AN: Right. To settle a few things straight… the Nazi mysticism is only a loose basis, and I only took a couple of entries.
Adolf Hitler and his top brass escaped to Shambala and intended to set up a Fourth Reich
There they met with the Hyperboreans
In actual Nazi mysticism, the Hyperboreans aren't a 'race', per se, but gods, who are supposed to aid Hitler's return with a fleet of UFO's. Silly, ja? Well, everything else is of my concoction, although I based them on actual existing mythology/occult-ishness. One is the All-Seeing Eye of Horus, basically one of the first incarnations of the All-Seeing Eye/Eye of Providence/That eye in a triangle thing sitting atop a pyramid on a dollar bill.
I think that covers just about everything… does it?
Disclaimer: I own Juniper Lee… if you didn't catch the sarcasm in that, then poor you.
SS UUE Headquarters – Sub-level 10 of the Delmont Building, Orchid Bay
2018 Hours, Pacific Time, November 16, 2005
The usual silence of the Nazi facility was pierced by a spine-chilling roar. This particular roar boomed from the confines of Testing Chamber 17, a massive hangar used for holding monsters of size class D or higher. In this case, the monster was of size class E. Towering 50 feet above the floor was a purple and green reptilian being, scaly and slimy at the same time, claws outstretched, saurian jaws in a massive snarl. The beast was chained by all five of its extremities, bound by strange, dark gunmetal gray cuffs. It cried again, sending shockwaves across the chamber, although the nine druids at its feet didn't seem to mind, continuing to chant verses in some old dead language.
From behind the safety of the elevated pane of bullet-proof, heavily-enchanted, one-way glass, two figures observed the rather awkward event take place. "As you can see, Herr Oberführer," the one to the left, an aged, bespectacled man in a lab coat, a mad scientist by means of stock character identification, started, "This is a Level 63 Hesaphut Demon – one of the most powerful we've managed to capture to date. Note the three groups of druids surrounding him." Out of the corner of his eye, he could see his conversational partner nod silently. "Each of these druid groups is chanting one of the three most powerful restraining spells we have on record. 'Barney', as we've affectionately called him, is also bound by chains made of Übertitanium alloy. And yet even with all of these measures, he remains on the brink of breaking loose from his incarceration."
Heinrich Himmler III didn't need to know all of the technicalities involved to tell how powerful a monster was. He'd had his share of tests to witness, and this was one of the most emotionally disturbing creatures he'd ever seen. "This is truly impressive, Professor von Karlinne. Where did you find this specimen?"
"Schrödingberg's unit, Herr Oberführer," the scientist replied. "They picked him up from the Fifth Realm on the way back from their artifact hunt in the Seventh."
"I see…" Himmler continued to gaze at 'Barney's' agonized stature. Obviously, it had no idea what was to come, and was evidently afraid. Not that the Reichsführer-SS's grandson cared for the monster's feelings. He couldn't help but wonder as much as the creature did, however, as von Karlinne had not told him what was going to be tested yet. "Tell me, Professor, what exactly are we testing here?"
"Ah, but that is the big surprise, Herr Oberführer." A devious smile spread across the older man's face. Das Führer was going to enjoy having this new little toy in his arsenal once Operation: Innere Angelegenheiten's second phase began. "You will, no doubt, enjoy watching it, though." von Karlinne tapped on a holographic button on the pane, triggering the lighting in the testing chamber to flicker once.
The dual doors beneath the viewing room slid open, and in marched three hulking men in jet black armor. Or so Himmler thought. Upon closer inspection, it somehow hit him that these ten-foot warriors were nothing more than empty suits, magically animated, more or less. Each one wielded a sixteen-foot spear made of apparently the same material as them, a suitable armament, in the Oberführer's opinion. "Magic-powered armor, Professor?" He turned to the scientist, a mocking glint in his eye. "Surely you have more creativity than that!"
"Ho, ho, ho," SS UUE's chief science officer and magical supervisor merely chuckled. "The skeptic will soon believe! Allow me to present, with great pride, the Golem Übersoldat! It's quite the marvel of our Magitech division, really," von Karlinne casually said. "It's made of pure Ebenholzdiamant. The same goes for its weapon, the Beschatten Sie Drachen Spear."
Himmler knew exactly what the old man was talking about. Ebenholzdiamant, Ebony Diamond, was one of the most precious raw materials that they could find in the Magical World. Found only in the Odibene Syporunm Mountains, which in turn, were situated in the 'gray zone' between the Seventh and Eight Realms, Ebenholzdiamant exhibited quite a few useful properties. Aside from the Hardness Level of Ten that diamonds were expected to possess, the mineral was also an effective magical conductor and amplifier, with an enhancement factor ranging from anywhere between ten and twenty times the magnitude of the magical energy. This was, however, restricted to the dark element, for reasons unknown, although SS UUE scientists speculated that the color had something to do with that.
