Sorry? But also…I just want to make it clear that Olivia isn't going to be attacked/assaulted so keep that in mind before you start hurling pitchforks! Anyway - moving on. By the end of next chapter…we'll be moving towards resolution ;)

One week.

It had been one full week since she'd last seen Elliot outside of his apartment. One week since he'd taken her on the most romantic night of her life. One week since he'd made her feel things she didn't know were possible. One week since she had almost finally said those three words.

I love you.

She wished to God she could have said them to him but everything happened so fast between Kathy and the kids. And the next thing she knew she was on a plane going to the other side of the country. She just hoped that he had believed what she wrote in the letter, understood what she was saying and would still be there when she got back. Whenever the hell that would be…

One week.

One week in this hell hole. One week of living in cramped quarters with complete strangers. One week of watching these women fall deeper and deeper into the spell of this man who claimed to be the next savior to them all. One week of wondering when and how she was going to get out of this and go back home where she belonged.

Currently, she was standing under the cold stream of water trickling down from the makeshift shower. It was early, very early and it was freezing outside. But it was her morning to set breakfast for everyone and if she didn't at least rinse off, she'd regret it later. She shivered and shook under the spray of water, willing herself to pretend she was somewhere else.

The moment she closed her eyes, she saw him. Just out of reach but she remembered it all. The feel of him. The way he held her, the way he touched her. Even under the cold stream of water, her body reacted just thinking about him and she focussed on a memory to try and soothe her mind.

It had been a long day. A very long day and she was exhausted. She'd barely muttered two words to him when she walked into the apartment. Today was one of those days when she wondered how long she could possibly stay in this job. She was covered in blood. Somehow she was always covered in blood, at least it was someone else's blood this time. He'd given her a look as she entered the apartment but she shook her head, not wanting to talk about it. Even though she was happy to be back at SVU, she knew now it would never get easier handling the victims, the ones that she couldn't save.

Stripping bare, she climbed into the shower, making the dial go as hot as possible. She hissed, her skin protesting as the scalding water beat down on her skin. But she wanted it gone. She wanted the memory of the day gone. The memory of the girl bleeding out at her feet. The girl she'd promised to protect, to take away from the hell she'd been living in. The memory of the man who'd shot her before Olivia and Fin could get to him. Her body ached, her muscles groaning as she reached for the slippery wall, feeling her legs start to give out.

But before she fell, she felt two arms wrap around her from behind. She gasped, she hadn't even noticed that he was there. Holding onto him she cried, "El…"

His shirt clung to him, he hadn't even taken his own clothes off. He'd come rushing to her because he knew her. He always knew her. Reaching out he turned the knob, "Liv, you're gonna burn your damn skin off."

Holding his arms tighter around her she sighed, "I don't care."

"Okay, well I care." He rocked her gently from side to side, "I care…"

The sob pulled in her chest and slowly erupted from her lips, "I wanted-"

"I know." He pressed his lips to the base of her neck and held her tighter as he felt her body shake, "I know. But Liv…we can't save them all."

His voice was low and sad and even though she knew he was right, it didn't make it hurt any less. And suddenly she needed to feel. Just to feel. Feel anything. Anything other than this. Because when she felt this, she remembered them all. The men, women and children whose lives had been destroyed by the evil in the world. She remembered her Mother…and she hated remembering those moments.

Turning slowly in his arms, she reached for him as the water continued to pour down on them, her completely naked, and him still fully clothed, "El…make me forget. Please…please make me forget."

When she looked up at him, she saw hesitance, not because he didn't want her, but because he was worried for her. And that made her love him even more. Leaning up on her tip toes, she pressed her lips to his, "Liv…"

"Please…" It came out as a plea, and she hated how pitiful she sounded, and yet, at the same time, in front of him she didn't care, "Please…"

She saw the lump in his throat before he reached out and cradled her face in his hands, "You're safe here Liv. You're safe." Leaning into his touch she sighed, "I've got you."

He arms locked around him tighter but she felt him shifting them, pushing her back slightly, "El-"

"Shhh." He kissed her once, twice and then pulled away, finally pulling his own clothes off and throwing them in a lump on the floor, the water seeping into the tiles but she didn't care. "I've got you Liv."

The minute he pulled her against him, she felt the tension of the day begin to subside. Her mind was swirling with a million thoughts, but each caress of his fingers, each touch of his lips on her skin made them begin to float away. And she was lost. Not lost in sadness. But lost in him. The only place she could even truly let all her walls down. Her eyes fluttered shut, and her body was loose as he moved his lips lower and lower. She felt the steady drum of the water on her back, beating a rhythm along with his movements and she let him take control, knowing that he was the only thing that could save her tonight.

As soon as his mouth found her, ready and waiting for him she knew she was a goner. His strong hands held her hips firmly in place as he made love to her with his mouth, his tongue swirling around her clit, her feet curling as the pleasure mounted. Any thought of what had happened today, of all the bad days in her life were being taken over by him and only him. Her hands fell to his shoulders, and she felt like she could slip in the tub. Then she remembered he'd never, ever let her fall. Never had, never would. And so she gave him, leaning back further,

"Elliot…" One hand threaded through his thin hair as her hips rotated in time with his lips.

Easing her legs further apart, he moved one hand from her hip, to her back, holding her against him as he used the other to join his fingers. He knew she was exhausted and needed a quick release, something he was more than happy to give her. Whether it was the right thing to do right now, he wasn't sure, but he did know it was what she needed. He'd give her anything and everything if she asked, this was no exception.

He had been on a separate call with John when they'd heard the distress call and just as always, his heart stopped. When he met them at the hospital and saw her covered in blood, his worry intensified, only to stop when she told him it wasn't hers. But he knew that look. He knew it well. He'd taken her keys and left the hospital when she was unwilling to leave, still holding out hope that the girl would survive. But he knew he had to be there waiting for her when she got home.

And now here they were in her shower, and his only thought was Olivia.

