Disclaimer: There are only so many ways a girl can say "I don't own it." I, myself, have temporarily run out of ideas. Better luck next time?
A/N: It's an attack of the angst-monster! Apologies, all.
If I were I diary-type girl, I'll tell you exactly how I would start out today's entry:
Dear diary, have I mentioned just how much I despise Draco Malfoy lately?
But that would be both childish and unconstructive. I, for one, have better things to do with my time. Like finding a way to rid my life of one Draco Malfoy.
To be succinct, today was a total waste of time. I tried telling McGonagall it would be weeks ago, but she refused to listen to me. She knew Malfoy would take the job as Potions master. I only hoped she'd be wrong.
I won't bother going into details of what happened, the abridged version will do just fine. In short, Malfoy accepted the job. In short, I was highly upset by this. In short, I'm spending the entire next year in the presence of Malfoy. Only this year there is about a zero percent chance I'll get to see him in ferret form.
Last week I'd been so looking forward to returning to Hogwarts, returning to some sort of normalcy. However, now I knew I was going to be forced to deal with Malfoy. Suddenly Hogwarts had lost a tiny bit of its appeal.
The worst part of it was that he knew I felt this way. And he knew I knew he knew. Knowing that just infuriated me to no end. It also made my coherent thoughts a bit off from their normal calibre, if it wasn't obvious.
To put things in the simplest of terms: I had exactly three Malfoy-free days left. Three days before the teaching staff would return to Hogwarts, for the first time in three years. I decided I would spend my time reflecting upon the positive aspects of everything. After all, it really was simply amazing McGonagall had been able to convince the Ministry to let the school reopen. It was also fortuitous she'd been able to find wizards and witches experienced enough in their field who were willing to take over the roll of professor.
In fact, things were going quite as planned.
Well, going as planned as much as anything was after everything we had all been through in the past, what with the war and the loss of so many lives. If I wanted to be technical, I would admit, in fact, none of this had been a part of my original plan. My original plan varied along the lines of: marrying my beloved Ron after graduation from Hogwarts in a wedding which would've been much like that of Bill and Fluer's; I would have then applied for and won employment with the Ministry; later we would have had children. I know it's foolish, but I even had picked out names, though now thinking back on it, I have no idea when I even found time to think about trivial things about the future when the fate of the entire world depended on what we were helping Harry do. Nevertheless, there were names: Briar for a girl and Aden for a boy.
Now all of those plans were only a part of a future that would never be. They had been such for so long it was difficult to remember a time when I envisioned them becoming a reality. I had been foolish at the least. Perhaps naïve is a better term though.
But then again, it wouldn't be out of line to say I presently am jaded against the world.
While Hermione was contemplating her past envisions of the future, someone who might as well have been a world away was trying desperately to remember any remnant of the past. For, you see, something horrible had happened, stripping away any memory of the past and leaving an empty space in place of recollections.
To say he was now a stranger would not be entirely incorrect since he was but a mere glimpse of what he had once been. That isn't to say he understood this. He was quite in the dark about everything and there certainly didn't seem to be anyone in the near vicinity who was able to fill in any of the numerous blanks that was his earlier life.
It was rather late and he was finding difficulty in keeping his eyes open. Pulling his gaze from the open window overlooking the English countryside, he furtively glanced across the small room he now called home. Well, technically, the only place he ever remembered calling home. It was sad, to say the least, this place represented his standard of home; especially considering his former standard couldn't have been more different. Now home was a solitary, lifeless place. He couldn't remember what "home" had once been, but he was certain it hadn't been anything like this place. Not that he wasn't grateful for this place, but something just didn't feel right.
Comforted by a soft breeze from the window, he found he could no longer fight off his drowsiness. He gave in and slipped into his usual dreamless sleep, his scarlet hair moving ever so slightly across his freckled face.
I must've dozed off at the kitchen table in the midst of seething about Malfoy and mourning my past, because later that same night I woke with a start, eyes flying open and instantly focusing on the half-moon outside the open window above the sink. I slowly remembered the dream I had been having...
I had been standing on the edge of the Forbidden Forest on Hogwarts' grounds when suddenly I caught a glimpse of fiery red hair across the lake. There were only so many people who had hair like that, it was certainly a Weasley. My mind raced through possibilities: Charlie, Ron, Bill, Fred, Percy, George... Oh, how I'd love to be in the presence of any one of them. Yes, even Percy.
It hadn't been right they'd all been lost in the war. It hadn't been right at all. It was sheer torture for Molly. How many nights had I sat with her, holding her hand as she cried? Arthur had eventually gotten to the point where he was no longer able to console her, and after that he'd become horribly distant. I could only rationalize he was distancing himself to prevent further pain. He didn't realize how much pain it was causing everyone else. But that's what war will do to people, it makes rational people go mad. The human race was not built to withstand so much personal loss, especially in such a short period of time. A tear ran down my cheek with the memory.
The rest of my dream was now lost to me. The reality of my past was too great to recall and simply push away again. It was for this very reason I had been avoiding any thoughts of the past for the last few weeks. I had known it wasn't right. I had known if I evaded those thoughts I wouldn't ever be able to fully heal. But, who was I to ever be whole again? Who was I to wallow in the loss of my best friends when there were people like Molly who lost absolutely everything? Who was I to still be alive? I rose from the kitchen table and made my way to my empty bedroom. I flopped onto my bed and buried my face in the nearest pillow and sobbed until my mind and body finally relented and allowed me to return to sleep.
Hermione was standing outside in the pouring rain, in the middle of a muggle parking lot. She seemed to be waiting for someone to pick her up. As my car approached her drenched form I noticed how cold she really was, her lips were most certainly blue. I cracked the window on the drivers side and called out, "You could've phoned me for a ride, it's a mess out there."
Moving toward my car, she teased through chattering teeth, "The rain's the rain. Some air'd be good for you."
She got in my car where it was certainly warmer, thanks to the heater I had running on full blast. She caught my eyes in the most intense gaze, her brown eyes were alive with some unnamable thing.
She whispered, "Don't forget." My eyes were glued to those brown eyes of hers and my mind had trouble forming a reply. There was no way I would ever be able to forget.
A/N: The mystery dream sequence was totally stolen from the Jack's Mannequin song entitled "You Can Breathe." As far as the whole sequence goes, I'll just say things aren't quite what they seem. Dreams are tricky that way. :)
ALSO, I have come up with the plotline for the rest of my fic, but only today I realized just how much freaking homework I have to do (mostly in the form of reading textbooks). It's seriously not a good time and I have a feeling if I don't start now I'll never be able to get it all done.
Therefore I must rethink the amount of updates I'll be able to do. Not that anyone particularly cares since no one reviews...but you know.
I'm not really sure when I'll be updating, but it really won't be too long of a wait, I don't think. Like, nothing longer than a month or so. I mean, my classes have to let up on me at some point, don't they?