Unlike its earth-bound cousin, though, Ebenholzdiamant was as malleable as any metal, which made forging it into armor and weapons even better. They wouldn't have to dilute its properties by creating alloys of any kind. One other interesting property about it was that when given a specific shape, particularly a tall dome or blunted cone, it would act as a receptor of dark magical energy, with a reception range of thousands of miles and spanned even the rift between realms. Golem Übersoldat units, with their so-shaped heads, would make ideal remote-controlled weapons.
"Another thing we've discovered about Ebenholzdiamant," von Karlinne seemed to read his CO's mind, "Is that it tends to absorb several types of energies including heat, light, chemical, and electrical, among others. What happens to these is quite simple – they enhance the magical energies already present. Impressive, nein?"
"Ja, Professor. It is impressive indeed…" Himmler watched as activity in the chamber began to act up again. The druids stood and cast a transportation spell, taking the group of nine to the safety that lay beyond the whitewashed walls. Professor von Karlinne flipped another holographic switch, and 'Barney's' binds released him, dual doors shutting behind the trio of menacing empty suits as they took a triangular formation.
"Commence the operation," the lead suit ordered. Its voice was deep, base, and lacked any feelings whatsoever, along with the tendency to reverberate every now and then. In a word, it sounded robotic, "Assault Pattern Alpha." The two other Golem Übersoldats obeyed and surrounded the raging purple dinosaur, centering it within an equilateral triangle. "Attack!"
The unit standing behind the creature's thrashing tail leapt an impressive fifteen feet and embedded its spear into the extremity's base, bodily fluids spraying wildly from the wound and drenching the inhuman warrior. Barney cried in pain as its rampaging became more erratic. The Golem at its tail held tight to the spear and thrust it in even deeper, eventually reaching the extended portion of the spine, where it seriously got to work. Its comrades approached from their attack points, flanking the 50-footer.
The lead Golem dexterously twirled its spear, causing a miniature whirlwind the moment before it slashed at the monster's left leg. Barney howled yet again, this time breathing a powerful storm of unearthly energy at the offender. It merely dissipated upon making contact with the Ebenholzdiamant construct, though, and the Übersoldat reveled in its exposure, exhibiting signs of heightened magical power as it resumed hacking at the appendage.
The third struggled for freedom as Barney's right hand grabbed it to bring to eye level. Its efforts were in vain though, as it only managed to tear off one of the monster's claws before it went down the hatch. The Hesaphut demon roared victoriously as it felt something fall into its stomach. It reeled in pain a few moments later, however, as its near-win had become nothing more than a precursor to its humiliating defeat. The backstabber had completely ripped his tail off – it was just using the spear to cleave through the bone – while the leg-slasher had managed to sever his left leg from the knee downward due to the unending slicing assault. Losing his balance, Barney collapsed onto his right side, thick black blood spurting from both stumps of his lost appendages. But it wasn't over yet.
His eyes shot wide open as he felt a sharp pain from within. An audible rupturing echoed throughout the chamber as the third Übersoldat emerged, covered in sickly orange gastric juices and more ink-colored blood, from a self-induced tear within the creature's underbelly; a rather ironic take on the Xenomorph movies of the 80's. Dripping, it stomped back to the floor and turned around to face their fallen foe, then to their leader, as if signaling something. The tail-breaker marched up from behind and gave the same faceless stare of approval.
The leader apparently understood what the other two were trying to impart on it, and nodded symbolically by swinging its spear around for the final blow, impaling the monster's neck and cutting straight through its jugular. More liquid gore material exploded from the vein, completing the exposure of the three to the bloody side of the engagement. And with that, as an old parody of an old song would say,
No more purple dinosaur
Heinrich Himmler III clapped in moderation at the climax of the closing act. For him, it was a splendid show, perfectly executed and well-played throughout. "Before I commend your work, Professor, there is one more thing you should try these Golem Übersoldats on."
"Really now?" von Karlinne's eyebrow shot up. "And what else would you have me test them on, Herr Oberführer?"
"Humans, Professor," Himmler stated matter-of-factly, "Humans. We always have to test these new weapons on what we plan to use them against, remember?"
A wicked smile found its way to the scientist's face. "Of course, Herr Oberführer. It will be my pleasure."
Chapter 1: Night of the Not-So-Living Black Knight
The Ward, Castle Blackroot
2032 Hours, Nivareal 17, 6028 Year of Cheverean
"I call upon the spirit of Gyntax, the chief mage of Avalos!" Banthar the Enchanter raised his staff to the sky (or in this case, ceiling), focusing his energy as the other Knights of Avalos held off the feral Cobb Goblins with their own assortment of enchanted weaponry – the Hellion's Infernally Repeating Crossbow, Mad Urian's Crazy Bastard Sword, and the Great Du Ghuol's Great Axe of Grandeur. "Smite all who would oppose your servant! Smite them with the fury of your disintegrative power!" An ethereal light began to emanate from the said staff, seeking and, quite obviously, disintegrating any Cobb Goblins in the room one by one.
