Chapter 12 – I'll Tell You, But I'll Have to Kill You
Squall groggily opened his eyes. He found himself tucked comfortably into his bed, a pillow carefully placed beneath his injured shoulder, and his blankets pulled up to his chest.
Gazing quickly around the room, his eyes came to rest on a folded piece of paper resting on his nightstand. Spotting his name scrawled on it, he picked it up and unfolded it. Kylah's large, loopy handwriting filled the small page.
Squall—
Duty calls, and I've got to run to FH today with Kiros and Ward. Should be back this evening. I have my cell with me if you need anything.
-- KylahHe tossed the note back on the nightstand, considering it's contents. Why had she had to go to FH? She'd said that she was going with Kiros and Ward, which probably meant that Laguna hadn't gone with them. So Laguna was still there, in the palace. Probably in his office.
Sitting up on the edge of the bed, Squall rested his right elbow on his knee and rested his chin on his fist. He sat for several minutes. He had several questions tumbling around in his head, questions that only Laguna could answer. Questions that he needed Laguna to answer.
He wasn't really sure that he was ready to face Laguna. A small voice in the back of his mind reminded him that he had been forced into a lot of things before he was ready in his lifetime. With a sigh, he realized that he wasn't going to have any peace about the situation until his questions were all answered.
I guess it's time to face the music, he thought. Slowly, he dragged himself off of the bed, then over to his bureau. If he was going to go speak with Laguna, he had better get dressed. He certainly wasn't going to do it in his underwear.
Laguna sat at his desk, pretending to do paperwork. He had desperately wanted to go with Kylah, Kiros, and Ward to FH, but they had all three flatly refused. As Kylah had pointed out, it would be futile to set up new security protocol for train passengers bound for Esthar if he was going to be out and about, setting himself up for another attack. Reluctantly, he had agreed. The three of them had gone off without him to inform the stationmaster in FH of the new protocols that would be going into effect immediately.
Covertly, he sneaked a glance at his computer. He wondered if Kiros would know if he skipped out on the paperwork to play pinball instead. Glancing around quickly as if he expected to get caught, he slowly reached for the mouse and clicked on the pinball icon on his desktop.
A few minutes and several thousand points later, Laguna had forgotten about the trip to FH. He was so wrapped up in his game, he jumped a mile when he heard a knock at the door.
"I'm busy!" he called, quickly closing the game down. He snatched up a sheaf of papers and pretended to be engrossed in them.
"I just wanted to know why Kylah went to FH," a familiar voice replied coolly from the doorway.
Laguna froze. Slowly, he put the papers back down on his desk and lifted his gaze. He found himself looking at Squall, who was standing calmly in the doorway. The younger man was dressed in his usual attire, with a small addition. His left arm was still resting in the sling, an order from his doctor.
"Squall," Laguna said, unable to keep the surprise out of his voice. "Come in."
Squall stepped into the room, closing the door behind him.
"Kylah went with Kiros and Ward to inform the station master in FH of new security protocol that they insist have to be followed for any train passengers coming into Esthar. They wanted to go over it with him personally. All three of them decided that these new policies would be a good idea until we know who planted that bomb, and why."
Squall nodded. "I was just wondering. Her note didn't say why she went."
"She should be back this evening."
He nodded again.
An awkward silence filled the room.
"Was there something else you wanted?" Laguna finally asked.
Squall looked up from his shoes, truly facing his father for the first time since their encounter the day before. "Yeah, there is."
Laguna gestured toward a nearby chair, inviting Squall to sit. He pulled the chair over, placing it across the desk from Laguna. He sat rather stiffly in it, not quite sure he felt comfortable in this setting.
He took a deep breath. "You tried to tell me once before, didn't you? On the Ragnarok, just before we infiltrated the Lunatic Pandora, you said that you wanted to talk to me after it was all over."
Laguna nodded. "Yeah. I wanted to tell you then, but in all the hubbub and celebration I just didn't get the chance. Then I had stuff to deal with here… recovering from the Lunar Cry and such."
"I just remembered that a little while ago," Squall mused. He paused, gathering his thoughts. Finally, he looked up at Laguna accusingly. "Why did you walk away?" he finally blurted out. "What made you walk out on me and my mother? What was so important that you couldn't be bothered to stick around?"
