Nobody said a word. Nobody could say a word. When the three of them returned to the place where Appa was hidden, they found Sokka and Iroh both standing with their mouths hanging open. Appa's eyes were as wide as they could be. He did not move or grunt. Momo was curled up in the saddle hiding beneath their supplies. They all got into the saddle and flew off in silence.

The Avatar broke the silence with the sound of his teeth chattering. His face was frozen in an expression of horror. "That was so big… The metal was screaming…"

"I can't believe the water spirit can do that." Katara looked down at the saddle, her face visibly pale even in the darkness.

"The water spirit?" Sokka squeaked. "It did that?"

Iroh stroked his beard. "I am now very appreciative of the mercy it showed us." The Avatar and Katara nodded.

Zuko laughed. He was leaning back against the rear of the saddle with his eyes closed, enjoying this little moment of peace. "Zhao doesn't know what hit him! Heh. Maybe there are upsides to traveling with a water spirit after all."

Everybody else turned to stare at him. Even Momo came out of hiding. "Why do you sound happy about something so horrible?" Katara asked. For once, she looked at him with the wide eyes of an innocent.

Zuko turned away from that. He shouldn't be troubled by guilt when something had finally gone right for once! "Nobody died," he said. "They all fell off the back of the ship onto the ice. They can crawl off the ice into town and do anything they want. As for Zhao, he probably survived too. He's fine. He got what he deserved, and nobody got hurt."

"How can you say that?!" The Avatar also looked at him with wide, innocent eyes. His swam with tears. "All those people -"

"Deserved it." Zuko turned over, looked out the back of the saddle. The ship was still visible. Zuko glared at it. "He wanted a fight, he got one."

.

Nobody but Zuko got decent sleep that night. Appa had nightmares about the large ball of ice he had been frozen in becoming a spear of ice with wires that wrapped around him and tied him down, and his fur being set on fire. Momo slept on top of Zuko, his sensitive ears replaying the sounds of screaming metal as he dreamed of trying to eat a metal butterfly. Katara dreamed of her mother reversing her loyalties and suddenly leading firebenders to her. Sokka lay awake for a while, then continued to wake up after he went to sleep because he repeatedly startled at small, innocuous sounds. Iroh slept, but woke up in the morning feeling uneasy and not refreshed.

Aang got the worst of it. He stayed up even longer than Sokka did, his head buzzing with questions that bit like swarms of mosquitoes and wouldn't leave him alone. He had developed a new and unfamiliar feeling, one he had never had toward Zuko before. Whenever he thought of the firebender a part of him felt insulted, its pride stung. Zuko was more than an enemy now. He was someone who also tried to make peace, who also talked to spirits. And he was better at those things than Aang was. All the little doubts and embarrassment Aang had felt about his failure to get any response from the water spirit fueled frustration now. Why did Zuko get a response when he didn't? Why did the water spirit listen and obey? He was the Avatar! He was the one who had to talk to spirits as his job! Along with frustration and no small amount of jealousy (which he refused to acknowledge or think about), Aang also doubted himself. Even the fact that Zuko had thought of playing Pai Sho and he hadn't, which had seemed like a harmless thing to laugh about hours earlier, was now a reason to question himself.

As the night wore on and he couldn't feel any calmer or find answers to his questions, Aang began to wonder also why Zuko was sleeping soundly. They had not put up the tents; everybody slept on blankets or in sleeping bags. Aang could hear everything. In Zuko's case, he could hear the lack of everything. The firebender had started the night looking like a captured animal, and Aang had felt bad for him. Now he slept as soundly as a proper prince and Aang couldn't recapture the sympathy he'd felt earlier no matter how hard he tried.

It was useless. The more he lay there, the less sleep he was going to get and the more resentful he would be. It hurt. Aang got up, stretched, and left camp as quietly as he could. The open land of rocks and grass they had moved to for safety was perfect for being alone.

