A/N: Bah! yet another update!

Title: Charmed! If you can still call it that… Season The Two.

Episode 4: The New Villians.

(Fade in: Living room. Prue and Precious are watching the Passion of Christ.)

PRUE: I don't get why he's taking all that. If it were me I do something about it.

(Cut to: The movie. Prue's Jesus and is being whipped hella a hard on the back. She then stands up to the guard.)

PRUE: Hey. Stop. Just stop.

GUARD: Ok.

PRUE: Ok.

(Cut back: To the living room.)

PRECIOUS: (cough) Family guy rip off (cough)

ALEX: (off screen.) I resent that! This show is original!

(Paige comes down from the stairs.)

PAIGE: The evil monkey in my closet is trying to kill me!

(Roll credit. Fade in: Kitchen. Piper is teaching Billie the art of sweeping the kitchen. Actually, she's making Billie clean while she watches and from time to time spits on her face.)

BILLIE: How is this supposed to help me fight evil?

PIPER: Billie, who's the experienced witch here? I am. So go scrubbed my toilet.

BILLIE: I don't need to take this! JENNY!

(In a display of flames and hair products Jenny forms in the room.)

JENNY: Yes, cousin?

PIPER: You're related? That makes no sense!

BILLIE: Like we live in a logical world here! Your dog talks.

(Brian glares at Billie from the table and walks out indignant.)

BILLIE: I actually was talking about Prue.

PIPER: Hey! You haven't earned the right to diss Prue.

JENNY: Why am I here?

FANS: (Off screen.) Good question.

PIPER: Oh, do you want me to blow her up Alex?

ALEX: (Off screen.) No. I have a story for her.

PIPER: You know all we do now is pace, where's the action?

ALEX: (Off screen.) I'm busy. Smallville takes my time.

(Just then Phoebe blinks in. Piper sighs.)

PIPER: How was Kansas, Pheebs?

PHOEBE: It was so uber awesome. I got to ride a pony. And Lex.

JENNY: I'm going to go.

(She flamed out. Billie muttered her way to the bathroom. Prue walked in and glared at Phoebe.)

PRUE: (Pointing at the ho) What is that doing here?

PIPER: Beats the fuck out of me.

PHOEBE: I brought presents for everyone! I got this nice silk pink dress for Leo.

PIPER: Who?

PHOEBE: Leo! Your husband.

PIPER: Husband? You mean Drake?

PHOEBE: No.

PRUE: Well the only Leo I know is dad's goat.

(Just then Victor and Leo the goat came in.)

VICTOR: Girls… I'm a witch.

PIPER: No you're not. Prue just put a spell to give you my freezing powers.

PRUE: How did you know?

PIPER: I read your journal.

PRUE: But I keep it in a safe, in backyard, in the underground bomb shelter, sealed with a steel door that only has one key!

PIPER: I know. You really should find a less obvious place for it.

VICTOR: But why did you put a spell on me?

PRUE: I was drunk, ok?

(Phoebe walks out of the room. Cut to: Phoebe's room. Precious is hanging out.)

PRECIOUS: Hey, Phoebe, you're back. (Force.) How great.

PHOEBE: Thanks. Smallville was boring me. But I did steal this!

(She holds up a piece of kryptonite. Precious collapses on the floor.)

PHOEBE: Oh, yeah. I found out The Source was weak against it, so I figured that you would be too.

PRECIOUS: But… that… was smart.

PHOEBE: (Isabelle) I know.

PRECIOUS: You're not Phoebe.

PHOEBE: (Isabelle) I got written out of Smallville so I decided to come here and take over your world. Now hand over the stones.

(Cut to: P3. Patience Halliwell (Ashlee Simpson) is performing.)

PATIENCE: Hey, how long till the music drowns you out? Don't put words up in my mouth, I didn't steal your boyfriend! Hey, how long till you see what's going on? Cause you really got it wrong, I didn't steal your boyfriend! Hey, how long till you look at your own life instead of looking into mine? I didn't steal your boyfriend! Hey, how long till you leaving me alone? Don't you got somewhere to go? I didn't steal your boyfriend!

(Prue and Paige are at the bar.)

PRUE: Isn't that Patience?

PAIGE: Yeah.

PRUE: Wasn't she dead?

PAIGE: Uh huh.

PRUE: So why is she here?

PAIGE: She faked her own death too. We all did. Well, except you and Phoebe. You guys are going to get in trouble with the cops if you don't hide.

PRUE: No. I'll just talk to Andy-

PAIGE: Oh. Andy's death.

PRUE: WHAT!

PAIGE: You know, no longer of the livng. He got the needle.

(Prue walks out, twiching. Paige looks at the screen.)

PAIGE: Well is not like she's agoing to do something crazy. Right?

(Fade to black.)

End.