Olivia. Always Olivia.

Her grip on him tightened, her belly quivering with anticipation, "Elliot, I-"

"I know." He pressed his tongue against her harder, groaning, "Just let go. I've got you."

She gasped, one hand falling backwards to reach for the wall for support but he held her even tighter, "Oh my God!"

Faster and faster his tongue and fingers moved and before either of them knew it, she was tumbling over the edge, free falling against him. "That's it…"

Her whole body trembled but he held her up right, pressing kisses along her thighs, his hands massaging the backs of her legs, "El…"

Slowly, he moved his way up, not leaving an inch of her untouched by his lips. When he finally stood in front of her, she looked so small. Her body was limp, leaning into him, "Elliot…"

Tangling his hands in her wet hair, he pulled her against his chest, not in the slightest bit worried about himself, only her, "I've got you babe. I've got you."

Burying her face in the crook of his neck, she whispered, "It never gets easier."

The crack in her voice, the pain and realization that she'd had to face so many of these days alone in the past made his heart ache even more, "No. It doesn't."

Sliding her hands up his back, her nails dug into him, "Promise me you won't leave me."

Cradling her against his chest he whispered right back, "I'm not going anywhere Liv. I can promise you that."

A blast of ice cold water jolted her out of her memory and her eyes snapped open, wishing she could have stayed there forever, "Hey Princess! Save some for the rest of us!"

Olivia grumbled, rinsed out the remaining suds in her hair and quickly reached for a towel before climbing out of the stall. Her teeth chattered as she wrapped the rough material around her body and she wished more than anything she was back in New York in her own apartment, or Elliot's. Anywhere but here.

Throwing on the dingy clothes she'd been given, she yawned and began to walk out of the living quarters and across towards the kitchen. "Persephone."

It was still taking her a while to get used to this name, and it took her a moment to turn and react, "Hm?"

A young woman named Adeline she'd come to like here smiled, "You're doing it again you know."

Olivia's face flushed, "Doing what?"

Adeline smiled and bumped her shoulder with hers, "Daydreaming…"

Olivia pulled another sweater on as they walked and rolled her eyes, "I am not."

Adeline let her walk a few paces in front of her, "Sure you are. I bet you were thinking about the same guy you were thinking about last night."

Olivia froze in her spot, her heart pounding as she turned back to her, "What?"

Adeline walked towards her, "Elliot…you kept repeating the name Elliot." Olivia's eyes were wide, "Well whoever he is…you better not let Colt hear you talking about him. He doesn't like it when we talk about men outside of the group."

Olivia swallowed the lump in her throat, "I…" She felt eyes on her, and slowly she turned her head to see Colt, the man in charge here staring at her, leering as he had been all week, "He's no one…"

Adeline nodded and steered her towards the kitchen, "Good. Whoever he is, you gotta forget about him. This is your life now. And if you ask me…it's a pretty good one."

Adeline marched ahead of her, beaming at the man standing in the kitchen, "Mornin' Addy."

Adeline walked up to him, leaned in and kissed his cheek, "Morning Colt."

Olivia walked around them both, not wanting to get close, "Persephone."

She froze again, she hated the way he said her name, but at least she was grateful he didn't know her real name. Turning slowly, she greeted him, "Sorry. Good morning Colt. I uh…I tend to forget my manners when I don't have my coffee."

Watching her carefully, he moved closer and reached for her hand. His touch made her feel even colder than she already was, "That's alright. You're still new here. I know it can take awhile to get used to this kind of living. But I think in time you'll come to love it…come to love us."

The way he looked at her made her skin crawl and she knew what he wanted, what he assumed he was going to get. Just as he had gotten from all the others, but she had to find a way to get information to Porter and Star before this went to a place she wasn't willing to take it, "I'm sure I will." Pulling her hand away she pointed to the kitchen, "I should really go get breakfast started…"

He nodded slowly, "Oh sure…sure. Go on. Addy can show you how I like things. Isn't that right?"

Olivia cringed when he leaned in and kissed Adeline square on the mouth, "Of course." Walking towards Olivia, she looped her arm with hers and smiled, "Come one Persephone. We don't like to keep Colt waiting."

As they walked away all Olivia could think was, one week. It had only been one week and it already felt like a damn lifetime.

One week.

It had been one full week since he'd last seen Olivia outside of his apartment. One week since he'd taken her on the date he'd always wanted to take her on. One week since he'd shared part of himself with her, his dreams, let himself think they were going to share them together. One week since he'd almost thought she was going to say it back…

I love you.

He wished to God he could have gotten through to her. Wished he could have made her see that Kathy had no power over their relationship. That she didn't need to sacrifice herself like she always had just to ensure his happiness with his children. He'd been so worried about Kathleen, about all of his kids, he hadn't seen it, seen that it was the perfect out for her.

One week.

One week in hell without her. One week of wondering if he would ever even see her again. One week of trying to pretend like he was fine for his children when in reality he was dying on the inside. One week wondering how the hell he was going to survive this or if he would crack under the pressure. One week felt like an eternity when you weren't sure what you were living for anymore…

He knew he'd been unbearable at work but he couldn't help it. Everywhere he turned, he was reminded of her. This place was so connected to her, so intertwined it was impossible to not remember and want to scream. He was sifting through the pile of crap on his desk, looking for something, grumbling to himself as he did so. It was late and most of his coworkers had gone home. Fin and John were trying to be supportive, but he knew that he was being less than pleasant…

Reaching for another stack of paper, he knocked something over. It clatered to the floor and he cursed under his breath before bending down to pick it up. His knees cracked as he bent down and he could almost hear the joke Olivia would have made about him getting old. Pushing the thought aside, he looked down and saw it. A stapler. A stupid red stapler that would mean nothing to most but as with everything else, it held a memory of her.

