letting the doctor look at her for real this time. She had a new bandage covering the cut on her forehead. Her whole upper body was wrapped as well with a brace on her shoulder too on top. It seemed like a lot. Even for Natasha.

She could see the bruises under the bandages and peeking out from under the small tank top she had on. Dark marks showing off every punch she had let connect with her body. Marks from rope and knives against her skin. On her arms and upper body. And hickies and bruises on her neck. From everyone that touched her on every wrong level. At brunt in her heart seeing all of them. It killed Laura knowing the woman let all of this happen.

"Couple of ribs fractured as well as the shoulder giving in," Natasha said as she watched Laura scan over her body, still not moving from her spot on the other side of the room. It was a wage description. And she knew the doctor had probably listed at least half a dozen other things. Because she wasn't dumb. She could see the damage on her body.

Laura only nodded looking at her. She could feel her heart really starting to ache. She hated watching Natasha in pain. But she also felt some serious guilt and she couldn't shake either one-off.

"What did she say to you?" Natasha pushed herself up in the bed and Laura could see as she closed her eyes trying to process the pain and energy it forced from her. She let out a loud sigh before lifting her right hand to her forehead holding over her face.

"I feel like I'm going to throw up. I don't know what she gave me, but I do not like it at all." Natasha mumbled leaning back on the headboard closing her eyes. Immediately the lights dimmed in the room and Laura couldn't help herself as she spun around in the room trying to understand how that even happened. Was Friday is here monitoring them?

"Are you okay?" Laura asked carefully.

What an actually stupid question Laura. What are you even thinking does it look like she is okay?

She knew Natasha hated getting any types of drugs that were even just a bit stronger than your normal aspirin because it meant it would affect her senses. And was it one thing Natasha hated was it not feeling in control of herself? She rather tank every single gunshot in the world than lose control over herself and the situation.

Natasha let out a small laugh before shaking her head slowly. "I have been better. But also, worse. But I don't know if that's a good thing." She replied still with her eyes closed but still with a small smile on her face.

Laura was debating if she should move over to the bed or maybe stay where she was. But of course, Natasha didn't give her room to think about it for long.

"Laura, please. At least sit on the end of the bed or something I can literally feel your whole body think." She actually opened her eyes again when Laura finally moved. Now that she had invited her over, she decided she could join her up at the headboard carefully slipping down beside Natasha finally closing the distance between the two of them.

"Now answer me. What did she say? And please don't lie, you know I can read them as fast as you can probably think of them. Even if it slightly feels like the room is spinning" Natasha said with a soft voice making Laura nod carefully.

"She just wanted to talk." Laura tried. It wasn't really a lie. Just hiding part of the truth.

"And let me guess. She told you not to trust me." Laura stopped completely and just looked at the woman in front of her for a second. How did she possibly know that? Surely her body language wasn't that obvious that Natasha could actually get that from barely looking at her right?

"She told me she didn't know why I forgave you," Laura whispered making Natasha smile at her softly.

"Well to be fair, I don't know why you did either," Natasha said with a small laugh making Laura give her a surprised, and partly hurt look.

"I am very thankful you did. But you didn't have to. I really put you in danger. And I hid from you. All of you. You understand I need to earn your trust back." Natasha continued softly.

"I just don't understand why I shouldn't," Laura said with a low voice turning to Natasha. When Natasha didn't reply only looking into nothing Laura just stayed silent. The face Natasha wore now. It was completely empty. She was clearly still very affected by what had happened. But it was hard to get a read on her. It felt so unnatural all of it.

Laura closed her eyes for a second before she opened them in surprise almost as fast. Natasha was leaning on her shoulder now. Breathing peacefully as she continued to lean on her. Calm. Not doing anything else. Just sitting there so vulnerable for everything. Like she forgave Laura too. Betting on her own well-being that Laura wouldn't hurt her or push her either.

"Maria knows I know now. About what happened. What you let happen." Laura said with a small sigh, knowing she would ruin the moment. She could feel Natasha tense up beside her, but she didn't move her head from her shoulder still. Laura didn't want to say anything more if the woman did stay anything first.

"How" Natasha replied with a small sharp breath. Still not moving.

"Because was as there when you collapsed in the living room. And she saw my reaction. She saw that I knew." Laura only replied with a low voice, trying to keep it partly normal and calm at least. Even though she knew she wasn't very successful right now.

She could feel Natasha look at her, but she didn't want to look back, she didn't need to see her hurt eyes right now. She knew they were there. Looking at her.

