Oh how we love you
no flaws when you're pretending
Severus awoke as his internal body clock alerted him to the fact it was time to get up.
A heaviness lay upon his heart and his cheeks felt dry and sore from the salt in the tears he had shed last night. Sighing and running a hand over his eyes disgustedly, he finally turned his attention to the bundle of warmth curved into his side.
He wasn't resentful towards Harry for what he had had to do, it was in no way his fault that Severus had had to kill his best friend to keep Harry safe. Lucius had appeared without warning and had uttered no empty threats. It was certain that if Severus had let him go the Dark lord would have known within the hour and all hell would have broken loose.
No it was himself that he despised the most and had he not sworn to Lucius that there was nothing in the world that would induce him to betray him then perhaps the guilt would be marginally less.
Sighing he extracted himself from Harry and headed briskly for the shower, there was but one way he knew how to deal with his grief and he as going to put it into effect immediately.
Harry frowned in consternation as once again his mate let fly at another hapless student. The vampire seemed constantly short tempered lately and everyone was suffering for it. He moved through the halls with quick and movements, his robes swirling behind him like a black storm and woe betide anyone who got in his way.
Harry could handle all of this, after all only he knew what had caused this sudden increase in snarkiness. What really hurt however was that Severus had shut him out completely and hadn't even bothered to talk to him at all since the night that had caused this behaviour.
It was now more than a week later and Harry had made an alarming discovery, apparently Cupido's suffered from withdrawal symptoms upon being separated from their mates for long periods of time. During the last couple of days Harry had been experiencing severe trembling fits at random and unforeseeable times and was overly emotional for no reason. He also craved Severus's presence with a vengeance and was ashamed to admit he had actually been following Severus around at a safe distance on his nightly rounds of the school.
It was now almost the end of the lesson and Harry had resolved to hang back and talk to his mate if it was the last thing he did, which in Severus's current frame of mind was not so inconceivable.
Packing up his writing tools and parchment he shuffled nervously next to his desk as the rest of the class filed out slowly. He gasped in surprise as his shoulder was knocked into by another passing shoulder and looked to see Hermione stalking past, her nose in the air and her hair bouncing in time to her steps.
Rubbing his aching shoulder he held back tears at her hurtful behaviour and concentrated on not embarrassing himself like he had in Herboligy earlier by bawling all over the place in his over emotional state. Suddenly his knees began to shake and his hand tremble on the desk before him, damn it what a time to have a fit.
Severus briskly shuffled and rearranged the papers on his desk, luckily it was the last class of the day on a Friday so he had the whole weekend off and he planned to completely ignore the piles of paperwork on his desk until at least Saturday afternoon, preferring to stay in bed and wallow for awhile.
Looking up he noticed the lone figure standing forlornly at the other side of the room for the first time and sighing he raised an eyebrow.
"Was there something?"
Harry's eyes widened and seemed to sheen over and become glassy for a second before he blinked and started talking.
"Y-yes there was someth-thing! You've b-been shutting m-me out and I-I'm not g-going to take i-it anym-more!
Severus frowned, "Why are you stammering?" He said rounding the desk quickly to move closer to his mate in concern.
"Why do y-you c-care?" Harry said glaring at him defiantly even as his legs felt as if they would give way under him.
Pursing his lips Severus reached his mate quickly and scooping him up in his arms walked quickly with him out of the door and along the hall to the door of his rooms.
"Of course I care. Dittany." He uttered before stepping through the door as it opened in acceptance of his password.
Moving swiftly through the living room he set Harry on the bed in his living room and knelt down in front of him.
"Now why are you trembling, are you ill? If so I may have a potion that could help."
"N-no potion can help m-me. I f-fear that I am experiencing s-side effects of n-not being with you for a long period of t-time actually."
Severus frowned, "Side effects?"
Harry nodded.
"What do I need to do?"
"Ju-st stay near me."
Severus nodded and sat on the bed, pulling Harry to him and lying down with him.
Severus simply lay with Harry, his arms held tightly round the slight figure and his hand gently carding through his dark tresses.
After a while the trembles started to recede until they were almost gone save for the slightest shiver every now and then.
Harry felt a kiss placed gently on his forehead before he heard his lover's tantalising tones in his ear, "I'm sorry Harry, had I known my actions would have this effect on you I would not have committed them."
Harry pursed his lips at the pain he felt still from Severus ignoring him as he had.
"Why did you shut me out? I-I want-ted to help I could ha-ve-"
Severus tightened his hold on his lover and whispered soft words in his ear as Harry's trembles started up again as he worked himself into a state.
