I do not own friends/actors/characters, but like I said, I do own a copy of 'River', and I do love it so (waits impatiently for season 4 of Ally to be released on DVD...end of next month? GAH!
I stared listlessly out the window.
Thanksgiving. Why?
Why did it exist? Why?
I know why it existed. To put me through complete and utter hell.
This year was no different. In fact, it was right up there with the Thanksgiving as being supremely bad.
Anyone who knew me knew what Thanksgiving I was talking about when I referred to it as the.
The mother of all Thanksgivings. The mother of all evilness. The mother of all regurgitated food.
The defining moment in my life. The thing that made me who I was.
Damn the Thanksgiving.
Man, if that day had never happened, I might have been relatively normal.
I couldn't even imagine what that would be like, but I'm sure it would be a relief to all who knew me.
Damn the Thanksgiving.
No, no.
Damn the pilgrims.
There fault.
They created Thanksgiving.
…didn't they?
I frowned. I hadn't payed much attention when it came to Thanksgiving in school, and what I had learned before, I had apparently pushed clear out of my brain.
I couldn't imagine why.
But I was blaming the pilgrims anyway. To hell with them. To hell with this stupid holiday. To hell with anything I didn't like.
Dogs! To hell with dogs, and anyone who judged me for not liking them.
But most off all, to hell with Janice.
Ah, Janice.
How I had fallen in love with her, I would never know. My friends weren't the only ones surprised with that development. I was shocked almost to the point of death when I rushed over and kissed her, after finding out she was my internet buddy.
If I hadn't been kissing her, and knowing that I was pretty much holding her up (or she was pretty much holding me up…the memory is a bit foggy on that one) I would have dropped to the floor and died right there on the Central Perk carpet. And the last thing I would have heard would have been, "Oh…my…gawd!" (cue Janice voice)
There might even have been a gut wrenching Janice laugh to hear while I died (you know the one…how could you forget? The laugh that was like fingernails on a blackboard…the laugh that made my balls jump right back up into my body, and stay there…how could you forget that laugh. You'd want to though)…she might have thought I was joking.
Yeah.
My death.
Hilarious.
But really, despite all that, I did fall in love with her…some how. I was happy. I was positively gleeful. And then some how…some how.
Her lips found themselves attached to her ex husbands…that rat bastard.
What could I do? They had a kid.
I stepped away, and decided to do some serious moping. Then I figured it was almost Thanksgiving. It seemed fitting.
Damn pilgrims. Them and their over the top, gay mardi gra, hats.
I might have been pissed at the Indians too, but naturally, I was scared of being called a racist…if that was the right term.
Sure it was.
I glared at the window, willing the glass to shatter and the wind to take me away, to a place I never knew.
That was almost poetic. I felt proud. There was a small chance that I had stolen that from somewhere, but that was neither here nor there.
My telekinetic powers seemed to be out of order that day, and the window stayed all glassy. It might have even mocked me, but that might have just been my overactive mind, desperate to get into a fight with anybody.
Even a window.
I fought the urge to talk street with the window and turned away, glancing around the empty apartment.
Where was Joey when you needed him?
Most likely avoiding me. I had been Mr. Cranky Pants since Janice and I had broken up, and add that to it being Thanksgiving?
If I was Joey, I would be in Mexico by now. Possibly picking up one of those hats…
I shook my head and stalked over to the radio. Music would help. Happy, happy music!
I flicked the switch.
"-Made me weak in the knees
I wish I had a river I could skate away on
I'm so hard to handle
I'm selfish and I'm sad
Now I've gone and lost the best baby
That I ever had
I wish I had a river
I could skate away on."
I stared at the radio, aghast. Was this crazy lady with the pretty voice in my head? She was pretty much singing my life story!
"Oh I wish I had a river so long
I would teach my feet to fly
Oh I wish I had a river
I made my baby say goodbye
It's coming on Christmas
They're cutting down tree-"
"Get out of head!" I shrieked at the radio, glaring at it intently. Perhaps music had been a bad idea.
"-putting up reindeer
And singing songs of joy and peace
I wish I had a river
I could skate-"
I flicked the radio off, let out an annoyed squeal, and fought the urge to toss it out the window. Perhaps then the window would want to pick a fight with me and I wouldn't have to provoke it?
Why the hell was I alone? My friends should know better then to leave me with the craziness that is my though-
"Hey man."
"Gah!" I exclaimed, turning around to find Joey standing in the doorway. When the hell had he- "Don't…do that!"
"Do what?"
"That!"
Joey looked at me oddly for a moment, then shrugged. "Games about to start, come on! We might be able to swipe some food while Mon's not looking! Oh man, I love Thanksgiving!" I glowered at him. "Sorry…come on!"
"I'm happy here."
I wasn't.
"Are you?"
"Sure."
No.
"You're lying."
"No, I'm not!"
I was lying.
"Get your ass over here, now! I'm not going to tell you again," Joey warned. I hesitated. Company did sound better then not company…and crazy mind reading ladies on the radio. But then again – "You can mope about Janice over there. They have a bigger window, you know…more to work with."
My mind was made up. Fresh prey. I glared at our window once more, then turned and followed Joey out the apartment.
Monica's window was better to mope at.
Thanksgiving.
Why, oh why, could I not skate away from it?
Shut up, shut up, I threatened myself.
God, I hate Thanksgiving.