Okay, I just had a nice long authors note written out and then my internet explorer shut down (kills computer) so lets see if I can member what I wrote...hmm...oh yes! I wrote this chap in the middle of doing two assignments, so I have currently written around 8000 words so far today...and the night is still young...my fingers are about to fall off! (lucky I'm a quick typer) So, you guys better be happy with this, it nearly killed me! And at least I have a good excuse if this is sub par...so if it seems a bit rushed, I'm sorry...I did this for you...oh and so that Amy wouldnt do her promise of killing me (Love you...) and Leondra...I wrote in quite a bit of Chandler, just for you...oh, who am I kidding? I did it selfishly all for me! I cant survive without my channy. And all the people who are wondering if it will be Mondler or Randler...well, it's gonna have a happy ending, I can tell you all that much...but I aint going to give away the ending...but keep reading, you will most likely get your wish (wink wink) So yea, that's pretty much it...oh and this will prolly not be updated for a while (meaning a few days) because I am going away for the weekend to see Daddy and my big bro...and I'm swamped with homework...and all my other stories, so...enjoy this! Please read and review and I love you all!

I do not own friends/actors/characters, but I still own a very sore neck...I think I hurt it!

"Hey guys!" Chandler said happily as he and Monica walked into Central Perk. Rachel noticed that they were holding hands and she felt both jealously – something she desperately ignored- and her heart surge at the fact that they seemed to have made up. Finally. It had taken them long enough – four weeks to be precise. Four weeks of Chandler desperately trying to fix things; four weeks of Monica, slowly but surely letting down her guard; four weeks of Chandler either coming into his apartment upset or doing a happy dance, depending on whether or not Monica had been receptive.

And four weeks of Rachel feeling like the lowest form of scum in the history of scum. She hadn't told Chandler. She hadn't got the annulment. They were still married, and she still, for the life of her, could not figure out why.

It had gone on too long now though. She knew that if she told Chandler now, it would be so much worse then it would have been telling him four weeks ago – when she really should have told him. But she hadn't, and time had passed, and she had found more and more excuses to not tell him, and now it was too late. If she told him now, she would most likely end up with her one hundred and fifty dollar boots up her own ass. And god knows what the surgeons would say to that one; although it did seem likely that they would have had to remove stranger things in their time.

Rachel was so screwed.

She knew that. She couldn't stay married to Chandler; secretly or otherwise. One day he and Monica would try to get married and bam! The bombshell would be dropped, and by then, it would be more than a boot up the ass. She had screwed up majorly, and knew she would have to tell them, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. Feeling like scum was a lot better then feeling like scum and having Chandler pissed at her.

She had tried to reason that with Phoebe, who had then replied with a snide 'it's because you love him, duh!' Rachel had stormed off, her mind running ablaze.

Four weeks of Phoebe hounding her ass; four weeks of hearing nothing but 'you love him, you love him, you love him'. Four weeks of her feeling awkward around Chandler, wondering if Phoebe was telling the truth, and she just hadn't figured it out yet.

Of course that made her feel even lower. She couldn't be in love with Chandler; it was inconceivable. He was Chandler. He was Chandler. She couldn't love Chandler, he was Chandler.

She had tried to tell Phoebe that to, but had ended up receiving an odd look. She supposed it did sound a bit ridiculous.

"Oh, hey guys! Oh! Oh, you're holding hands! Look Rach, they're holding hands!" Phoebe said pointedly, giving her yet another forceful look.

"I noticed," Rachel said under her breath, then sat up as the two took a seat.

"Yeah, we're holding hands." Monica grinned up at Chandler, and Rachel felt herself sink down in the chair once more. Scum, scum, scum. She was now even more pathetic then Ross. "I'm gonna go get some coffee, okay sweetie?"

"Okay!" Chandler watched as Monica walked off, then glanced at the girls, a huge smile on his face. "Guess what I did last night?"

"What?" Phoebe asked.

"I had sex! Yeah! And even better, Mon was the one to start it! Oh, this is the best day ever!" Chandler leaned back in his chair, a smug look on his face.