"Shh, I'm sorry, I promise it won't happen again, I'm here my love and I wont distance myself again, shh come on now."
"I wanted to h-help!" Harry insisted, refusing to be molly coddled into avoiding the issue.
Severus sighed, "I know and I'm sorry, I was dealing with my grief in the only way I knew how and that is through strict routine and life as normal and…well you are not life as normal."
"Bollucks!" Harry shouted, his trembles subsiding as he forcefully clamped down on the need to shake. Levering himself up on the bed he looked at Severus straight in the eye, his face red and streaked with tears. "You can't stand to be around me because I'm the reason you had to kill Malfoy! Come on admit it, you just can't stand to be reminded of the fact that you KILLED your dearest FREIND!"
"ENOUGH!" Severus roared leaping off the bed and rounding on Harry with fury churning in his dark eyes, "I did what I did for YOU-"
"You didn't have to KILL HIM!" Harry screamed angrily, on his knees now facing down Severus.
"I HAD NO CHOICE!"
Silence met Severus's tortured cry until after a short pause he spoke in a quieter and much more weary tone.
"If I had let him go the Dark lord WOULD have known about us, whether it be a minute or a day later and then not only my status as a spy would be ruined but any small measure of safety we have here with it. Dumbledore thinks this castle is safe but he is wrong, the master went to school here and considered it his home just like you do now. Do you not think he would have explored and decoded Hogwarts to the best of his ability? A genius like him?"
Severus paused again and dug his knuckles into his eyes wearily, "No he knows something we don't, a chink in Hogwarts armour or something of the like I'll be bound and as soon as we give him reason to he will be upon us like the mightiest Avada Kedavra. So you see I really had no choice."
Harry frowned helplessly, "You could have begged, bartered even-"
"No…I couldn't."
Harry sat back on the bed with a thump, rubbing his slightly sore knees.
"Fine, I can see you had no choice and really I would forgive you anything, I trust you implicitly. But I know that despite your best intentions you blame me in some small way for th-"
"NO! Look it wasn't in any way your fault! How could it have been? It wasn't your fault Lucius dropped by when he did, nor what he saw and it wasn't your fault that he would have told the Dark lord."
Harry bit his lip, "But I can see it in your eyes Severus, every time you look at me, the longer you keep me out, I know that at least subconsciously you blame me for being the boy who lived and for taking so long to destroy Voldemort. After all things would be so much simpler if I were someone else…would they not?"
Severus couldn't deny anymore that indeed this was true if he was honest he'd known it in the back of his mind and sighing he realised that despite his best efforts he had been blaming Harry in some small way for Lucius's death.
Dropping to his knees before the bed he held out his hands to Harry and whispered, "I'm sorry, I understand that I've been a heartless, unfeeling and uncaring bastard and that
I've been shutting you out. Can you forgive me?"
"Of course I can, just please don't do it again."
Severus sighed in relief and shook his head, indicating that he wouldn't before reverently kissing the palms of Harry's hands.
There was a small silence and then, "Severus, you haven't fed this past week have you?"
Severus looked up with a slightly confused expression in his eyes. "What makes you say that?"
Harry shifted closer, tipping his mate's chin to get a good look at his face as he answered, "Neville lent me a book on vampires his Gran sent him from on holiday in Romania, although I don't know anything about your history the general information helped in that it said Vampires age increasingly the longer they go without feeding and I notice you have a few more wrinkles and your skin is slightly duller than usual."
Severus's eyes widened at how well Harry must have memorised his face for him to notice this.
"It could just be grief." He said testing him.
"No," Said Harry still scrutinising his face, "Vampires usually only age from lack of blood."
Ending his examination of his mate's features he dropped his hands and turned his head to the side and exposing his neck and dropping his glamour with a flick of his wand.
Severus's eyes glazed slightly.
"Are you sure?" he asked breathlessly.
"Of course." Harry said beckoning him forward.
Severus practically leapt forward aiming so that his fangs sunk deep into two of the puncture holes. It was true he had missed blood the last week, having fed frequently recently, the blood thirst was much stronger than it would normally be and he moaned in an almost ecstasy driven state as the blood washed over his tongue, salty and hot and saturated with the taste of his mate.
Harry writhed with desire as his blood was sucked almost forcefully out of him, he'd almost forgotten how good it felt to be fed off of and keened with the shock of it.
As one they collapsed back onto the bed undulating together as Severus fed hungrily, almost ravenously.