Mad Urian beheaded the nearest Cobb Goblin and uttered their battle cry, "FOR THE GLORY OF AVALOS!" as he charged into the growing pile of 10-foot monstrosities. He was soon followed by the Great Du Ghuol and the Hellion. Banthar exhausted the spell before advancing into the prime chamber with his comrades-in-arms.
Inside the prime chamber, some few dozen yards away, was the throne – but where was the king? Malicious laughter began to echo throughout the room, bouncing off the walls, floor, and ceiling, into the Knights' ears. Not that they were intimidated or anything. No, they were just fine. A spinning dodecagram materialized in front of the throne, and like any other final boss, an ominous, darkly dressed figure slowly rose out, brandishing an unfamiliar pair of small metallic weapons. It had become evident that he was the one that was doing the malicious laughing. One could deduce, therefore, that he either had a trap in store, or that he was simply too powerful for the Knights of Avalos. Either way, his general impression was quite intimidating.
The shadowy being finally stopped laughing and addressed his guests in an inherent faux British accent. "Welcome, Knights of Avalos! I see that you have managed to slay my horde of Cobb Goblins with relative ease! Do not think, however, that I, Lord Walden Grovan the Persecutor, will be such easy prey! Especially now that I have acquired these fantastic new weapons from my arch mages!" He pulled down both hammers and bounded into the air, firing concentrated bolts of crimson light at the group, which scattered in the four directions. The malicious laughing resumed, and each knight did his best to fend off the lord's new attack.
The Hellion let off some flaming bolts of his own, catching the lord by the cape and setting the cloak ablaze. This was used against the crossbowman, as Walden removed the cape and flung it at the Hellion's face, distracting the knight as he knocked it out of the way with his right arm. A moment later, and he was down on the floor, a cauterization-bordered hole through his left shoulder.
Up next was Mad Urian, whose Crazy Bastard Sword was now glowing a sickly green as it swung around, apparently of its own accord, leading the burly Avaloan Knight to engage in combat with his nemesis. Being quite mad, though, his alertness was quite dulled, and by the time he had swung the insane weapon, Lord Grovan was behind, rather than in front of him. A pair of laser bolts to the back of his head, and it was over.
The Great Du Ghuol had excellent reaction time, despite his cumbersome weapon, and managed to nick the lord by the left half of his ribcage. He put on a bit of showboating by twirling his axe around dexterously and pointing the head at his opponent in an intimidating fashion. Walden huffed and began firing again, crimson bolts deflecting off the Great Axe of Grandeur that had begun spinning again. The Great Du Ghuol began to advance, forcing the lord back into a corner. "Now ye can savor the grandeur of me great axe, milord!"
Grovan's back had touched the corner when he began to laugh out loud. Reaching into his pouch, he tossed what appeared to be a black sheet of cloth at the Great Du Ghuol's feet. It didn't seem to do much, until the Axe wielder of Avalos stepped on – and fell – into it. It became apparent then and there that it was one of those rare 'portable hole' traps that looked as innocent as they were devious. The lord turned to the last standing Avaloan Knight. "It looks like it has come down to the two of us, Banthar the Enchanter!" He continued his taunting laugh. "Are you prepared to be reunited with your precious mentor Gyntax in the fogs of eternity?"
Banthar grinned smugly. Anybody around to watch the standoff could tell that he was going to spout another cheesy line of some sort. And so he did. "No, but I am more than prepared to kick your sorry-"
"Dennis!" The seemingly perfect and broody atmosphere was broken by a somewhat nasal, pre-pubescent female voice from somewhere above. The Avaloan Enchanter struggled to finish what he was going to say, but to no avail. The follow-up shattered his reality completely. "Dennis! Mom wants you up for dinner! NOW!"
Dennis Lee grumbled as he dropped the Staff of Gyntax to the basement floor. He couldn't believe it. An almost perfectly climactic battle, ruined by his annoying little sister, Juniper, who just happened to be around at the time. He eyed his LARPing buddies and shook his head in apology. "Sorry, guys. The little monster calls." The eldest Lee shed his costume in a flash and dashed up the steps, "Remind me to finish what I was saying earlier, okay, Bill?"
Lord Grovan, Bill, rather, shrugged nonchalantly and replied, "Y… y… you g… g… got it, man. Of course, going OOC without f… f… flashing the blue card's gonna get you some m… m… minus points later on."
Dennis pouted, "Hey, is it my fault that she doesn't get the idea of the blue card?" and reached for the door knob. "Look, I'll get you guys some cookies or whatever later. How's that?"
"Rock on, dude!"
"Yeah, sure."
"Okay."
"May the l… l… light of Dachmar g… g… guide you in your quest!"
Light poured in as the eldest Lee flung the basement door open, dashing outside to bulldoze his surprised younger sibling into the dining room. Reggie flicked the lights on as he shut the entrance in wake of the disruption. "So… who's up for a game of Magic?"
