On the way to the Mushroom Kingdom, Shadow listened to more of his favorite heavy metal tunes on his MP3 player. Deep down inside, he looked forward to meeting Peach. He wasn't entirely sure why, but he decided that if she urgently needed his help, he better oblige. Eventually, the plane landed at Toadstool International Airport, a mile away from the Mushroom Kingdom's capital of Toad Town. Upon exiting the plane, Shadow found a black 1972 Cadillac Series 75 limo waiting for him, with Toad – that is, the Toad – standing next to the right rear passenger door.

"Hey, you must be the visitor that the Princess was talking about!" said Toad.

"Hmph, just take me to her."

Without further question, Toad opened the door and let Shadow get in, after which Toad took the wheel of the Cadillac. Upon getting in, Shadow noticed somebody sitting next to him: an elderly Toad with a mustache.

"Ah, you must be the young lad that Peach sent for!" said the elderly Toad.

Shadow crossed his arms. "My name is Shadow the Hedgehog. I'm the world's Ultimate Life Form."

"Pleased to meet you! My name is Toadsworth; I'm the Princess' caretaker!"

Toadsworth extended a hand to Shadow, but Shadow refused to shake hands with him, so Toadsworth frowned.

"I'm going to be brutally honest, Toadsworth: I don't like you, I don't like Princess Peach, I don't like the Mario Brothers…hell, I barely even like my best friend. The only reasons I agreed to see your Princess are because I sensed your Kingdom was in danger and because somebody who really mattered to me made me promise to give everybody on this planet a chance to be happy. Now, if you don't shut your mouth, I swear, I'll take your cane and jam it so far up your ass that you won't be able to go to the bathroom for four months. Do I make myself clear?"

Toadsworth nodded nervously. "Y-yes." (Such a pity that today's youth has no respect for their elders.)

One awkward limo ride later, the Cadillac pulled up to the gates of Peach's Castle. Once the gatekeepers let the car through, the car parked off to one side of the stone bridge that led to the main throne room of the castle. Toad, Shadow and Toadsworth got out, and Toadsworth led Shadow into the throne room. Inside, the castle bore a resemblance to how Shadow remembered it from Super Mario 64, barring some small details here and there. While looking around, Shadow inadvertently looked at the ceiling, and everything went white.

When he came to, Shadow found himself flying around a tall tower in the sky, wearing Mario's Wing Cap. The whole experience proved very confusing for him. He'd flown around while Rouge was carrying him, but this…this was too much for him. However, with much willpower and a bit of blooming luck, he snapped out of it and found himself back in the castle. Turning towards the throne, he noticed something unusual…

"Where is Princess Peach?" asked Shadow.

"Ah, she must be in her chamber," replied Toadsworth. "Please, follow me."

Shadow followed Toadsworth up a couple of flights of stairs. In spite of his general hardass attitude, the Ultimate Life Form was a bit nervous about meeting Peach. He'd met her during a couple of Olympic events*, and he'd found her to be one of the most beautiful women he'd ever met. Granted, he wasn't one for long-term relationships, but still, if she ever decided to break things off with Mario, he wouldn't mind having her. In spite of the butterflies in his stomach, he kept his usual iron face about him as he followed Toadsworth. Eventually, Toadsworth stopped outside of one door, which he knocked on.

"Who is it?" asked a familiar female voice.

"Peachy, it's Toadsworth. The gentleman you sent for is here!"

"Please, let him in!"

Toadsworth gestured at Peach's door, and without question, Shadow entered Peach's bedroom. As he'd expected, the walls and ceiling were all pink, and there were a bunch of cute things such as stuffed animals, plus a few paintings of various landscapes. What surprised him, however, was that she had a large Persian rug with her face on it, plus a Dell XPS 17 laptop and some computer equipment on a steel office desk in one corner. As for Peach herself, she was seated at a mahogany table. She smiled and got up from her seat when she saw Shadow.

"Good afternoon, Shadow!"

Peach curtsied upon seeing Shadow, and he bowed to her as well.

"Please, have a seat!" said Peach.

Shadow nodded and took a seat at the table.

"I just made some tea!" said Peach. "Would you like some?"

Shadow crossed his arms. "That depends. What kind is it?"

"It's lemon-flavored herbal tea."

Shadow nodded. "I'll have a cup, one sugar please, and NO milk."