"Right" the woman just answered slowly.

"You know you need to tell them what happened right. Why you did all of this." Laura said with a soft voice trying to talk as normally as possible.

"I don't think anyone would understand" Natasha replied with a small, sad voice.

"You don't know that until you try," Laura said turning to the woman this time, carefully so Natasha and time to move herself from her shoulder. The girl only looked at her not answering.

"Natasha, they need to know at one point. And I think you need to talk about it too."

Natasha took a deep breath and Laura watched her as her eyes looked down and closed for a second.

"I needed to go after him, Laura. Not because Steve told me, but because I know how awful it is. He was brainwashed and I know how that is, how that felt. I know how much it hurt to see part of your real-life just to get ripped away.

After everything happened under the accident. Wanda. It was like she opened my eyes and reminded me of the past. It's hard to explain how it felt. She wasn't in my head like she had done before. It was more… like she just expanded on my own feelings. And for some reason, I just felt and saw James, Bucky.

So, I let them lead me. All of the enemies I already made. Those who would know where he was. I let them do it. Let them use me as a toy. To play around with me. As long as none of you got hurt and it would lead me to him, I didn't mind. I just needed to find him."

Laura looked at the woman as she spoke. She didn't want to interrupt so she only listened, nodding slowly as the other woman spoke.

"But the deeper I went the more I found out. Things I don't think any of us knew. They weren't just one of them they made. They had made others. Stronger soldiers, worse than Barnes. And…I tried to go after them. It was either them or him. If they too were still loose or under somebody's control. I just needed to know."

Natasha stopped completely. She hadn't once looked at Laura as she spoke. And Laura had to move from her spot to get a good look at Natasha's small, sad face. She had closed her eyes and Laura could see how much this all pained her.

"But then I… lost myself. I lost myself in the community again and I didn't know what to do.

Part of me felt almost brainwashed again how just lost myself again. So, when I finally found Bucky and we could head home. I didn't know. I didn't know if I would be safe. Or if I could trust anyone. What if you went after him? Or… I ended up crashing with any of you.

He risked his life for me. Multiple times. And I never asked him to. I never expected him to either. He just did it, as I did for him. It felt like the old days. And I… I thought if this was like the old day you would never let me back. Because what if none of us ever did change? What if all I did was take a huge step back?"

Natasha looked at her, this time with tears in her eyes. Caught off guard Laura could only open her arms as the woman leaned into her.

"I thought I lost what I had with all of you because of what I did. And I didn't want to show Pepper or Maria or anyone what I ended up sacrificing just for him. For somebody, they don't even trust."

Laura held around the woman carefully and let her cry. The woman was shaking now, and she could feel her shirt getting wet with tears as the woman cried and cried. She didn't know what to do, Natasha was completely broken, and it was nothing to do about it. She had never seen her so devastated before. Part of her didn't even quite understand what she had just been told. It was so much to take in.

She couldn't say she didn't know where she was coming from and she was wrong. Because she wasn't. She was right. Everything she had said was real things she knew everyone had thought about. Bucky had been a murderer and none of them trusted him. The second he had shown up everyone had without question turn their back to him. Even Steve had been hesitant. And that was with Natasha around him, somebody they should have trusted enough to lower their guard at least a little bit.

And then there was Natasha. She had chosen to cut everyone out of her life for 4 months just to go after him. She had let people do things that never should be done. Letting people punch her, play with her, and torture her just to go after this one man none of them at this point in time could see any good in.

But of the first time, Laura realized why she let it all slide.

She knew Natasha would never do something like this if she didn't think the person was worth it. She would never do something like this if she didn't think the person was good. But it hurt so much to listen to her talk herself down like that. Especially when she knew, at the end of the day, maybe she was right, and the team wouldn't be able to understand as she did.

Laura had unwrapped Natasha herself and given her the same chance one time before. And while everyone had forgiven her and seen the good in her later on, Laura was the only one that really had had to deal with it. Clint was the one that had brought her in. But Laura was the first person Natasha had let in herself, and in return, Laura had given her all the time in the world to finally break out of her shell.

Natasha would never hurt her. She would never hurt her family. She knew what Natasha had done should have been every reason to turn on the redhead. She had gone against them and played with their trust. But Laura had been there for years. Slowly unwrapping Natasha as she got more real. And she too started to give Laura more and more of herself. And Laura knew that if Natasha believed in Bucky as she did and really thought he was worth all of this. She had to do the same

A/N: this so so messy I'm so sorry. Red, again