RATING: M
DISCLAIMER: Sadly not mine, I just like to play. They are so much fun to play with.
This fairy tale is based on RUPUNZEL you know the silly chit with the long blonde hair?
RAYPUNZELOnce upon a time there were two old farts and they wanted a child really, really, really badly, so the old woman decided that she'd send out her husband to steal some greens from The Cowley next door (they were said to have magical properties. Yeah right, if she's going to believe that I have a hundred acres of water pasture for sale) he was on his own and he certainly didn't need that many for himself. She nagged and nagged at her husband for days saying that if she didn't get them she would die and he would never have an heir.
Grumbling and groaning the husband finally relented and climbed over the high wall surrounding the vegetable patch. Little did he know the folly of trying to steal food from a wily old Celt (who is also canny with his money). The old man was caught (as is always the case) and was told that his wife would conceive but as punishment for the theft he was to give the newborn to The Cowley who would raise the child as his own.
In time the old woman did conceive and gave birth to the most beautiful bouncing baby boy (and this was proven by the midwife as she dropped the poor babe on more than one occasion). A riot of the most glorious curls the colour of the evening sun framed a face of radiant beauty and filled with overly large eyes the colour of spring grass.
At first the old woman didn't want to part from her gorgeous baby but the old man fearing the wrath of The Cowley and his gang of evil thugs finally persuaded her to give him up. He took the baby in his arms and gave him to The Cowley who frowned at the smiling infant and named him Raypunzel.
He was taken to a tower deep in the woods where he was to spend the rest of his days reading, playing and learning all the finer arts of the beauty of life. He was a gay and happy child if lonely at times and wondered why the only person to visit him was The Cowley whom he grew to love like a father.
Now the thing about this tower was that it had no door just the one window set high at the very top. Whenever The Cowley wanted to visit Raypunzel he would call up to him saying, "Raypunzel, Raypunzel, let down your silken curls!"
Which Raypunzel would do and The Cowley would climb up his hair.
Now as it happens in stories like this (or not) there came into the wood a Prince of a man who's name was, err is, William Andrew Phillip Bodie, (or as his denigrators would say, What A Ponce Bodie I'm gonna be slaughtered for that one). The youngest son of a minor King he was looking to make his fortune elsewhere when he came upon the clearing where the tower stood and heard the sound of someone singing. Wondering where the sound was coming from he blundered into the tower before registering its presence. He picked himself up off the ground where he had rebounded, (he was a bouncing baby boy as well, birthed by the same midwife) and hearing someone approach quickly hid behind a tree (it was a sapling). It was The Cowley come to visit Raypunzel, thankfully for the Prince The Cowley was as blind as a bat and the wind was in favour of Bodie.
"Raypunzel, Raypunzel, let down your silken curls." The Cowley called out.
Bodie saw a riot of the most beautiful russet curls fall to the ground from the little window at the top of the tower and then The Cowley climbed up. He stayed hidden until The Cowley left then he crept up to the tower and called out.
"Raypunzel, Raypunzel, let down your silken curls."
The curls fell before him, and grasping them he nimbly climbed the tower. Reaching the top he climbed through the narrow window, and instead of finding a beautiful nubile woman whom he hoped would fall instantly into his arms (and his bed) his eyes beheld arather handsomeyoung man.
They eyed each other warily before Raypunzel spoke, "Who are you and just what are you doing here?"
"I, am Prince Bodie, come to seek my fortune and hopefully find a damsel that I could rescue from distress." He said peering carefully behind the curtains and into the corners expecting said damsel to spring from them and yell surprise. It didn't eventuate so he peered speculatively in Raypunzel's direction and then thought better of it as a fist slammed into his face, and knocked him to the floor (YAY! Go get 'im boy, and a left and a right and another left and a kick to the g… Sorry. Got carried away. Eh hm, yes, to continue).
"Get the hell out of here!" Raypunzel shouted.
"Ow, I think you broke my dose." Bodie wailed gingerly touching said appendage, "Why'd you do that for?"
