Shattered

Chapter Seventeen

The earthbender placed her hands on her hips, as her narrow black eyes took in the damage. "Well?" The simple query, though quietly spoken, carried more than enough edge to it. Both combatants instantly found the ground at their feet a fascinating subject of study. Silence. Even the omnipresent sounds of birds and insects seemed hushed, as if nature itself was afraid to attract Anko's wrath.

What… what was I doing? Zuko found himself overwhelmed with fear, not of the earthbender, but of himself. He couldn't even really remember the fight, only that he had completely lost control. That had never happened before, not ever. And the girl, he had almost given her a scar to match his own! His body shook with shame and disgust. What's wrong with me? How could I have gone that far? He hadn't even been able to do that to Zhao, when he had defeated the Admiral in their fire duel. And he hated Zhao. He took a deep shuttering breath, ready to confess everything.

"I'm sorry Anko; this was all my fault."

Zuko's breath hissed out between his teeth as he jerked his head up to stare in shock at Katara. Her fault! What the?

The Water Tribe girl straightened her slumped shoulders and met the farmer's gaze head on. "I started it. And I said some things that I really shouldn't have… and I'm sorry." She glanced sideways at Zuko. "Sorry," she repeated to him.

She was sorry! She was apologizing, to him? Mouth slightly agape, he just stared at her. He didn't deserve this; he was the guilty one. What in the world was the girl thinking? The sound of a throat being cleared jarred him out of his stupor. Anko was focusing on him now, clearly awaiting as explanation. "Um, I… overreacted. I'm sorry too." Zuko almost laughed at the absurdity of his own words. Overreacted? That had to be the understatement of the century. All the girl had done was throw words at him, only words. And in return he had almost…

"Well, I'm not sorry!" Sokka stated stubbornly from his upside down position. "I don't care whose "guest" he is; no one attacks my sister and gets away with it!"

"I see." Anko silently regarded the three teenagers in front of her for a moment before rolling her eyes skyward. "My farm couldn't just attract locusts or aphids like a normal farm. Instead I get a bloody plague of teenagers!" Shaking her head, Anko returned her attention to the teens. "Katara, finish whatever you were doing for Appa. Then I'll show you what plants you need to gather to continue his treatment. He's used up most of my supply."

With a surprised, "Yes ma'am," Katara scurried off. The earthbender turned her gaze to the boys. "You two, follow me."

The earth released Sokka. "About time," he muttered as he brushed his legs off. "I didn't even do anything wrong."

Zuko trailed after the grumbling Sokka, still trying to figure out how he had sunk so low. All the anger he felt, the insane murderous intent… it made him sick just thinking about it. The girl was right; he was a monster, no better that Zhao. Whatever punishment Anko had in mind, it wouldn't be nearly enough. There was no excuse for what he had almost done.

The small group stopped in front of a large weed covered mound. "What's this?" Sokka asked.

"Fertilizer, from when this farm used to raise jackalopes and duckens. There are wheelbarrows and shovels in the barn. Fertilize the northern most field and the grapple berry vines. One-half shovel full per plant." Anko turned to leave.

"Wait a minute; you've got to be kidding! That'll take us forever."

"You'd better get started then." The woman's short, slipped words indicated she would tolerate no argument.

Sokka eyed her incredulously as again she turned away. Under his breath he muttered, "Right, I get to move shit all day with Prince Personality and Katara only has to play with plants? That's real fair."

"Because Katara I like." Anko threw the words over her shoulder as she walked off, then paused to turn back to the teens. "There will be no further trouble." She didn't bother to add a threat. She didn't have to, her tone said it all.

Sokka waited until Anko was out of sight before turning to Zuko. He jabbed a finger at the Fire Nation Prince. 'Look, I don't care who you are or how strong or powerful. You touch my sister again and I'll find a way to hurt you." To his surprise, Zuko made no retort. The Fire Nation teen just stared at him for a moment before nodding once silently. Then he turned and walked towards the barn, leaving a dumbfounded Sokka in his wake.

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"Here, this is the one you want." Katara closely inspected the plant Anko pointed to, trying to memorize its characteristics. "On this one, you want the nodules that grow on its roots, so be careful how you dig it up." Anko demonstrated the proper harvesting technique. "Because this kills the plant, make sure you don't harvest too many in one area." The farmer stood back up with a grunt and brushed her knees off. "I think that's it. You all set?"

Katara nodded slowly. She felt she understood what she needed to in order to harvest the medicinal plants; what she didn't understand was why she wasn't being punished like the boys. The earthbender was still clearly displeased; her voice hadn't lost its sharp edge, which didn't exactly encourage questions. Still… "Um…Anko? Why am I doing this?"

The older woman regarded her with surprise. "I told you, your bison has about cleaned me out of these plants." Anko's head tilted slightly. "Or do you mean, why aren't you shoveling manure with your brother?" At Katara's nod, the woman spared her a brief smile. "You were the first one adult enough to look me in the eyes and admit your guilt without making any excuses. I respect that."

