Name: Flannery Chalke
Title: Serenity: Allegro
Chapter 4 – The Detour
Rating: T (for language and implied sexuality)
Disclaimer: All characters (w/ the exception of Liz) come from the mind of Joss Whedon. They belong to him, Mutant Enemy, Fox, Universal, and anyone else with legal hold. I'm just along for the ride.
Please please please review! You reviewers out there, you're wonderful people!
Author's Note: This chapter really was a detour for me. I wasn't going to give Inara screen time except via other characters, but while I was watching Firefly instead of doing homework, I realized that she deserves more treatment than what I was going to give her. This is what I give you now.
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Chapter 4 – The Detour
The crew of Serenity was still reeling several months after they'd stood dumbstruck in the kitchen listening to a hologram no one wanted to believe. So when Inara announced that she would be leaving as well, the silence was thrown aside in exchange for massive uproar. Even Zoë broke composure late one night to beg the Companion in her own quiet way to rethink her decision.
But Inara was set in her way and, gracious as always, would shake her head no when asked to reconsider. Even more disturbing, she never gave a good reason why. "It was something she needed to do" didn't count anyway. No one thought it was possible, but Serenity reached a new level of gloom.
Mal was extremely frustrated. The home that he loved and nurtured had been reduced to a fragment of its former self, decimated in a very short amount of time. He'd cultivated a family and in the space of a year, that family had cut itself in half and reeked more havoc on his emotions than he would ever admit to.
In a desperate attempt to make things right with his world, he stormed in on Inara packing.
"Inara, why the tyen shiao duh are you leavin? 'Cause I can't wrap my head around it. You've got yourself a perfect livin' situation here; you have no reason to leave that I can think of."
"I see you're making thinking a regular habit. How is that working out?"
"Inara, there ain't nothin' funny 'bout this."
"I know. Here's the forfeit paperwork for the shuttle lease and the rent through its end. I believe those were the terms of the contract I signed."
"Oh juh jen sh guh kwai luh duh jean jan. I don't care about the lease or the money. I want you to stay here, and if you're not going to stay, I want a real reason why you feel the need to go. It's only fair."
"It's my business."
"That's not good enough. I don't care what you go tellin' the rest of the crew, I think I got the right to hear the truth."
"Why can't you accept this? Why can't you just remember me here, in my shuttle or on the ship, just remember me the way I am right now. It will help and the pain will fade. You'll be fine, ok? I know it hurts, but you need to accept this."
She brushed her fingers against his cheek, an endearing move that made him stiffen, but he couldn't back away.
"I know what River did hurt more than you've shown. I know how cruel I am to do the same. I know it's wrong to ask you to accept it, but please take it for what it is. I cannot stay here any more."
He broke away, his vision fuzzy, but found he couldn't move further.
"Please Mal, please accept this. Yell, get angry, say something." She was crying now, which gave a desperate quality to her voice. He couldn't stay any longer.
Defeated, he stumbled into the cargo bay and slammed his fist against a pole again and again. He was drowning and couldn't swim up to where the air was. He wanted to scream, to shake her tiny frame and wrench a confession from her perfect lips. But there was no air and no strength to speak.
Images jumbled in forward motion, then slammed to a halt.
Inara shifted from one foot to the other, her skirts swaying softly, very out of character for the graceful Companion.
Always a gracious captain, he had walked her to the top of the stairs of the Companion training complex that would become her new home. Unable to meet her eyes, he did not see her mask slip and show her valiant effort to keep emotion in check.
"I still don't understand why you're doin' this Inara." He finally looked down, but this time it was she who looked away, unable meet his eyes, so, tired and distraught, he extended his hand, stopped, retracted it to wipe on his rumpled red shirt, and finally offered it to her.
She took his hand and shook it gently, a perfect handshake, just long enough and with enough pressure to feel the softness of her skin. He felt the slight shift of her wrist as she pulled her hand away. The wind blew softly on the mountainside and he smelled something nice.
"You know how to reach us if you need anything…anything, you hear, that you could need. You're one of mine whether you like it or not, and I…" He looked away again.
"Yes, of course I'll keep in touch."