Trust Bank, Downtown Orchid Bay
2315 Hours, Pacific Time, November 16, 2005
Security cameras eyed the inside of the vault. Surely, with a three-foot titanium door, nobody would be able to get inside conventionally. Armed with more state-of-the-art security technology than your average bank, this branch of the Trust Banking Corporation was hardly average, as, like all of the other branches of the TBC, it was highly coveted by those who wished to save, invest, and steal. Investment for the high ROI, deposit for the tight security, and steal simply for the reputation that could be garnered from having cracked one of the three toughest bank safety measure systems on the planet.
The bank interior was practically littered with sensory beam projectors that made a solid mesh on the floor to foil ground-based entry. More projectors meshed a few inches under the ceiling to discourage roof-based entry. The sewer system wasn't spared, as they also installed sensor beam equipment within every tube that a man could fit into. The panels on the floor and ceiling, as well as the wallpaper were all pressure-sensitive to the point that even a fly would trip the alarms. The UniTrack Mainframe made sure no such mistake was made, as it constantly watched every inch of the bank, its vault, sewer, and other places unknown that were part of its territory. The final say on whether or not to trigger the alarm was its. Complex as it all seemed, the totality of this wasn't even half of the standard security system.
Of course, this was all bypassed by something as simple as a mundane transportation spell. Nothing fancy, just an energy ring with a considerably large diameter materializing at the center of the vault, splitting into two concentric circles that moved the opposite direction of the other – up and down – hyper-energized matter appearing in their wake. Once the distance between the twin hoops was more or less ten feet, a distinctly humanoid figure within the gap, they popped out of existence, leaving behind the menace that they had been created to bring.
The Golem Übersoldat fixed its composure and scanned its surroundings with nothing anybody would consider eyes, as there was pretty much nothing of similar structure for it to see with. Its 'face' consisted of a jet black faceplate with a pair of horizontal slits where eyes would normally be, the upper separated from the lower by an inch or two of more plating. It was, in this way, reminiscent of Ares' 'Annihilator', which made its debut in some popular cartoon involving superheroes that used some massive satellite network as their headquarters. Of course, the Annihilator wasn't made of Ebenholzdiamant. It didn't carry a sixteen-foot spear either.
The walls were lined with secured drawers filled with all sorts of expensive goods – gems, jewels, gold, cold cash, the works – none of which it had any interest in taking. The bank wasn't the objective; it was merely a key element in obtaining it. Another key element was the process of attaining said goal, which involved what the Golem Übersoldat was mainly good at: wreaking havoc and destruction.
It nodded to an unheard command that had somehow registered, and announced to itself – "Beginnen Sie den Betrieb – Prüfungsverfahrenalpha." It proceeded to walk toward the vault door, fist ready to make its first move. Its advent on the pressure sensitive panels, of course, triggered the alarms.
Being an internationally fluent machine, UniTrack managed to translate the German utterances into "Commence the operation", and "Testing procedure alpha", respectively. These, it made sure to note down as it trained the in-vault defense turrets at the intruder and initiated the firing sequence. Laser bolts struck the Nazi war toy as it threw its first punch at the vault door, causing a considerable dent that not even a 120mm tank shell could create. The Ebenholzdiamant surface instantly absorbed the heat rays and infused the inhuman warrior with even greater strength. Its next punch shook the very structure of the vault itself.
By this time, UniTrack had sent a maximum level alert to the nearest precincts, suggesting the deployment of a minimum of two SWAT teams. According to its estimates, time of arrival was anywhere between 10 minutes to half an hour, give or take depending on the briefing they were getting. Basic information was included therein, such as the nature of the situation and the offender.
In the very essence of the saying "Third time's a charmer," the third hit blew the vault door right off its hinges, sending it clanging some several yards before coming to a grinding halt near the front doors. The Golem Übersoldat strolled into the bank interior and got to work, carelessly tripping alarms and security devices here and there as it went to ravage the facility. Counters, desks, paper, potted plants, and other things one would normally find at a bank flew left, right, up, and down, as the animated suit continued its reign of chaos. Counter-top glass panels shattered as it speared them through with its weapon. The police would arrive soon enough.
Lee Residence, Orchid Bay
2325 Hours, Pacific Time, November 16, 2005
Juniper Lee collapsed onto the comfortable bed. Today had been quite hectic indeed. Pop quizzes left and right, a hydra outbreak by the harbor, gnomes going wild at the mall, and a horde of other seemingly simple magical problems joined forces to create a conglomerate that sold her products promising 'Extreme Fatigue' or something similar to that.
But wait! There' more! Call within the next fifteen minutes, and you'll also receive this awesome Rampaging Ray-Ray action figure with a Fatigue Rating of 97 Percent, absolutely free! That's right, absolutely free! Order today!
The mad Home TV Shopping advert went on in her head until she considered her most recent plight: she had to skip dinner over a Garm trying to free all the dogs in the pound. At least she thought it was trying to free all the dogs in the pound. Who knows what plans it had for those poor things? Heck, what if Monroe was there and it got away with him?