Unfortunately, he couldn't be alone. His quietest wasn't quiet enough to avoid waking Sokka. Sokka looked around, saw something actually amiss for once, and tracked down Aang. He spotted Aang down the hill, beneath a little rocky ledge. "Aang? Are you okay?"

"No." Aang sighed. He buried his head in his knees. "I don't want to talk about it."

"You sure?" Sokka sat down next to him. "I'm not going to get any sleep. I've got all the time in the world."

On the other hand, maybe Sokka would understand. Aang allowed his fists to clench. "I just don't get it. I talked to an empty beach like a crazy person, and nothing happened. It didn't even do anything to show it heard me. But it leaps up the second Zuko asks it to help? Why? Why not me?"

"He asked it to do that?" Sokka clutched his sword.

"He directed it too," Aang added. "He told it where Zhao's room was, and it hit there."

Sokka drew his sword. "That guy can order around a spirit that can kill us all by accident?" He started to shake his head. "Wait a second; that's insane. He's a firebender. Why would a water spirit listen to him?"

"I don't know. He asked it to show him if it could help, and it destroyed Zhao's boat. It had to be doing that because it was listening to him."

"If he could order it around, why didn't he just order it off his ship?" Sokka asked. That was a good question, and one neither of them could answer. "He probably just got lucky. It attacked Zhao just because it wanted to. We know it doesn't like it when hotshot firebender jerks try to go back to the Fire Nation."

"But it really seemed like it was listening to him," Aang protested.

"Just because he agreed with it this one time doesn't mean he caused anything to happen. There's nothing weird going on here. Just the water spirit attacking the Fire Nation when it got a chance." Sokka put his sword back and shrugged.

Aang's new inner fire abated. Sokka had to be right. There was no way Zuko could be better at talking to spirits than the Avatar. It made so much more sense to think that it just happened to hate Zhao as much as he did. That explanation didn't feel quite right next to what Aang had seen for himself, though… But no, it was an explanation that helped him feel better and made sense, so it had to be correct. Of course Sokka was right.

"Yeah, I think you're right," Aang said. "I must have made a mistake. Thanks, Sokka."

"No problem. Glad to help." Sokka basked in the praise. "But, Aang?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you sure you want to keep him around?" Sokka curled up and put his chin on his knees. "I can't get to sleep because I can't stop thinking about the boat. There were lots of soldiers on it, weren't there?" Aang nodded. "And it didn't matter, did it?" Aang shook his head. "It was horrible, Aang. I might not like Fire Nation soldiers, but if the water spirit did that to them, it can do it to us. Who in their right mind would laugh?"

Aang hesitated. Sokka had a point. Maybe he didn't have as much in common with Zuko as he thought. Maybe Zuko wasn't a confused, misled innocent after all. Even if Sokka was right, Zuko had still said he had a plan, and his plan turned out to be hoping that the water spirit would completely destroy a boat full of people. And he had laughed.

"I know you want to see the best in everyone and make friends with everyone," Sokka said. "I like that about you. Somehow, it works. But even for you, there has to be a limit. Some people are just bad guys."

Was that right? Was Zuko just a bad guy? Aang's new inner fire flared up again. He had been in complete agreement with Zuko just a few hours ago, and he couldn't ignore that. He couldn't because he didn't want to. Bad guy or not, Zuko was trying to make peace, just like Aang was. And Aang really, really wanted to see how their efforts would work out. He had someone to best, and that made Zuko important. Bad guy or not, Aang didn't want to let him go. They had to be near each other to compete.

Aang couldn't have explained any of this. He just knew that the question of whether or not Zuko was a bad guy beyond all hope of saving was less relevant than it had been before. "It doesn't matter. I still want to travel with him."

Sokka blinked. "Why?!"

"Because… Because I don't think he's just a bad guy. He did his best to save Aunt Wu's town too, and he fought Zhao's soldiers to rescue me, and he's trying to make peace." Aang looked up at Sokka. "He did laugh, and he hasn't apologized yet for anything, and he's done a lot for you to be angry about. But when I look at him, I see someone who's a lot like me. I can't stop seeing that. There's a connection between us, and I don't want to ignore it."