Struck by her break from silence, he looked down and immediately wished he hadn't. Her normally perfect face wasn't…right somehow. Smiling, frowning, or creased in outright anger, this was the Inara he knew. The face in front of him, trying to say something and nothing in the same moment, eyes screaming with pain and frustration and the need to run and the want to stay rooted within arms reach, it was all too much to bear. The space between them stretched outward, swirling around their throats cutting off the air, more painful than any moment they'd had on the ship. She turned away first, unable to breath. He heard her gasping sobs but her stride remained regal as she walked away from him. He stood alone on the balcony utterly lost and hopeless, distraught beyond comprehension, feeling nothing but pain and sorrow and too much emotion to stand.
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River took her hands from Mal's temples. He'd fallen into fitful sleep, but River was consumed with residual emotion from the memories. She tried to stand, she had to get away from the toxic waves of pain that washed over her unrelentingly, but found she could not keep her balance. She sat down slowly on the floor next to the bed and pulled her knees to her chest. She wrapped her arms around them and rested her head in the crook of her elbow. Then she cried and cried, long and silent.
Later, Mal shook her shoulder and River slowly uncurled sore muscles. She was still too raw to deal in nothing but truths.
"She was sick."
"I know." He rubbed his face with his hand. "She didn't think she could tell me, but I knew. I wanted her to tell me."
"You loved her. She loved you, too. She did this for love, in her eyes anyway; didn't want you to see her as she would become. She wanted to stay beautiful for you, even if
only in memory."
"How is she?"
"She's always in pain."
Mal looked away.
"She's on medications that slow the degeneration. I don't know how long it will keep her. She's lasted this long, but it costs her a lot."
"She could never tell me that she loved me."
"Neither could you. But she knew."
River stood.
"You should tell her before she passes. I think she'd like to hear it."
River climbed up the ladder leaving Mal to tend his hangover, and opened the hatch just as Kaylee was leaving hers.
"River, what have you been up to?" She smiled conspiratorially.
"Are you an' the Captain…"
"No, he'd just had too much to drink."
Kaylee grinned, still not quite convinced.
"Well that's too bad, 'cause the Capt'n sure could use some attention to…"
"Kaylee! He already gets plenty of attention from Serenity."
"Sure, but a ship can't do for a man what a good tumble…"
"Shhh! She'll hear you!" River smiled and stroked the metal lovingly. Kaylee started to giggle, and soon peals of laughter echoed through the halls. They stumbled into the kitchen and soon were doubled over and gasping for breath. Simon sipped his tea.
"What, pray tell, is so amusing?"
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No one asked questions when the ship's course was altered or when the planet Honore came up on the radar. No one asked questions when Mal left Zoë in charge of the ship and put on a clean shirt. They all went into Honore-proper and no one asked questions when Mal took off for towards the steps of the Companion training complex. River led everyone to a local restaurant she'd frequented during her stay and no one asked how she knew where it was.
Warm dinner and cold drinks loosened up the tense crowd, and after coming clean about her six-month sojourn at the complex up-mountain, River entertained them with stories of her life there.
"Did you get yourself any trainin' while'st you was there?" Jayne's eyes were glassy.
"Wouldn't you like to know!"
Simon sputtered into his drink. "Jayne, no. River, no, tell the drunk man no."
"Awe, I think it's sweet, River learning to, uh, walk pretty and the like. I wanna see!"
With a smirk, River glided out of her chair and lightly sashayed around the table, her booted feet silent on the wood floor. She picked up Liz's glass and refilled it, bending so her lips almost touched the girl's neck. Liz giggled nervously and Kaylee broke into hysterical laughter. Zoë tried to scowl. River set the pitcher down and handed to the glass back to Liz. Jayne lurched and fell out of his chair, spilling his drink on the floor. His head popped up.
"Looks like I need a refill." Simon slapped the back of his head. River sashayed back to her seat.
"Hey, that is my sister. My sister!" He reached forward and swept her into a hug.
"Did you learn anything else you'd like to share with your one and only brother?" He whispered.
She wrinkled her nose. "You have no idea."
Up at the complex, the mood was much more sober. It had taken him over an hour just to climb the damn steps, and now he had to deal with the devil in the machine. Mal fiddled with a hole in his coat sleeve while he waited for the skittish trainee who answered his ring to call the Greetings Mistress. Such formality made Mal uncomfortable. He wasn't used to it and he hated having to act like he did, which wasn't often, and thus made it all the more unpleasant. The Greetings Mistress entered, sized him up in the space of a second, and gave him a shallow head nod. It was the least formal of the proper greetings, meant to reflect his status or lack thereof, but Mal followed suit, just happy it was over and done with.