She'd been back at SVU for two days and it was amazing. And yet, they were both trying to navigate this new world where they worked together but were also in a relationship. They were both aware that everyone was watching, assessing, making their opinions known. Fin had left to go check in with Werner and John had left early today leaving the two of them alone at their separate desks. Olivia had been snippy with him earlier while they were working. He knew she was just trying to focus, get back into the groove at SVU, learn how to navigate this new step for them.

But he hated when she was tense. He hated when they fought. Especially now. It was late and he knew that they were mostly alone. Glancing across the squad room, he saw her bent over her desk, furiously reading a case file. He had always loved watching her work. Back when they were partners he had been caught more times than he'd like to admit just watching her. The minute she looked up and saw him staring, she sighed, "Elliot…"

His face flushed but he smiled sheepishly, "Caught me."

Rolling her eyes she glared at him, "Eyes on your own desk, okay?"

He saw her roll her shoulders, a sign that she was tense and tired, "Need a break?"

"No. I don't." She picked up another folder, "I want to get this done and-"

"And it will still be waiting right there for you in fifteen minutes." He stood up and walked towards her, "Come on."

As soon as he touched her she tensed, "Elliot…don't-"

Sighing, he leaned against the edge of her desk, "Olivia…fifteen minutes won't kill you. Won't get us in trouble."

Olivia smirked and looked up at him, "Fifteen minutes is longer than you think…"

He shrugged and cocked his head to the side, "Come on…"

He didn't give her a minute to hesitate or push him away, just lifted her up and out of her chair, "Elliot…"

He shook his head again and walked them down the hall towards the cribs, "We're the only two people here. Relax."

She was tired and she hated to admit it. But she also was so happy to be back, she didn't want to do anything to screw this up, "But-"

"But nothing." He ducked into the cribs, glanced around and smiled when he saw they were alone, "We're fine."

He had her pressed against the wall before she knew what was happening and she gasped, "Elliot…"

"Olivia…" He growled back before pressing his lips to her neck, "Relax…"

She wanted to be annoyed, she really did and she tried to hold it together, "I hate you. Did you know that?"

He stopped and started to chuckle, "I better hide the staplers…"

His words confused her and she pushed him back, "What?"

"Like you don't remember." He laughed as he stood back, "You have to remember."

Narrowing her eyes at him she frowned, "Elliot…I can honestly say I have no idea what you are talking about."

Taking a breath he walked over to one of the single beds in the room, "Two maybe three years ago? We were here late one night. We'd been working days straight…and we were on each other's last nerve."

Olivia smiled at him, "Hate to break it to you El, but you described about a million different nights we've been together so…"

He laughed harder, "Uh huh. Well that night I was extra pisisng you off. I'll admit now that I was cranky because you were seeing someone but you wouldn't tell me about it. But I knew."

Shifting against the wall she looked down, "Elliot…"

"Jealousy makes me ugly. Uglier than usual I'd say." He whispered, "I don't exactly remember what I said…it was all a blur but we were going at it and everyone was watching us. Used to the show I suppose. You snapped at me, whipped around and said those exact words…I hate you, did you know that? And when I smirked at you…you didn't like it. I turned to walk back to my desk and next thing I knew a red stapler was going right past my head, grazing my ear before crashing to the floor."

Oliva gasped and placed a hand on her heart, "I did not throw a stapler at you!" He gave her a look and she cringed suddenly remembering it, "I threw a stapler at you…"

Laughing, he nodded, "Yep. You sure did. So…I'm glad I have no staplers around since you know…you hate me so much."

Smiling sheepishly, she walked towards him and smiled, "I'm sorry…"

"No. No. I understand. You hate me. I'm the worst. I'm-" Suddenly he was falling backwards on the bed and he laughed, "I'm being taken advantage of it seems…"

Smiling down at him she leaned over his chest, "I don't want to get caught. I don't want to have a reason for IAB to make me leave…I want to be here."

Her hair was growing longer and he loved it, carefully he tucked it behind her ear, "I know."

Leaning down, she pressed her kiss to his lips, "But…I did need a break."

His hands slid down her back, resting on her lower back, "I know."

"Because you know me?" She whispered, nuzzling him closer, "Do you know me Elliot Stabler?"

Nudging her with his nose, she tilted her face up and his voice dipped low, "I know you Benson…"

Kissing him softly she whispered, "So if you know me…you know that I don't hate you. Right? That I could never hate you."

"Never say never." He said sadly, "I know I'm not the easiest man to put up with. Not sure why you've stuck with me this long but-"

"Elliot." Kissing him again she whispered, "I could never, ever hate you."

His eyes searched hers and he sighed, "Well that's good to hear."

She kissed him again and then started to laugh, "I threw a stapler at you…"

Laughing, he nodded, "Yep."

"God help us…" She said with a laugh, "We're insane."

Rolling her onto her back on the bed she gasped and he smiled, "We are. But I'm more than okay with it. I'm happy where I am. Are you?"

Pressing her fingers against his jaw she smiled, "Happier than I thought possible El."

"Good." Leaning down he smiled, "But I'm still hiding my staplers from you…"

He could practically hear the laugh that had escaped her lips that night as he stared at the stapler unable to move. He was so lost in his thoughts, in his memories of her he hadn't noticed that someone else had walked into the squad room. "This belong to you?"

Glancing up, he frowned when he saw a curly haired blonde he had never seen before, "Uh…yeah." Taking it from her, they both stood up slowly, "Can I help you?"

"I'm looking for a Detective Stabler?" She asked, glancing around the room.

Elliot cleared his throat and put the tapler down on his desk, "That would be me."

She stood up straighter and put out her hand, "Oh. Good. Dani Beck."

His eyes fell to her hand and he awkwardly reached his hand out to shake it, "Nice to meet you. But what-"

She nodded slowly, "I take it Captain Cragen didn't get a chance to talk to you? He said he was hoping to check in with you but had a meeting with the Chef and wasn't sure he was going to make it back in time."

His heart started to race, "Uh…no. He didn't."

"I'm your new partner." She said, lifting her bag, "Where should I put my stuff?"

New partner.