"Oh, well, I'm glad," Rachel said softly, feeling the urge to pound her head against a wall as she noticed how cute Chandler looked. She still blamed Phoebe for everything. Phoebe and Vegas. It was mostly Vegas' fault though. Why would they let two people who are that drunk get married? It was stupid. Almost as stupid as her staying secretly married to Chandler, and attempting to convince herself that she didn't have feelings for him.

"Yep, last night was pretty damn good," Monica said as she took a seat once more, giving Chandler a quick peck on the lips before sipping her coffee. Chandler's grin grew wider, and Rachel glanced briefly up at the wall behind him, wondering how much damage she could do to her head with it.

"Oh, so you guys are doing good?"

"Yes we are Phoebe!" Monica exclaimed, then took another sip.

"Oh, well that's good…it's a pity Chandler and Rachel are still married then," Phoebe said nonchalantly. Rachel nearly fell out of her chair at Phoebe's words, then watched as Chandler's mouth fell open and Monica spit out her coffee in surprise, spraying the table with it. Even though she was shocked, Rachel couldn't help feel amusement at what Monica had just done. She had been sure that people only did that on sitcoms and in movies.

"What! Wha-what! Marrie-what!" Chandler stammered, glancing to and from Phoebe and Rachel in horror. Phoebe rolled her eyes, then started laughing.

"Only kidding! Jeez, you guys are too easy!"

"Oh my god Pheebs, don't do that!" Monica shrieked, calming slightly. Rachel breathed a sigh of relief, then quickly looked relaxed.

"I'm sorry; it was just too easy…I've been waiting for the perfect moment for that one for a while."

"Got it out of your system now, do ya?" Chandler asked. Phoebe nodded.

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Okay, now that that heart attack is over, I better clean up this mess," Monica muttered, glancing at the soiled table and her half empty cup.

"I'll help you," Chandler offered. Rachel watched as the couple walked over to the counter to get napkins. She then turned to face Phoebe.

"Pheebs! What the hell was that?" she hissed.

"Saved your ass, didn't I?"

"What? How? You were the one that started it!"

"Well, least we know how they will react!" Phoebe reasoned. "You know, when you never tell them!"

"I will!"

"You will what?" Chandler asked as he sat back down; Monica sitting next to him.

"Uh…I will….I will learn how to knit!" Rachel exclaimed, pounding her hand against the table, then shaking it to get the coffee off. "I am going to do it one of these days!"

"Okay then." Monica raised her eyebrows, then leaned forward and began to wipe down the table. Chandler watched her with love in his eyes, then reached out a hand to push back a stray piece of hair that fell into her eyes. Rachel stood suddenly, and grabbed her coat.

"I-I have to go…you know, learn to knit…its hard…I'll see you later," she muttered, then practically fled the room. Chandler watched her go, then looked at the girls.

"What was that all about?"

"Eh, you can never tell with Rachel…perhaps she's in love?" Phoebe suggested.

"Ross again, most likely," Monica agreed. Phoebe nodded.

"Yeah…I'm sure that's who."

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god."

Rachel paced the living room, saying those words over and over again.

"Rach?" she turned to find Phoebe standing in the doorway, looking slightly confused. "What are you doing?"

"I'm freaking out!" Rachel shrieked, sitting down on the couch.

"Oh, okay…you wanna go over to Joey's after you're done?"

"No, Pheebs! This is serious! I am totally freaking out! You have to help me!"

Phoebe sighed, sitting down next to her friend.

"Okay, what's up?"

"You know what's up!"

"I do, but I want you to say it."

"Why does he have to look so cute? Why does his hair have to smell so good? Why, why does he have to be so smart and funny and sweet?" Rachel stood and began to pace once more.

"I assume we are talking about Chandler?"

"Of course we are talking about Chandler! God, who else would I be talking about?"

"Well…Ross, maybe?"

"Ross doesn't have nice smelling hair Phoebe!" Rachel shrieked, throwing her hands up in frustration.

"Okay, okay! Shh…sit down."

"I don't want to!"

"Sit down damnit!" Rachel immediately sat down, staring at Phoebe. "Okay…what are you saying?"

"I'm saying…oh, I don't know! I'm saying that I just felt the biggest pang of jealously ever just before, and that I am feeling like I did when Ross and Julie were going out!"