Sokka scratched his head, trying to understand. "You think there's a spiritual connection between you?"

Aang nodded.

Sokka could not understand. That was normal with Aang, though, so it was fine. "You're the Avatar. You'd know about the woo-woo spiritual stuff, if there is any." He drew his sword, just to make a point. "But if he tries to hurt any of us, I won't let him."

Aang really hoped nobody would try to hurt anybody else. He didn't like it when people tried to hurt each other in general, but on top of that, the more he thought about Sokka's question the more right it seemed. A spiritual connection. That might just explain some things. If Zuko fought Katara and Sokka, Aang would have two bonds pulling in opposite directions, and he might not be able to take that pain.

Aang yawned. "Hey, I'm sleepy." That was something previously thought impossible. "Thanks Sokka. Talking about things really helped."

He and Sokka walked back to camp, Sokka leading the way so he could make sure Zuko was still where he was supposed to be. He was. Momo was now awake. His fur stuck out all over from a recent nightmare, and he leaped onto and clung to Aang. Aang soothed him with some petting, then lay down to sleep. He did not get enough sleep before the sun rose, but the sleep he did get was peaceful.

.

In his dreams, Zuko ran. He burst out of a doorway into the garden where he liked to sit with his mother, watching the turtleducks. The pond had burst its banks, making the whole garden slippery and wet. His feet slid on the grass, and no matter what he tried, he couldn't get back up. He could hardly move at all, didn't have the strength to exert any real force, and the ground was impossibly slippery. He was trapped.

He flailed at the ground more and more desperately. Behind him! He had to escape! He thought about the water spirit, and in a flash the wet grass was no problem at all. He was suddenly on the other side of the garden, and ran into another doorway there. He had escaped!

He heard his mother crying. She was horribly pained, greatly upset. He'd run from the garden where she sat with him. Didn't he care about her? Zuko tried to explain. No, Mom. I do care. I just had more important things to think of… That sounded a lot like admitting he didn't care, didn't it?

He reached out and she disappeared. He ran through the halls, searching, but found nothing after nothing. An eternity later, he found his father. "Where is she?" Firelord Ozai just lowered his head. She was gone.

Zuko turned away, hiding his face from the watcher, who perched on the roof to his right. He couldn't face the guilt of what he'd done. Driving his mother away out of stupid cruelty. Guilty, guilty, guilty…

Slowly, he became aware of an ache in his head and a heaviness in his limbs. The ache was from guilt. The heaviness was from sleep. He forced his eyes open. The sky was a dark blue, the sun just beginning to rise, and everyone else was still asleep.

He sat up and rubbed his head. His memories of the dream were fading, but the ache was not. Guilty. Something stupid, something cruel, done because he'd been too narrowly focused. His hand fell into his lap and lay there limply. Suddenly he felt cold all over and began to shiver.

Zuko got up and crept out of camp much more successfully than the Avatar had, despite his shivering. He did not complain. He deserved every bit of cold the water spirit inflicted on him. He sat down under the little rocky ledge down the hill. It was a good place to watch the sun rise, but he didn't even notice. There was something else to focus on. What have I done?

They were there. They heard me call the water spirit. Zuko looked down guiltily. I called it to do exactly what it did, to be a monster. Those innocent people are probably never going near the ocean ever again. They're going to have nightmares for the rest of their lives. I did that to them.

And I don't even know if everyone was fine. The water spirit didn't try to hurt people, and it saved everyone who fell off the deck. But maybe there were people, even just one or two, in the halls when the ice came through. Zuko bent forward, leaning over his knees. I did that, too.

But there was no other way. I had to stop Zhao. I… Zuko looked up. Tears threatened to flood his eyes. I was so focused on that one idea that I never stopped to think of any other way to stop him. The water spirit leaped into my head, and I took it. Why?

What had he done?

I ruined everything. They know what I did. I said I was going to try and be more peaceful, and then I went and called the water spirit to attack people?! Idiot! They're going to kick me off the bison. And I'm going to deserve it. I had a reason to attack Kyoshi Island, but this… I can't justify this.