The Te Xuan Ze closed her eyes and began to drift off. She was just about to get to the part where they started moving rapidly, when a purplish light penetrated the protection of her eyelids. June shot up to a sitting position, eyes red from that lack of sleep she had been complaining about earlier, and shook her head in dismay. Ah-Mah should've told her about those days when the accursed job forbade slumber. It was a Saturday tomorrow, and Saturdays had at least some form of meaning to her as a day of respite. "Can't I skip this one?"
The bracelet glowed back again, as if answering her question with a no. Juniper sighed in defeat and resigned herself to her fate. The commercial returned. Tired of getting sleep all the time? Well then we have just the thing for you! Presenting the patented Trouble Sensor 7000! This Older-than-7000-years masterpiece can detect any mystical and/or magical trouble within the vicinity of Orchid Bay and its surrounding countryside! Say goodbye to those terrible nights of rest, and say hello to an amazing pre-dawn experience of total, undisturbed, action-packed fatigue! All for the low, low, low price of a great responsibility inherited from your grandmother! That's right, a great responsibility inherited from your grandmother! What an incredible offer!
She shook the encroaching insanity out of her head and leapt out of the open window, making a perfect silent landing on the lawn. June began her sprint. The bank wasn't that far, and by rough estimate, she'd be able to resolve the situation and be back before the clock struck eleven. "Say hello to happy hour," June mumbled as she went downhill.
Trust Bank, Downtown Orchid Bay
2330 Hours, Pacific Time, November 16, 2005
The police reaction time was much better than UniTrack had hoped for. 15 minutes on, and several units were already garrisoned right outside the bank, assessing the situation. "Alright, this is how we're gonna do it." Sergeant Jacobs procured a layout of the building, each entry point marked. "We got some wise guy in a black knight costume throwing a tantrum inside the bank. No demands have been made, nothing's been stolen, and it looks like he's just trashing the place up for kicks. We're going dynamic this time around, and gas him down."
"With all due respect sir, why don't we just hit the bastard with rubber bullets till he drops?"
"That's the thing, Tyler," Jacobs stretched his hands and shoulders. Briefings always got him cramped up, not just because of the tactical gear he wore, but the rising tension and adrenaline flow he experienced every time. Somehow, he managed to both love and hate it for a perfectly sound reason: adrenaline got people going. "The armor this nutcase's covered in is made of some unidentifiable compound. It's laser absorbent, so we can assume that it's tough enough so that he wouldn't feel a thing if rubber bullets hit him."
"So we turn him into Swiss Cheese with the 5.7 rounds," Tyler popped his cigar out of his mouth and puffed a perfect smoke ring. "We got the firepower, so why don't we use it?"
Durstein shook his head as he brought his faceplate down. "Not an option, Tyler. 5.7 AP might be something to really cut through stuff, and it might give us the edge we need to bring this big guy down, but the chief wants him alive."
"Damn!" This wasn't because his every suggestion was put down; it was more of the result of his fingers slipping and his cigar falling to the moist, post-precipitation asphalt – cinders extinguished on impact. Tyler had somewhat of an attention deficit, not that anybody bothered, since pound for pound, this guy was one of the most reliable members of OBPD's SWAT unit.
Jacobs cleared his throat. "Our second task is to confiscate his weapon – anybody here familiar with suh-ree-sahs?" He was reading from the printout of the situation, the soft copy of which was part of the alert bulletin sent by the bank security AI. "How the hell do you pronounce this anyway?"
"That's 'Sarissa', sir." Meyers retrieved his nose from the pages of his Hemingway, snapping it shut as he did so. "An ancient spear, thirteen to twenty-one feet in length, used primarily by the Macedonians in their Phalanx formation after King Philip II, Alexander's father, introduced it to his military." He was your clichéd bookish, rookie SWAT officer, if there was such a stereotype. Seven years on the force, two of which were spent on Special Weapons and Tactics training had gotten him in, and this was his first real skirmish.
A smug grin found its way to Jacobs' face. "Meyers, your brains never cease to amaze me. So this guy has a penchant for old war toys, eh? Well then we're gonna have to bring him back to the 21st century."
"Sir, a sarissa is nothing to underestimate," Meyers added. "With the kind of body mass he has, he's probably gonna be able to hurl it a couple hundred feet at the very least."
For the first time in recorded history, it seemed that Tyler was listening. "So tell us, Al. How the hell are we supposed to disarm somebody like that?"
"Theoretically, it'd be a lot easier if he wasn't wearing as much armor. In this case-" The high pitched sound of glass shattering, combined with the scream of twisting metal and the accompanying curses by nearby units all cut him off. By then, all attention had switched from the bespectacled officer to the bank's main door, from which emerged their objective, a towering ten-feet-high nightmare carrying a 16-foot spear. "In his case, we'll have to find some other hypothetical way and put it to the test."
