Disclaimers: Still not mine.
Author's Note: After more than a year without updating this story, Chapter 3 is finally up. Feedback is always appreciated. Thank you to MajClementine for her nice commenting and help on improving this chapter.
It Doesn't Matter
Chapter 3: I Am Warmed By Your Friendship Even When You're Far Away
- - - - - - -
"Please mom, don't ask me any more questions. I just can't deal with this right now."
Lorelai laid down beside Rory on the single bed and stoked her daughter's hair softly, "I just can't stand to see you like this Rory. You won't even get up at the call of coffee." She saw a single tear on Rory's ghostly white skin, "I won't ask again, you tell me when you are ready, just eat something."
Rory turned on her side and snuggled closer under the blankets in that warm august day, "I'm not hungry."
She felt more than heard her mom climb out of the bed and leave the room; she closed her eyes hoping to lose herself again in her dreams.
Halfway slumbing into her dreams she heard, "I don't know what to do anymore!... You don't understand Luke, she stopped eating…. I know! I'm even thinking about bringing her to the hospital, at least the serum would feed her but in the state she's in, I'm scared they'll lock her up in the psychiatric ward!"
Rory forced herself to get off the bed, her body aching in muscles she didn't know existed. She managed to walk to the door and as she reached the door knob blackness invaded her.
- - - - - - - -
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Please Mom, don't!" Rory woke up in an unfamiliar room dimly lighted by the sun passing through the curtains, her heart beating faster than she could have ever imagine. She shivered under her cold sweat and snuggled back into bed trying to remember where she was.
The door opened and Tristan came inside the room clad in boxers only. "What happened?"
Rory blinked and pinched herself, was she dreaming or was it reality? Definitely reality. "I had a bad dream I guess."
Tristan yawned and crawled under the blankets, "Want to talk about it?"
She faced him and shrugged her shoulders, "Not really."
He closed his eyes and whispered, "What do you say we sleep a little more then?"
- - - - - - -
Rory woke up in semi-darkness, she felt strong arms holding her and search on the nightstand for a cigarette. Finding none, she sighed sadly, "Where have you put my smokes?"
She felt a hot breath against her neck and heard a grumbled that could have sounded like 'what', 'who' or 'where'
In frustration, she closed her eyes and turned to face her companion and said slowly, "Where… are… MY… cigarettes?"
As she finally opened her eyes to be met with ocean blue ones instead of light brown like she expected, Rory heard, "Your what?"
She rested her head on his shoulder, "I'm craving for a smoke."
Tristan closed his eyes and shrugged, "I'm too lazy to get to my room." Then he turned to be on top of her, "But feel free to go get them."
Rory slowly pushed him off her and stood up and asked playfully, "And where is your room exactly?"
He took her pillow and placed it on top of his, "Right next door."
- - - - - - - -
They were eating in silence on the kitchen counter, the room was dimly lighted but it didn't bother either of them. Rory was uncomfortable, unknowing what she should say or not. Tristan on his side was eating his pasta trying to find a way to ask what had been plaguing his mind since he had found her on the Chilton bench.
As he finished his last bite and took a zip of wine, he finally asked, "So, want to tell me why you needed a place to stay?"
Rory shook her head, "Not really."
He pushed his plate aside to be directly studying her, "Then care to tell me why you came to me?"
Her cheeks were growing warm under his scrutinizing eyes, "Not really."
Tristan took another taste of wine while she finished her plate, "I understand that you don't want to confide in me and honestly I don't really care." He paused for a second, thinking of a way to formulate what he had to say without letting her know that he used to care so much more for her than she'll ever realize. He couldn't let himself be vulnerable again but against his own judgment, the little boy still residing in him asked, "but I need to know, why me?"
Rory took her glass of wine and drank a bit as he offered her a cigarette before taking one for himself. "Short version then." He nodded and extended his lighted lighter toward her, "I needed to get away and I figured no one would look for me here."
He sighed dramatically and touched his heart with one hand in hope to lighten the mood and hide his deception, "And here I thought you just couldn't resist me."
She snorted and slapped his shoulder playfully, "You are so full of yourself."
He chuckled, "Want to go out? You know, get drunk or something?"