Peach grabbed the kettle, poured some tea into a cup and prepared it as per Shadow's directive.

"Now then, state your business," said Shadow.

Peach set down their teacups and sat back down. "One of my best spies has informed me that Bowser is hatching a really evil plot. She didn't give me a lot of details, but according to her, this is like nothing he's ever done before, and I'm really worried that he might succeed this time. Shadow, please, lend me your strength!"

Shadow crossed his arms. "I'm glad you recognize my strength, but you didn't send the Mario Brothers because why…?"

Peach frowned. "They were already on another mission, and by the time they get back, it might be too late!"

"Then why the hell didn't you ask Sonic and Tails to help you? You have contact information for them, don't you?"

Peach nodded. "I do, but they were taking on Dr. Robotnik!"

"Well then…" Shadow got up from his seat. "I have no interest in your problem. I'm sorry, but you're SOL. Farewell…Princess."

Shadow turned around and headed for the door.

"Shadow…wait!" Peach ran after Shadow.

"Screw you."

"Shadow, I beg of you, come back!"

Shadow paused, turned around and crossed his arms.

"Give me ONE good reason why I shouldn't leave you and your Kingdom to fade to black," said Shadow.

Peach crossed her hands over her chest. "Look, I'm tired of being an object to be kidnapped by Bowser and saved by Mario! I want to step up and be an inspiration to my people! Most of all, I want to give them a chance to be happy!"

Peach's last few words struck Shadow like a bolt of lightning. Looking into her vivid blue eyes as she said these words, he was transported to a darker time about 50 years ago, with familiar words echoing through his head…

"…give them a chance to be happy! Let them live for their dreams…for a better future!"

(Maria…!)

Knowing that he couldn't very well break Maria's promise, Shadow blinked, and he slowly loosened his stance.

"All right, Princess…you win. I'll help you out any way I can."

Peach's smile returned. "Oh, thank you, Shadow! I'm so glad you decided to see things my way!"

"I do, however, have one condition…"

Peach frowned. "Which is…?"

"If you're going to be more than just a damsel in distress, I'll have to teach you something very important."

Peach nodded. "OK. What is it?"

"First of all, does this castle have a huge backyard or any other substantial tracts of land?"

"It does."

"Good."

After tea, Peach led Shadow to the castle's backyard, which was big enough for what Shadow had in mind. He set up a silhouette target in front of a hill, and then carved a line in the ground about 25 yards away from the target.

"What's all this about?" asked Peach.

"I'll explain." Shadow turned to a nearby Toad with yellow spots on its head. "You, make sure NOBODY ventures beyond the line on the ground, OK?"

"OK!" said the Toad.

"Now then, Princess, have you ever handled a gun before?"

Peach shook her head. "No. Why?"

"Well, you're about to learn."

Shadow pulled out one of the duffel bags and pulled out the Beretta 96, plus some Federal Premium Personal Defense Hydra-Shok 165-grain .40 S&W ammo and extra 12-round magazines.

"This pistol is a Beretta 96. Designed and produced by Beretta S.p.A., it's standard-issue for the Emerald City Police Department."

Peach tried to take the Beretta, but Shadow pulled it away.

"Uh uh uh," said Shadow. "Before you begin, I have to teach you the four rules of gun safety: 1. Treat all guns as if they were loaded AT ALL TIMES. 2. Keep your finger OFF the trigger until you're ready to fire. 3. NEVER point the muzzle at anything you don't wish to destroy, and 4. NEVER fire unless you're sure of your target and what's beyond it. Do you understand?"

Peach nodded. "Yes."

"Good."

Shadow handed Peach the Beretta, opened up a box of ammo and took a magazine. Peach was trembling a bit while holding the pistol, knowing that it could be used to hurt people, but on the other hand, she figured that if she was going to be more than a damsel in distress, she'd better get used to handling it.

"You'll also need these."

Shadow handed Peach some earplugs and shooting glasses, which she put on without question.

"Watch closely," said Shadow. "To load a magazine, take a bullet and put it in between the lips on top of the magazine with the bullet facing towards the slanted part of the lips here. Then, press down with your thumb and push the bullet in." He loaded one round into the mag. "Repeat until the magazine is fully loaded. There are different magazines available for the Beretta 96, but the ones I've picked out carry 12 bullets each. Try it yourself."