"Go on," Phoebe said after a pause, and Rachel could see the victory in her eyes. Rachel was finally saying what she had been saying for weeks.

"I'm saying…I think I'm in love with him…oh my god, its true! I'm in love with Chandler! Oh my god Pheebs! Why didn't you say anything?"

"W-What? I did!" Phoebe exclaimed.

"I know! But why didn't you say it more!"

"I said it at least twenty times a day for the last month! How much more can you get?"

"Oh crap!" Rachel stood once more and started pacing again. "Oh, this is bad, this is so bad, oh man, oh crap, oh god, this is worse then that time when-"

"Rachel! Rachel, stop panicking!"

"I can't! This is the worst thing ever!"

"Damnit Rachel, stop the madness!" Phoebe shrieked, grabbing Rachel's arms and shaking her.

"Madness? You're the one shaking me! I'm only the worst person in the history of people!"

"No, you're not…Ed Begley, Jr is," Phoebe muttered as she sat down. Rachel gave her an odd look.

"Uh…Ed Begley, Jr? Why is he the worst person in the history of people?"

"I don't want to get into it right now."

"Okay then," Rachel sat down next to Phoebe, staring at her for a long while.

"What?" Phoebe finally asked, sounding slightly exasperated.

"Tell me what to do!"

"I can't do that!"

"Why not? You've spent the last month telling me I'm in love with Chandler, and now that I know, you have to tell me what to do!"

"I don't know what to do Rach! This is a weird situation! I mean, it's Chandler!"

"I know!"

The two girls both quietened, staring down at the ground.

"Are you sure you love him?" Phoebe asked finally. Rachel looked at her in surprise.

"What? Phoebe!"

"What?"

"You were the one who kept saying I loved him, and now you are doubting that?"

"Well, it's not like I was sure!"

"You sounded pretty damn sure each time you said it!" Rachel shrieked.

"That was because I was pretending! Pretending! I knew you wouldn't figure it out…you know, if there was something to figure out…if I seemed unsure!"

"Oh, this is still the worst thing ever!"

"So…are you sure?" Phoebe's words cut through Rachel, and she took a long time to answer. Finally, she turned to her friend, tears in her eyes.

"Yes…I'm sure."

"Well…crap."

"Yeah."

"Hey Rach."

Rachel let out a small shriek, surprised to hear somebody talk at two in the morning. She turned to find Chandler standing behind her, hair mussed up and clad in a blue shirt and a pair of red checked pants. He yawned slightly, and Rachel felt her heart skip a beat. This really was the worst situation ever. How could Chandler have gone from being her funny friend Chandler, to her sexy, she must have him Chandler?

"Chandler! What are you doing here?" she squeaked, closing the fridge.

"Well…I could give you details, but I'm not sure if you need to know that," he said grinning. Rachel found herself nodding. You got that right, she thought to herself. She did not need to hear about his and Monica's sex life; especially not now.

"I-I mean…what are you doing up?"

"I felt like some cold pizza…you?"

Rachel bit her lip, feeling embarrassment set in.

"Same thing," she muttered. Chandler grinned once more, then reached past her and pulled open the fridge.

"Sometimes I swear that you and me were meant to be together," he joked as he pulled out the leftover pizza and set it down on the table. Rachel rolled her eyes when he turned his back, wondering why God seemed to enjoy punishing her so much.

"Yeah…good one," she managed to utter, then glanced at her door. "I think I might go back to bed."

"Don't you want pizza?" he asked as he sat down.

"Uh…"

"Sit down, have some pizza!" Chandler pulled out a seat for her, and Rachel reluctantly sat down next to him.

"Okay then."

"Here, you get the best piece, I'll have the crappy, unappealing piece," Chandler handed her a slice, eyes narrowing as she hesitantly took it. "You okay?"

"Y-Yeah! Of…of course I'm okay!"

"Are you sure? You've been acting kinda weird for a while now."

"I have?"

"Yeah…since Vegas, actually."

"Well, you can imagine why," Rachel muttered, then let out a short laugh. Chandler smiled slightly.

"It's because Mon was pissed at you huh?"