Said nearby units took cover behind the police barricade and went through the usual, "You are surrounded! Throw down your weapon and put your hands on your head!" threat – to no avail. The suspect continued to march forth. Somebody shouted, "Gas him!" This was followed by a barrage of five or so tear gas grenades, the resulting clouds of which it merely waltzed through with no visible reaction.
It stopped for a moment and scanned the surrounding area. Fifteen SWAT officers were scattered about, taking cover. This cover, it noted as it announced, "Objektive Ziele anvisiert", and drove its spear down into the nearest human's skull with so much force that the bloody head emerged from the crotch of his pants. The officer had officially become a Cop Kebab, and was still on the skewer as the Golem Übersoldat lifted it again and used it to smack the next officer into the ground, creating a significantly nasty image consisting of a dead-broken corpse, splattered blood, and a sizable dent in the tarmac.
Jacobs went for the radio. "Talk, this is Ten David! Officers down, support is needed, over!"
"Roger that, Ten David. Bravo and air support are inbound, ETA ten minutes. Hold your position and keep it frosty."
"We might not have ten minutes, Talk, but we'll keep it as frosty as we can. Out."
"Fuck!" Instinctively, and against orders, Tyler drew his P90 and let loose a hail of bullets, soon followed by Durstein and at least three other officers. The 5.7 rounds harmlessly ricocheted off the jet black surface of the inhuman soldier's armor, tickling it had it had nerves to feel. It cut another SWAT member clean in half via a sweeping slash to the waist. His torso fell to the ground beside his legs, indescribable amount of pain plastered to his face as his submachine gun let loose its final wave of ammunition, which really wasn't saying much as it did just as much damage as before - zero. His eyes rolled up into his head a few moments later.
Durstein made the mistake of aiming for the head, calling the monstrosity's attention to him. "Oh, shit…" he could only back up as it nonchalantly batted the two officers in front of him away. One flew screaming into a nearby office building window back first, resulting glass shards making their way into the delicate part between his Kevlar and helmet. A thud was heard as he hit the lobby's floor, impact driving several of the siliceous wedges into the back of his neck. Blood spilled all over the marble surface, taking his life with it. The other wound up broken as he hit a street lamp at a perpendicular angle, spine snapping in two. He fell to the sidewalk in a dead heap.
Muttering another string of curses, Durstein tossed a frag at the enemy, which it dodged rather lazily, grenade landing some several feet behind it and detonating. Before he could raise his SMG for a resumed firing, the Golem Übersoldat had caught up to him, lifting the SWAT officer by the head. He struggled, wrestling with the colossal hand that threatened to crush his protected head like an egg. And it did, too, tossing the lifeless corpse into another group of three, which it targeted next.
As with the late Durstein, it grabbed the two still-firing officers' heads, kicking the third down and ending his trouble with a stomp that created a pretty much gruesome sound. It finished the other two SWAT members off, crushing their crania together between its cold Ebenholzdiamant palms. More tingling registered behind it, to which it reacted at once by cleaving the offending human in half with the spear.
By this time, one or two had managed to switch to heavier arms, a couple of 40mm grenades impacting behind it. The Nazi weapon didn't do so much as flinch at that, and turned around to face them, leaping some several feet up and crushing another three under a powerful body slam that shook the area. None of them survived.
"Meyers! Get us an update on that backup!" Jacobs ordered. "Tyler! We'll cover him!" He looked around. No sign of Tyler. "Tyler! Where the hell are you?" The Golem Übersoldat had recovered to a kneel, and was just about to stand up, when another HE exploded square in its chest.
Tyler, now armed with an MGL, emerged from behind the bus, grim composure about him. "I'm on it, sir." He rotated the barrel, chambering another grenade. "Eat High Explosive, you sonovabitch…" The next HE flew off and hit its mark as the sound of static filled the night air.
"Talk, this is Alpha! Where the hell is our backup?"
"ETA is eight minutes, Alpha. What's your status?" Another grenade exploded, not doing so much as impeding the animated suit as it finally managed to stand up properly.
"We got twelve down, Talk! I don't think we're gonna last that long!"
"Why the FUCK won't you die?" Tyler launched the fourth round. Only two more to go. It began to approach the SWAT officer at a menacing pace.
"Keep your cool, Alpha. Air Support ETA is five minutes. Talk out."
Tyler cursed loudly as the fifth grenade missed it by an inch and detonated inside the bank. This was followed by a yelp as it picked him up by the waist. "Just who are you, anyway?" The officer reached for the faceplate and swung it open, hinges creaking as its inner emptiness was revealed. "No. Way." Almost losing his sanity, Tyler shoved his grenade launcher into the head, and pulled the trigger. The internal explosion didn't do so much as shake the Golem Übersoldat as it began crushing him as slowly as possible. For lack of any reason other than to spare himself the pain, he drew his USP Pistol and blew his brains out.
'Looking' down at its prey that had deprived it the indescribable sensation (pleasure, in layman's terms) garnered from killing him, the inhuman soldier tossed the lifeless corpse to the sidewalk. It closed its faceplate and proceeded to eliminate Jacobs, who was inching back, firing just after slapping a fresh magazine into his carbine.
