OH THE WAYS, LET ME COUNT THY!
Colonel Jack O'Neill was bored; although that in its self is nothing new what was different was that the Colonel was in his office, doing paperwork no less. Of course due to the very effective grapevine in the SGC, this piece of information got around base in record speed.
Finding something wrong with this rumor Dr Daniel Jackson decided to go and find out where Jack actually was. Image his surprise to find his friend in his office and doing paperwork, proving that sometimes the truth is weirder then fiction.
"Hey Jack, what you doing?"
Jumping at the sound of Daniel's voice, O'Neill tried to cover up what he was working on. "Nothing, what are you doing?"
"Nothing"
"Really"
"Really"
"Interesting"
"Not really… come on show me what you are doing"
"…. All right but you can't tell anyone"
"Fine"
Moving his hands Jack showed Daniel want he had be doing.
"Oh my god, I can't believe you are doing that Sam is going to kill you when she finds out"
"She not going to find out unless somebody tells her Daniel"
"Hey I won't tell…so how long have you been at this?"
" About an hour"
"And all you could come up with was 'the parachute not opening on a sky jump' and 'a disappearance due to presidential means'"
" It isn't as easy as it looks, you try it"
"Aright… how about mummification"
" Good one" replied Jack quickly writing it down.
" O'Neill, Daniel Jackson it is time…" Teal'c begun stepping into Daniel office, cutting off when seeing that the office was empty. Looking back into the hallway he spotted a young airman walking past.
"AIRMAN"
"Yes, yes sir," replied the now scared airman
" Do you have knowledge of where Colonel O'Neill and Dr Jackson may be"?
" Yes sir, someone said that they saw in Colonel O'Neill's office"
"Thank you airman" Teal'c replied starting to walk away.
Once outside Jack's office, Teal'c knocked before entering.
" O'Neill, Daniel Jackson it is time for us to go and required substantiation"
"Oh I completely lost track of time"
"Me too"
"What is it you are working on" Teal'c asked trying to get a look at the piece of paper Jack had been working.
Sharing a look with Daniel, Jack showed the jaffa his list.
"I see you only have four items on the list"
"We're working on it"
"We're work… what he said"
" I also see you have not got various Jaffa torture methods on that list"
"I like that one"
"Me too"
Quickly Jack added Teal'c suggestion.
'Where was that Colonel, he was twenty minutes late for his physical, and she was not rescheduling for a fourth time'
Dr Janet Frasier stormed down the halls of the SGC looking for one Jack O'Neill, pasting airman, scientists and even other officers were quick to get out of her way, expect one such airman.
"AIRMAN" why was everyone yelling at him today.
"Yes madam"
" Have you seen Colonel O'Neill today"
"No madam, I have not seen him but I have heard he may be in his office"
"Thank you airman" Janet dismissed, before heading for the Colonel's office.
"COLONEL O'NEILL, do you realize you are over half an hour late for your physical" Janet announced stepping into the office causing the three men to jump.
"Oh shit, I forgot," mumbled Jack while trying to hide the piece of paper from Janet and he may have succeeded if not for Daniel and Teal'c shooting him looks.
"What have you got there Colonel" Now it was Jack's turn to shot looks at Teal'c and Daniel.
"COLONEL"
"Fine, here"
Janet couldn't help herself she giggled, causing Jack's head to shot up, he so thought she was going to tell Carter.
" Sam wouldn't like this you know?"
"Yeah well, uh yeah uh…"
With a small smile " I see you haven't got medically inducing coma on your list"
With a smile of his own Jack wrote the Doctor's suggestion down.
"What is she doing there, what is Jack doing there" General Hammond mumbled heading towards the Colonel's office in search of Dr Frasier, she was meant to have given him a report on the fitness of base personnel fifteen minutes ago.
The site that greeted him was a surprise the male part of SG-1 and the base's CMO were sitting around Jack's desk working on something. Clearing his throat for attention saw the two military officers jump to attention.
"Dr I believe you were meant to be in my office fifteen minutes ago"
Looking at her watch Janet saw that he was right
" Sorry Sir, I must have got caught up"
"Yes about that let me see what you are working on"
Seeing no one move, He barked, "That's an order"
Slowly Daniel handed it over, they were in it now.
Hammond couldn't believe it his best people were spending their time doing this, and what was Major Carter going to do when she found out, he was going to have to set this straight.
"Interesting list, a short list but very interesting… you seem to have forgotten partaking in hand to hand combat with military officers, level three trained or higher." He said instead handing the paper back to Daniel, who grabbed a pen and added number seven to the list.
As the gate disconnected Jacob looked around the room for a familiar face, Sam's, George's, hell even Jack's. See none of the aforementioned Jacob quickly made his way to the control room only to be told that General Hammond, hadn't been seen for half an hour but he was lasted anyone knew he was heading towards Colonel O'Neill's office.
"He has an office," he mumbled before going and finding the General. When he reached Jack's office, the sight that greeted him was amazing, Jack, Daniel, Janet, Teal'c, and George were all squashed into Jack's office. Janet and Daniel were sitting on the edge of the desk while the other three were occupying the seats around the table.
"Hey George what you doing?"
Spinning around all five stare in shock.
"Jacob, what you doing here?"
"I told you last week I was coming for a visit, remember"
"Oh right sorry, lets go to my office" Hammond replied trying to lead Jacob out of the room.
"Just a sec, don't let me stop you doing whatever you were doing, I'll just go see Sam"
"Oh believe you don't what us to continue with this, come lets go"
"What's going on George" Jacob said looking around to room.
"You better show him Colonel"
"Sir!"
"Colonel do it"
Jack slowly handed over the list
"…."
"Look Jacob, I'm sorry I should have put a stop to it…"
"I should never have started it…"
"I shouldn't have encouraged him…"
Started Hammond, O'Neill and Daniel.
"…."
"Jacob"
"How about a one way ticket to Netu"
"Or what about a admission to a mental health home"
" I know, a trip in the X-301"
" A visit to that prisoner world"
"Jack that was PX3…"
"Yeah, yeah you know where I mean"
"We could always use a collapsing Tok'ra tunnel"
"Hey guys slow down I can't keep up"
"Yeah, time for a break any way I think"
"Good idea"
"Yep time for a coffee"
"Coffee sounds good maybe I can talk Selmak into letting me have a cup"
"Alright lets go"
And with that the six of them left for the commissary.
A little later Carter came looking for her teammates, she had heard that they were in O'Neill's office working, and since she hadn't been made have lunch they must be busy so she would get them for a bit an snack. Reaching the office she found in empty but what caught her eye was the piece of paper on the desk.
"I wonder what they were working on, I'll just have a quick look"
As she read a smile slowly grew and putting down the paper she too left for the commissary.
"Hey guys, where have you been," Carter asked walking over to SG-1's table.
"Oh you know here and there"
"Dad, when did you get here?"
"Not long ago, I was just having a coffee with George and then I was coming to find you"
Sitting down she slowly smiled " So what has everyone been working on"
"Not much"
"Oh you know me a bit of these a bit of that"
"Something really important" after this comment everyone stared at Jack expect Carter.
"Well Sir, you seem to have forgotten relocation to P3X- 592, you know that primitive world where the dinosaurs still rule the planet of course with a detour to Urgo's world so he will have some company"
"I have no idea what you are talking about Carter" Jack tried while everyone else stare at Carter gauging her reaction.
" Why sir, I'm talking about the list in your office ' Ways to get rid of Pete'."
"…."
"Also sir you didn't have…
THE END