A/N: spoiler fun: Season 3 will feature Brian Krause again. Prue we'll be recast for the movie. Cole drops from movie project. Kaley Couco died on set last week. And now enough stalling. Enjoy.
Title: Charmed! If you can still call it that… Season The Two.
Episode 8: It's a bad, bad Phoebe. (Part 1)
(Teaser: Where we left off last time. Except that is a little later and the sisters and Billie are fighting Anton. Prue tries to TK his ass but he jumps out of the way and decks her. She falls down. Billie jumps to kick him but falls on her ass (meaning her brain) and gets knocked out. Piper, who has New and Supposedly Improved Tiny Doomed Gay Chris in her hands can't do anything but duck for cover. Phobia stalks directly to Anton prepared to Water Cool his ass when suddenly he hurls a Flaming Ball Of Death to her. She tries avoiding it but gets hit on the shoulder, slamming on the coffee table, breaking it. Paige looks at the many wooden pieces on the floor.)
Paige: (Motioning with her hand.) Wood! (She waves the orbing stakes to Anton. Anton shimmers out.) Damn it!
(Anton shimmers behind her and a stabbing sound is heard. Paige's struggles and falls limp on the floor. He lifts up a bloodied knife. Piper, from behind the couch goes wide eyed.)
ANTON: Unimpressive.
(Roll credits. Fade in: Foyer. Bane and Agent Murphy (First appearance on this show) walked in.)
MURPHY: Well, I'm just trying to help them as much as I... (He notes something in the living room.) What the hell?
BANE: What?
(They walked in the living room and see the chaotic aftermath of Anton's attack. Billie lays unconscious by the corner. Prue is on the floor barely awake. Paige bleeds, face to the ground by the couch. Phobia is out cold on the remains of the coffee table. Piper is no where to be seen.)
BANE: What happened to them?
(Murphy kneels over to each of the sister to check their pulses. He 'accidentally' steps on Billie. Several times actually. Is he kicking her?)
BANE: Dude! We all hate her but chill. (He kneels to Paige.) Gah, this one is going to die if we don't get her help.
WYATT: (Walking in the room and with a British accent.) I believe I can be of some assistance.
BANE: Did that baby just talked?
MURPHY: (Pointing his gun at Wyatt.) What are you?
(Wyatt waves his tiny deadly hand and TK's the gun out of Murphy's hands. He smiles wickedly.)
WYATT: Guns. Mere mortal's playthings. (He walks over to Paige and heals her.) There.
BANE: God… that must've been some party you guys had here.
MURPHY: Paige, you were attacked.
PAIGE: Correction. (Suddenly standing up.) You're going to be attack. (He eyes glow black and she TK's orbs a knife to her hand. The same knife Anton used on her. She didn't call for it and the orbs were black ones. I will refer to the as Darklights.) Die!
(She waves the knife in a circle and a shockwaves forms, sending the two men and the Psychotic Blonde Midget hurling in the air and slamming against walls and other stuff. Paige puts a wry little grin and stabs Prue with the knife. Prue screamed in Pain. Paige waves the knife on the wound and it heals itself. Prue suddenly stands up with glowing black eyes. Paige grabs her arm and Darklights out with her. Phobia barely stands up.)
PHOBIA: Jenny…
(Cut to: A Papier-mâché'd looking Cave. Jenny is cackling around. Anton is leaning against a what looks like a plastic rock. This show's budget is cheap but it looks better than any set on Charmed this season. Ha.)
JENNY: My plan to rid the world of those Damned Charmed ones is working!
ANTON: Remember. I help you and you get me into Phoebe's pants again.
JENNY: Of course. All we have to do is use this. (She takes out a small bottle.) Make her drink this and she'll go evil again. Like she's destined to.
ANTON: Is it some sort of potion?
JENNY: Nope. Just a little wine. One sip and she's a total skank. Once she's ready you'll get in her pants and since she's on the look for her Baby's daddy she'll do anything you want as long as you get her pregnant. Then, I'll make the baby be born as a Super Mega Witch Of Doom™ and feed it my annoying cousin Billie as a sacrifice.
ANTON: Um… I know that. Why did you just waste time telling me your plan again?
JENNY: Exposition. Now, go get the ho. I'll use the Zombie P's for my other plan.
(Anton waited a few moments.)
JENNY: Yeah?
ANTON: Aren't you going to exposition that plan?
JENNY: No. Let the viewers think a little.
(She cackles. Cut to: Bay Mirror. Phoebe is looking at something on her computer. She has that retarded grin of hers on. Billie and Phobia raced in.)
PHOBIA: Phoebe! We have a problem!
PHOEBE: (Staring at the screen.) I didn't know monkeys could bend that way.
PHOBIA: What! Phoebe! Paige, Piper and Prue are missing! And Anton came back! And-
PHOEBE: (Looking up and Hella horny.) Anton's back!
BILLIE: Yeah. He tried to kill us.
PHOBIA: We need to band together since we're the only ones that are left we can restore the Power of Three.
PHOEBE: No. We all have to be sisters and Billie's… (She looks at Phobia's face.) Oh no… you don't mean…
BILLIE: Billie's real name is Phi-
(Anton Flames in. Phoebe has an orgasm. Phobia tries to Water Cool him again, but this time Billie punches her.)
BILLIE: Like, it took you long enough to get here, Anton. And did you have to hit me so hard at the Manor.
ANTON: It had to look real. Plus, I don't like you either. You don't think I watch Charmed? You're killing that show!
BILLIE: Ha! Whatever! Me and Jenny will get our way! At least my cousin likes me.
ANTON: (Shifty eyes.) Yeah. Sure.
(Phoebe snaps out of her daze and goes into Kun Fu Phoebe mode. She Yodels in the air for a quick kick. But Anton catches her in a rather gracious move on his part. Phoebe blushes and kisses him. No wine required. They pull apart.)
PHOEBE: Will you give me the sperm for my future kid?
ANTON: Yeah, baby.
PHOEBE: Then… (Eyes glowing red for no real reason other than effect) is time to kill my cousins! (She cackles.) Or is it sisters now?
(Billie wonders the same while Anton holds his urge to smack Phoebe on the back of the head by smacking Billie on the back of the head.)
(Fade to black.)
To be continued…