When he looked up again, he saw Cragen walking into the squad room with a look of worry on his face, "Excuse me…"

He didn't stop to say another word to her and Cragen knew what was coming. Following his boss into his office, he shut the door behind them, "Elliot…"

Elliot's hands shook as he spoke, "What the hell Cap. New partner?"

Sighing, he looked straight at him, "Elliot…it's been a week. Detective Beck had volunteered for the position just before Olivia decided to come back." Cragen noted the way he cringed at the sound of her name, "I need help around here. John's being pulled for a bit to deal with a cold case and Fin is going to be hung up with the grand jury with the Milson case. We're short staffed. I didn't have a choice."

Glancing back out at the squad room, he saw Dani eying Olivia's empty desk, "Cap…"

"Elliot, I'm sorry. But there is nothing I can do." Elliot's shoulders slumped, "Look I tried to call Star but she didn't have anything to tell me and-"

"Fuck." He turned and pressed his hands into the bridge of his nose, "Fuck. Fuck."

"Look, if you need some time off I'll understand. You have a lot on your plate right now with the custody case, the kids and…" His voice trailed away, "Just…tell me okay? I'll make it work. I might need bodies, but I'm not willing to put you at risk if your head isn't in the game right now."

Elliot sighed. Being here was hard. But pouting at home wasn't going to help. No matter where he went he'd be reminded of her. Everything reminded him of her. Shaking his head, he whispered, "No. I'm fine."

"Fine enough to work with Detective Beck?" He asked softly.

Elliot looked at his boss, "She'll never be Liv…"

Cragen smiled sadly and shook his head, "No. She won't. No one ever will be."

Pulling at his shirt, he nodded once and then said, "I can handle it."

Cragen didn't say anything else, but watched as he walked back out into the squad room. He wondered if this was going to be a big mistake…

Two weeks.

Two whole weeks on the other side of the country. Two weeks without being able to talk to Elliot. Without being able to know if he was okay, if the custody battle was heating up or if his lawyer had been able to help in the way he had been hoping. Two weeks of smiling, pretending that this place was where she wanted to be. Two weeks of watching girls fall at the feet of this man who she could read like a book.

"Perseophone, it's your turn to run into town for the necessities." Addy said, "You think you can go on your own this time?"

Olivia was longing for a few minutes of peace, and she knew it would give her time to check in with Dean and Starr. Maybe even get some information on Elliot and everyone back home, see if she was heading back anytime soon, "Yeah. I'm good."

Addy held out a paper and smiled, "Make sure you get everything exactly as it's listed. Colt is very specific."

Olivia nodded, "Sure. Sure." Looking up, she took a better look at Addy and noticed a blake and blue mark along her neck, "Jesus Addy, what happened?"

Adeline stepped back and shook her head, "Oh…nothing. Just a little clumsy."

Olivia tried to reach for her, she knew those were hand marks, "Addy, seriously that looks-"

"I said I was fine." The young woman snapped, "Now, get going. Colt doesn't like to be kept waiting."

Watching her walk away, Olivia sighed and knew that no matter what she did here, she had to find a way to save Adeline before it was too late. Putting the note in her pocket, she turned and walked down the road to climb into the truck used for errands in town. Steering off towards the center of town, her mind was reeling. What was Elliot doing right now? Was he at work? Was he with his children? She hoped so…

Sighing, she pulled over when she saw a telephone booth and typed in the number for Dean and waited. He agreed to meet her in the Diner close by and she quickly went to gather the items that were on the list. Making sure they were in the truck carefully, she walked across the street and slid into a booth at the Diner. Moments later, Dean climbed in across from her, "How are you holding up?"

Olivia glanced around nervously, "No one saw you?"

"I know what I'm doing." Tapping the table he asked, "So again I ask, how are you holding up?"

Olivia sighed and leaned back, "He's got more of a hold on these girls than I thought. And the few men that are around know their place. They stay away. But girls are there one day and gone the next…"

"They disappear with Tanya?" He asked as someone placed a coffee cup in front of him, Olivia nodded, "We think she is bringing them to the airport and transporting them overseas. But we need proof."

Olivia sighed, "And how exactly am I supposed to get proof? I'm not allowed to have any technology and they'd notice if I was taking a picture."

"Men are allowed to have technology." He said, "And I'm going to be joining the commune soon."

Olivia's eyes went wide, "What?"

"Well you know that Colt has been trying to get me to join for a while now. Men are allowed to have phones. The plan is that I will say I ran into you while running your errands and you finally convinced me to come. I'll be there tonight. I'll be able to keep a better eye on you there anyway." He said.

"I don't need anyone keeping an eye on me. I can take care of myself." She growled, "I'm not an idiot."

"I didn't say you were. But you don't know Colt the way that I know him. And rumor has it that he has his sights set on you. Once that happens, you are in more danger than you realize." He answered.

Olivia's heart rate sped up and she frowned, "Hm…"

"You're a lot of work, you know that?" He said with a sigh, "Did your partner back home have the strength to put up with you?"

Her cheeks flushed and she looked down, thinking of Elliot, only Elliot and she whispered, "We were best friends. He knew me better than anyone."

Dean watched her carefully, "Olivia-"

"Don't call me that here." She shook her head and pulled at her coat, "I-" Sighing she looked at him again, "Is there a way for me to check in with Star or-"

"No. She's busy at the moment. Do you need something from me?" He asked, "I can try and get it done before I come tonight.

Olivia shook her head, not wanting to ask for his help with anything to do with Elliot, "No. No…everything is fine." She pointed to the window, "I should go…Colt doesn't like to be kept waiting."

Dean nodded, "Sure. I'll see you tonight. Keep your eyes wide and stay focussed. Let Colt know you ran into me. That I asked about the commune so it set up the situation. Remember my name to him is Roger. Got it?"

Olivia didn't respond, just slipped out of the booth and walked out of the Diner wishing she could get in the truck and drive across the damn country and go home. But she couldn't. Instead, she drove back down the dirt road trying not to cry. But she had to stay strong. She had to get out of this in one piece, save those girls and get the hell home where she belonged.