Everything he'd done recently was for nothing. He felt an urge to cry, so strong it was nearly impossible to resist. It was devastating, because he really had wanted to try out his first ever diplomatic strategy. To have everything fall apart just when he was starting to tentatively try to be a different person…

I never should have left my boat.

He wasn't going back. He could not stand to see any of them. He could not stand to be near them. It was too painful. He was not going to try to be nice and peaceful to them ever again. Never.

The water spirit continued to ice his insides. He would never have let it scold him under any other circumstance, but right now he couldn't accuse it of hypocrisy. It was okay for an elemental spirit to not care too much about humans; what was Zuko's excuse? His own people, too! It felt as if the sun was scolding him, too, but maybe that was the fire spirit. He couldn't accuse the fire spirit of hypocrisy, either. The fire spirit only ever burned by accident. Zuko had meant it, making him by far the worse danger. Zuko suddenly found himself rubbing the scar around his eye. He didn't force his hand down this time. He brought all of his fingers together and covered his left eye completely with his hand. Maybe Uncle was right.

He lowered his hand and watched the sun rise. It covered the rocky ground in red and orange, making the sparse grass look as if it was on fire. Zuko followed the imaginary fire as it spread over the ground and finally disappeared. Staying out here, alone, watching imaginary fire do what it wished seemed like a suitable penance, somehow. He couldn't help but think that Uncle would have suggested it.

The others must be awake by now. I'm sure they want nothing to do with me. He stayed right where he was. Uncle, perhaps, would come to tell him when they left. Uncle seemed to forgive everything! That was sometimes his best quality, and sometimes his worst. Right now, it was his worst. Zuko hoped his uncle would not talk to him for a long while. It would be better to sit among the rocks in silence.

Being outdoors, alone, was a form of refuge. Out here, small, unimportant, with all kinds of natural forces doing whatever they wanted without paying the slightest attention to him, he was safe. He could wonder if he was a bad person because he had laughed, and play with that idea, and find reasons it wasn't true and reasons it was, and make up his mind in peace. If he thought uncertain thoughts around people, the people would jump on him and push him one way or another, or try to take advantage of his uncertainty. It wasn't safe to wonder when others were around.

It would have been better if it was nighttime. Nighttime offered the promise that nobody would disturb him in the future. In daytime, anyone could wake up and look for him and find him, so he could not fully relax even when he was alone. He kept his ears out for footsteps. He didn't know what he would do if he heard any, but he kept his ears out for them. He just had to. He longed for his mask. It disguised him so well, and he never had to feel at all tense when he was wearing it. But it was too large to hide for long, so he'd left it behind.

He heard a sound. But then he relaxed; it was a safe sound. It wasn't the sound of a person, just Momo. The lemur landed a couple feet to his right, beneath the ledge. He carried a fruit.

"What's that?" Zuko asked, reaching for the fruit.

Momo flattened his ears back against his head. His tail was still, not waving or twitching, and his arms curled up close to his body. He's scared of me. Zuko took back his hand. It probably wasn't an offering Momo had decided for himself to bring. I don't want anything the Avatar has to give!

After several minutes of sitting still, the lemur uncurled his arms and picked up the fruit. He watched Zuko, one ear twitching, then began to eat. He looked up for a brief second when he was halfway through, curling his tail around his body. It was just a cursory glance. Zuko wondered if that meant what he thought it meant. Sure enough, when Momo was done, he sat at Zuko's side. Why are animals better than people? Zuko wondered again as he scratched the lemur's head. They're so forgiving! Why aren't people like that?

It was good that the lemur had flown out to find him, because he was never going back to camp. Not if he could help it. In camp, there were people. In camp, there was the danger that they might talk to him and be kind instead of instantly banishing him. The Avatar might even want him to stay. That would be intolerable.

So he sat on the hillside and wondered how he and Uncle were going to travel without a flying bison, instead.