Disclaimer: All Drake & Josh characters copyright their proper owners. I just wrote this. Oh, and for this chapter...I don't own "Boy Meets World" either. I don't own the song "I Want to Be Loved" either. That was written by Jon Bon Jovi, Richie Sambora, and John Shanks and is performed by Bon Jovi. Yes, one of the lines is where I got the chapter title.
Author's Note: And so the angsty part begins. Not super angsty, but Drake is NOT happy about his situation.
Chapter Ten: So Who Am I Now?
Drake stood in the center of the living room. His heart began to pound. It was the only thing he could hear. Other than the beating, he heard silence. A silence that he hated. The silence that only existed when he cried about his dad when he was little. The silence that Christine had managed to break, but even that didn't last long when she moved away. What would happen? What was his dad going to say? Did he expect everything to be okay because of this one visit?
Drake didn't hear his dad greet his wife. He didn't hear her tell him someone was there to see him. A seventeen-year-old boy. He didn't hear his dad chuckle and wonder what a boy that age would want with him. Drake only shot back to reality when he was greeted.
"What are you doing here?" Okay, so not exactly the friendliest greeting.
"Six years and that's all you can say?" asked Drake.
"Does your mother know where you are?" his dad continued, ignoring Drake's question.
"I'm sure by now my step-brother has told her," Drake replied. He made a decision not to answer anymore of his dad's questions. He came to him for answers. His dad owed him answers. "I wanted to talk to you. About me and Megan."
"I don't..."
"You OWE me answers. You walked out on us and stopped contacting me. Do you have any idea how much that hurts?"
"I..."
"No, you don't."
Drake's father glanced up at his wife who was standing in the doorway.
"Sweetie," began Drake's father. "Why don't you take Bobby out to dinner. I have to have a long talk with Drake."
"Alright," she agreed. She didn't argue that she'd already made dinner. She could see this was going to be a very difficult situation. She quickly got Bobby ready to leave.
"You're just assuming that I left without good reason," his father stated.
"No, I'm not. How could you walk out on your wife and two children? How?"
"Audrey and I weren't in love anymore."
"So instead of dealing with it like a responsible adult you ran away?"
"That's not what I did."
"Look at where you are! You're on the other side of the country!"
"I never meant to lose contact with you Drake."
"What do you mean you never meant to lose contact? You're the one who dropped it!" Drake was becoming angry with Ford.
"Maybe I did, but that was only because it was becoming too difficult."
"Too difficult to write to your son once a week or call? Too difficult to let me know you cared?"
"I thought it would bother your mother."
"That shouldn't matter. You're my father!"
"Maybe, but Audrey..."
"Is understanding. She was angry with you while you were working through the divorce, but I've never seen her angrier than when you didn't respond to me anymore. I figured she should be angry because you're the one who really broke your wedding vows. The promises."
"Drake, I..."
"No, listen. What you did hurt a lot. I felt like you didn't want me for a son anymore. I lost my dad. A dad I needed."
"Drake, I'm sorry. If I could take it all back I would. I regret what I did..."
"If you really were sorry, I wouldn't be here having this conversation with you right now. You would have stayed in touch with me. Don't get me wrong. I've forgiven you. I can never forget it though."
"Look, you've got a brother now, and..."
"Does he even know I exist? Have you told him about me? As far as I'm concerned, the only brother I have is Josh."
"He's your step-brother."
"Family is more than blood. Josh and Walter—Dad—will always be there for me. And what about Megan? That's the worst of all. She knows nothing about the man who is supposed to be her father."
Ford looked at Drake. It was true, he hadn't told Bobby about his older brother or sister. What could he do now?
"What do I do? Tell him? Is that what you want?"
"I only want you to tell him if you really think of me as your son and Megan as your daughter still. By my standards, you shouldn't. You left us."
"Drake, I'm sorry."
"I told you I forgave you, but I can't do anymore than that."
Drake decided the best thing to do at this point was to leave. Ford was filled with regret, but Drake knew that he was the one who left. He took off on his family. It drove Drake insane.
"I think it's time for me to go," Drake said. "I'll see myself out."
Drake walked away, part of him hoping for Ford to call out to him, but he didn't. Drake finally made his way outside and got a cab. He really needed to clear his head. He needed to think about who he himself was.
Drake lie on the bed in his hotel room, the remains of a pizza on the small table across the room. He figured he'd have to be some kind of a moron to walk the streets of New York completely alone at night. Not to mention his mom would kill him. He was thinking about what Ford had said. Did he really think telling Bobby would make everything better? Drake knew it wouldn't.
Ford said he and Audrey weren't in love anymore. That was quite obvious because they weren't together anymore. Drake decided to ignore that comment.
Then Ford said he didn't run away. What did he call packing his bags and catching the next flight to New York, then? He had simply left Drake a letter by his pillow telling him to email him. That was it. Nothing to Audrey. Nothing to Megan. Of course, Megan was too young, and his problems were with Audrey. No, he'd left the letter for Drake because he was his only son. The only one who would remember. Then again, it seemed that the plan backfired. Had Drake just been a small anchor while Ford got himself in order? It broke Drake's heart when the letters stopped coming. Ford had run away. Run away from his family and the one boy who needed him.