Laguna gazed across the desk at Squall. A knot began forming in his stomach. He couldn't make himself respond to Squall's accusations. He just wants a fight, he told himself silently. Let him get it off his chest.
Squall continued, mercilessly. "Didn't we mean anything to you? Do you have any idea how hard it was to grow up in an orphanage? I thought my parents were dead! As it turns out, that's only half true. What, you had your fun then walked away, leaving both of us to fend for ourselves?"
Laguna couldn't take any more. Shoving his chair back swiftly, he flew to his feet and slammed a fist down on his desktop. "Enough!" he cried, furiously. "You have no idea what you're talking about."
The two men stood across the desk from one another, staring each other down. Each was trying to wrestle with their own emotions.
Laguna swallowed hard, then spoke again. His voice was barely above a whisper this time. "You don't know or understand what it was like to know for seventeen years that she died without me by her side, and then find out that she died bringing my child into the world. To know that I've lost out on the first 23 years of my son's life, all because of a power-hungry witch named Adel."
Squall gazed at him for a long moment, unanswering. Fury seethed in his eyes.
"You know what? Forget it," Laguna finally said, turning away. "You don't want to hear or understand. Just get out."
"Fine," Squall replied, shortly. He turned on his heel and stalked out of the room, slamming the door behind him.
Laguna closed his eyes, wincing when the door slammed. He stood for a moment, trying to regain his composure. He gave his desk a good, hard kick in anger and frustration.
He immediately regretted that maneuver. Pain exploded through his toes and up through his leg. Hobbling around on one foot for a minute, he cried out, more in exasperation than pain. Finally he sank down into his desk chair, still clutching his now aching leg. With a sigh, he leaned forward and rested his forehead on the edge of his desk.
After a moment, he turned his head and gazed up at the picture of Raine on his desk. "Parenthood is a lot harder than I thought it'd be," he said to her.
Her only response was that never-ending smile.
"Don't laugh at me," he chided, picking up the frame. "I'm doing the best I can." Sighing, he picked up the frame and fingered the edge of the picture. "What are we gonna do with him?"
Ellone sat in her private quarters in the Presidential Palace, catching up on her personal correspondence. Matron had written her nearly a month ago, and she hadn't yet had an opportunity to send an answer. She was deeply engrossed in updating Matron on all the recent happenings in Esthar when a knock at the door pulled her out of her reverie.
It took her several seconds to pull herself out of the letter and refocus her mind. She shook her head quickly to clear it, then stood up from her writing desk and stepped over to the door.
Squall stood on the other side of the door when she opened it. "We need to talk," he said in lieu of a greeting.
She smiled. "Good afternoon to you, too," she jokingly replied. "Come in," she stepped aside and let him into her apartment.
He pushed his way past her, then began pacing her living room restlessly. She followed him into the room and took a seat on the end of her couch.
"Why didn't you tell me?" he finally asked, looking at her with a hurt expression.
"Squall," she replied gently, "like I told you yesterday, I thought he should be the one to tell you."
"But he didn't," he retorted. "When he chickened out, you should have told me."
She closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. "You aren't the easiest person to talk to, you know," she said. "Both of us had a difficult time approaching you about it."
"I'm not that difficult to talk to," he shot back.
Ellone looked up at him and raised an eyebrow. "Oh no? I sincerely hope you're joking."
The look he shot her told her that he wasn't.
"Look," she said, changing the subject, "your bone is with Uncle Laguna. If you have a problem, take it up with him."
"I already did," he grumbled, looking away.
Her heart sank. "What happened?" she managed to whisper.
"I told him to truth. That he should have been there. That he was selfish to walk away when we needed him."
"Oh, Squall," she whispered. Her heart immediately went out to her uncle, whom she knew was probably devastated. "You don't know what you're talking about," she replied, gently. "You don't know the whole story."
"I don't need to know," he shouted, anger welling up again. "I know enough. I know he wasn't there when she needed him. You were there! You know what kind of life we started out in. We never had a chance, Elle! We were orphans, or so everyone thought, and cast by the wayside. Most of us became mercenaries because we had no other choice!"
"That's not the way it happened!" she retorted. "Matron loved us and took care of us! It's not like we were abused and unloved!"
