A/N: Oh yeah... I was writing this show... I forgot. lol
Title: Charmed! If you can still call it that… Season The Two.
Episode 5: The Return of Phobia!
(Fade in: Attic. Prue stares at the camera.)
PRUE: Legend tells of a sister that came from the forbidden love of my mother had with the demon of fear. This girl was proven not to be actually our sister and was rightfully vanquished... or was she?
ALEX: (Off screen.) You call that a spooky prologue? Get the fuck out of my set!
SHANNEN: Up yours!
(Roll credits. Fade in: Living room. Paige and Patience (Ashlee Simpson) are watching Desperate Housewives.)
PAIGE: (Zipping a can a Red Bull... what is it with Paige and the product placement lately...) I hate Teri Hatcher.
PATIENCE: Me too.
(The doorbell rings and Piper goes answer. Is Phobia Halliwell (Christina Ricci).)
PIPER: (Scared.) You!
PHOBIA: Hello sister.
PIPER: No. we're not sisters. Mother does not remember having you!
PHOBIA: Yeah. I spent the last three years figuring that out. As it turns out I was born out of the fear of Patty having an illegitimate daughter. So technically I am your sibling.
PIPER: Well... You're not staying here.
PHOBIA: Come on, Piper! I know you like me!
PIPER: Well, you tortured my sisters, how can I not like you?
(They walked to the living room. Paige and Patience jump up their seat and screech. Piper and Phobia laughed.)
PHOBIA: Hello, sister witches.
(She puts her creepy Wednesday Adams smile. Patience orbs out. Paige whimpers in a corner.)
PIPER: I'm going to like having you around again.
(Suddenly Billie walks in.)
BILLIE: Guess what I did? Guess what I did?
PIPER: Waste precious amount of oxygen and space?
BILLIE: Well, yeah. But I did something cool!
PIPER: What?
(Phoebe and Dex walked in wearing wedding clothes.)
PIPER: Son of a Prue!
PHOEBE: I got married! YAY! Now I can get babies!
PHOBIA: Hello, Phoebe.
(Phoebe screams in horror and faints. Then Isabelle takes over and jerks back up.)
PIPER: Didn't you faint?
PHOEBE: (Isabelle.) Um... yes.
DEX: I'm really confused here. But, I'm willing to stay with you Julie.
BILLIE: Oh! One more thing!
PIPER: Should I dare ask?
BILLIE: I told homeland security about you guys!
(Everyone took turns to slap Billie.)
PAIGE: Well, at least we can drop our stupid glamour selves!
(Paige recited a small rhyme that I'm so not writing and then all the glamoured P's turn into the real actresses that play them. Dex faints.)
PIPER: Well, now that the stupid plot is over, I'm going to get back to running my club and tending to my kid.
PAIGE: Don't you mean kids?
PIPER: Yeah, yeah..
(Piper headed up the stairs, where Phoebe also dragged her husband too. Phobia was idly staring at Billie.)
BILLIE: What?
PHOBIA: I know what your biggest fear is.
BILLIE: I don't know what you're talking about…
PAIGE: What's going on…?
(Phobia waves her hand at Paige and she turns into a water cooler. Yep, Phobia has that power. I think it's called molecular water cooling thing. Ahem. She turns back to the bimbo.)
PHOBIA: Your real name…
BILLIE: Don't! They can't find out…
PHOBIA: Phillie.
(Billie screams in horror. Prue comes in.)
PRUE: Ok, I made all of the arrangements for Precious' funeral and…(She notes Phobia.) You…
PHOBIA: Hello, Prue. Nice to see you… living.
(Prue goes to TK but Phobia deflects it. Awesome. She can do that too.)
PHOBIA: So, Precious is dead. How shocking.
PRUE: She'll come back… they always do.
BILLIE: Well, I see you guys have a lot of catching up to do so I'll-
(Phobia water cools Billie and turns to Prue.)
PRUE: What did you do to her?
PHOBIA: Is a little something I picked up in the demon wasteland. Now, I need to give you some information regarding the bimbo.
PRUE: You mean Phoebe?
PHOBIA: No. I meant her. (She points at water cooler Billie.) She's… our sister.
(Dramatic music plays. Grams conjures her astral ass in.)
GRAMS: Busted!
(Fade to black.)
To be continued…