"Yeah," she lied. Well, it wasn't exactly a lie. She had been upset that Monica had been pissed at her.

"Well, I think she is over it Rach," Chandler bit into his pizza, then glanced at her as he chewed. "I mean, everything finally seems to be back to normal, so you really don't have anything to worry about."

"Yeah, I know."

"There's a but, isn't there?"

"What makes you say that?" Rachel said softly. Chandler smiled once more and Rachel once more found her heart melt.

"Because I'm psychic."

"Chandler-"

"Okay, okay…I don't know, it's just that something else seems to be wrong…you seem different."

"Well, that explained a lot," Rachel said sarcastically. Chandler simply smirked, then bit into his pizza once more, and began talking with his mouth full.

"I don't know Rach, you should know."

"I don't know…"

"Oh well…it's a pity I'm not psychic then…well, I sorta am, but not enough to figure that one out. Maybe you should ask Phoebe?"

"Yeah, I tried that," Rachel muttered.

"And?"

"And she was no use whatsoever…well; she did shake me a bit."

"Are we speaking metaphorically?"

"Sadly, no."

"Ah."

"Yeah…it sucks." Chandler smiled, then swallowed the final piece of pizza.

"Well, I better get back to bed then…Mon might wake up and tell me off for eating the pizza."

"Okay," Rachel said wistfully. Chandler smiled.

"Sure you're okay?"

"I guess so."

"Strong answer," he stood up, and placed his plate in the sink.

"Maybe it's just hormones."

"Sounds like a girl problem to me…hey!" Chandler whirled around, a mischievous look in his eye. "Maybe you're pregnant?"

"What?" Rachel shrieked. "I'm not pregnant! Why would I be pregnant?"

"I learnt something this weekend Miss Hoover…never joke about pregnancy," Chandler joked. Rachel stared at him, wide eyed. "Just doing a…don't listen to me…uh…night Rach!"

"Night," Rachel muttered, watching with wide eyes as he walked towards Monica's bedroom and shut the door. Pregnant? Why would he even joke about that? She hadn't had sex in at least a month-

Oh, who was she kidding? She hadn't had sex in three months, so she couldn't be pregnant. Plus, she hadn't missed her-

Wait.

Rachel rushed over and grabbed her diary, flipping through it frantically. She found the right page and let out a small cry. She was late. By nearly three weeks.

How could she have not noticed that?

But she couldn't be pregnant. She definitely didn't look or feel three months pregnant, which she would have to be, seeing that was the last time she had slept with someone. Unless…

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god."

"Well, Miss Green, I have some good news," Dr Foreman said cheerfully. Rachel stared at her with wide eyes.

"It's true…I'm pregnant, aren't I?" Rachel had taken a pregnancy test that morning, but not trusting it, she had decided on going to the doctor, hoping to receive a different answer. As it turned out, the test had been right.

"Yes, you are."

"That isn't good news! How could that be good news?" Rachel shrieked suddenly. Dr Foreman looked slightly apprehensive.

"I-I'm sorry…usually it is! It isn't good news?"

"How far along am I?" Rachel asked, reaching over and grabbing the doctor's hand.

"Four weeks."

"Oh my freaking god!"

"What?"

"I haven't had sex in thee months!" Rachel exclaimed. Dr Foreman stared at her for a second.

"Have you been to any parties or anything where you could have been sexually abused without knowing it?"

"No!"

"Okay…what about intoxication?"

"Well, that's kinda what I was afraid of," Rachel whined, letting go of the doctors hand.

"May I ask why?"

"You got an hour?" Rachel let out a slightly hysterical laugh, to which Dr Foreman smiled at.

"Actually I do…and I'm all ears."

"…okay…okay," Rachel let out a distressed sigh, taking a moment to compose herself. She was pregnant. Not just pregnant, but apparently pregnant to her secret husband. "Alright, a month ago, my friends and I went to Las Vegas; my friend's Monica and Chandler going to celebrate their first anniversary. But then they had a fight, and Chandler and I got drunk, and the next thing I know, we are waking up in bed together –clothes on, by the way – and it turns out we got married that night! So, for a month, Chandler has been trying to fix things with Mon, and I've been secretly married to him, because I told him I got an annulment when I really didn't, and my friend Pheebs kept telling me that I was doing that because I was in love with Chandler, and yesterday I figured out that she was right, but now Mon and Chandler are all happy again, and I'm apparently knocked up, which isn't going to sit well, because we told Mon that we didn't sleep together, because we believed that, but-"

"Miss Green?" Dr Foreman interrupted. "I think that it is imperative to both you and the baby that you breathe now."

