Shattered

Chapter Fourteen

Zuko sat down at the kitchen table, his body aching in protest. His firebending training that morning, combined with hours of hoeing and then hours of being basically idle, had made his whole body stiff and sore. He grimaced a little as he stretched out his arms and legs, then turned in his chair to watch Anko. His mouth tweaked up into a smile. The earthbender had been so calm and stoic while treating the bison's wound. Now that she was inside, her true feelings were showing. "Ugh" the woman muttered as she rummaged in her kitchen for something. He couldn't blame her; the farmer was splattered from head to toe in pus and blood from the gangrenous wound. Even the foul smell was following her around.

Producing a scrub brush and a bar of harsh smelling soap, she went to work on her arms, her face reflecting the disgust that she felt. Zuko himself felt filthy just from having watched the operation. Not to mention he had been buried up to his shoulders in dirt and had handled a maggot filled corpse. He shuddered a little, and then his eyes narrowed in thought. His frown deepened as he rubbed the thin scar line on his wrist.

"Hey Anko, how do you know all this healing stuff anyways? Don't tell me using maggots to clean wounds is a standard farming practice. And that earthbending you were using before…" He couldn't quite keep the accusation out of his tone.

Anko stopped scrubbing and regarded him for a moment, her face unfathomable. Then a corner of her mouth twitched upward. "You know, my Grandfather always used to say that people are quickest to see their own sins reflected in everyone else. For instance, people who have been hiding secrets of their own often suspect everyone around them has secrets too. What do you think, Prince Zuko?"

Anko smiled as the teen's mouth opened, then snapped shut. He looked guiltily away. "To answer your question, my grandmother was an herbalist. Lots of medicinal herbs grow wild around here and she taught me how to use them. But no, the maggot trick I learned from an actual healer. I was apprenticed to one for a couple of years, a very long time ago. I'll admit, using maggots seems bizarre, but I've actually seen it work." She snorted. "If you think that was bad, you should see leeches in action." Anko made a face at the thought. "Disgusting, slimy bloodsuckers," she muttered. "And speaking of disgusting…" The woman looked down at herself and shook her head. "This isn't going to work." Anko went into her bedroom and reemerged with a change of clothes and some towels.

"I… didn't lie to you." Zuko said softly as she reentered the living area. "I was banished two years ago; when I got this," he touched his Agni Kai scar. "I lost claim to my title then. So I'm not a Prince, exactly… but I am the Firelord's son." He shifted his weight in his chair and met her eyes. "Do you want me to leave?" he asked quietly.

Anko tilted her head to one side, then smiled at the boy. "You know, I think you're old enough to be judged on your own merits and character." The older woman walked even with him and dropped a hand on his shoulder. She gave it a quick squeeze. "And you've displayed plenty of both tonight. Our arrangement stands, do as you like, that choice is yours. As for me, I'm going to take a bath in the river." "Come on Misha," she called, "I don't feel like swimming with the water rats."

There was a loud thump as the foxcat jumped down off of Zuko's bed. The large red cat came trotting out, following the farmer with tail held high. "And I wanted to get those yams in too…" Zuko could hear Anko grumble as she left. "Damn unexpected company, people just drop in without regard for other people's schedules…" Her voice faded into the distance, leaving Zuko alone with his thoughts. He quickly brushed away unfallen tears. The farmer's simple gesture had been so achingly familiar to the one his Uncle used. The one that silently said that he had done well, that his Uncle was proud of him.

Uncle, where are you? Heart heavy, Zuko sighed. What were the chances of his Uncle returning with a new mission? What could he possibly do that would be equivalent to capturing the Avatar, in his Father's eyes? Damn you Zhao! He thought, but at heart he blamed himself. What would Father think of me now? Here I am, living with an earthbender, aiding the Avatar's allies… He smirked at himself. He knew exactly what his Father would think.

Wait a minute… the Avatar's allies! Zuko sat straight up in his chair. All he knew was that Zhao had captured the Avatar, but the Watertribers would know when and where it happened. Armed with that information and his own knowledge of where and when Zhao had intercepted his ship, Zuko could easily triangulate where the Admiral had taken Aang!

And then what? Go save him again? Betray your country again? And then recapture him and hand him over? You really are no better than Zhao. Excitement faded into frustration. Feeling torn, the Prince scowled. It just didn't seem right, freeing the Avatar just to recapture him, but Zuko wasn't always sure what was right anymore. He loved his country; he wanted what was best for his people, but he had a hard time believing it was the Fire Nation's destiny to rule over the entire world. He had traveled enough, had witnessed enough to realize that somewhere along the line, his nation had lost some of the pride and honor its warriors were once famous for. With his honor restored and his Father's renewed respect, he could cut back on the senseless brutality, the "win at any cost" attitude; but as an exile, he could do nothing.

"Do you think we could have been friends?"

Unbidden, the Avatar's hopeful voice filled his head. Zuko shook the rebellious memory away. Everything used to be so simple: Capture the Avatar, regain all he had lost. When had his life gotten so confusing and complicated? He rested his head in his hands. What was it the earthbender had said? Something about how it was easy to see things simplistically as a child, but as an adult they got more complex. "If this is what growing up is like, then it sucks." Zuko muttered to himself.