Climbing out of the truck again, she was so focussed she didn't notice anyone walking up behind her. When she felt a hand on her back, she jumped, "I'm sorry."

Turning, her skin crawled when she saw Colt leering at her, "I-no…I'm sorry. I just didn't see you there."

Colt leaned in closer, pretending to look at the groceries but really just using it as an excuse to be pressed against her, "Looks like you got everything."

She stood completely still and nodded, "Yes."

Stepping back, his hand slid down her back, resting just above her jeans, "Everything went okay?"

Licking her lips she sidestepped him and nodded, "Yes. Actually…I ran into someone that I've seen around here. I think his name is Roger?"

Colt looked surprised but nodded, "Oh really?"

"He asked me how I liked it here. If I was happy with my decision." She tugged at her shirt.

Colt nodded, "And what did you tell him Persephone? Are you happy you joined us?"

Olivia smiled at him and whispered, "I told him it was the best decision I have ever made."

The smile on his face widened and he took a deep breath, "I'm glad to hear that." Leaning in, he pressed a kiss to her cheek, "I have a feeling you just may be my best surprise yet Persephoene James…" He stepped back, winked at her and then turned to walk away, "Bring these up to the kitchen, would you?"

Olivia watched him walk away and she knew that whatever happened next, she couldn't wait to bring this man down. She just wished Elliot was here beside her…

Two weeks.

Two weeks without her. Two weeks of waking up each morning, stumbling through his days trying to process what had happened. Two weeks of trying to remain strong for his children, to keep fighting when he felt defeated. Kathy was testing him, draining him by the second and the person he needed to push him forward wasn't by his side.

Sitting at his desk, his eyes kept glancing over at the clock to check the time. He had to pick up the kids this afternoon for a scheduled visit and it was just about the only thing keeping him going. His Lawyer had set things in motion and there would be a custody hearing sooner rather than later. He was putting all of his trust in this man to make sure that the time he deserved with his children was granted to him. If it wasn't, he wasn't sure what the hell he was going to do. They were all he had left.

As soon as the clock hit 3:00, he turned off his computer and began to pack up. John and Fin were still consumed by their own cases elsewhere and he had been stuck training Dani. So far, it wasn't going great. He knew he was being an ass but he couldn't help it. He'd told Cragen that he was fine to stay, fine to keep working. But it was purely selfish. The only reason he was still here was so that he had something to focus on. If he was at home day in and day out he knew he'd fall apart in no time.

Taking a deep breath, he stood up and reached for his keys, "You're leaving?"

Elliot glanced across to Dani and nodded, "I told you that I had time with my kids today. It was all cleared with Cragen."

Dani stared up at him, "So I'm just here alone?"

Elliot sighed and looked around, "You're not alone there are plenty of other people around. If anything serious happens, Cragen will help or call me."

"But you are my partner." Dani said standing up to look at him, "You're supposed to be here."

He groaned and rolled his head back and forth, "Dani, I really don't know what to tell you. You know that I'm in the middle of a custody battle. I need to go-"

Stepping towards him she growled, "Cragen told me that I would be trained. That I would have support. But so far you've been completely withdrawn. I've heard all the rumors. All the whispers. If this is about that Benson woman-"

He whipped around and pointed at her, "Don't. Don't you even-"

"So that is what all of this is about." She said with an angry glare.

"Look, you're here to work. We don't need to be friends. You don't need to know a damn thing about my personal life. You don't get to pass judgement on anything. Right now, my priority is my children." He started to walk away and then turned to point at her, "But for the record, Olivia knew my kids came first and she wouldn't be giving me shit for this."

He stormed out of the precinct without looking back, his hands shaking as he walked. Climbing into the car, he gripped the steering wheel, trying to calm the frustration rattling through his body. Reaching for his phone in his pocket, he dialed her number again knowing exactly what he would hear but desperately hoping it was different.

We're sorry The number you have dialed has been disconnected or is no longer in service.

Tossing the phone to the passenger seat he screamed, "Fuck!"

Leaning forward, he pressed his forehead against the steering wheel and tried to remind himself to breathe. He still had four kids who were waiting for him. Counting on him. Who needed him. He had to make sure that if she had left, that at least it was for a reason. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he sat back up, gathered himself and started the car before driving off towards Queens.

By the time he pulled up in front of the house, he was calmer but he knew it was probably going to be short lived. He was thankful that the kids were waiting for him when he got there. Maureen had come to meet them all here too and he was more than sure it was so that she could try and keep the peace between her parents. For that he was grateful. Walking across the lawn, the twins greeted him first and then Kathleen, "Hey Dad."

He squeezed her tight and then looked back at Maureen and Kathleen, "Hey. Hop in the car yeah? We're heading back into the city."

The twins looked at him, then at Kathleen and she nodded, "Sure. Come on guys."

Walking towards the porch, Elliot stopped at the bottom step, not bothering to climb the stairs, "Ready Mo?"

Maureen nodded, "Yeah. Of course."

Kathy crossed her arms over her chest, "They need to be back by 11 tomorrow."

"I'm aware." Elliot said quickly, "I got your messages. We'll be here."

Kathy pressed her hands into her hips, "Wasn't sure since you didn't respond."

"Didn't really have anything nice to say back so I was holding back. But I got them." He said before turning to his daughter, "Mo, let's go."

Maureen walked down the first few steps, "Okay, Mom I'll-"

"You're really going to go through with this?" Kathy asked and Maureen immediately cringed.

Elliot looked back at his ex-wife and narrowed his eyes at her, "You mean fight for my kids? Yeah. I do."

"Elliot, what's the point of this?" She asked, her hand moving over the growing bump on her belly, "The kids-"

"The kids deserve to be with both of their parents. And even though you hate it, I'm their Father. I'm not giving up on my children." He growled back at her.

