Okay, I finally got inspiration for this story..AWOOHOO(gotta stop doing that)...took me forever, but I did it...and it's extra long too! Almost as long as the first three chaps put together...yes,I think that deserves another AWOOHOO! I gotta say though, that the characterisation may be a bit...eclectic, but it's only because I have had to make a few slides to get along with this story...it is really hard! I have newfound respect for the writers of friends...and I hope you guys can let anything odd slide...only a story! Liz, Ross's reaction wasnt as strong as it should be, but hell, I didnt want him mad too, so I thought I would just assume that he had stopped having feelings for Rach (it comes and goes) and that hebelieved that Mon would forgive Chandler, but till then,she would punish him enough for theboth of them...sound good?Oh, and Rach may be a bit confusing in this with all her different...things, but bear with me...denial is a lovely word hehe. So please read and review, and keep the suggestions coming! Who knows, maybe I might end up using one...maybe...but if not, well, it is still fun to read! AWOOHOO(last time, I swear!) Oh, and Liz...I updated...can I have Liam back now? Please?...okay, fine, you keep him, I just wont update And Now For Something...EVER! (Lies, all lies)
I do not own friends/actors/characters, but I do own a plane ticket to Queensland (AIEEE! First plane ride! Terrified! They come down! I'm gonna die!) but that isnt till 3rd of December, so you guys can expect juicy stories from me till then...I dont know why I told you all that...
"So, I was thinking that we should see-"
"Wait! Rachel, wait! For god sakes, woman!"
"I have this odd feeling that Phoebe is trying to get your attention," Chandler said to Rachel as Phoebe ran towards them.
"Rach! Rach!"
"What!"
"Wait!"
"Pheebs, I'm not even walking!" Rachel exclaimed. Phoebe stopped for a moment, taking a few gasping breaths.
"Someone is out of shape," Chandler muttered in Rachel's ear. She nodded in agreement.
"Rach, can I talk to you for just a second? Please?"
"Phoebe, we'll be late for the movie though," Chandler told the blond. She stopped to consider that for a moment, then suddenly pointed.
"Cab! Hey, taxi!" The car stopped and Phoebe pulled open the door. "Good timing huh! Here, get in!" she forcefully pushed Chandler inside and closed the door.
"Pheebs, we were gonna just walk up to the Angelica-"
"Oh the Angelica? Go Mr Cab man, go!" she banged on the car's roof and it pulled away, Chandler yelling out in surprise. The girls watched the car drive away for a second, then turned to one another.
"Pheebs-"
"You didn't get the annulment!" Phoebe shrieked.
"Yeah…weird, huh?" Rachel let out a small laugh, then stopped when Phoebe stared, wide eyed at her.
"Rach!"
"I tried to! I got there, I was all ready to go in and all I could hear was Ross in my head, mocking me about being nearly as pathetic as he was! 'One marriage away from being just like me'!"
"Okay, first…the Ross impression…uncanny!"
"Thankyou!"
"Although it really isn't that hard for you…you are both as whiny as one another."
"Yea…hey!" Rachel glared at Phoebe, who rolled her eyes.
"Rachel, you cannot stay married to Chandler!"
"Why not?"
"Because you can't!"
"Look Pheebs, I cannot have a failed marriage! I cannot be just like Ross! I cannot be that pathetic!"
"Because secretly staying married to your best friends boyfriend isn'tpathetic," Phoebe muttered. Rachel sighed.
"I know, I know! Look, just give me some time, I'll figure something out! I just gotta do some thinking." Phoebe hesitated, chewing on her lip thoughtfully as Rachel stared at her. "Just, please, don't say anything about this to anyone!"
"I can't lie to my best friends!"
"Why not? You do it all the time! And this isn't lying, it's just not telling the truth."
"Oh, I see…but no…but it does make me feel special, me being the only one who knows about this."
"There you go!"
"Okay!"
Rachel went to talk, but was interrupted by a cab backing up next to them. "Okay, stop now! Okay! Okay, Pheebs? What the hell was that?" Chandler exclaimed, peering out the window. Phoebe grinned widely at him.
"Hey, you're back! So, how was the movie?"
"I haven't seen it yet!"