Katara flushed a little, feeling surprised and pleased at the compliment. Anko's voice softened a touch. "It's not that I blame your brother so much either. His intentions were honorable enough, but sometimes you just have to work the orneriness out of people." She turned to leave, then paused. "You know, it takes a lot of discipline to teach yourself bending. If you ever find a master, you'll be a force to be reckoned with. Just remember, even the strongest of waterbenders know that they will get burned if they play too often with fire." With a final nod to the girl, Anko left.

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The foxcat paused to thoroughly sniff the perimeter of a rabbit hole, sticking its head clear in before jerking it out and shaking the dirt out of its fur. She looked up expectantly at her companion. "No, Misha, I don't think Anko is down there." Zuko said tiredly. "Of course, she is an earthbender. I suppose it's possible."

The foxcat tilted her head sideways a moment, sharp furry ears swiveling this way and that, before bounding off into the woods. Zuko sighed, then trailed after, following the flashes of red through the greenery. Anko hadn't been in the house, or the barn. Nor was she in any of the fields. He hadn't found her at the river either. Since leaving the teens to their work, no one had seen the farmer. Zuko frowned; it wasn't long until sunset and it wasn't like Anko to just disappear like this. She's probably so disgusted that she can't stand being around us anymore. No, that wasn't right. Anko wasn't the type of person to avoid her problems. Unlike me. With another heavy sigh, Zuko continued to follow Misha, hoping the foxcat wasn't just hunting for her dinner. It was better than waiting in the empty house anyways.

"Misha! What are you doing out here? Sorry, but with all the noise I've been making there probably aren't many rodents around."

Zuko's head lifted up at the familiar sound of the farmer's voice, feeling a surprising combination of relief and dread. He picked up his pace and found himself in a clearing full of lechi nut trees. Anko had been removing some of the undergrowth from around their bases. She looked up from petting the foxcat as he pushed his way into the clearing. She raised an inquisitive brow at him.

Zuko paused. He had something important to tell her, but he wasn't quite sure how to say it. He watched as she silently rose and stretched. He hadn't been able to look her in the eyes at the well; he still felt uncomfortably ashamed now. Just be direct. Say what you have to say and all this will be over. He took a breath, then frowned as he noticed something. "Your hand is burned." Not exactly what he came out here to say, but it was true. A fresh burn ran from the back of left hand to midway up her forearm, the fluid filled blisters and reddened skin showing clearly in the sunlight. Anko snorted softly and looked down at her own arm as he continued to stare at it. Zuko had never noticed before, but the old scar on her left hand looked an awful lot like…

Anko raised her hand up, as if to exam her fresh injury closer. She had seen where the boy's eyes were lingering and she wasn't going to answer any questions about that particular scar. "Oh, this? Spilled hot tea, that's all. I'll treat it when I get back to the house." Although it hurt to do so, she folded her arms across her chest, effectively cutting off Zuko's view of her hand. The words she spoke were truthful, though incomplete. After excavating Nanyou and his earthbenders from their mine, Anko had completely collapsed the unsafe structure. Then, in order to dissuade any further mining attempts, she caused a landslide, burying the site in tons of loose shale. It wasn't as if she expected them to be pleased with her actions. But she certainly hadn't expected Nanyou's wife, a woman who had almost lost her husband three times to this mining endeavor, to throw a pot of hot tea at her head either.

Anko snorted again. "Serves me right for interfering", that's what she said. I guess I should have minded my own business and let her husband die in his stupid mineshaft too. Anko dismissed the thoughts of the foolish farmers and focused on the Fire Nation Prince in front of her. "Was there something else you wanted to say?" she asked.

Zuko started a bit at the farmer's knowing words. He frowned at the ground, took another deep breath and met her steady gaze. "I want to go back to the village now. It's time I left this place."

"Why?"

Zuko stared incredulously at the woman. He had expected her to be happy to be rid of him, not to give him an argument. Especially not after… "Didn't you see what I almost did?" he exploded, gesturing wildly with a hand.

"I saw. I also saw you stop before you could do it." Anko shrugged calmly. "Besides, if the girl isn't going to hold it against you, I certainly have no right to."

"The girl! She's an idealistic fool! She has no idea what I…" His hand went up and touched his Agni-Kai scar. "I almost…" He dropped his hand and glared at Anko. "I can't be here anymore! You said it was my choice. Well I've decided to leave."

"Have you apologized to Katara properly yet?"

"Haven't you heard a single word I've said!"

"I'll take that as a "No". Apologize to the girl. You'll feel better if you do. As for the rest… You don't have to leave if you don't really want to. Why don't you sleep on it tonight? If you still want to leave in the morning, I'll give you a ride back to town. That bottomless pit of a bison has eaten most of my oats so I'll need to make a trip there soon anyways."

"You don't understand." Zuko looked at her desperately. "I completely lost control. What if it happens again? What if, next time, I don't stop? I can't be here. I need to get away from…"

"From what? People? Sorry, but the world is pretty well populated with them." Anko gave him a small smile. "For what it's worth, I don't think it will happen again. You know what it feels like now and you gave yourself a good scare. Next time, I'm sure you'll walk away before it goes that far. But you're right. Stay or go; it is your choice. I'm going to finish up here; I'll be back to the house shortly."