"Fine." She pointed a hand at her, "While you're gone today, you better tell them that they need to start being nice to Michael. He's not going anywhere." She paused for a moment and then smiled, "But I heard Olivia-"

"Mom." Maureen snapped, "That's enough."

Elliot's face flushed and he wanted to scream but he held it in, "Let's go Mo."

He turned with her, walking towards the car not wanting to turn around and even engage, "At least she finally took the hint." She said back, "She never belonged here."

Maureen gripped his arm, "Dad…"

He shook his head, "Keep walking."

Climbing into the car, he glanced at Kathy in the rearview mirror and then at his children. All four of them watching him, waiting for him to say something. He wondered what she had told them, what she'd said about him, about Olivia. As much as he'd like to say a few choice words, he wouldn't. She was their Mother and always would be. Reaching for his keys, he turned them in the ignition and smiled, "Everyone ready?"

He started to pull out of the space and then heard Lizzie say, "Dad?" He stopped at the stop sign at the end of the road and looked at her, "Are you okay?"

Checking the traffic, he pulled the car over and put it in park before turning so he could look at all of them, "Lizzie…"

"She's really gone?" Dickie asked, "Mom ran her off?"

He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck "It's complicated…"

"She said that she wouldn't stand in the way of all of us getting to see you." Kathleen said, "It has to be something that Mom said or did…that night I-"

"Hey." He reached out and put his hand on her knee, "I'm gonna be fine, alright?"

Lizzie still looked skeptical, "You're sure everything is okay Dad?"

Elliot smiled and gave her a wink, "Everything's great. I'm here with you, how could it not be?"

The young girl smiled, and he turned to start the car again and drive off towards the city. At least he had them. But as he drove the car, the only thing he could think of was how she had said those same exact words on that first night.

When he looked up again she was walking towards him, and that damn dress was going to give him a heart attack. It swayed at her knees, clung to her hips, showed him just enough but still made him want more. He swallowed hard as she slid back into the booth beside him and he smiled, "Everything okay?"

She took a deep breath and he saw something in her shift, saw her shoulders relax, saw her smile just a bit brighter, "Yeah El. Everything is great." She reached for her drink and shrugged, "I'm here with you, how could it not be?"

His heart thumped in his chest and his hand slid along the booth, she didn't hesitate as his fingers touched hers, "I missed you Benson…"

She slid her hand even closer and tangled her pinky with his, "I missed you too Stabler…"

And damn did he miss her that much more now…

Three weeks.

Three weeks and she was more than sure she was going to rot away here. It wasn't that the spot wasn't beautiful. She was out in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by mountains, lakes, trees. She'd been a city girl her whole life. Standing outside under the moon, she looked out at the view and the only thought she had was…

Elliot would love it here.

Sighing, she pressed her hand against her heart. Every time she thought of him lately her heart ached. Across the country, something told her that he needed her. She was worried but there was nothing she could do about it. She remembered one night at his apartment, late when they were up talking. It always amazed her that despite how much time they spent together day in and day out, there was still so much to discover and learn about the other and she had loved it all.

A chilly breeze blew through the space and her mind took her back to that night. In the comfort, the safety of his apartment when she'd felt so damn loved.

They'd gotten home three hours ago. They'd said they would go to bed because they both needed the sleep. But now three hours later, way past 1 in the morning, they were still wide awake. She was standing in his bedroom after a shower and he was out in the living room. He'd spent the last hour trying to convince her to try camping with him but she had been adamant about not going. It wasn't her thing. She wasn't big on nature she'd told him. He'd pouted, begged, pleaded and despite how cute he was, her answer had still been no.

Slipping a cardigan around her, she tiptoed back out into the living room to find him. She froze when the door opened and she saw the lights dimmed and what looked like some sort of makeshift tent in the middle of the small room, "El?"

Suddenly he was beside her with a flashlight and a huge grin, "You won't go outside to camp, I decided to bring camping inside to you."

Laughing, she looked around, "How the hell did you manage this?"

Elliot rolled his eyes, "You were in the shower for over 30 minutes Benson. I had plenty of time."

She nudged him and smiled, "Yeah well you have really good water pressure here. I was taking advantage of it." Giving him a look she smiled, "Know where I couldn't get good water pressure? Camping. Because the woods don't have running water and pipes."

"Ah yes…but do you know what it does have?" He asked slowly, leading her towards the middle of the room, "Quiet…stars. No annoying coworkers or ex's. A place where we could be totally and completely alone and did I mention as loud as we wanted too…"

"Ohhh so that's your motive." She laughed as he led her towards the tent, "You just want a place where we can do more of that exploring thing without any interruptions."

"My reasons are purely selfish, yes." He sat them down and they crawled into the tent, needing to be pressed up against each other, "Not so bad, is it?"

Olivia smiled and closed her eyes, resting her head against the pillow behind her, "Well I think this setup is much more comfortable than it would be, not to mention warmer."

Elliot frowned and pulled her close, "I'll keep you warm out there."

Turning her head, she saw the look on his face, "Oh yeah?"

"Absolutely." Rolling them over, he hovered over her, "I'll keep you warm, safe and very satisfied…"

His lips moved a path down her neck and she sighed, leaning into him, "Satisfied, huh?"

His lips pressed against the space between her breasts and sighed, "I haven't had any complaints yet."

Threading her fingers through his fine hair, she tilted his face up towards her and smiled, "Elliot…"

Sighing, he moved to lay beside her again, staring up at the ceiling of the tent, "I like camping."

Rolling onto her side, she watched him carefully, "I know you do."

"You don't like camping." He pointed out and she shook her head, "There are things we don't have in common…"

She frowned softly and whispered, "Elliot…there are a lot of things we don't have in common. We've known that for years." When he didn't respond she sat up slowly, ducking her head under the top of the tent, "Are you telling me that you want to break up with me because I don't want to go camping with you?"

"What?" He sat straight, his head hitting the fabric and it dipped down, "Liv, no…what the hell?"