"Well, you better get a move on! The Angelica! Go, go, go!" She banged on the roof again and the cab took off again. Chandler's eyes widened.
"What? No!"
Phoebe shook her head, watching as the cab drove away.
"There he goes…your secret husband."
The door slammed shut behind him and Chandler stared blankly at Monica, who stared blankly back at him.
"Hi," he said softly. She grunted in response, sitting down on the couch. Chandler sighed and walked over, taking a seat next to her.
"What have you been doing?" Monica asked after a long silence.
"I took a ride in a cab today…thanks to Miss Phoebe Buffay."
"You went in Phoebe's cab?"
"No, no, I went in another cab…from Central Perk to the Angelica…twice."
"That was a waste of money."
"You're telling me. And then Rach and I missed the movie I wanted to see, so I wound up seeing another Hugh Grant movie, where once more he stutters and guffaws and still gets the girl in the end."
"You and Rach?" Monica asked tersely. Chandler visibly winced.
"Yeah…uh, we were celebrating?" he sounded unsure, and became even more unsure when Monica glared at him.
"What, did you guys have a drunken baby now?"
"…we got an annulment?"
"Oh…oh."
"Yeah, so…no more stupid marriage now! Me and Rach, we're over! Not that we were ever under or any…oh, I'm so bad at this!"
"Yes you are," Monica agreed, glancing at him from underneath her eyelashes. "But you are getting better."
"You really mean that?"
"I guess…"
"So…so, can we…can we, you know…"
"It will be a while before we get to do any you know, Chandler."
"Right. Gotcha…I deserved that." Chandler nodded miserably, leaning back against the couch. "Oh, alcohol is the devil."
"I'm not gonna disagree with you there…I got some laundry to do." Monica stood up and switched off the TV she hadn't been watching. Chandler stood too, glancing around awkwardly. "So, I'll catch you later."
"Yeah…okay…I love you," he said softly. Monica nodded, then leaned up and kissed him on the cheek.
"Me too…but I'm still pissed."
"Oh, I know." Chandler smiled, then turned and walked out the door. Closing it behind him, he pumped a fist in the air. "And the Chan Chan man still has a way with the laydies!"
"Hey man!" Joey said happily as Chandler walked through the door. He placed his cards on the table, turning to face his friend and not noticing Phoebe taking a peek, then replacing one of his cards with her own. "Talk to Mon?"
"Yeah and guess what! She kissed me. She kissed me! Did I kiss her? Oh no, I didn't have to, because she kissed me!"
"So, she kissed you huh?" Ross asked, as he walked out of the bathroom. Chandler nodded. "Well, that's good. I mean, that practically means that you two will be getting married soon! Oh no, wait…you aren't the type of person who kisses people before you marry them."
"And you, aren't you the type of person who marries people that kiss other women?" Chandler said nonchalantly. Ross rolled his eyes.
"Laugh it up Chandler, but like I told Rach, you are already halfway there to being as pathetic as me."
"Ross, I don't think anyone could be that pathetic!" Joey exclaimed, turning back to his card game. He frowned at his cards, then shrugged.
"Yeah, and besides, you got divorces…Chandler got an annulment." Phoebe winked at Chandler, who simply frowned at her.
"Pheebs, is it just me, or are you being more weirder today then usual?" he asked as he sat down next to her. She shrugged.
"Eh, it comes and goes."
"Hey you guys!" Rachel exclaimed as she walked through the door, shopping bags in her hand. "Guess what I did?"
"Obviously not go shopping!" Chandler said dryly. Rachel set down her bags, rolling her eyes at Chandler.
"Other then that, you moron."
"Wow, they've only been annulled for a few hours and already she's annoyed with him," Phoebe remarked, then winked at Rachel. "Usually its days after the annulment…but not in this case…which is strange, because of the annulment that they have gotten-"
"Why are you still talking?" Chandler asked. Phoebe shrugged again.
"…so Rach, what did you do?" Ross asked after a beat.
"I talked to Monica!"
"Really! Me too! When did you talk to her?"
"Just then! We passed in the hallway and she thanked me for getting the marriage annulled!"
"She kissed me!"
"Oh, I'm so happy!" Rachel and Chandler hugged, then both sat down. "So she kissed you? Was it like before when she scolded you?"