"You're right but…please, tell me what to do!"

"Well…you could get an abortion-"

"But I want the baby!" Rachel exclaimed, then let out a gasp. "Oh! I want the baby! Oh, I can't believe this! I'm gonna be a mommy!"

"See? I told you it was good news!"

"No, it still isn't! I'm in love with my best friend's boyfriend, am secretly still married to him, and now I am pregnant to him? That isn't good news!"

"Well…I know it's not my place to say this, but you did ask me what you should do-"

"Yes! Tell me!" Rachel said eagerly. Dr Foreman took a deep breath.

"I think you should tell Chandler everything." Rachel stared at the doctor for a moment, then responded.

"…yeah, well there is a reason why you are a doctor and not a counsellor."

"Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god."

"Are you freaking out again?" Phoebe asked as she walked into the apartment.

"Of course I am! When am I not freaking out these days?" Rachel exclaimed.

"What about now? Same thing as yesterday?"

"Oh god Pheebs, I wish!" Rachel sat down on the couch, covering her face with her hands. Phoebe stared at her for a second, then sat down next to her.

"What is it?"

"Well…you know how Chandler and I were sure that we didn't sleep together in Vegas?"

"Ya huh?"

"Well….cant you figure out what I'm going to say?"

"Oh…oh! Are you saying that you two…"

"We must have!"

"Why? Do you remember it?"

"Well…no…"

"Then why would you say that?"

"Well, usually it takes two people to make a baby Phoebe!" Rachel shrieked. Phoebe's eyes widened.

"Y-You're pregnant?"

"Yes."

"Oh my god! This is great!"

"Pheebs!"

"Oh okay, right…not great."

"No, not great…in fact, horrible…completely horrible! Oh god Pheebs, how did my life get so screwed up?" Rachel began to cry, leaning against Phoebe. The blonde wrapped her arms around her friend.

"It's okay Rach."

"How is it okay? It is so unbelievably not okay!"

"What's going on?" Rachel and Phoebe froze, then both turned to find Monica standing in the doorway. They hadn't heard the front door open, Rachel's sobs covering any noise. "Oh my god Rach, you're crying! What's wrong?"

"The sale at Saks finished before she could buy that dress," Phoebe piped up before Rachel could say anything.

"Oh, I'm so sorry honey; I know how much you wanted that dress…come here!" Monica sat down next to Rachel, and hugged her. Rachel, feeling more like scum then ever before, let herself be hugged.

"I just…I loved that dress so much!" she exclaimed.

"I know…I know," Monica soothed.

"Hey, maybe some other store has it cheap?" Phoebe suggested after a moment. "Rach, why don't we go and look for it?"

"O-Okay."

"Aw, shoot, I can't come, Ross and I are going to see our parents."

"Oh, too bad Mon…okay, lets go!" Phoebe pulled Rachel up and led her towards the door.

"Have fun sweetie," Monica called as the door shut behind them. Rachel immediately burst into tears once more.

"Sweetie? She called me sweetie? I'm the worst person ever!"

"No, you're not-"

"Well, I'm getting close to Ed Begley, Jr by the second!"

"Ed Begley, Jr?" the two girls turned to find Joey and Chandler standing at the top of the stairs.

"Okay, we have to check before we start talking!" Phoebe exclaimed. Rachel stared at Chandler, feeling her throat close up. He cocked his head at her, frowning slightly.

"Rach?"

"Fla-" was all she could manage. His frown grew deeper.

"Fla?"

"Yes fla!" Phoebe said harshly, grabbing Rachel's arm. "Now, if you two will excuse us, we have important matters to discuss…come on Rach."

"But-"

"I said come on!" Phoebe pulled Rachel past the boys, and towards the stairs.