Crawling out of the tent and away from him she started pacing, "Well then why would you say something like that? Yes…there are things we don't have in common. Important things too. Not just camping and if you can't-"

"Olivia." He reached for ehr hand quickly, "Wait, hang on a second. I'm sorry. I should have thought about what I was saying before I said it. It came out wrong. Yes…you're right we do have a lot of things that we differ on but that doesn't mean-"

"I mean I'm not religious and you are. At work we always disagree on crap. If I don't like the same things you do, are you gonna just-" She was spiraling quickly and he knew it.

Reaching for her, he stopped her in front of him "Olivia, stop. Look at me and listen."

Her heart was pounding as she watched him, "El…you can't make me think you love me but then-"

"I do love you." Leaning in, he pressed his lips to hers he whispered against them, "I do love you. Don't doubt that. I didn't mean it like that…I was just thinking that despite how many differences we have…I'd still take a thousand of these moments with you than with someone who loved camping and everything else I like."

Standing up straighter, her voice cracked, "El…"

"I'd love to go camping with you. I'd love to share that with you and show you how fun it can be. But if you don't want to do it, then fine. It's totally okay. But no…I'm not breaking up with you." She relaxed slightly and he smiled, "Now come back into the tent and make out with me."

She couldn't help but laugh as he tugged her back towards the ground, "Elliot…"

They climbed into the tent again and he practically wrapped himself around her, "See, you're not going anywhere Benson. Not gonna allow it."

Her body shook with laughter as she snuggled against him, "Not gonna allow it, huh?"

"Nope." Sighing, he pressed a kiss to the top of her head, "But I am also going to continue to try and get you to agree to go camping with me. Just think about it, you, me, the-"

A whoosh of air and a clattering of poles around them made them both jump as the tent fell down around them, "Oh my God."

She was laughing so hard, her sides shook and Elliot growled, "Son of a bitch. Are you okay?"

She continued to laugh as he extracted them both from the tent, "Elliot…"

Tossing the fabric to the side he sighed, "Guess that just ruined any shot I had huh…"

The sad look on his face made her heart ache and she smiled, "What were you gonna say? You, me, the…"

His cheeks blushed and he leaned closer, "You, me, the moon and the stars…"

Biting down hard on her lip she sighed, "Just us…"

"Just us…" He whispered, nuzzling the side of her face, "Olivia…"

Turning them, she laid him down again among the mess below them, "Camping might not be so bad…"

He held her tight and smiled, "Yeah?"

"Just do me a favor." She said pulling back, "Get a really, really good tent. One that doesn't give us both a concussion?"

Wrapping his hands in her hair he smiled, "For you? Anything."

She laughed as he kissed her, knowing he meant every word he said. And all those reasons why she thought camping was terrible, seemed to melt away. Because she'd give anything just to be with him, the moon and the stars.

Sighing, she pulled her cardigan around her tighter and shivered. It was beautiful but cold. This was not how she pictured experiencing the wilderness. She'd assumed he'd be beside her, keeping his promises, making memories. But she was here and he was there and she didn't know when the hell she'd see him again.

She heard rustling behind her and she turned to see Adeline walking towards her, "What are you still doing out here?"

Olivia smiled sadly, "Couldn't sleep.'

"Don't want to dream about that mysterious Elliot again?" She teased.

Olivia's cheeks burned and she looked away, "Hm…"

Climbing up onto the fence post, she sighed, "You know the best way to get over whoever that guy is?" Olivia looked at him, "Colt could make you forget…"

Her eyes went wide and she shook her head, "Yeah…no…that's not-"

"He's interested in you. Very interested in you. He asks everyone about you all the time." She said, and Olivia could sense a bit of anger in her voice, frustration, jealously, "He's fascinated."

Clearing her throat, Olivia turned to look at her, "Addy I know that you care about him a lot. And I have no interest in him…I"m not-"

"It doesn't matter what you want." Adeline said, "Colt gets what Colt wants no matter what." Looking behind her she saw someone approaching, "Just remember that…"

Olivia turned her gaze and saw Dean walking towards them, "Addy…"

"Be careful." Addy said, "Colt won't like you talking to Roger much."

She turned quickly and then was gone leaving her alone with Dean, "Everything okay?"

Olivia whipped around to look at him, "Oh sure. Everything is great. Three weeks ago I was living my life…finally getting all the things I really wanted. I was happy. Then I was transported to the airport and taken to this place and I -"

"Alright. Alright. I got it." He said putting his hand up, "I know this isn't ideal but-"

"Ideal?" She said with a laugh, "Look around Porter. We're in the middle of nowhere. And now apparently Colt has his eyes set on me so that means he's going to-"

"I'm not going to let anything happen to you." He tried to assure her, "I promise you'll be out of here before anything happens."

"Why would I trust you?" She growled, "I don't know you at all. I'm going to bed."

She turned to walk out of the space leaving him alone and he asked, "Is there anyone you trust?"

Trust. Trust was hard for Olivia Benson but there was one person she trusted. Trusted more than anything and she hadn't seen or talked to him in three weeks. "Yeah. There is."

She didn't turn around to look at him again as she walked away.

Three weeks.

Three long, lonely weeks. Elliot sat at the end of the bar nursing his fourth beer on a mostly empty stomach. He'd fought again with Dani. Fought again with Kathy over the phone. The custody trial got pushed back for a second time and he was more than overwhelmed. Slumping over the wooden bar he groaned feeling his body ache.

"He's worse than I thought." A voice from behind him said, "Let's get him out of here."

Elliot's head turned slowly, things were a bit blurry but he saw the outline of Fin and John, "Huh?"

Fin wrapped his arm around Elliot's shoulders, "Come on Stabler…"

Hoisting him up, they stumbled backwards, "Where do you think she went?"

John sighed and walked around the other side of him, "Elliot…don't do this to yourself."