"No! Well…it was on the cheek, but still! She initiated it! I didn't do anything!"
"Ben got an award at school today," Ross piped in.
"Well, that's great too!" Rachel exclaimed.
"I got a huge tip from a client today!" Phoebe yelled, clapping her hands together.
"Yay Pheebs!"
"I fell down some stairs before and a homeless guy laughed at me! And then this chick started to talk to me, and I got laid, by her and her roommate!"
There was a short silence, broken by Rachel.
"Well, that's great too Joey!"
"Yeah, I thought so!"
"Oh, wonderful things are happening today! Awards, tips, sex, annulments." Phoebe winked once more at Rachel, who rolled her eyes.
"Phoebe…is there something wrong with your eye?" Ross asked.
"Huh?"
"You keep winking…is there something wrong?"
"Oh…oh yeah, my eye is a bit itchy…yeah."
"Maybe you should go see an eye doctor?" Chandler suggested. Phoebe looked at him for a moment.
"You know what? It isn't itchy anymore. Rach, can I talk to you for a sec? Out in the hallway?"
"Yeah, sure!" Phoebe grabbed Rachel's arm and pulled her outside, closing the door behind them. "What's up?"
"Okay, I figured it out."
"Figured what out?"
"Why you won't get the annulment!"
"Shh!" Rachel glanced around nervously, then looked back at Phoebe. "Pheebs, we already know why! It's because I don't want to be like Ross!"
"See, that's what you are trying to lead me to believe, but I figured it out!"
"Okay, what is it then?" Rachel asked, crossing her arms over her chest.
"It's so obvious, but okay," Phoebe cleared her throat, then glanced around. "You're in love with Chandler."
"What? No!"
"Sure! You love him! And that is why-"
"Phoebe!"
"That is why you won't divorce him!"
"Annul! And that is not why! I don't love Chandler!"
"Oh yeah? Well, then why won't you get the annulment?"
"Because of the things we talked about!"
"Because you love him."
"Phoebe-"
"You love him, you want to stay married to him, you want to have secret babies, and you want to secretly grow old together with him!"
"That is so not true!" Rachel shrieked. "I do not love-"
"Okay, I'll see you guys later!" Ross exclaimed as he walked out the door. He turned to find Phoebe and Rachel looking innocent. "What…what are you guys talking about?"
"Oh, we were talking about…bacon."
"No we weren't! We were talking about tennis!" Phoebe let out a laugh, shaking her head. Rachel blinked a few times then glanced at Ross.
"O…okay…I'm gonna get going."
"Okay…and thank you Ross, once again!"
"For what?" Ross asked, confused.
"Well…for one thing, not throwing a hissy fit about the whole marriage thing-"
"Why would I throw a hissy fit?"
"Well, because we used to go out, and because Monica is your sister, and because-"
"Huh…yeah, I didn't really even think about all that…I was too busy laughing about the whole divorce thing…but-"
"Oh, but now it doesn't matter!" Rachel exclaimed, cutting Ross off before he could continue that thought.
"Yeah…you're right."
"Oh, and also thankyou for giving me Russell's number…that was great too!"
"Yes, great for the annulment," Phoebe said solemnly. Ross nodded.
"Well, no problem…okay, I'll see you two later!"
"Okay, bye!" Phoebe and Rachel both watched Ross walk down the stairs, then turned to one another.
"I do not love Chandler," Rachel hissed, keeping her voice soft so that Ross wouldn't hear her.
"Yes you do…that's why you can't get the annulment."
"You aren't going to believe me; no matter how much I say it, are you?" Rachel asked after a moment. Phoebe shook her head. "Okay, what if I get the annulment?"
"Why would you do that?"
"To prove to you that I don't love him!"
"Is that all?"
"Oh, and so that I don't ruin Chandler and Monica's relationship, bla bla."
"Wow…so caring about your friends! Bravo Rachel Green, bravo!" Phoebe clapped her hands together.
"I care about them! And that is why I am going to get this annulment!"
"No, you are going to do it because you love Chandler, but you don't want to love Chandler, so you are going to try and convince yourself and me that by getting this annulment, but it wont change anything and you will still love him, but then you will be a divorced girl who is in love with her ex husband, who also happens to be her best friends boyfriend, and you will become bitter!"