"What would you know about it? You didn't stick around, either! You left to go off and live a sheltered life as the princess of a luxury liner for the rest of your life. You got out of the life that we lead because of your so-called gifts. You left."
Ellone could only stare at him in disbelief. She couldn't believe she was hearing these things from the brother she loved so much. "Squall," she finally said quietly. "I love you very much. But I really don't like you right now. Get out." She pointed forcefully toward the door.
Without a word, he stormed out of the room. Ellone followed him to the door, held it for him as he stepped out into the corridor, and then slammed it behind him. Once the door was closed, she leaned against it and closed her eyes. Slowly, she slid down the door until she was sitting, leaning against it. Drawing her knees up to her chest, she buried her face in her hands, and gave in to the sobs that wouldn't be stopped.
"Home sweet home," Kiros said cheerfully as he walked with Kylah and Ward down the Palace corridors toward Laguna's office.
"Maybe to you," Kylah grumbled. "Personally, I'm missing my own bed back in Balamb."
"…"
"Ward says you get used to this place after a while," Kiros replied, mildly.
"I'll keep that in mind," she chuckled, reaching to open the door to the office. The sight that greeted them inside left them all completely stunned.
Laguna was seated quietly at his desk. The amazing part was that he was calmly, and willingly, doing paperwork.
"Man, are you feeling okay?" Kiros asked, incredulously as he stepped up to the desk.
"Fine," Laguna replied shortly, not looking up from his papers.
Kylah, Kiros and Ward all looked at each other. Something was up. Laguna wasn't typically in a foul mood, and he almost never did paperwork if he could help it. Cautiously, they approached his desk.
"…"
"Ward wants to know what crawled up your butt," Kiros said, looking mildly concerned.
With a loud sigh, Laguna threw the papers down on his desk and looked up at them, annoyance flashing in his green eyes. "Look, I'm really not in the mood to be around anyone tonight. I have a lot of stuff to catch up on. If you don't mind, I'll get your report on the situation in FH tomorrow. Good night." He picked up his pen and went back to his papers.
Kylah raised her eyebrows. She had never heard Laguna even speak harshly to anyone, much less raise his voice like that. Something was definitely up. And she had a good idea what that might be.
Slowly, she walked around to the other side of his desk to stand next to him. She hoisted herself up and sat on his desk, then crossed her ankles. Resting one palm on the desktop, she leaned on it toward him. "Okay, if you really want it that way, we'll go," she said, softly. "But first, I have a very important question."
"What is it?" he asked through clenched teeth.
"If I go back to my suite, am I going to find my roommate in a similar mood?"
Laguna closed his eyes for a long moment. Slowly, he raised his head and reopened them to look at Kylah. She felt a tug on her heartstrings when she saw tears glittering in his eyes. "Probably," he replied, softly.
"Then can I hang out here for a while?" she asked, trying to lighten the mood. "I mean, you don't have mega-powerful GFs junctioned to you."
"Don't you have some of your own?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Yeah," she replied with a shrug. "But that could get awfully messy and I don't really feel like explaining it to the housekeepers in the morning."
Laguna couldn't resist a small smile.
"Well, that's a start," Kylah said, smiling encouragingly.
"Are you gonna tell us what happened," Kiros asked. "Or are we gonna have to use the Cuchi-Cuchi treatment?"
Despite himself, Laguna chuckled. "Oh, no. Not the Cuchi-Cuchi treatment."
Kylah raised an eyebrow and looked at all three of them as if they'd lost their minds. "'The Cuchi-Cuchi treatment?' Is that some strange initiation thing that they teach you in Galbadian military training?"
"…"
"Ward says that we could tell you, but we'd have to kill you," Kiros replied, grinning.
Laguna threw his papers down on the desk in disgust. "You guys aren't gonna leave me alone until I tell you what happened, are you?"
All three of them looked at each other, then looked at Laguna and shook their heads.
"Fine," he relented, taking a deep breath. "Squall came and paid me a visit."
"I guess it didn't go well," Kylah ventured.
"You could say that," Laguna snorted, leaning back in his desk chair and lacing his fingers behind his head. "Apparently I'm a terrible father and husband, and abandoned him and his mother. I 'had my fun,' then walked away."