Shadow handed the magazine and the box of bullets to Peach, who loaded the next 11 rounds without too much difficulty, though having never done this before, she wasn't the quickest at it.

"Now, insert the magazine in the bottom of the grip, bullets forward, until you feel it click."

Peach did so.

"Having done that, pull back the slide and let go to chamber a bullet into the gun."

Though not the strongest person in the world, Peach was able to cock the weapon without too much difficulty.

"Now, look at the safety switch. I turned it on, but to fire the gun, you'll need to use your thumb to push it until it's off, which you'll know because it'll be parallel with the barrel and a red dot will be visible."

As per Shadow's directions, Peach turned the safety off.

"Now, you see that notch in the rear sight? Line the blade of the front sight up exactly with that notch and let that cover where you want the bullet to hit. Gently squeeze the trigger with the first part of your index finger and keep squeezing for a bit after the gun fires. Mind your breathing. Oh, and it may help to support your dominant hand with your other hand."

Continuing to obey Shadow's commands, Peach lined up the sights with the bullseye on the silhouette. Having never fired a gun before, and still rather nervous, her hands were quite shaky, so she took some deep breaths to relax herself. Bracing herself, she applied pressure to the trigger and fired. As the Beretta made the typical "bang" sound, Peach was quite shocked by the recoil, but she was nevertheless strong enough to manage it all right. As for her first shot, it went wide of the bullseye, but nevertheless managed to hit the outer ring on the target. Shadow nodded.

"Not bad," said Shadow. "Now repeat the process for the next 11 rounds."

Peach did so. While not the most accurate shot in the service, she nevertheless found that she was less afraid of the recoil with every shot she took. Various people stopped whatever they were doing to find out just what was making those loud bangs. Soon enough, the slide on the gun locked back.

"Shadow, is the gun broken?"

"No, the slide locks back when the magazine is empty. Press the magazine release button near the trigger guard to eject the empty magazine."

Peach did so, grabbing the magazine before it hit the ground.

"Now, let's load a few more magazines and get some more practice in."

And so, Peach loaded some more magazines and practiced with the Beretta for a bit. Though still far from becoming a pistol expert, she found that she was getting better with each magazine.

"I brought other weapons for you to try out…that is, unless you'd rather keep practicing with that Beretta," said Shadow.

Peach nodded. "I'd like to try something else, please."

"OK, just hand me the Beretta and let me set up a fresh target."

Peach handed Shadow the pistol, and he set up a fresh target. After that, he pulled out the Uzi and its associated accoutrements, plus a few boxes of Winchester NATO 124-grain 9mm ammo.

"This is the Uzi submachine gun," said Shadow. "Designed for the Medenthal Defense Forces and popular with various police and military units around the world – including the Kingdom of Mobius – it fires 9mm Parabellum bullets at a rate of 600 rounds per minute in full-auto mode. With the selector switch, you can also fire semi-auto. Magazines for this gun usually hold 25 or 32 rounds. I brought the 32-round magazines with me."

Peach nodded. Just like last time, Shadow opened a box of ammo and allowed her to load a magazine.

"The magazine goes in the grip just like the Beretta," said Shadow. "However, many submachine guns have the magazine forward of the grip. Pull the charging handle on top once you've inserted the magazine."

Once again, Peach did so.

"To operate this one, set the selector switch to 'R' for semi-auto fire or 'A' for full-auto fire," said Shadow. "Also, squeeze the grip safety on the back of the grip. The Uzi is best fired with two hands, and this one has a folding metal stock. To unfold it, give it a good, solid yank downwards and pull it back. Place your weak hand on the foregrip, that is, the part before the trigger, for support."

Peach unfolded the Uzi's stock, set the gun to semi-auto, took aim and fired. Because the 9mm round wasn't as powerful as the .40 S&W, but also because the Uzi was heavier and had a longer barrel, the recoil was more manageable for her. While her accuracy was a bit better with this gun, she still wasn't an expert marksman like Shadow. Nevertheless, she kept going, determined to be good enough. Having fired a full magazine in semi-auto, Peach looked for the magazine release and was confused when she found it wasn't in the same place as on the Beretta.

"The magazine release is on the bottom of the grip," said Shadow.

Peach nodded and removed the empty magazine. Shadow handed her one he'd loaded himself, and she reloaded. Out of curiosity, she decided to try the Uzi in full-auto mode and was really shocked after firing eight rounds in a single burst.