Rachel stared at Phoebe in shock.
"Did you breathe once throughout that?"
"Not at all!"
"Okay, I don't care what you think Phoebe…I am going to get this annulment, not to prove anything to you or myself, but because it is the right thing to do."
"Strange how you only decided to do it after I accused you of all this…I mean, you were so set on staying married before but now, suddenly an unexpected change of heart? Rachel, Rachel, Rachel…you are so young." Phoebe patted Rachel on the cheek, then turned and opened the door.
"What? What do you mean by that?"
"I mean…you are wrong and I am right!" with that, Phoebe shut the door behind her. Rachel glared at the door for a second, then sat down on the step.
"Stupid damn hippy, thinks she knows all," she muttered. "She doesn't know all…I just didn't get the annulment because…because I was confused…yeah! But I'm not confused now, no, no, no…and because I liked the thought of being married…yeah! But…but I like Monica more…and Chandler…no, I don't like Chandler, yeesh!" She stood up, determination strong on her face. "That's it; I'm going to get that damn annulment! I'm gonna prove to Pheebs that I don't love him! I'm gonna do it!"
"What do you mean I can't do it?" Rachel whined. Russell sighed.
"I didn't say that you couldn't do it Miss Green, I just said that you couldn't do it without Mr Bing testifying."
"Which is pretty much the same as you saying I can't do it."
"And why is that?"
Rachel paused, suddenly feeling self conscious. "Because I…kinda already told him that I had taken care of it."
"And you are Ross Gellar's friend?"
"Yes."
"Well, then this makes perfect sense…have you considered therapy?"
"What? I don't need therapy! It was just one night, one drunken night, and it was a mistake! The only reason I told Chandler it was taken care of because if I told him it wasn't, then he would have come down here and taken care of it himself!"
"And you didn't want that because you wouldn't have been married then?"
"What? No! I didn't want that because…because…." Rachel frowned, leaning forward in her chair. "Oh! Because I promised him I would do it, and I don't break promises!"
"You simply lie about keeping them instead?"
"That's right!"
Russell raised an eyebrow, then leaned forward in his own chair. "Miss Green, to get this marriage annulled, you need a witness to prove that you were not of a sound mind, and Mr Bing to come and testify. There is no way around that."
"What about someone who looks like Chandler?" Rachel asked, desperate. Russell gave her a shocked look. "You're right…I should consider therapy."
"You and Mr Gellar could go together," Russell muttered. Rachel rolled her eyes, then stood up and grabbed her purse.
"Okay…I'll figure something out! Thankyou for your time," she shook his hand then walked out, muttering as she closed the door. "Not that it did me any good."
Rachel stomped up the stairs, glaring spitefully at the walls. "Stupid divorce lawyer, telling me what I can and can't do…I'll show him what I can do…I'll show him what it feels like to have a three hundred dollar boot up his ass…oh, who am I kidding, I only payed a hundred and fifty…half off, what a great sale."
"Okay, bye!" Phoebe exclaimed, causing Rachel to stop in her stride.
"Oh no," she muttered as Phoebe closed the door to Apartment 19, and turned to face her.
"Oh hey Rach! So, did you get the annulment?" the blonde asked, smiling smugly. Rachel sighed.
"No, I couldn't."
"Aha! I knew it! Because you love Chandler!"
"I do not! As it turns out, annulments are a lot more complicated-"
"Yeah, complicated because of the love." Phoebe laughed, then stopped as Rachel glared at her.
"I don't love Chandler…in fact, I hate him right now!"
"What, why?"
"Because now I have to go in there and tell him that, oh, I didn't get the stupid annulment, and then he is going to get pissed and then I'm gonna get upset, and I'm gonna feel bad! And I hate him for making me feel bad!"
"Yeah, right…you hate Chandler..."
"Okay, I don't hate Chandler…I'm just not looking forward to this…but it's the right thing to do. This way, we can get the annulment as quickly as possible – after the yelling and tears of course – and then he and Mon can be happy again! And I'll…I'll be a dried up old spinster!" Rachel burst into tears, causing Phoebe to shake her head.