'What a ponce', thought our most beauteous Raypunzel and took pity on the poor man, "Come here and let me have a look. You'll be okay it's not broken and I'm sorry for hitting you." (Aww isn't he sweet; he has such a kind heart, stupid git).
"Yeah well I'm sorry too I suppose." Came the grudging reply from Bodie, "I don't suppose we could start again?" He looked up at Raypunzel with his dark blue eyes and long girlish lashes. (He really is such a ponce but unfortunately gorgeous with it).
Raypunzel looked down at him and smiled, "Yeah I'd like us to be friends." He held out his hand for the Prince to grasp and then pulled him to his feet. A bond was forged that day. Bodie came every day after that to chat and muck around with Raypunzel (and not the way you slashers are thinking of either) being very careful not to come when The Cowley was around though.
Well as we all know one cannot go on being blissfully ignorant forever and it had to happen that one day during one of The Cowley's visits Raypunzel, (who was feeling rather wistful after the Prince's last visit) said without thinking, "Why is it all you ever bring me are books about birds and nature, never tales about other people and places outside of this tower and valley like Bodie does?"
What's this, have you betrayed me? I raise you from an infant, teach you all that I know and this is how you repay my kindness? In a vengeful wrath (and we all know how painful that can be) The Cowley grabbed up a pair of scissors (why is it there is always a pair to be had?) and Raypunzel's hair and cut it off (the hair that is. Sheesh slashers) then he tossed the poor befuddled lad out of the window.
He fell gracefully like a dying swan and landed safely into a pile of straw that just happened to be at the base of the tower (it's my fairy tale and if I want him to fall into a pile of straw, he'll get a pile of straw to fall into) leaping up he ran blindly away as tears ran down his face (oops! Forgot to remove the needle. Damn! I wonder if he'll let me remove it from whatever tender spot it happens to be in…?).
Our Prince Bodie, all unknowingly, (and lets face it he wouldn't know if his shoe laces were untied), and laden with wine skins, walked into the clearing and called out.
"Raypunzel, Raypunzel let down your silken curls."
The hair duly fell out of the window and he climbed up expecting to find his friend but instead (pause for dramatic effect) found The Cowley (Da da da dah). Bodie screamed (in a decidedly girlish manner) and flung himself from the window totally missing the pile of straw (you know I am really gonna get lynched for this, but I'm forgetting… he bounces). The Cowley could do nothing but throw curses after the fleeing Prince, because as he fell he tore the hair out of The Cowley's hands, and had effectively stranded him in the tower.
Prince Bodie searched the woods and valleys for days looking for Raypunzel, when one day he finally came upon a village. Feeling tired hungry and a little pissed of with his newfound mate decided to find a tavern and a willing wench (not necessarily in that order) and have some fun. Finding one at last he walked through the door and heard a laugh that sounded familiar (and well it should my dear readers, because you and I know who this has to be). He pushed his way through the crowed room to the corner where it had originated and there was Raypunzel with a wench on his lap peeling grapes and another draped over his shoulder nibbling on his ear (he is such a fast learner isn't he? …hmm…).
Raypunzel jumped up in glee (unseating the poor wenches) when he saw his friend standing before him and grasped him firmly by the shoulders. "Bodie, you're here at last. I was going to search for you but I was…um… distracted." He said looking sheepish (and well he should with his clothes half undone…Yum…).
Bodie gave him a disgruntled glare but quickly changed it to a look of sheer delight as one of the women came over to him and began paying him attention. "Well, I think I can forgive you. They are such lovely distractions."
After being fed and bedded (again not necessarily in that order and definitely not with each other) the two young men told of their adventures since their last meeting. And there they remained to the end of their days regaling each other and others with tales of their bold exploits with The Cowley and his thugs (which, you know, was really hard to do as they only had the one story between the two of them and the townsfolk got totally bored and moved away. Oh, hello boys, um…what are you going to do with that? No! H…help, someone call the police or 000 or 911 or 999… or whatever. Heeeellllpp….
THE END (or not)