"I need to speak with Inara."
"Miss Serra is not receiving visitors at this hour."
"Begging your pardon Ma'am, I won't be but more than a few minutes o' her time. I've come a long way and I'd be mighty pleased if you could bend these rules just the once."
"Miss Serra is indisposed…"
"I know, Ma'am, about her illness. But she's family…"
"Are you related to Miss Serra?"
"Not in the strictest sense o' the word, but she was with my crew on a ship for near four years time and I came to think o' her as such. She left and she didn't think to tell me 'bout her gettin' sick, so I'd just like to see her the once and see how she is, if she's ok."
"If Miss Serra did not feel the need to tell you about her condition, I don't see how…"
"It's alright Naomi," The voice floated out from behind a decorative curtain at the back of the greeting hall. "Please take him to my receiving room."
With a curt nod, Naomi gestured stiffly towards a door at the side of the room. She opened it and led him down a hall and through a series of courtyards. All were decorated with small fountains and statues. Most had seating areas and lush flower arrangements. He was bombarded by the same wistful scent he'd smelled two years ago.
Naomi gave three quick raps on a panel door, turned, and hurried away, glad to be rid of him. Alone in the fading light, Mal suddenly felt anxious and exposed in the tiny courtyard. The door opened and Mal stepped into a large sitting room. Windows in the ceiling opened to the dusky sky and well-placed lights warmed the room with their dimmed glow.
Inara, or veiled figure he assumed was Inara, sat on a low couch and reached for the tea things. Definitely Inara.
"So Miss Serra, what's with the getup?"
"You shouldn't have come here Mal, dong ma? I only invited you here to keep Naomi from hating me because you wouldn't leave."
"Hey, she was the one gettin' all testy. I just wanted to see you."
"Well, here I am."
"But that's not seein' you. You're all covered up." He went and sat across from her on another couch.
Her head and shoulders were swathed in shimmering veils hiding all but her eyes. Even these had lost their magic sparkle and her eye-sockets were sunken and colored like a faint bruise.
"How is River doing? Did she get the fabric I sent?"
"Don't change the subject."
"She was worried, you know, about coming back to Serenity. You wouldn't have recognized her when she showed up here. I don't even know how she knew, though I guess we'll never know how that girl's head really works. It was unnerving, she radiated power but I'd never seen her more lost, even before Miranda when she couldn't tell up from down. She's come a long way since then."
"That came as a shock, hearin' about her stayin' with you. How long was she here?"
"About six months. It was good for her, I could tell. She really came into herself, I think, being around other women, plus girls her own age. Of course, by that age they start to learn the more…intricate skills of a Companion."
"You mean she was…with…?"
Inara laughed. "She was nineteen at the time, not a child anymore. Besides, the Honore training complex is one of the finest in the galaxy. It trains both genders for Companionship. They practice on each other for mutual benefit."
Mal made a face, trying to shake away the image that cropped up. He sipped his tea.
"Why didn't you tell me about you gettin' sick? I get that you felt you had to leave, but why couldn't you tell me?"
"How did you find out?"
"It wasn't long after you checkup on Persephone that you chose to leave. It just took me a while to put the pieces together."
"I see."
"Inara, I want to see your face."
"Mal I think you should leave." She stood up and gestured towards the door.
"Damn it Inara, you're not a leper."
"I may as well be. Do you remember what I told you on the ship, that I wanted you to remember me the way I was then? It still holds. I don't want you to see me like this, and I need you to respect my wishes." She slid open the door.
He stood and walked slowly towards her until they were inches apart. He could see tears welling up, resting against the long black lashes.
"Inara," he whispered and brushed her lips with his. A tear fell.
"You will always be beautiful to me." He kissed her again and again and again and finally she put her fingertips to his lips. She slid the door shut and reached back for the pin that held heir veils in place. She slowly unwrapped them, layer after layer off her head and neck and shoulders and threw the bundle on a couch. Mal reached out and took her hand, pulling her into the light.
The glowing skin had lost its luster and was pulled taught against her cheekbones and jaw. Her beautiful black hair lay limp and thin, its curl loose and lifeless. Her robe hung on bone shoulders and her collarbones lay jagged below her throat. She reached up with a tiny hand to brush away more tears then hugged herself defensively.
