A/N: After watching season 2 reruns which made me want to jazz this thing up a bit into something that makes more sense. lol So less one lining crap and more logical plots. Also to clear some things up, here's a character info list thing requested by Nicole since she's kind of lost and I supposed many are. lol

Piper Halliwell (Played by Holly Marie "God" Combs.) Status: Alive. Number of deaths:1 time. Currently sleeping: Bridal Room. Storyline: Being the best and the greatest.

Phoebe Halliwell (Played by Alyssa Milano.) Status: Alive. Number of deaths: 3 times. Currently sleeping: Whereever the guy/girl/demon/ghost/seer sleep in. Storyline: Being controlled by the spirit of a 16th century witch from Smallville and wanting to get pregnant.

Paige Matthews (Played by Rose McGowan.) Status: Alive. Number of deaths: 2 times. Currently sleeping: Phoebe's whore room. Storyline: Not knowing what to do with her time and being a Whitelighter.

Billie (Played by Kaley Couco.) Status: Alive. Number of deaths: 0times. Currently sleeping: Attic? Storyline: Being an annoying piece of crap actress, wasting air and space and plotting the destruction of the Charmed ones with her cousin Jenny.

Phobia "Wednesday" Halliwell(Played by Christina Ricci.) Status: Alive. Number of deaths: 1time. Currently sleeping: Precious old room. Storyline: Wanting to reconnect with her sisters and plotting the destruction of Billie.

Prue Halliwell (Played by Shannen Doherty.) Status: Alive. Number of deaths: 5times. Currently sleeping: Coat closet. Storyline: Plotting revenge for Andy's death and finding some sex.

Patience Hawlliwell (Played by Ashlee Simpson.) Status: Alive. Number of deaths:0times. Currently sleeping: Couch. Storyline: Glorified extra.

Drake(Played by Billy Zane.) Status: Alive. Number of deaths:1 time. Currently sleeping: Bridal. Storyline: Replacing Brian as Piper's husband.

Dead people: Andy, Precious, Paris.

Big bad: Jenny for now.

There. Enjoy the new ep.

Title: Charmed! If you can still call it that… Season The Two.

Episode 6: Jail Bane.

(Teaser: San Francisco various shot montage (can you believe this is the first time this show has done this?). We arrive to a shot at the manor outside. A man we haven't seen in a while is arriving at the door. The man is Bane Jessup. And if you don't who that is then don't you dare call yourself a Charmed fan. Though, considering how crappy it is now, I don't like to call myself that either. Um, yeah. He rang the doorbell and Paige answered.)

PAIGE: Can I help you?

BANE: Yes. I'm looking for Prue.

PAIGE: Oh. I'm sorry. Prue died five years ago.

(Bane goes wide eyed. Roll credits. Why is Billie there? Grr. Scene: Where we left off.)

BANE: Are you serious?

PAIGE: Yep. She hit a wall. It was this big thing.

PRUE: (Coming into view.) Paige!

PAIGE: What? He didn't let me finish. (Back to Bane.) She died five years ago and then came back and then died and then came back and then died and then came back. There.

(Paige exits. Prue gives a smile to Bane and sets aside to let him in. Cut to Foyer. Prue and Bane walked in.)

PRUE: So you're free now?

BANE: Yep. I told you I would come back for you.

PRUE: No you didn't.

BANE: Details.

(Piper comes in and sees Bane.)

PIPER: (Huge grin.) Is that Ban Jessup? (She runs up and hugs him.) How have you been? I've missed you so much.

BANE: You have?

PRUE: Huh? Piper, you're married!

PIPER: What? Drake's picking up Wyatt and what's-his-face. Can a witch get a little eye candy? Jeez. I'm only human!

PRUE: Well, that was overdramatic.