Harry could smell his mates arousal and a pleading cry ripped from his throat as his own desire rose to meet Severus's and he angled his legs so that Severus's knee was settled snugly against his groin and proceeded to thrust his hips against the firm, warm limb.
Severus moaned once more his voice husky as he detached his mouth from Harry neck, crimson fluid glistening on his chin and dripping down onto the bedspread like paint marking a clean canvas.
Harry's breath quickened at the sight of his own blood spilling from his mate's mouth and if possible he thrust harder, unaware that his skin was already flushed scarlet and his eyes were a fire engine red.
Wanting, no, needing more Harry reached down between them and almost tore the fly of the vampire's neatly pressed, black trousers open and pushed them forcefully down his hips before struggling out of his own, feeling almost naughty as the cool air brushed across his heated skin.
Severus pulled himself from his blood induced haze and reaching his own hand down and enclosed both their heavy, throbbing cocks in his hand, encouraging the dripping fluid leaking from the tips to lubricate their lengths and excite them further.
It didn't take much longer for Harry to thrust his head back and shoot his seed into his lover's hand with a hoarse cry, riding on the intense waves of his orgasm.
Severus trembled as he felt his mate's ejaculate wash over his seeping cock and with a couple more thrusts his semen joined and mixed with Harry's on their spent cocks.
Collapsing onto Harry, Severus thrust his head into the other's shoulder and inhaled deeply.
"Remind me never to be an insensitive ass hole again."
Harry chuckled, "No, you weren't insensitive just grieving, but if you ever are I'll let you know."
Severus smiled and licked Harry's neck clean of blood reverently but stopped when Harry moaned and his cock twitched between them.
"Now, now, none of that, we have to make an appearance at dinner and before that we have to wash ourselves off."
Harry pouted but complied nevertheless, waiting patiently for Severus to lever himself up off of him.
But before he did so Severus leaned down and gazed into Harry's eyes, "You know I feel better already, thank you."
Harry couldn't hold back the happy grin that consumed his face as he shovelled runner beans into his mouth. It felt so good to be reconciled with his mate again that he doubted a dementor could have brought down his mood right now.
Therefore it was only understandable that it took him awhile to notice two pairs of eyes boring into him from across the other side of the table.
Smiling weakly and remembering the bruise on his shoulder he said, "Hey Hermione."
She pursed her lips and folded her hands demurely in her lap.
"I suppose I have no need to enquire as to where you were this afternoon after potions?"
He couldn't help but grit his teeth at her pious attitude, "I don't know, do you have the need?"
Again her lips pursed and her eyes narrowed. "I suppose now you have a Professor for a lover, you believe you're better than us mere students, not only because you're the golden boy but because you're fu-"
"Shh" He glanced around furtively, hoping no one was listening but knowing he couldn't be so lucky.
Hermione however made no effort to lower her voice, in fact quite the opposite, "You ARE fucking a professor and no doubt your marks are benefiting from it!"
"You jealous cow!" He hissed, "You know as well as I that Se- he would never condone-"
"Never condone sleeping with a student?" She laughed bitterly, "It seems that he would and the rest of us less privileged students don't even get this courtesy." Her glance flitted momentarily to the top table before landing back with a narrowed glare on Harry.
"Hermione what on earth is this all about?" Harry asked still in a whisper, trying unsuccessfully to hide behind a particularly large roast chicken.
"What is this about?" She screeched hysterically, "I'll tell you what this is about! YOU are currently fucking the man who modified my memory and that" Here she dropped her voice to a low whisper, "is a vampire to boot and don't tell me you don't get special treatment because of it! I saw how he chewed everyone else out and yet SUPRISINGLY not you!"
"Look it isn't my fault he is my mate" Here his voice rose from its hissed whisper to a loud and confident tone, "and there is nothing I can do about it and nothing I WOULD do about so quite frankly you can shove that in your pipe and smoke it!"
Her mouth dropped and suddenly out of nowhere her palm came speeding towards his face and delivered a stinging slap to his cheek.
The great hall had long since fallen silent and the slap resounded sharply throughout the hall.
Tears gathered in the corners of his eyes and he fought valiantly to hold them back.
Suddenly a soothing hand fell upon his shoulder and the deep but very angry tones of his mate sounded somewhere above his head.
"Miss Granger! I have no idea who or what you are talking about but whatever it is does not give you reason to physically assault another student! You will receive a months detention with Professor Lupin and fifty points will be deducted from Gryffindor!"
The great hall remained deathly silent as she rose and stalked from the hall.
Hey peeps, I'm soz it's late again and THANKYOU to everyone who reviewed.
Crimson Regret