"Say something, gorram it."
"Inara, I love you."
This broke her and she began to weep openly. Mal folded her into his chest and let her cry. When she finally calmed, he reached down and cupped her chin, lowering his own to kiss her again. This time she responded openly, wrapping her arms around him. He lifted her effortlessly and carried her to the bedroom adjacent.
"I love you, too."
"I know."
On the bridge of Serenity, River sat back and nodded to herself.
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River felt like her head was going to explode. She'd managed somewhat successfully to block out the emotions and images that cascaded down the steps of the training house and swept round and round Serenity. But then there were Simon and Kaylee who'd drunkenly stumbled down the ladder to their bunk and Jayne with someone and Zoë's constant grief that would have acted as a damper if it hadn't been completely overpowered. River had lay in bed but her sleep dress made her feel stiffed so now she sat curled up in her copilots chair in naught but her undergarments and a shirt trying as best she could to push away the waves of pleasure that whirled around her head. She was failing and she was miserable. Serenity couldn't protect her from herself.
Finally, frustrated, she stormed out of the bridge. Zoë was cutting up an apple in the kitchen, unable to sleep.
"I'm spending the night at the complex."
"I'll let the Captain know."
"He won't be back tonight." She didn't wait for a response. She peeked into Liz's room when she passed the girl's room. She'd fallen asleep on her computer again. River pulled on pants, her boots, and her blue silk jacket. Opening the ramp, she disappeared into the black.
While River was trying to find the complex's hidden elevator in the dark, Mal held the sleeping Inara. She felt fragile, like a tiny, hollow-boned bird whose wing would snap if it fell from the nest in his arms. She shifted slightly, nuzzling his shoulder with her nose. Her eyes blinked open.
"Go back to sleep." He dropped a kiss on her forehead.
She sat up, hugging blankets up around her. She leaned forward to hug her knees. He could trace down her jagged vertebrae if he'd wanted. Her ribs caged her torso.
"Mal," she muttered sleepily, "you can't come back here. This was too hard, seeing you I mean, not being with you. I'm going to keep getting worse and I don't ever want to see what that is reflected in your eyes. It's too painful. I love you Mal, but you need to let me go. I need to let you go."
"Well, hat am I doin' here then? I mean, we just…I thought…" But he stopped. She was right. He loved her and he loved being with her, but love would not conquer what was killing her slowly but surely. Watching her shrivel up and become someone even she couldn't recognize, she would hate herself and hate him for seeing her as anything but the beautiful Inara Serra. Her life was beauty and love, and stronger than both, a firm sense of reality. The Inara Serra he'd known, beloved and praised by thousands, was already gone, a shell of the former Companion who loved the sky enough to leave one of the most beautiful planets in the galaxy. She needed to hide, to fade away, and to leave behind a glorious memory of the galaxy's most famous Companion, and he needed to let her.
"Alright." He kissed her once more and tried to sleep.
The next morning, he dressed quickly and took one last cup of tea with Inara. She was back in the veils again, but her eyes had regained some of their sparkle. He tucked her arm through the crook of his elbow and she escorted him through the maze of corridors and courtyards. In one, several trainees were eating breakfast. One let out an unladylike whoop at several girls dancing. There was no order to any of it, just people stirred by their shared joy of movement. Inara acknowledged the waves in her direction with nods, befitting of her station. It took Mal several minutes to realize that one of the dancers was River, swirling and kicking and laughing. She was spinning round in naught but a red silk robe with an apple in one hand. Inara called out to her and she waved, the apple flying out of her hand. Another girl caught it. She laughed and took a bite. River wove her way through the low tables, stopping to drop a kiss on the sandy hair of a male trainee. He stroked her calf and she mussed his hair, then continued over to Inara.
Breathless, she gave Inara a tight hug.
"I see you were getting reacquainted," Inara laughed.
"I forgot how nice it is here. And the food…I could live here. Not that I'm going to Captain."
Mal's smile wavered, unsure of how to respond to all of this. Sensing his discomfort at, among other things, the state of her undress, she bid the couple goodbye and went off to change, promising to meet them on the entrance balcony in ten minutes. The sandy haired boy got up and followed her out.
"Is he…should I be lettin' Simon know 'bout this?"