Rory shrugged, "Sure, why not?"
- - - - - - - -
They walked inside the bar and Tristan grabbed her hand, a frown appeared on Rory's features. Tristan backed her up a wall to whisper in her ear, "You came in here with me, can't risk my reputation and let you leave with some other guy." He kissed her softly on the lips and walked away to the bar, leaving her to follow him. She simply shook her head and a shadow of a smile appeared on her lips.
Tristan was joined at the bar by a beautiful brunette with sparkling blue eyes, Rory stopped on her tracks to observe the scenario in front of her with an intrigued expression on her face. The girl said something she couldn't hear, thanks to the loud music, and then the girl wrapped her arms around Tristan's neck and kissed him. Rory felt stupid at that very moment, for having spent the last two years in the arms of a jerk while dreaming of another one. Somewhere in her fantasies, she had completely forgotten that Tristan was a womanizer. She shook her head ready to leave but something made her smile evilly, 'Two can play that game.'
Rory walked over to Tristan and the girl who was now laughing at something Tristan had said. Rory slipped her arms around Tristan's waist and whispered seductively, "I don't mind playing games Tristan," she studied the other girl carefully and added slowly, "But she's not my type."
Tristan chuckled and gave her the drink he had ordered for her. She drank it in one sip, her throat burning as the warmth sensation filled her up. She felt Tristan leading her to a table and she sat down.
He was about to say something when the brown haired girl came to sit on his laps, "Tristan baby, what is wrong with you?" He didn't move nor say anything, only side glanced at a squirming Rory who didn't know how to make sure not to become the third wheel, "Everybody knows you and Clarissa are over and that you're back on the market." She kissed his lips softly; pressuring her breast on him, "Then, why blow me off two days in a row?"
Tristan smirked and pushed her off his legs gently as he grabbed Rory's hand to make her come to him. He pulled to make Rory fall in his arms, sitting on his lap. He wrapped his arms around Rory, "Monica, that's because I'm not something you can buy."
The girl's face dropped as she controlled her anger, "For the last time it's Veronica!"
Tristan gripped Rory's hips to bring her closer to him, he looked into Veronica's eyes, "I got Mary here, she's better than you ever were." He started to nuzzle Rory's neck softly, sucking on it a little.
Veronica tapped on Rory's shoulder and asked in a fake friendly tone, "What is your name sweety?"
Rory moaned under Tristan's lips and forced a smirk, "Lorelai." Tristan licked her jaws closing the distance between his lips and hers as he held her tighter, Veronica's features becoming condescending toward Rory. She was about to say something but Rory added with an innocent face, "But so is my mom." She waited for a second and laughed fakely, "So to avoid the confusion, everybody calls me Rory." She gripped Tristan shoulder and feeling bold and annoyed by the girl still standing by and watching them, she kissed his already open mouth, her tongue dancing with his slowly. Then she turned and frowned at the still standing girl, "But somehow, for reasons I used to understand but aren't valid anymore, he insists on calling me Mary."
Tristan chuckled, "Really? Guess I won't have any other choice than calling Rory then."
Rory slapped his shoulder playfully, "Oh, just shut up."
Veronica left in a fury, going to her girlfriends to relate the news that Tristan actually remembered a name.
- - - - - - - -
Rory walked over to the bathroom, splashed water over her face, when a group of girls entered. She turned around slightly dizzy from the drinks she had consumed. She saw a girl walking toward her but she left hurriedly out the door not feeling very comfortable by the malicious glint in the other girl's furious emerald eyes. She walked toward the table she shared with Tristan that was currently occupied by Tristan and five other guys laughing. As she approached, Tristan caught her hand, pulled to make her come closer to him. The guys stopped talking instantly and watched her reaction with interest. Tristan stood up, welcoming the slow song echoing and led Rory to the dance floor without a word.
He took Rory in his arms, kissed her softly before bringing her closer to him, his left hand roamed around her body to find a resting place on her ass. Her eyes shot open wide to look at him as he kissed her strongly, biting her lower lip and grabbed her ass tighter. She broke the kiss, looked intensely into his eyes as he whispered, "Just relax and have fun."