"You won't be a spinster!"
"No one will want to go out with me! Divorce girl!"
"Rach, everybody will still want to go out with you!"
"R-Really?" Rachel sniffled. Phoebe nodded.
"Yes! Now go in there and tell your husband that you didn't get the annulment! Go!"
"Okay, fine!"
"Yeah, and then you can continue on with your secret love," Phoebe said under her breath.
"What? Pheebs, really, if I loved Chandler, would I be doing this to save his relationship with Mon? Would I?"
"I have never been more convinced that you love him," Phoebe said after a beat. Rachel let out a frustrated cry.
"I do not love Chandler! I don't! I don't have feelings for him!" she exclaimed. Without another word, she turned and walked into Apartment 19, slamming the door behind her. Chandler looked up with a glum look on his face.
"Oh, what's wrong sweetie?" Rachel cooed, walking over and sitting down next to him.
"I was just thinking about me and Mon…and how I don't think she will ever forgive me. I mean, I thought she would…but I suddenly realised that she might not," Chandler muttered, glancing down at his hands.
"Oh honey, come here!" she wrapped her arms around him, pulling him close. "She'll forgive you!"
"You think?"
"Of course! Everything is going to be okay, you'll see!"
"Thanks Rach," Chandler said, his voice muffled. Rachel smiled, pulling him closer.
"Anytime sweetie." She pressed her face into his hair, taking in the scent of his shampoo. Suddenly, she froze, a horrified look crossing over her face. She was smelling his hair? Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.
"I have to go!" she exclaimed as she leapt to her feet, all thought of telling Chandler about the annulment leaving her mind. Chandler looked up at her, confused. "I got…I got a…I have a…thing…"
"A thing?"
"A thing! I'll see you later!" Before Chandler could say another words, Rachel was out the door, eyes wide. She leaned her back up against the closed wood, muttering under her breath.
"What was that? What the hell was that? Why did you do that? Why Rachel, why? Oh god, now you sound like Joanna…who slept with Chandler…who you just smelt! Ach!" she turned and kicked the door in frustration, then stood stock still in horror as she realised what she had just done. The door opened seconds later, Chandler giving her a confused look.
"Rach?"
"Hi again! I was just…I was just stretching! Okay, bye!" She turned on her heel and raced into her apartment, leaving a befuddled Chandler standing in his doorway.
"Monica? Monica!" Rachel yelled, searching through the apartment. When she received no answer, nor did she find her friend, she let out an agonised cry. "Oh god! Maybe Phoebe is right? No, Phoebe isn't right…or is she? No, she isn't! I didn't smell his hair, this didn't happen!" Rachel did an odd clicky thing in front of her face – as if she was attempting to turn back time – then stood still for a second, wondering where she had gotten that from. She let out a scream when she realised where. She had seen Chandler do that so many times. "Ah! That damn Phoebe! This is all her fault!" Knocking over a picture frame as she walked past, Rachel walked out the door, desperate to go and find Phoebe. She walked back in seconds later and placed the picture frame back.
Monica was already mad enough as it was.
"So Pheebs…"
"Yeah Joey?" Phoebe took a sip of her coffee as Joey looked at her thoughtfully.
"I was thinking…"
"Oh?"
"Well, first Ross and Rach get together…then Mon and Chan…then Rach and Chan get married…we are the only ones who haven't done anything…so…"
"Yeah?"
"Do you think you and I should hook up?"
Phoebe smiled, setting her mug down on the table. "Oh we do, but not just yet."
"Really?" Joey exclaimed, a wide smile on his face. "When?"
"Umm, well first Monica and Chandler make up-"
"Oh, thank god."
"Yeah, then they get married…and are filthy rich by the way. Yeah…but it doesn't work out."
"Wow," Joey sounded both shocked and slightly upset. Phoebe screwed up her face in agreement.
"Yeah, I know…but then, I'm gonna marry Chandler…you know, for the money-"
"That means Chandler gets to marry all three of you girls? Lucky bastard!"
"Yeah…oh, but you marry Rachel and have the beautiful kids."
"Great!"
Phoebe grinned at him, then continued, "But then we ditch those two and that…that is when we get married! Yeah, we'll have Chandler's money and Rachel's kids…oh, and getting custody of them won't be a problem because of her drinking problem."