"Gareth is a very nice boy from a good family. If anything, Simon should be happy his sister is…interacting…" She burst out laughing. Mal's horror was too funny for words.
River was late for the rendezvous, and when she jogged it, hair mussy and breathless, the conclusion was obvious. Inara had said goodbye to Mal earlier and he turned to kiss her forehead. River and Inara exchanged kisses on either cheek, the proper Companion greeting, and then Inara pressed a cream colored envelope into River's hands.
"Please read this and wave me with your answer." River nodded, puzzled. Mal had started towards the stairs.
"He doesn't know there's an elevator, does he?" She whispered.
"No. The exercise is good for him." With one last kiss, River and Mal left Inara standing on her mountaintop home.
Mal struggled to make conversation as the descended the steps.
"So, you an'…Gareth…"
"He's actually from Osiris, though we lived in different quadrants. He's very nice."
"I'll bet."
She swiped at him.
"I'm glad you took my advice."
"I guess. It was hard to see her like that. But I understand how she feels now, more so than I ever would have if she'd stayed on the ship. I would'a been fussin' tryin' to get her to see doctors and she'd've had no peace in the 'verse. Save for you, I guess, 'cept."
"I know. But even I would've been too much for her. That's why she stuck me on Gareth, and I'd only been here for two weeks."
Mal blushed in spite of himself.
When they got back to Serenity, the ramp was open and Liz was hard at target practice once again. The poor girl hadn't improved much.
"Gorram it girl, stop blowin' holes in my ship!" Mal went up to the bridge to get Serenity fired up and River closed the ramp.
"Liz, eyes open! Both of them." River took the gun.
"Ok, here, close one eye. Now point at the target." River positioned herself in the direction of Liz's finger. She was two feet right of the target.
"See. Both eyes. One won't get you anything but a very angry Mal." She handed the gun back and shut herself up in her bunk. Lulled by Serenity's hum, she had to read Inara's letter, then twice more just to make sure. She fell back on her bed and curled her feet to her chest as Serenity broke atmo and soared into the black.
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River decided not to tell Mal that Inara went off her medication the day they left. Mal had given her the one thing she'd wanted, acknowledgment of a long-held unrequited love, and now she saw no need to draw out the pain of her degeneration. Nearly four months to the day that Serenity pushed off Honore, River woke to the sound of a heart stopping, peaceful, miles and miles away. She said a prayer for the dead and rolled over to muffle her sobs with her pillow. The worst was yet to come.
She didn't want to be the one to tell Mal, and thankfully the job was done for her. He answered the wave the next morning while River flew. It took him several minutes to stop the flow of gibberish doubt and River was thankful she was the one flying.
"River Tam is a passenger on your ship, is she not?"
"She's the copilot. Why?" Mal had gone quiet, and his voice was scratchy with contained emotion.
"She's agreed to preside as High Priestess over Miss Serra's burial rituals."
"She's what? Wait, I don't…"
River punched the autopilot and went to computer.
"I'm here Maiga. Inara gave me complete instructions. We'll be along in two days." She turned off the computer and turned to Mal. He sat frozen, staring off into the black.
"You knew, didn't you, all this time that she was gettin' worse?"
"Yes."
"Why do none of you women like to tell me anything? I would've appreciated some gorram notice." He stood up abruptly and left the bridge. River sighed, punched the new coordinates into the NavSat and sat back down.
They let her off on Honore, promising to meet her on Sihnon, Inara's home planet. Kaylee, always ready with hugs, gave her a huge squeeze. Zoë was piloting. Mal hadn't left his bunk in three days.
River lay still as veiled Companions performed the pre-rituals, the cleansing, the henna painting, and dressing of the High Priestess. She had to be silent until the end of the rituals a week later. When the first part was completed, she turned to attention to Inara. River could barely push open the door to the resting place and spilled scented water on her skirt. She shook and struggled to steady herself as she neared the body. Inara was practically a skeleton. Skin clung to her bones and it was mottled, greenish. Clumps of her hair had fallen out. River set her bowl down, trying desperately not to be sick, and lit incense on a side table. She pulled the letter from her pocket, its edges worn from use, and consulted it once more. She'd memorized it during the second read, but she liked to imagine Inara's voice speaking each round syllable. She folded it and returned it to her pocket, then hit the gong sitting in the corner. Behind a screen, several girls began the mournful death chants and River set to work.