"Have fun!" Chandler called after them, sounding confused. Rachel burst into tears once more, and the boys glanced at one another as they listened to her wail.

"What's up with her?" Joey asked once they were gone.

"She's probably still upset because I made a joke about her being pregnant," Chandler said as he opened their door. Joey grinned.

"Hey, good one."

"Yeah, she didn't think so."

"Okay, Rach? You have got to stop crying! Stop it! Don't make me shake you again!"

"You can't shake me! You might hurt the baby!" Rachel whimpered. Phoebe sighed.

"I'm sure the baby would be fine…now Rach? Rach, calm down! Calm down and sit down!" Rachel sat down, glancing around to see where Phoebe had taken her. They were in the park. "Okay…let's talk about this…and no crying!"

"Okay, okay."

"Now, are you sure it is Chandler's baby?"

"Yes…I'm four weeks pregnant, and Vegas was four weeks ago. And I haven't slept with anyone else for a long time."

"So, you and Chandler must have done the dirty?"

"Oh god, yes." Rachel covered her face with her hands. "All I can think of is Monica's face when she found out we were married! What is she going to look like when she finds this out?"

"I don't know…so…are you keeping it?"

"Yes…it's my baby Pheebs…it's our baby! There is no way I could give up my baby." Rachel rubbed her belly subconsciously, still amazed at the fact that there was something growing inside of her.

"So…basically…you're going to have to tell Chandler."

"Why?"

"Because you have to."

"I know…and I'm going to."

"Around the same time that you tell him you guys are still married?"

"Yeah, about that time," Rachel said, nodding slightly.

"Rach!"

"Pheebs, I am going to tell him! Okay? I have to tell him…but I can't do it today…I need a couple of days to sort a few things out. Add that to the fact that I have to hand up this big work thing to Mr Zelner tomorrow, and I haven't even finished it yet!"

"Okay, okay…don't start crying again…okay, you are going to tell Chandler?"

"Yes."

"You aren't going to chicken out?"

"No."

"Good because if you don't tell him, I will Rach."

"What?"

Phoebe sighed, glancing down at the ground for a moment. "Rach, Chandler has a right to know everything, and he is going to find out, one way or another. I mean, it's his baby too."

"I know…I'll tell him…soon."

"Soon?"

"In the next few days."

"Good girl."

"Yeah…I have to go finish my work thing." Phoebe watched as Rachel walked off, then shook her head.

"And the plot thickens."

"Hey Rach," Chandler said the next morning, walking into the girls apartment. Rachel froze for a moment, then forced a smile.

"Hey Chandler…Monica's already gone."

"Bummer…oh well, I'll just hang out with you then."

"Actually, I'm running late too, so…and you should be running late too, shouldn't you?"

"Got a day off," Chandler explained, sitting down at the table. Rachel smiled.

"You got a day off, or you are taking a day off?"

"Aren't they the same thing?" Chandler asked innocently. Rachel let out a laugh, then stopped abruptly. She was pregnant with his child, the little voice in her head was screaming.

"Uh…yeah, I gotta go…I'll see you later, okay?"

"Okay…have fun at work!"

"Sure!" Rachel turned and fled the room, leaving a slightly confused Chandler behind. "Still being strange," he muttered to himself, standing up and walking over to the couch. He turned the TV on, then started flicking through channels, until he came across Buffy. Not questioning why it was on in the morning, Chandler sat back and watched Sarah Michelle Gellar dispatch of the evil vampires.

"No! Don't do that you stupid girl! He's obviously a demon masquerading as a-" the phone rang, interrupting Chandler's ramble. He reached over and answered it, keeping one eye on the TV. "Hello?"

"Hello, is Rachel Green there please?"

"Uh no, she's not, can I take a message?"

"Just tell her that as I have not heard from her, I'm assuming she is going to give the marriage a try."

Chandler frowned, scratching his head. "Rachel got married again? When?"

"…a month ago, in Las Vegas?" the man on the other end sounded slightly unsure, as if he knew he shouldn't have been telling Chandler that.

"What? Oh my god…What? You mean…you mean…what?"

"Who is this?"

"This is Chandler Bing!" Chandler screamed into the phone.

"The husband?"

"Yes the husband…no, not the husband!"