"Really?" Joey sounded surprised. Phoebe nodded.
"Yeah, two failed marriages…kinda does that to a person."
"Oh…hey, what about Ross? He has two failed marriages; does he end up with a drinking problem too?"
Phoebe bit her lip, and then took her time to have another drink before answering. "Well, I don't really want to get into the whole thing but…yeah, we have words and I kill him," she said matter of factly. Joey raised his eyebrows.
"I see."
"Yeah, but don't you worry, you're safe…I could never kill my movie star husband."
"W-What?"
"Oops! Said too much!" Phoebe covered her mouth, grinning from underneath the fingers as she watched Joey's face light up.
"Cool! Imagine it…Academy Award Winner, Joey Tribbiani!"
"Yeah!"
"Emmy Winner Joey Tribbiani…Golden Globe Winner Joey Tribbiani…SAG winner Joey-"
"I get the point Joey." Phoebe took another sip as Joey's face fell slightly, then lip up once more, no doubt in the middle of his future award winning speech.
"Pheebs!" Rachel practically screamed as she walked through the door. Everyone in Central Perk turned to look at her. "Can I help you?" Everybody stared at her for a second longer, then turned back to their tables. "Phoebe!"
"Yes Rach?"
Rachel sat down on the couch, glancing briefly at Joey – who was still acting out his speech in his head, and looking quite dazed – then looked at Phoebe. "I need to talk to you!"
"About what?"
"I need help!"
"Can I help?" Joey asked. Rachel glanced at him once more.
"Yeah, you can go away," she said frantically. Joey held up his hands in defence.
"Hey, just trying to be nice."
"Oh, I'm sorry Joey…thankyou, but this is a girl's conversation…but hey! Maybe you could go upstairs and hang out with Chandler? He's a bit down."
"Is he alright?"
"Yeah, he'll be fine." Joey nodded, then stood.
"Okay, catch you guys later then!" the two girls watched as he walked out the door, then turned to one another.
"Chandler is a bit down huh? So, you told him?"
"…no."
"What? Rachel! Why not?" Phoebe shrieked, then calmed. "It's because you love him!"
"I just got in there and he was upset and I hugged him and…oh god." Rachel buried her face in her hands.
"Oh god, what?"
"I smelt his hair Phoebe!"
"Oh…okay…how exciting." Phoebe rolled her eyes and picked up her mug once more.
"No Pheebs, it's a big deal!"
"No, its not!" Phoebe exclaimed, laughing slightly.
"It's…it's not?"
"No! I mean, I smell Chandler's hair all the time! It doesn't mean I'm in love with him! It just means he has great smelling hair!"
"He does, doesn't he?" Rachel smiled for a moment, then shook her head. "I mean, no! I always thought that hair smelling signified attraction?"
"When guys do it to us, yes! But, when we do it to guys, it just means we are observant."
"Okay, now you are confusing me…first you say I'm in love with him, then you say I'm not?" Rachel said after a long pause.
"No, I'm just saying that it's not the hair smelling that gave you away!" Phoebe exclaimed. Rachel stared at her for a long moment.
"…I'm gonna go now."
"Probably a good idea," Phoebe said, nodding in agreement. Rachel nodded back, then stood and walked out the door. Phoebe let out a small laugh, then took another sip of her coffee.
Rachel stalked down the street, a frown furrowing her brow. That conversation was meant to consol her, not confuse her. But then, what had she really expected from Phoebe?
Her friend was still certain that she had feelings for Chandler, even though she obviously didn't. She was just being observant sniffing his hair.
Rachel nodded. Yeah. Observant. That was it. But still, she wouldn't be getting the annulment. Not today anyway.
"But soon," she muttered under her breath. "Once I get the nerve to tell Chandler…once I get the nerve to see Chandler….once my heart decides not to skip a beat when I see him…but no, I don't love him…observant, that's the key…just observant…what?" the man who had been staring at her shrugged, then continued walking. "Like you don't talk to yourself!" she screamed after him, then turned to find a few other's staring at her as if she was crazy. She shrugged, then continued her walk. They were right.
She was losing her mind.