"No…where do you think she is? Star won't tell me. Cragen says he doesn't know which I think is bullshit." He slipped as they walked, "If they just told me where she was…"

"If you knew where she was…what would you do?" Fin asked curiously, "Go after her?"

Elliot stopped short and looked right at him, "Hell yes I would."

John and Fin looked at each other and then back at him, "Let's get you home…you have a meeting with your Lawyer in the morning, don't you?"

Elliot groaned and leaned into them as they walked, "What if I lose my kids too?"

"You're not going to lose your kids." Fin said, "Kathy has no reason to take them away from you. She's just mad."

"She's mad because I'm in love with Olivia." He said as they laid him down in the back of the car, "But I didn't cheat. Kathy cheated. And I'm still the fucking bad guy. I'll always be the fucking bad guy."

Slamming the door behind him, Fin and John got in the front seat, "Maybe she'll come back."

Elliot's stomach rolled and he sighed, turning on his side, "She's not coming back. She thinks she needed to leave so that I could be with the kids. Kathy pushed her away. I tried to fight but it wasn't enough. She didn't believe me…didn't think I could fight for my kids and her. But I need her and I need them and she's gone…she's gone and she's not coming back."

He barely remembered getting back to the apartment. Barely remembered Fin and John dragging him upstairs or making him take a cold shower. He had collapsed on the bed and passed out, his mind only thinking of her. Always her.

Waking up a few hours later, he felt like crap and he knew he was going to feel it all day. Dragging himself into the bathroom, he stared at himself in the mirror, trying to recognize himself but he didn't. He looked like a shell of himself. Looked like all the light had been taken from his eyes, from his soul and it had. Turning his face from side to side, he saw stubble growing in and he sighed. Opening the medicine cabinet, he went to pull out his razor and shaving cream when another razor came clattering down into the sink.

Looking down, he saw the purple razor she had left here. One of her things he hadn't found when he'd scoured the place, desperate to get any trace of her out of here. Not that it really mattered, even without her belongings, she was still burned in his brain. Lifting it up, he remembered a night after he had been shot when she'd used it to shave his beard and he wished she was here now…

Standing by the sink, he leaned against it, trying to keep his balance. He had pushed himself a bit too hard today and he knew it. Olivia was going to be pissed when she got home but he was bored and desperate to get back to his life. He heard her walking into the apartment, and knew she was going to be looking for him. A moment later, she was knocking on the door, "El?"

There was no use in trying to ignore her, "Yeah…come in."

Walking into the small bathroom, she immediately frowned when she saw him, "Elliot, what do you think you're doing?"

"Trying to shave Liv." He sighed and dropped the razor, "Fuck."

"Sit down." She growled, he gave her a look and she shot him a look right back, "Sit down Elliot."

Huffing, he sat down on the closed toilet and frowned, "What are you going to do, shave me?"

"Yes." She said reaching for the shaving cream, "And don't complain or I'll not so accidently cut you."

Glancing up at her he frowned, "Liv…I can shave myself."

"I know." She whispered, "But I also know that you decided to be a big man around here today and do way too much." He blinks up at her, "Maureen called me." Lathering his face up, she tilted it up towards her, "So now, naturally you're exhausted because if you forgot…you were shot and your body is not ready to recover. Now you're at my mercy Stabler…"

She reached for her own razor and he laughed, "I liked when you were at my Mercy better…"

"I know." She held the razor against his neck carefully and smield, "But let's get you all healed and maybe we can try that again." Then she paused, "Hm…"

His hand settled on her hip and he frowned, "What?"

"Why are you shaving? You're not going back to work yet…" She whispered.

Elliot shrugged, "No. Not yet. I just assumed you'd want me to shave it."

Hand on hip, she shrugged, "Honestly? I kinda like the beard…"

Staring up at her in surprise he laughed, "Really?"

Reaching for a towel, she wet it and began to wipe away the shaving cream on his face, "Uh huh. It's sexy. Keep it. At least while you can."

Pulling her closer, he ignored the ache in his side, "You amaze me, you know that?"

Smiling, she ran her fingers along the stubble on his cheeks, "The feeling is mutual. I can promise you that."

He growled low in his throat and mumbled, "I need the damn Doctor to clear me so I can touch you the way I want too…"

Olivia smiled, stepping backwards, "Poor baby…"

Huffing he saw the glint in her eyes, "Olivia…"

Cocking her head to the side she pulled at the buttons on her blouse, "You may not be able to touch me…but I can touch you."

Sucking in his bottom lip he sighed, "Liv…baby…"

She slid her shirt to the side revealing the lacey bra underneath, "Yes?"

Sighing happily, he stood up and walked towards her, "You truly are the perfect woman."

He heard her laughing as they walked back into the bedroom. He got comfortable on the bed and lay back, waiting for her to continue. But as soon as she touched him, something in him told him to say something, "Olivia…"

Glancing up at him she whispered, "Yeah? You okay?"

Reaching out to touch her cheek, he remembered how much it had hurt to hear her breaking up with him, "Liv, promise you're not leaving me again."

Climbing up beside him, she leaned in, kissed his stubbly cheeks, his nose and then his lips, "I promise you El. I'm not leaving you again." When she pulled away he sighed, relieved to hear her say that, "You trust me?"

Elliot swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded, "More than anyone."

"Good." She kissed him again and then moved slowly down his body again, "Now…stay still."

Elliot sighed and closed his eyes, "Yep. Truly the perfect woman…"

Standing there in the bathroom now, he could practically hear her laughter. Practically hear her promises that she was never leaving, and yet…she had left. Glancing down he hated that even now his body reacted to her, "Great Stabler…hungover, horny and broken hearted. You're really falling apart here…"

His eyes fell on the razor again and it hurt. God it hurt. Damn her for making him love her so much. Damn her for being so selfless. Damn her for walking away and making him feel more alone than he'd ever felt in his life. Damn her for being so good…so good that he knew he'd never get over her.

Three weeks.

Three weeks was a damn long time to be away from the person you loved most…