She studied his features intensely, feeling the loneliness and sadness filling her again. She momentarily closed her eyes and decided to let her senses take over, her hands trailed from his neck to his shoulders touching his muscular chest softly as they made their way to meet on his lower back. She let her head rest on his shoulder closing her eyes as she breathed him in, a soft odor of mixed spice, tobacco, alcohol and perspiration. Somehow, that scent brought her back to reality, it was real, contradictory to her dreams she had about Tristan. In that particular moment, she knew that her dreams had only been an escape, that her dream Tristan had been perfected to a 'prince charming' completely different from reality.
That was the breaking moment when she just wanted to forget, to get her life back on track but she didn't know how to do this, how or where to start to fix everything that she had ruined.
Softly, against his neck he felt it more than heard her, "Just one last night Tristan." He couldn't understand why her voice seemed to be begging when he had agreed that she could stay the week but he didn't have time to ponder on the subject as her lips came crashing on his. He chuckled against her lips before invading the inside of her mouth with his tongue.
Tristan broke the embrace after a little moment as the voices inside his head screamed how wrong it was; that is was the time to back out and turn away and was in no shape to deal with an unstable heart and that he could end up more hurt than anything. But then he studied her eyes, filled with passion, sparkling and filled with life like when he had first met her. The want of the chase, of the unknown, to have her once to himself and get her out of his system after was enough for him. He ignored the little voice in the back of his head sobbing 'Don't you remember how much it hurts? Do you want to be a repeated mistake?' He shook his head 'no' only long enough to see her nod in understanding and her eyes cloud with sadness and rejection. He cursed softly has he got hold of the back of head, "Damn it to Hell."
Rory felt shivers run down her spine as Tristan's lips crashed into hers. She never realized when he pushed her off the dance floor but she wondered at one point how it was physically possible to be held so tightly and still be able to breath.
With one last kiss, Tristan asked huskily in her ear, "Let's head home."
She nodded while steadying her breathing while he led her out of the club and called a cab.
- - - - - - - -
Rory and Tristan stumbled out of the cab, never breaking their embrace as they walked toward the front door. He buzzed the ring, too lazy to look for his keys and heard a buzz signaling him that the door was unlocked. Tristan turned the knob, opened the door and led Rory to his room, almost tripping on the step since they never separate their lips.
Tristan managed to open his bedroom door while pulling Rory's shirt off, he pushed her against his bed, already pushing her bra away to suck her nipples as she wrestled to take his shirt off. She moaned and groaned under his expert hands, and felt a warm feeling that she hadn't felt in a long time except in her dreams.
A discreet cough was heard by the door, Rory turned crimson red as she realized that Geoffrey was standing by the previously left open door, she snuggled behind Tristan's back as he turned to face Geoffrey. He snapped angrily, "What is it that you want to disturb me with in the middle of the night?"
Geoffrey bowed his head a little, his features remained impassive, "I'm sorry to disturb you young master, it is just that while you were out, Master Janlan arrived and requested to meet with you with urgent matters the moment you came back."
Tristan groaned, "Can't it wait for the morning?" Rory held him tighter, trying her best to hide her nudity.
Geoffrey turned around to leave and added coldly, "No it can't. Master Janlan leaves town on an emergency in three hours. He needs you to take over some meetings while he's away."
Tristan cursed while seeing the retreating form of Geoffrey. He turned to Rory, kissed her softly and whispered, "Rain check?" With a feather touch, he passed his hand over her body looking at her regretfully, "Knowing my grandfather, he will talk for hours." He backed out of the room never breaking eye contact while struggling to put his shirt back on and closed the door at the same time.
Rory laid back down on the bed wondering what she was suppose to do. Wait for him? She had to admit, the mood was kind of broken for her. She put her bra back on and shook her head sadly. She had just done it again! She had gone for the easy thrill instead of going at it the right way.
As she put back her shirt on and walked toward her assigned room, she remembered that she had never done the deed with Tristan in her dream.
- - - - - - - -
Rory woke up in the morning by the curtains in front of the window being pushed aside. She rubbed off the sleep of her eyes and searched for the responsible of waking her up. She saw Tristan sitting by the window edge with two cup of coffee beside him. He was studying her with a sad look in his eyes, she tried to sound cheerful under his gaze, "You wake me up with coffee? You learn fast."