"Get outta here, Meyers! I'll distract it for you!" Jacobs backed up to an office building wall.
"No can do, sir! We're getting out of here together, or not at all!" Meyers joined his leader.
"Are you nuts?" Jacobs shouted over the noise of the automatic fire and clanging of spent casings to the cemented sidewalk. "If somebody's going to get away, it might as well be the person smart enough to figure out how to stop this thing! That's you, Meyers! Now go!" His subordinate hesitated. The SWAT Commander growled and shook his head as he resorted to the most clichéd justification in history. "That's an order!" He emphasized this by employing another cliché, namely toting his pistol at the rookie. The police sergeant soon came to regret this as the momentary shifting of attention allowed the Ebenholzdiamant construct to spear him, pinning him to the wall. He screamed in agony as the monstrosity removed the sarissa from his gut, the sudden outflow of blood robbing him of any chance of survival.
Meyers continued to fire, provoking a blow that catapulted him head-first into the side of the next building. Consciousness began to wane as the Nazi weapon began to approach him. He started to doubt his sanity when he saw a mysterious green and blue streak practically fly in from across the street and collide with the Golem Übersoldat, driving it into the wall in a loud crash.
Juniper Lee somersaulted back onto the street as she felt the thing collapse into the concrete wall. She had drop kicked the monster from the top of the building across the road, from which she caught a glance of the havoc it had wrought thus far. Bodies of police officers littered the area, some alongside empty SWAT vehicles that still had their sirens flashing. No doubt if she came earlier, all the senseless death would've been prevented. Spent shells and casings, as well as a few craters' worth of grenade-based collateral damage provided evidence of a firefight, not to mention the bursts of automatic fire she'd heard while leaping from one rooftop to the next.
But then came the question – how did they know it was there? Wasn't the veil supposed to conceal magical creatures from those who didn't need to know of their existence? She didn't have time to ponder this as the inhuman soldier recovered from her kick and looked her over for a moment or two, before speaking out in its cold robotic voice. "Betrieb störte. Neues Ziel erwarb." She didn't understand what it said, and she didn't care. Although if she knew some German, she would've known that it was calling her a disturbance, and a new target.
"You're not killing anybody else tonight, mister!" A quick jump behind her opponent followed by a sweeping kick to knock it off balance did the trick. It toppled yet again, falling face-first onto the tarmac. The Te Xuan Ze took advantage of having the upper hand in her grasp, and leaped onto the Golem Übersoldat's back, taking its head into a strangle. "Now tell me! What drove you to kill these people?" Possibilities flew through her mind – brainwashing, temporary insanity, heck, even a tantrum, but it remained silent and reached behind to grab her by the length of her hair, throwing the protector into a second floor window across the street.
It hurriedly stood up and deployed its spear, hurling it in her general direction as one would a javelin. Slightly dazed but still alert, June quickly recovered from the impact and rolled left, barely dodging the incoming projectile as it embedded itself into the ceiling. Natural tendencies to use whatever resource necessary, she tore the spear out of said ceiling, opened the door to allow backing up into the hallway, and charged forth, launching herself with sarissa in hand at the Ebenholzdiamant construct. "Right back at ya, punk!"
With the kind of reflexes one would usually see in some cheesy action movie, the seemingly possessed suit of armor almost effortlessly caught the inbound missile by the neck, the sudden loss of momentum causing the young Te Xuan Ze to dangle wildly for a moment, before she drove a hard kick to the left side of its head, twisting it in the corresponding direction. "YOU!" Juniper followed up with a kick to the right. "MURDEROUS!" Left. "HUNK OF JUNK!"
The strangest part of the situation was that it didn't seem to be doing anything to repel her attacks, as though the blows to its head were somehow disrupting its consciousness, had it had one. She kicked right. "WITH NO RESPECT!" Left. "FOR HUMAN LIFE!" Right. "OR THE LAW!" Left. "ON BOTH SIDES!" Right. "OF THE VEIL!" She wasn't much of a lefty, yet for some reason that probably involved the cumulative force of her repetitive super-powered kicks, June managed to disconnect the black knight's head from the rest of its body with her most recent left kick. The blunted jet black cone flew off into a light post, clanking loudly as it made a dent in the steel rod, trapping itself.
Her eyebrow arched as she casually let herself fall from the spear's handle. "That's it?" More relaxed now, she feebly kicked its right leg for measure. It didn't shift from its perpetual grasping pose, provoking a nervous chuckle from the fifth grader. "That's it!" the Te Xuan Ze kicked it again, this time with renewed force, causing it to shake somewhat.
June's gloating moment was disturbed by a weak moan from one of the corpses. Apparently, he wasn't a corpse yet – unless the attack had turned him into a zombie or something. She rushed over to check him out, crouching in front to look into his faceplate. "Nope, no signs of zombification…" Before she could say anything else, the sound of rotors filled the air. The air support was nearing. "Oh, man! If they see me here, they're gonna-" the officer moaned again. He was coming to. Lee stood up and gave one last glance at the downed SWAT member. "The backup can take care of him." Her job was done, and it wasn't her responsibility to nurse him back to health. The Te Xuan Ze dashed off into the darkness.