(Phobia begins walking down the stairs and gives Prue a Did-you-talk-to-Piper-about-the-problem look. Prue gave her a not-yet-I-was-going-to-but-I-have-company look. Phobia gave her a you-stupid-hag-I'll-do-it-myself look. Prue gave her an up-yours-Goth-freak-I-don't-give-tiny-rat's-ass look. These sisters know how to express themselves well.)

PRUE: (To Bane.) Um, let's go to my room.

(They walked to the coat closet and locked the door. Phobia walks up to Piper who's staring at the clock.)

PIPER: (To herself) I wonder how many times has this clock broken. (To Phobia.) I was going to do the laundry. Need anything washed?

PHOBIA: I have more pressing topic to discuss with you.

PIPER: Well, if it's about Billie and her long lost sister, I don't care.

PHOBIA: What? Billie has another sister?

PIPER: What do you mean 'another'?

(Phobia is about to talk when Phoebe walks in with a crystal ball in her hand. A close-up on the ball reveals a little red energy spark inside, twitching.)

PIPER: Phoebe, what's in that ball?

PHOEBE: Remember when I went to Smallville for a few months while everyone was all 'dead' here? (Piper nodded. Phobia rolled her eyes and walked towards the kitchen.) Well, I was infected with this 16th century old witch. I did a spell to expel her from my body and trapped her in this little Orb of Thesula. (Check Buffy The Vampire Slayer.-Alex.) I think she used me to kill Precious.

PIPER: How did you figure all this out by yourself?

PHOEBE: I didn't. You know dad's goat?

PIPER: Leo?

PHOEBE: Yeah. It like talked to me and told me what to do. He reminds me a lot of the real Leo.

PIPER: What real Leo? Are you high or just retarded?

PHOEBE: A little bit of A, a little bit a B.

(Piper gritted her teeth and stepped out of the house. Phoebe shrugged and placed the Orb on a table nearby then she headed up the stairs. Cut to: Prue's room-Coat closet. Bane and Prue are in the middle of some heavy making out. Bane's shirt is opened slightly and Prue is running a hand through his muscular chest.)

ALEX: (Off-screen.) Family show, people!

(Prue and Bane separate and chuckled a bit.)

BANE: Sorry. It's been two years since I had sex.

PRUE: Weren't you in prison for like six years?

(Pause.)

PRUE: Oh.

(Awkward pause.)

BANE: Um, so how's the Photography thing working out?

PRUE: Actually, I haven't gotten into the whole "being back from the dead and getting back my old life" thing yet. Every time I think I'm ready something 'demonic' happens and I end up dead again. It's almost like some sadistic mind wants me to pay for being me.

(The laughs of Brad Kern and Alyssa Milano can be heard in the distance.)

BANE: Well, maybe I'm the character that turns your life back to the right track.

PRUE: (Deadpan.) Yeah. An ex-con who tried to kill me and my sister and kidnapped me to lured me into some Post Demonic Prison Break Wild Sex™.

BANE: Were you always this bitchy?

PRUE: Yeah.

(Awkward pause. Cut to: Kitchen. Phobia Water-Cools Patience and sits on the stool she was sitting, eating cereal. Paige walks in with a pale face… I meant… oh, Prue this.)

PHOBIA: (Eyeing Patience's cereal bowl.) Paige. I sense you're worried.

PAIGE: (Somewhat somber.) I got a call from my aunt and uncle.

PHOBIA: (Looks up to Paige.) What did they say?

PAIGE: They… said that they found my brother.

PHOBIA: You have a brother?

PAIGE: Yeah… he was a few years younger than me. He wasn't adopted. When we were little a demon came into our and took him away.

(Pause. Billie came out of the refrigerator.)

BILLIE: It must be the same demon who took MY sister!

PAIGE: Don't steal MY storyline!

BILLIE: (With her lame Bimbo line delivery.) Um, like you clearly stole mine!

(Phobia rolls her eyes and Water-Cools Billie. She stands up and walks to Paige.)

PHOBIA: Paige, we need to talk about Billie.

(Fade to black)

End.