Tristan distractedly picked the two cups of coffee and sat on the bed. He gave her one, "Fast learner, what can I say?"
Rory realized that he was too quiet for no apparent reasons, "How was your meeting?"
He shrugged his shoulder indifferently, "It ended a little while ago." He watched her sip her coffee slowly, "Why didn't you wait for me?"
She blinked, "What?"
He bended his head a little on the side, "Let me rephrase that. Why did you come for me at all?"
Rory's peaceful face fell and was replaced by a sad one, "I don't think you want to know."
Tristan moved to be beside her and rested his back against the wall, "It's just too weird, you know?" He sipped his coffee and didn't wait for a response, "Years ago, I did wish to have you ring on my doorbell." He paused to finally glance at her, "but right now I wish you hadn't."
She breathed deeply and bit her lower lip, "I guess I'll be out of your way then."
He grabbed her arm gently, "It's not what I meant." She remained still on her motion to leave the bed, "Just tell me why you came to me."
She closed her eyes and rested her head on her knee, "Let's just say that I knew you would be the best way to hurt HIM."
Tristan's hand left her arm as he placed his cup of coffee on the night stand. He retrieved a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and offered her one before lighting one for himself right before lying on his back, "I guess that means you are using me."
She lay beside him, "No. You just don't have the whole story."
He nodded but she didn't see, "Why don't you tell me then?"
Rory breathed too hard as she inhaled her cigarette and whispered, "You'd think I'm crazy."
He putted out his smoke and murmured, "Would you think I was crazy if I said that I dreamed many time that you would come to me and take me away from my nightmares? That was a long time ago, I can assure you." He paused and didn't even look at her before he resumed, "I've used to picture you as the perfect poster girl, the one who might be able to save me. But since we met at the party, I know you are not that girl." He chuckled, "I even hoped I'd never see you again for selfish reasons. Then why did I let you come here then?" He heard her gulp loudly, "I guess, I still can't let go of that feeling that you were perfect. But…" He forced her to look into his eyes, "Just tell me, why come to me?"
She passed him her half-smoked cig and lay back down, "Because I'm waiting for September to come?" She asked hopeful, seeing that a random word didn't do the trick she sat back up and held her head against her knees, "Because I deserve better!" Her body started to shake and she murmured, "Because I never should have been the other woman, I shouldn't be the one going home to a bed alone and empty." She looked at him with empty eyes that chilled him to the bones, "Because I should have gone to PJ Harvey with you that day."
He felt cold and empty; the emptiness in her eyes was too much for him to deal with. He stood up and silently walked toward the door and whispered, "I'm going to take a shower."
She didn't mention that his hair was still wet because she knew that he didn't know what to say.
- - - - - -
Rory looked around the room and bit her lower lip, another dream shattered, but at least, she knew. As she picked up her things, she was thinking that now would be a good time to start her life over, to meet new people and start anew. She sighed at the thought of all the time she had wasted. She went to take a shower, knowing that she would leave without a goodbye right after.
- - - - - -
Tristan sat on his bed looking out the window and wondering how vivid eyes like she used to have could die and leave her empty. He still remembered the chills he used to have every time their eyes met or how his hands would become sweaty from nervosity.
He just didn't know that same girl could make him feel the goose bumps for completely different reasons. He forced his body to take control, to clear his head in hope to find what he should do; help her? Did he feel strong enough for that? Kick her out? That might be the best option, which he could drink away that she ever re-crossed his path and go on with his not caring for anything in the world routine. Or last option, let her decide and if a little bit of the old Rory was still buried deep inside her, she would leave and forget about him.
- - - - - -
Rory dressed hurriedly as she came out of the shower and smiled sadly at her reflection in the mirror. What she saw almost scared her, She remembered many fights she had shared with Paris about not having to use many cream and makeup to make herself look fresh. Now, her face had a ghostly white transparency. She advanced close enough to the mirror and saw light blue lines on her face, she looked at her hands, same blue lines with weird pattern. Her brain told her it was probably her veins showing. She felt a shiver run through her body and walked back to have a good glance at her naked body. Even in the distance, she could see her ribs showing off. She went back to her face, the only thing she could really see beside that veins that she had taken notice of was her eyes, they seems too big and shadowed by blue circle. She approached the mirror again and got almost scared as she saw her eyes reflect on her own skin. She remembered;
"She's not eating anymore, I'm thinking of bringing her to the hospital, at least there they would feed her serum."