Despite appearing to have blacked out, Meyers saw the whole thing. He didn't know whether it was real or not, and it all seemed like a mad dream more than anything else, but it didn't matter. He knew what he saw, and though he doubted his senses, a nagging behind his head told him to believe. Probably the result of a concussion, and highly justifiable as that, but what were the odds of a concussion showing him something as wild as that? The next thing he knew, a couple of paramedics had hoisted him onto a stretcher. He looked up to the one on the head side and asked, "Did you see a little girl anywhere nearby?" The staffer merely shook his head as they boarded an ambulance.
Lee Residence, Orchid Bay
0507 Hours, Pacific Time, November 17, 2005
"Oh Juuuuuune…"
Lee tossed in her bed.
"Juuuuuune…"
She tossed again and mumbled, "Leave me alone… it's a Saturday…"
"JUNIPER!" the 'r' rolled in an evidently Scottish way of shouting.
The Te Xuan Ze shot up, boiling in irritation. "What's important that you wake me up this early on a Saturday, Monroe?" She looked down at her magical advisor, who held what appeared to be a roll of newsprint. Oh, great. Now he's brining me the morning paper… June snatched the sheets from her dog and unrolled it, revealing the headline. "Haunted Suit Butchers Fourteen SWAT – Lone Survivor Claims to Have Been Saved by 'Super Girl'?" Her jaw dropped. "Oh, man!"
"Congratulations, lass! Ye just made the FRONT PAGE!" the first part of the pug's statement was obviously said in sarcasm, as he seemed doubly irritated as her. "What in the blazes were ye thinkin'? Ye know better than to let them see ye in action!"
"Well, I-"
"Never mind…" Monroe cut her off. "I'm payin' Ah-Mah a visit, see what she can do about this. In the meantime, ye'd best keep a low profile – or better yet, get a new outfit, because the witness provided a pretty accurate description of ye." He hopped down to the floor and turned to face her. "It's a good thing today's a Saturday too. Otherwise, ye'd have to skip school. Hopefully, it'll blow over with the weekend." The enchanted dog left.
June's eyes rolled up into her head as she collapsed onto her pillow. It was definitely going to be one of those days.
To be continued…
AN: Barney bashing? Not really. Although I hate Barney, I really don't see the point of bashing him. I was just groping around in the dark for a random monster to kill, really. Besides, LaT is one bigass parody anyway, right? On a sidenote, I'll be spending the next 2-3 weeks in LA! Yar! And with no access to a PC there, the next update'll even take longer. So yeah, comments, criticisms, suggestions, etc. Something tells me I'm gonna get royally screwed for this... Lastly, I leave you with this:
"The Man's disbanding HAM, Colonel," the general started. "And you wanna know why?"
Hyneman adjusted his mechanical arm in response, green cybernetic eye penetrating the cowboy's very person. Much as he didn't like Brigadier General Fiddles, or The Man, who he'd never met before, he owed them quite a lot. They believed him when the rest of the air force didn't. They rebuilt him after that scratch with the Saptein Beast. They funded his research and provided his troops. And now this was the first thing he was being told after over a month in memory restore? "Elaborate…"
"Because I told 'im that Operation: Con Crash was a complete, slam-bang success! I told 'im that the Tee Chaun Zee-"
"Te Xuan Ze," the Colonel corrected.
"Whatever! And her cohorts, were all at Area 62, undergoing a comprehensive dissection! I told 'im that I was gonna file in a report on what made them tick on a date I vaguely labeled as 'soon'! But worst of all, I told 'im that America was now completely monster free! That's what I told 'im!"
"You went through a lot to cover for my ass, sir." Hyneman answered. "Why?"
"I'll be frank, Hyneman. The Man's losin' his faith in this particular dim and, by conventional terms, illegal organization. He's finding it harder and harder to conceal where those annual ten billion dollars' worth of the Black Budget are going, from the rest of the Pentagon. They don't trust 'im, Jamie. He's a politician. Soldiers don't trust politicians unless they become such." Fiddles sighed and put his cap down. "I covered for yer ass because I still believe in HAM. I did it to serve The Man his dose of restored faith. Right now, he's thinkin' there ain't no more need for HAM, as supposedly, there ain't no more monsters to hunt. I want 'im proven wrong, Hyneman." He handed the colonel a folder labeled 'CLASSIFIED'. "These're the details on your next assignment. We're gonna engineer us a li'l puppet show, Hyneman. And HAM's gonna take that fake sucker down so hard that The Man will just have to change his mind about disbanding us. Colonel Michaels'll provide the puppet. All you have to do is blow the hell out of it. Think you can do that without having some old Chink lady neuralizin' you?"
Hyneman smirked and saluted. "Yes sir!"