She washed Inara's corpse with jasmine water and a sponge, which paralleled the Companion cleaning ritual performed after every client, then dried her with fine linen. There was a pot of henna on the table, and River painted the patterns and swirls to match her own. She rang the gong again to summon aid and Inara was dressed and jeweled as finely as the greatest head priestesses of the Companion Guild. Her hair was styled to hide the bare patches on her skull.
River was besieged by the sadness of it. Beautiful, beautiful Inara had suffered the worst sort of death. It had swooped down and tortured her, slowly peeling away each exquisite layer and rendered her completely helpless to stop it. She'd endured nearly three years of physical and mental agony that left her a living corpse. Plagued by this by the bitter irony on her walk back to her room, River fell and retched into a potted plant. It took her several minutes to realize that a warm hand was rubbing her back and holding her hair. When she'd finished, Gareth picked her up and carried her to her room. He tucked her into bed and lowered the lamp and she was asleep by the time he'd closed the door.
That night, she dreamed of Mal. He was sick into the waste chute, then stumbled back to his desk to grab a near empty bottle of firewater. He tossed back the last of it, then lurched to bed. The movements of his bed ritual were jagged caricatures of the normally careful Mal. Boots were thrown against the wall, followed by shirt and suspenders, and then he was sobbing with drunken abandon. The two lay floating in space tied together by all consuming grief.
River went with the body on the ship to Sihnon along with the entire training house. The whole chapter wanted to honor their fallen sister. The burial pyre was set on one of Sihnon's lush cliff sides. Looking out of a preparatory tent, she saw hundreds of Companions, people she assumed were family and friends, and of course, the tiny family of Serenity. She knew Mal wasn't there. He sat on the bridge a ways away from the proceedings. River reached out to brush the tears from his face, the image held so fiercely before her eyes, but then pulled back her hand. Nothing but air.
A handmaid repainted her henna and dressed her in flowing copper silk that billowed in the breeze. Her hair was perfumed and jeweled, but finally, she waved the girl away. Leaning over, she said goodbye and kissed Inara's cold lips and then summoned the pallbearers.
She could barely bear the processional. The wind whipped her hair and her gown and the thousands of grief stricken sobs drenched her unrelentingly. She'd had sense enough to prep herself with an injection, and now the chemicals fought against wave after wave of emotion. River wanted to run, wanted to sob, wanted to scream and shower her grief onto everyone else for a change. Instead, she followed the body to its resting place on the pyre and continued with the ceremony.
The Ritual of Ashes took twenty-four more hours of silence on her part, and slowly but surely the crowds eventually faded away. It was Serenity's tiny family, the ragtag bunch that time had whittled down to five, that stayed the longest. They stayed to honor their sister, their mother, their healer, their counselor, their friend, and their love. Eventually they too left, and River stood alone with a gilded jar of ashes that were sprinkled into the wind on interval. When at last this final task was finished, just as the sun was rising nearly a week after she'd woken covered in cold sweat, River trudged back home.
The ramp was down on her beloved ship and the crew stood in half circle, ready to embrace their final member. She approached just as the sun topped the cliff edge. She was breathtakingly beautiful. The molten amber silks swirled and ballooned gracefully, played with by the sea breeze. Her hair danced on it; the sun catching on the tiny jewels braided into the wavy brown and hung on her neck and arms. She was ethereal, a statuesque goddess, and she was theirs.
She walked up the ramp, her face strained. She hadn't cried since that first night and she rocked with the pressure of unreleased emotion. They enveloped her and Mal turned to Simon. He acquiesced with a nod and Mal reached forward and folded the goddess into him. Her sobs broke forth, shattering the silence. They wailed her heartbreak, her pain, her profound loss.
One by one, the crew left the cargo bay, leaving Mal tightly clutching the goddess. River felt wetness on her shoulder and worked her arms free to wrap around his back. She could feel his heart beating through his shirt. He gave comfort without question of his own need for it, though she tried to do the same. He'd had the chance to start grieving, and now he was letting her start to untangle the web the week of silence had locked her into. They stood together, bound by the same love and loss. They stayed enclosed while Serenity broke atmo and flew through the stars towards an unknown destination.
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Authors note: If you caught my Star Wars or Pirates of the Caribbean references, you get an A. If you caught them both, A! And if you'd like to give me an A, or any grade for that matter, (subliminal message: REVIEW!) please do!