Anko turned away, leaving Zuko standing there. He didn't understand. First Katara comes out and takes the blame for their fight and now Anko shrugs off the whole incident as if it was nothing. I don't really want to leave. The quiet mutinous thought startled him. No… no, he had made up his mind. It was for the best; he would go crazy here. At least as long as the Avatar's allies were about. He turned to depart.

"Remember to apologize to Katara," Anko reminded him. "And Zuko… I know it's hard to see, but you are doing better." He glanced over his shoulder at the tall woman. She smiled. "This time you threw your hands up." Zuko blinked, then blushed a little, realizing that she was referring to the difference between his actions today and his inaction the night he was clubbed. Wordlessly he shook his head and left.

He couldn't understand it. How? How could they just forgive him like that? After all, his own father hadn't been able to do so and his sin today was at least as bad as the one two years ago. Worse, for he had betrayed his Uncle, who had taught him that focus and control were the two most important things for a firebender to have. Don't. Don't forgive me. I don't deserve to be forgiven.

Katara stirred the contents of the large pot with a wooden spoon. She looked up as her brother approached. "Mmm, smells great! What is it and when will it be ready?"

"It's mashed oats." Katara laughed at the face Sokka made. "It's not for you, it's for Appa."

"So what am I supposed to eat?" The Water Tribe boy flopped himself down next to the fire with a sulky expression on his face.

"Anko said we could use her supplies; go get something for yourself if you're so hungry."

Sokka made another face. "Have you seen her food? Fruits, vegetables and rice. There's no meat! How can she be a farmer and not have cured meat around? It just goes against the natural order of things. And I need my meat, Katara."

Katara grimaced as the wind shifted. "What you need is a bath! You stink! And I hope you don't expect me to wash those clothes."

Sokka sniffed himself. "Oh come on, I don't smell bad, just sweaty. This is a manly scent."

Katara giggled while covering her nose. "A manly scent? I don't remember the men of our tribe smelling like unwashed socks. Go bathe, or I won't make you anything for dinner."

"Fine, fine, I'll go," Sokka grumbled as he heaved himself to his feet, "Just because I didn't get to frolic around in the forest all day."

Katara smiled as her brother headed for the river. The oats were cooking nicely. She added the medicinal herbs and some honey to sweeten the mixture. "Ahem" the sound of a throat being cleared startled her and she spun towards the noise. Zuko stood there, a good ten feet away, arms folded across his chest as he frowned at the ground. Katara regarded him, nervously wiping her hands on her tunic before forcing herself to calm down. She gave a hesitant smile. "Um… hello."

For once he looked at her directly. "I am sorry." And Katara could tell he was being sincere. "There is no excuse for what I… I'm sorry." He shifted his weight uncomfortably. Sorry seemed like such an inadequate word, but what else could he say? To his surprise the girl's smile widened a little.

"I'm sorry too, for what I said. And don't worry. I won't tell anyone about your…" she made a vague gesture towards his left wrist. "I promise, not even my brother." Katara belatedly realized mentioning his suicide cut was probably not the wisest of moves. "I mean… it's hardly noticeable anyways…"

"…Right," Zuko said softly as he examined the thin scar on his wrist. He was going to have to learn to deal with it, the same way he had his Agni-Kai scar. He only had himself to blame. He glanced up at Katara. She was giving him that look. The same one the Avatar had given him after their misadventure in Zhao's fortress. Zuko wasn't sure whether to feel disgust or jealousy in the face of such optimism. He frowned. "Don't misunderstand. We're still enemies. If we face each other away from this place, I won't hold back."

Katara's face fell a little at his harsh words and he felt a little guilty. But it was better this way. He didn't want the waterbender to hold back or hesitate in combat because of some misguided notion. He'd feel worse if that happened. To his surprise though, the girl recovered quickly.

"Fine," she grinned. "I won't hold back either. But for now, can we call a truce? I mean, I did promise Anko and all."

He blinked at her. Apparently the girl's sanguine spirit could not be so easily swayed. "Truce," he repeated. He looked across the yard to where lights were shining in the house windows. Anko was home. "I should go." Katara wished a good night to his departing back, to which he mumbled a response. It didn't matter if he pledged a truce or not; he was leaving tomorrow anyways. You don't have to go, he reminded himself. No. He had made up his mind. A good leader was supposed to be calm, level headed and decisive. He had failed miserably at the first two, but he could manage the third. Even if he no longer felt the urge to leave, it was for the best.

Zuko took a deep breath of cooling evening air and let it out. A ghost of a smile played across his face. Anko had been right. Zuko had always hated apologizing. It was an admittance to error, a sign of weakness that a would-be ruler couldn't afford to display. His Father certainly never apologized to anyone. But still… He did feel better now that he had said "I'm sorry". He felt better than he had in a long time. It felt good… to be forgiven.