"Try to fire in short bursts," said Shadow. "The gun will be horribly inaccurate if you just spray bullets everywhere."

Taking Shadow's advice to heart, Peach did her best to not hold down the trigger for too long. At this point, a most curious sensation had come over her: as she fired the weapon more and more, she was getting quite the rush. It was here that she was quite thankful that Shadow had brought firearms along and was looking forward to what else he had in store. After expending two more magazines, Peach handed the Uzi back to Shadow, who set up another target and pulled out the next weapon + ammo.

"What you are holding is the Galil ARM," said Shadow. "Available in either 5.56mm or 7.62mm NATO, this assault rifle has a bipod for stabilization while going prone. This one uses 5.56mm ammo and fires at a rate of 650 rounds per minute. Also note the ambidextrous selector switch. Furthermore, keep in mind that the order of this one goes safe-full-semi, much like the AK-series rifles that it's based on. The magazines for this gun hold 35 rounds, but larger capacities are available. Also, the magazine inserts in front of the pistol grip. The charging handle is on the right side of the weapon. Push down on the stock to fold or unfold it."

Peach nodded, loaded a magazine with military-grade M193 ammo, unfolded the stock, loaded the Galil and cocked it. As with the Uzi, she took a two-hand grip and fired a few shots in semi-auto mode. Owing to the straight-line nature of the Galil's stock, the recoil wasn't exceedingly troublesome for her, but it did kick harder than the Uzi. A few shots later, she decided to try full-auto, which was a bit more troublesome than the Uzi because of the recoil, but she seemed to do an okay job of it. Overall, this gave her more of a rush than the Uzi. Two magazines later, she handed the Galil back to Shadow.

"That was fun!" said Peach. "Got anything else?"

"As a matter of fact, yes…"

Shadow set up a fresh target and pulled out one last gun…

"Last, but most certainly not least, we have the HK21E," said Shadow. "This light machine gun fires 7.62mm NATO bullets at a rate of 800 rounds per minute and is not only capable of semi-auto and full-auto fire, but also three-round bursts. Furthermore, the feed system can be changed to accept magazines or disintegrating linked belts. Currently, this one is configured to use bullet belts, but note that unlike most weapons of its type, the belt is fed through the bottom of the receiver." Shadow pulled out a belt of military-grade 7.62mm NATO ammo. "See the long tab at the end? Insert that from the left side of the gun and pull through the right until you feel it click. However, even before you do that, pull the charging handle on the left side back and up into the recessed opening."

Peach took the HK21E and nearly dropped it.

"My gosh, this gun is heavy!" exclaimed Peach.

"I know it's heavy, but believe me, you'll get used to it," said Shadow. "Here…"

Shadow handed Peach the bullet belt, and as per his directions, she pulled the charging handle back and upwards, as was typical of Heckler & Koch firearms with the roller-delayed blowback action. She also took the belt and inserted it as per Shadow's directions.

"Now, give the charging handle a hard downwards slap to cock the weapon," said Shadow.

Peach gave the charging handle the so-called "HK Slap", thereby cocking the machine gun.

"You know what to do."

Peach set the gun to semi-auto first and fired. Out of all the weapons she'd tried thus far, the 21E seemed to have the most recoil, but because of the gun's weight, it wasn't exceedingly difficult for her to handle. It was only when she tried the three-round burst mode that the gun began to intimidate her.

"If the recoil's too much for you, I suggest unfolding the bipod and firing in the prone position," said Shadow.

As difficult as it was for her to do so with her dress on, Peach unfolded the 21E's bipod and went prone for full-auto mode. The recoil was still pretty frightening for her, but at least the gun was very accurate. In spite of the recoil, Peach really felt alive and found herself wondering why she hadn't taken up firearms as a hobby earlier in life. Granted, her shoulder was quite sore by the time she had expended the whole belt, but still, it was a pain that she decided was worth it.

"Had enough fun, Princess?"

"Definitely! Let's go!"

Shadow nodded. While convinced that Peach would give the Koopa Kingdom hell, he was still a bit worried about her. Then again, he was the Ultimate Life Form, so he felt that together, they'd kick some serious ass.

*Just something I forgot to clear up earlier: this story is unrelated to Terror At the Olympic Games.

Criticism is gold. Negativity and nitpicking are pyrite.