She closed her eyes to keep her tears at bay and whispered, "I'm so sorry mom."
She was ready to leave; she would seek Geoffrey to open the gates for her even if that man chilled her to the bones.
As she re-entered the room that had been assigned to her to pick her bag, she was met by Tristan sitting on the bed waiting for her. "I knew you couldn't have changed that much." He saw Rory's eyes glance at her bag that he had carefully placed behind him, "Thinking about running without a thank you, I assume."
She sighed and sat beside him, "I came here to find answers, I had them by the look in your eyes this morning." She locked her eyes with his, blue orbs no longer empty but filled with sadness, sorrow and regrets. "I have to move on now. Turn the page on my past and start anew." She glanced at her hands and started to pick on her nails, "I just don't know how to do it right now." With a determination she didn't feel, Rory stood up and forced a smile as she reached for her bag, "But don't worry, I'll find a way."
Tristan had remained silent and studied her expression, she was reaching out for the doorknob when he said, "You don't have to leave if you need time." He saw Rory raise an eyebrow, "I won't be around much, I have to work in the next couple of days for my grandfather. But you can stay for the rest of the week if it helps you figure things out."
Rory walked back to the bed, "Thanks but I don't think I can do that." She grabbed his hand and murmured, "Not if I want to get over the past, over my regrets."
And there it was again, that odd feeling that had been buried for so long inside him, "Who says you have to get over everything?"
She chuckled and half smiled sadly, "What are you saying?"
Tristan shrugged his shoulders, "I don't know what were the answers you came looking for but even if I'm not sure I would even be good at it, maybe we could try a second chance at that friendship thing you offered back in Chilton."
Rory giggled softly and asked seductively, "Just friendship?"
He nodded almost regretfully, "That's all I have to offer right now." Then he smirked and winked at her, "Of course I can understand your skepticism, knowing how irresistible I am."
The pillow hit his smirk full force.
- - - - - -
Rory was surfing internet while the old movie 'Cry Baby' her and her mom used to mock played in the background. She glanced at the screen as the girl on TV was singing 'Please Mr. Jailman' clad in a red sexy dress. So much for good girls. She sighed, missing her mom more than ever. In the previous days, her life had been TV, internet and sleeping. She closed the lap top on her tights and closed her eyes, wondering how she had ended up here alone. Tristan had been gone every time she had woken up for the previous three days and came back, if he came back at all, after she had fallen asleep. Talk about friendship.
The first day that Tristan went back to work, she had woken up and was met by a hastily written note that was inviting her to feel free to eat anything and to feel right at home. That if she needed some assistance, Geoffrey would be pleased to help her. She had shivered, that man was making her extremely uncomfortable.
After long hours of hiding inside the same room without any thing really entertaining, she had tried to go in search of food and coffee but every time she turned a corner, Geoffrey was there. Frustrated and hungry, she had wondered how this man was able to be everywhere. After the sixth time she had walked back, she had glanced over her shoulder and had run back to her room in fright. She felt as if she had just spent her morning playing 'cat and mouse' with her as the mouse.
She had barely even her breathing that knocks on the door had been heard.
"I'm sorry to disturb you, Miss. Gilmore. But I was asked to be certain that you had everything you wished for. If you would please follow me, I'll give you a tour of the house.
She had followed the man in silence, he didn't really asked her anything either but he simply showed her when everything was as he explained when, why and what rules until they completed their tour in the kitchen.
Once seated with a fresh cup of coffee in front of her, she was surprised that he sat on the stool in front of her. "I get the feeling you are not comfortable in my presence." He didn't let her talk, "But I can assure you that as a welcome guest in this house, I will make my best to assure you have everything you need."
Rory smiled as she laid on Tristan's bed to resume her watch of 'Cry Baby'.
- - - - - - -
Rory lay in bed and felt the pressure of her mom taking place beside her, "What are we watching?"