One thing he was sure of, even if the Fire Nation did manage to hold on to the Avatar until after Sosen's comet arrived, even if Ba Sing Sei did fall, the world would never completely surrender to his Father. There were too many people like Anko who would never bow down to Fire Nation rule. Zuko gently felt the new scar tissue on his head. Anko was another complicated problem he couldn't quite solve. She had somehow saved him from four full grown men on the dock, and had identified with ease the flaw in his firebending kata; these didn't seem like normal farmer abilities to him. Not to mention how she had stopped the fight between him and the waterbender. He realized that she never did answer his question about her earthbending technique. Instead, purposely or not, she had redirected the whole thing neatly back on him. Zuko sighed. It wasn't as if he thought Anko was a threat to him. After all, she could have harmed him innumerable times by now, but it was very curious.

His stomach rumbled, reminding him that not only had they skipped lunch, but now it was well into dinnertime. He eyed the kitchen with mild trepidation. Cooking was one of the many life skills that Princes weren't expected to learn. Still, of all the problems he faced, this one at least seemed conquerable. As for the Avatar and the rest of his messed up life, well, for now he could wait for his Uncle a little longer. After all, it wasn't as if the Watertribers would be leaving any time soon.

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Anko walked down the path, bare feet moving silently on the soft earth. She was only superficially aware of her surroundings, her body was on auto pilot, her mind mulling over the day's events. It had come as no great shock to discover Zuko's true identity. Anko had long ago begun to suspect the truth behind the pause when he had first given her his name. Rumors that the Firelord had banished his own son had reached even Yopoko. She had recognized the Agni Kai scar for what it was almost immediately. That, in combination with his age and his occasional imperial attitude that went beyond that of normal teens, had been big clues. The final hint had come today when she had witnessed his firebending practice. The only question that had been left was why the heck he was on a small island like Yopoko. Thanks to his screaming match with the waterbender, she felt she had at least part of the answer.

Avatar. Anko had heard the rumors of his return, of course, and had dismissed them as nonsensical Earth Kingdom propaganda. After all, it had been a hundred years since anyone had seen the Avatar. Why would he return now? And yet she now had a large flying bison in her barn, and the Fire Nation Prince himself had shouted about the Avatar being captured.

The earthbender felt a stir of something in her heart and she stifled it quickly. It has nothing to do with you, she reminded herself firmly. Once these kids are gone, things will go back to the way they were; all you have to do until then is keep them from each other's throats. Anko smiled ruefully. It would be a task easier said than done, she knew. Ah well, I may be getting older, but after all I've been through, keeping up with three teenagers shouldn't be that difficult.

The farmer paused. Her feet had faithfully brought her to the swimming hole, a deep, slow moving section of the river. She stuck her foot in the water and shivered. Coming down from the mountains, the river was always a bit cool, which was fine during the hot summer months. This time of year however… Best to just get it over with quickly. Anko dropped her supplies at the river's edge, then backed up and took a running leap off a large boulder. Clothes and all, she cannonballed into the cold water.

"Brrr!" She emerged from beneath the water, shaking the cold droplets from her hair. Misha, who was known to take a swim from time to time, sat at the edge of the river watching intently for fish. She ignored the farmer, who was stripping off her clothes. Wasting no time, Anko grabbed the soap and brush and went to work on her soiled articles of clothing. She scrubbed vigorously until all the stains were gone and they no longer smelled of rotten flesh. Wringing them out, she threw them up on the large rock and went to work on herself. Zuko, she knew, suspected. If he saw her like this, there would be no doubt in his mind. Anko's clothes covered most of her war wounds. The small cuts and burns that did show could easily be explained away as normal farming injuries. Even the burn on the back of her left hand had faded to the point where it drew no unwanted attention.

The earthbender took the harsh soap to her hair, tracing the indentation where an arrow had grazed her skull. A burn mark ran from her knee to mid shin; she had been careless for that one. Most prominently was the sun burst shaped scar on her right shoulder. A direct hit from a fireball had actually melted her leather armor into her flesh. She could still remember the horrible stench of her own burning skin and hair, the unbearable pain that never seemed to end. Thankfully, a healer of the Northern Water Tribe had used waterbending to mitigate most of the damage. If not for him, her arm would be pretty much useless. Now, it only bothered her when the weather was about to change.

Anko sighed. The memories were still so vivid, even after all this time… She pushed the darker ones away. Anko wondered how long it would take the suspicious Zuko to directly ask her what he wanted to know. It had almost become a game to her; honestly answering his spoken questions without responding to his silent one. She finished washing, dunking herself under the water to rinse off. The sun was beginning to set. The sky was turning multiple hues of purple and red. Anko lifted her now clean arms out of the river and watched as rivulets of water ran down her skin. Reflecting the sky, they appeared red. Anko smiled sadly at the irony.

Ah Zuko, if only you knew. No matter how many Fire Nation Princes I save, no matter the number of Avatar allies I aid, not even all the lye soap in the world… Nothing will ever be enough, to wash the blood from my hands.