Drake got up and left his hotel room. He headed down the hall to the vending machines. While walking, he stared at the doors of other rooms that he quickly passed. It was difficult to think about everything Ford said. He finally got to the vending machine. He put in his dollar and hit the button for a Mocha Cola. He carried it back to his room. Next, he got up to fill his ice bucket. He was stalling. He didn't want to think about Ford. He finally got back to his room and filled one of the disposable hotel cups with ice and some Mocha Cola. He lie back on the bed. He began to think again. He decided he might as well. He wasn't going to come to a conclusion any sooner or easier.
Ford had said he didn't mean to lose contact. If that was true then why did he? He had six years to pick up the phone or write a letter or send an email. Drake would have taken any form of contact. Anything to know that Ford still loved him. It didn't come. Drake was left to assume Ford no longer cared. It wasn't that difficult to dial a phone number or write or type a quick hello. As far as his mother's approval, she was angry with Ford for dropping contact as well.
Bobby. Maybe someday Bobby would know Drake, but he couldn't be his brother now. He was only five and would never understand anything that was happening. If he did, well, that'd be sometime in the future. Drake decided to wait that one out. It wasn't Bobby's fault. None of it was.
As far as Drake was concerned, though, Josh was his brother and Walter was his dad. That was the way things were the past two years and always would be.
Part of what ate away at Drake as he swallowed the last of his Mocha Cola was that perhaps he dated a different girl every week and could hold onto a relationship for no more than a month was the fact that he was afraid he was going to really hurt the girls the way Ford had hurt his mother. He could tell the divorce was painful for her, but him running away the way he did hurt her even worse. Drake eventually got used to his dating system, and it become natural to him, and that was okay because he found out he liked girls a lot, but it all started because he was afraid of becoming Ford.
That was whatmade him scared to tell Christine how he felt. How could he ever break his best friend's heart? This was why he was slowly fading out of his old dating ways. He found someone he actually did care about and showed him why he was the way he was. Or at least pushed him to find out what that was. That was what made his feelings for her different. He knew what it was like to be cared about and what it was like to care for someone else. She made him want more from a girl than a pretty face and pleasure. She made him want a relationship because he knew how willing she was to care about him. It was a wonderful feeling. A feeling that had been missing from his life for a long time.Yet, he was changing his dating habits, and that frightened him, so he didn't say anything to Christine because he only knew one way to date. Basically, date once or twice, possibly a month, then quit before anyone can run. He'd learned this from Ford because Drake knew how it felt to be hurt by someone you cared about, and he didn't want to give anyone that kind of pain. Of course, it turned into a habit, and he loved it. He was fighting in his head about whether to tell Christine the truth or not.
Drake recalled an episode of "Boy Meets World" that was like this. Angela wouldn't tell Shawn she loved him, even though she did. She broke up with him because she was afraid she'd leave him the way her mother left her dad. That ended happy. She realized she wasn't her mother. Did that apply to real life? "Boy Meets World" always had a happy ending, except for the episode where Shawn and Jack's father died. Everything that happened to Cory in his life though was generally given a happy ending, even if it took a few episodes. Life wasn't like that. Things didn't happen that way. You had to make your own choices. And Ford had chosen to leave his family behind. There was no way Drake would make a choice like that. He knew the pain it caused. So, why was he scared to tell Christine about how he felt? Hadn't he already quit dating other girls because he wanted to spend time with her? Candice had been right about one thing the day he and Christine ran into her. He had made a mistake with the Cambrie twins. A mistake he never wanted to make again. He should tell Christine how he felt. Then again, she'd told him there was someone else. He sighed. The only way to know was to ask. He'd deal with that when she got home from San Francisco.
He turned on the television. There was some kind of concert on VH1 and Bon Jovi was playing. He stopped and listened to the song.
I had a roof overhead
Had shoes on my feet
Yeah, sure I was fed
But no one was there when I was in need, yeah
So who am I now?
Who do you want me to be?
I can forgive you but I won't re-live you
I ain't the same scared kid I used to be
I'm gonna live, I'm gonna survive
I don't want the world to pass me by
I'm gonna dream, I ain't gonna die
Thinking my life was just a lie
I wanna be loved
I wanna be loved
I found a picture
Our so-called family tree, yeah
I broke all the branches, lookin' for answers
Don't you know that ain't how it's supposed to be?
I'm gonna live, I'm gonna survive
I don't want the world to pass me by
I'm gonna dream, I ain't gonna die
Thinking my life was just a lie
I wanna give, I'm ready to try
Willing to lay it on the line
I wanna be loved
I wanna be...
I ain't gonna cry, I don't wanna scream
But I got so much left unsaid inside of me
I'm gonna live, I'm gonna survive
I don't want the world to pass me by
I wanna dream, I ain't gonna die
Thinking my life was just a lie
I wanna give, I'm ready to try
Willing to lay it on the line
I wanna be loved
I wanna be loved
I just wanna be loved
I wanna be loved
I wanna be loved
I wanna be loved
"Story of my life," Drake said. He sighed and picked up the phone next to his bed. He dialed the airport and reserved a flight to go home the next day. He wasn't going to stay. There was no reason to stay. His family was in San Diego.
A/N: What? Me use a Bon Jovi song? Seriously though, I thought it described what was going on with Drake pretty well. People can interpret the song anyway they like...but I thought it worked here. I also threw in a little extra Bon Jovi reference as well. People who have heard the Have a Nice Day album will get it. If you only listen to what's on the radio, well, you won't get it at all.
Like I said before, if you don't agree with the decisions Drake makes, don't worry. They may change, or they might not. For now, he will do his best to stick to his decisions in the last two chapters. But remember, he can only do his best.