She smiled at Lorelai, "Cry Baby"
Lorelai stood up and in her usual excited mood exclaimed, "Yeah! And we could also sing along with the bad songs. It's going to be so exciting!"
Rory smiled and agreed silently.
- - - - - - -
Rory woke up but a weight on the bed beside her, she mumbled, "Mom."
"What are we watching?"
Rory turn in the bed to face Tristan who had just arrived. "Cry Baby." She sighed, "I just had a wonderful dream."
Tristan smirked and moved his eyebrow seductively, "Sleeping in my bed can do that to someone."
She snorted, "Maybe in your wildest dreams."
"Want to put one of them into action?" He asked huskily and playfully as he leaned over her.
Rory laughed, the first one in a long time. The feeling of that laugh was so astringed to her but also very relieving, that she didn't stopped when she realized what she was doing. Tristan chuckled and waited as she quieted down, "I just walked right through that one, didn't I?"
He felt proud of himself somehow, not because for once he did have the upper hand with her but because he saw her smile and laugh and in that instant, she was Rory again, beautiful and full of life. "I'd only have to agree on that."
The muscles on her face unused to smile started to hitch, "You are home early tonight."
His eyes became serious and he became hesitant. "I finished what needed to be done and I figured we could do something together tonight." He knew he had to say it, "You know, tonight being our last evening together."
She sobered up from her playful mood, "Last night uh?" She shrugged her shoulders, "I emailed my mom to let her know I'd be home on Friday, what's a day earlier."
Tristan saw her failed attempt to hide her feeling of rejection and extended his arms, "Come here." As soon as she was in the safety of his arms, he whispered in her ear, "Don't take it as if I want to get you out."
Rory slowly pushed him away, "It's okay." She laughed bitterly, "I understand. Don't worry, I'll got pack my stuff and be ready to leave first thing in the morning."
She moved to leave but he got a hold on her wrist, "Rory," he breathed hard, "I wish it was a different timing. I was serious about the friend thing the other night." He saw her eyes shinier than he would have liked, "I got this thing I have to attend every year. This year more than ever, I really have to leave tomorrow; it's not a stupid excuse to get rid of you." Her eyes became hopeful, "This year, I'm hosting so it'll last two week for me instead of three."
Rory smiled bitterly, "So, you want me out to prepare to do things."
Tristan let go of her wrist and was relief to see her standing still without the pressure, "No, I need you to leave tomorrow because I won't be here and my parents are coming back in three days." He snickered, "And believe me, you so don't want to be there for that."
He was relieved when he saw her sit on the bed hesitantly; he took his pack of cigarettes and offered her one before taking one for himself. As he lighted her she decided to talk again, "What you are saying is that while I lived under your roof, you weren't there but now that you can be here, I have to go so you can host an annual party of some sort?"
Tristan laughed, "No, I'm just saying that I need to leave here tomorrow, you are welcome to stay for the next two or three week I won't be here but I'm not sure my parents will think the same way." He saw her soften a little bit, "You can come there with me if you want too. I just don't think it'll be your kind of thing."
Rory dragged on her cigarette and remained silent a little, "Does it mean I have the choice?"
"Yes"
- - - - - - -
Rory sat in her car parked behind a jeep and remembered the goodbyes that had happened two hours ago.
"You are beautiful."
Rory closed her eyes modestly and asked hopefully, "Really?" Then misunderstanding what she could have said herself added hurriedly, "I want to fix things, I don't want to look sick anymore."
Tristan winked at her before slipping her a sealed envelope, "Can I pass on commenting?" He looked at their hands both holding the envelope, "I'll call you as soon as I'm back."
Rory smiled with doubts in her eyes, "Really?"
He kissed her softly on the lips and whispered, "Really."
She got out of the car breathing evenly, walked to the front porch. For some reasons, she felt like knocking but went over her urged; she opened the door and screamed instead, "Honey, I'm home!"
She never saw where it came from, but she was held by motherly arms and sighed in satisfaction for a second or two. Until the craving to open the envelop Tristan had given her that she was still holding came back.
- - - - - - -
Author's Note: Chapter 4 should be up soon.
Didi