Title: His Last Breath
Author: Miss Myers
Summary: Trying so hard to deal with the death of Tony! I think this pretty much sums up how i felt after i watched it for the 14th time... needed to reflect a little on some good tony and michelle moments, but another fic may follow to recall a few of the best Tony Almeida moments, minus michelle...
This was the moment he had been waiting for. His hand on Henderson's neck, he stood poised over him, the needle held dagger-like in his hand.
His mind was telling him that he could be guilt-free when he did this.
Henderson is a vegetable… he's useless to CTU now. He wouldn't speak, and now he can't. What's to stop me killing him?
He stared down at the lifeless, defenceless body beneath him. He took in the entire sight, his face twitching as an endless battle was fought between his head and his heart. His head was pulling him towards killing Henderson.
I WANT to do this… of course I want to… he's responsible for killing Michelle…But his heart was not entirely in it. Good and pure. He was not a killer. Jack's words echoing in his head over and over, telling him not to do it. He had thought this would help him, his head was screaming his excruciating need for vengeance. He saw endless moments with Michelle in his mind, as if running on a reel of film.
The first time I kissed Michelle… stood in the corridor in the bombed out CTU. The taste of her tears, and the way I held her head. I'd wanted her for so long.
The way she smiled at me that day as I said 'see you tomorrow'… we both knew it had begun.
The day we got married. The firework in my chest as I realised that I was going to be this happy for the rest of my life, not just that day.
Holding her so tight, leaning against the CTU jeep under the sixth street bridge. I thought I'd lost her to Steven Saunders that day. It felt so good to have her back in my arms.
Waking up this morning. Holding her back from coming into CTU. Then cradling her lifeless body in my arms…
I couldn't protect her.
But when he looked deeper, he realised he just wasn't the cold-blooded killer he wanted to be right now. He wasn't the cold-blooded killer that he knew Michelle would hate. His muscles relaxed slightly. He sighed deeply. He didn't see Henderson open his eyes.
The seconds blurred together. Fighting to hold the needle back from himself. The sharp pain in his chest.
And as he fell to the floor, he was struck with the realisation that he could have fought harder to hold that needle back from his chest. Had Henderson killed him, or had he let Henderson kill him?
Writhing on the floor. He felt every nerve in his body stand on end, prickling then exploding. And then Jack was there.
"I couldn't…"
He needed Jack to know, but he realised that Jack was the only one who already knew. Tony had stood there, so many years back and watched Jack embark on the same battle.
His hand around Nina's neck, pushing her up against the car, his gun directed at her face.
The glare of he lights in medical were becoming hazier. Jack was holding his head, telling him to hold on, calling for help.
"She's gone, Jack".
It was all he could utter. The only thing that he needed to say to convey the absence of his will to live.
Because as Tony drew his last breath, he realised that this wasn't really dying.
He'd died with Michelle.