This is my first story on here ever, so go a little easy on me. I am starting with the cyclopes part. :)

I do not own the Odyssey... as much as I would love to. Homer does...

Odysseus and his crew came to an island. "Hey look," one of his men said, "a big house. I bet midgets live there."

"No way! Really?" asked another. "You mean gnomes, don't you ? They eat people."

"Awesome!"

"Yeah!"

"Why don't we go there and see if he is right?" suggested Odysseus.

His crew cheered like little girls with too much sugar.

They sat inside the huge home and made bets on what type of gnome lived there.

Just as they had started eating food from the mucho grande kitchen, a giant entered. He had only one eye in the middle of his head that blinked then glared at them.

The giant picked up two of his men and ate them.

"Holy crap!" screamed Odysseus.

"Where?"

Odysseus threw a spear at the giant, but it hit the man standing behind him instead. The giant laughed and shut the ponderous door. (Yes, the door thought a lot. What else was a door to do?)

"You are mine and I will eat you!"

Odysseus threw a spear at the door , but it hit the giant in the eye instead.

"The door is still shut." muttered one of the rowers.

"I am still alive, you mortal scum!" bellowed the giant. He made his way towards where he had heard Odysseus and co. talking. But he fell on the door and knocked it over. The men flooded out of his house.

"Ha-ha! We are free!" Odysseus and his crew cheered.

The blinded giant yelled threats at the hero on his boat.

Odysseus had enough of this. "I Odysseus, son of Laertes, bringer of pain to evil giant peoples, lord of the lollipops, social security number 00012H035, who lives at 105 Rocky Lane, Ithica, hasith owned you."

The giant would have stared at the egotistical idiot, except he was blind. "Well you know what? My dad is Posiedon, so you're screwed."

Odysseus beat his head on the mast of his ship as the giant spoke to the god of the sea.

"Wait a minute.." said one of his rowers. "You are the lord of the lollipops?"

I hoped you liked it! Please review. Thanks. :)