Kylah's jaw dropped. "He did not say that!" she cried in disbelief.
"That, and more," Laguna replied, grimly.
"What did you say—" Kiros started to ask, but was interrupted by the opening of Laguna's office door and a small, familiar voice.
"Uncle Laguna?" Ellone asked tentatively.
Everyone turned toward her. She looked terrible. Her dark hair was disheveled, eyes swollen and red, and cheeks tearstained. She looked as if she might burst into fresh tears at any moment.
"Elle!" Laguna jumped up out of his desk chair and dashed across the room to her. She threw herself into his arms, burying her face into his shoulder, sobs welling up in her throat. Her uncle hugged her close, comforting her much as he had when she was a little girl. He closed his eyes, rested his chin on top of her head, and allowed a tear to slide down his own cheek. "I guess Squall visited you, too?" he whispered.
Ellone could only nod in reply.
Kylah watched the scene sympathetically. She had the unique position of being able to see the entire situation from both perspectives. While she had sympathy for both Laguna and Ellone for the verbal beating that she was sure Squall had given them, her heart also went out to Squall for the pain that she knew he was going through.
She hopped down off of Laguna's desk, and strode purposefully to the door. Kiros caught her before she could step out of the room.
"You going back to your room for the night?"
She nodded, then jerked her head in Laguna and Ellone's direction. "They're not the only ones hurting over this," she said, softly. Kiros nodded and let her go.
Kylah slowly opened the door to her suite, trying very hard to maintain control of her temper. She found Squall sitting in the sitting room, idly flipping through the channels of the television while he stared at the screen blankly. He looked up when he heard her enter the room. She tossed her keys and her bag on a nearby chair.
"Thanks for leaving such a detailed and descriptive note when you left this morning," he said, sarcastically. "Nice of you to tell me why you were going."
"I wasn't aware that I had to check in with you, given that I'm in command of this mission now," she retorted, coolly. "And quit taking your frustrations out on me. I'm not the one you're angry with."
"You're only in command because I was injured while on duty, and you went over my head while I was down," he grumbled, turning back to the TV.
"If you have a problem with it, I suggest you take it up with Cid," she said, stepping closer. "But I have a feeling he'd tell you to stay where you are and suck it up."
"Back off, Deraldi," he growled, standing up to face her. "I've had a bad day."
She stepped even closer and glared at him. "So I heard."
He narrowed his eyes. "I see you've talked to them," he spat, angrily. "Well, I don't want to talk about it. It's none of your business."
"It becomes my business when it affects the well-being of my client and my teammate," she shot back. Shaking her head, she sighed and sank tiredly down into a nearby chair. "Look," she began, "this is a difficult situation for all of you. And barging into Laguna's office and raving like a madman isn't going to help anyone."
"I did NOT rave like a madman," he retorted, sullenly. "I just got some things off my chest. People are always telling me I should share my feelings, so I did." He glared at her. "I thought you were on my side."
"I AM on your side," she replied, exasperated. "And I'm on Laguna's side, and Ellone's. All three of you were cheated in this situation. And, if I were in your shoes, I'd probably be furious too. He did wait six years to tell you. As a matter of fact, if you ask him he'd probably be able to show you the bruise I gave him when I realized that he'd waited so long."
He stared at her a long moment. "You hit him?"
"Belted him, right in the gut," she said, yawning.
"Why?"
She hesitated. "It doesn't matter why," she finally replied. "The point is you have every right to be angry. Just don't let your anger get the better of you, and don't do anything stupid. Go ahead, blow up, get angry. But don't completely shut yourself off to the idea of getting to know him. If you do that, you're not only cheating yourself out of the opportunity to know your father, but your mother too.
"Laguna, as angry as you may be with him right now, would be the key to you being able to know your mother too. He was her husband. He loved her. And he knew her better than anyone."
He didn't respond, but gave her a long, silent gaze.
"Maybe you don't want to hear this stuff right now, but you need to. And, eventually, maybe it will sink into that thick skull of yours." Yawning widely, she stood and stretched her limbs. "I'm hitting the sack. See you in the morning."
With that, she padded into her bedroom and shut the door softly behind her, leaving Squall to stare after her.