Chapter 15 – First Steps

Laguna had taken Kiros and Ward's suggestion and had gone back to his apartments to settle in for a nap. This was not something that he typically did because he usually had a hard time forcing himself to stop long enough during his busy afternoons to actually sleep. Today, however, he had no problem. He lay on his stomach across his bedspread, arms wrapped comfortably around the pillow under his head. He had changed into a pair of baggy sleep pants, but had vetoed the idea of wearing a shirt. Unable to sleep with his hair up, he had taken out he elastic band and let his long hair tumble about his shoulders.

He was out like a light and unaware that anyone else was in the world when a sharp knock on his front door interrupted his rest. At first, he thought he was dreaming. A second, louder knock brought him fully awake, however, and he realized that it was not a dream.

Groaning, he located a t-shirt and pulled it down over his head. Grabbing his elastic band off of his dresser, he threw his hair back up into a ponytail and headed to answer the door.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm coming," he grumbled, stumbling sleepily toward the door. After the third knock, he finally reached it and flung it open, ready to let whomever it was really have it for interrupting his presidential nap.

His shoulders slumped when he found Squall standing in the corridor waiting for him. "What do you want?" he asked, warily.

Squall looked his father up and down, taking in the rumpled pants, tousled hair, and bare feet. He had obviously interrupted a really good nap. And the old man looked like he could use it. He had never seen Laguna looking so worn out.

Taking a deep breath, Squall took the plunge. "I want to talk. Really talk this time."

Laguna stared at him silently for a moment, unsure if he was willing to take a chance at a repeat of the day before. Finally he nodded, and stepped aside to let Squall step into his apartments.

Squall looked around as he walked through the door. Esthar certainly spared no expense to make sure their leader was comfortable. Laguna's quarters were spacious and luxurious. Plush carpeting, expensive furniture…. And a breathtaking view. He had to admit, he was impressed as Laguna led him through the apartment and into his den.

"What did you want to talk about?" Laguna asked, flopping into a large overstuffed chair and draping his legs over one of its arms.

Squall sat opposite him in a similar chair, and took a deep breath. He had rehearsed this a dozen times on that day, but actually saying it was much harder. "I wanted to apologize for yesterday," he began. "I was way out of line. You didn't deserve any of that."

Laguna blinked. This wasn't something that he had expected. "What made you change your mind about the situation?" he asked. I wonder if Kylah hit him, too, Laguna silently thought to himself as he remembered his bruised stomach.

Squall smiled grimly. "Ellone kinda changed my mind for me," he replied, dryly.

His father nodded, slowly. "She told me this morning that she had sent you back into me. What did you see?"

"I saw how you were treated when you went back to get your wife. I saw how much you loved her, and how broken-hearted you were when you found out she was gone." He stood and began pacing the room. "I saw how you were doing your best to protect your family. And how that caused you to lose them."

Laguna shrugged, but couldn't hide the pain in his eyes. "I thought I was doing the right thing."

Squall was quiet for a moment, thinking the situation over. "Why did you wait so long to tell me?" he finally asked. "I mean, you had six years. Didn't you think I deserved to know the truth?"

The older man sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "It just never seemed like the right time," he replied. "I didn't want to tell you before you went off to fight Ultimecia because I was afraid it would distract you in battle. When everything was over, we were both caught up in parties and celebrations and stuff. Things calmed down after a while, but you were busy with being commander of SeeD, then marrying Rinoa, then Cassidy was born…. When I finally worked up the nerve to tell you was just before Rinoa died. I actually had my hand on the phone to call you when Kiros came to tell me what happened."

Squall gave him a speculative look. He hadn't known that.

"I went to her funeral," Laguna continued. "You looked like a ghost, really confused and out of it, so I figured that was not the time to drop that kind of bombshell on you."

He nodded slowly. Vaguely, he remembered seeing Laguna among the faces at Rinoa's funeral.

"The next thing I knew, two more years had passed. I tried several times to get in touch with you, but every time I called Garden you were out on some mission or another. That's why I specifically requested you for this mission." He paused. "I thought I'd completely blown it when that bomb went off. I thought my last chance was out the window. And I promised myself that I'd tell you no matter what if you pulled through okay."

Squall digested all of that for a long moment. "I wish I could say that it was no excuse, and you should have made the time to tell me… But as it has been recently pointed out to me, I'm not the easiest guy to talk to, am I?"

Laguna snorted. "That's the understatement of the century. And I don't always have the easiest time saying what I want to."

Squall chuckled and nodded. That much was true. "Did Elle tell you where else she sent me last night?" he questioned.

"She sent you somewhere else?" Laguna asked, a puzzled look on his face.

Squall bit his lower lip, not sure if he should continue. "She sent me back to be with Raine the day I was born," he finally said, quietly.

Pain twisted Laguna's heart as he closed his eyes. He swallowed several times, fighting for composure. "You've done something that I've never been able to, then," he finally whispered. He opened his eyes and looked at his son. "I've never been able to bring myself to do that."

"She loved you, you know," Squall replied. "She kept asking for you, wishing you could be there."

Laguna closed his eyes briefly. Ellone had never told him the details of Squall's birth and Raine's death. It was a blessing and a curse to him that she had spared him that information. "If I had known, I would have given anything to be there," he replied, softly.

"I know that now." He paused, gathering his thoughts. "Look, I'm still not too happy that you've waited six years to tell me all of this. But I don't hate you. And I don't hold you responsible for everything bad that's happened in my life. All things considered, I don't have any regrets about my life," he continued. "If you had known about me, I wouldn't have grown up in an orphanage, and I wouldn't have become a SeeD. Then I wouldn't have fought Ultimecia, would never have met my friends. Would never have met Rinoa.

"And if I hadn't met her, Cassidy would never have been born. I wouldn't have this impish, energetic little devil to keep me on my toes." Squall was suddenly overwhelmed with missing his daughter.

"On the other hand," Laguna pointed out, "if you weren't a SeeD, chances are Rinoa wouldn't have been killed."

Squall's eyes shadowed briefly. "I still miss her," he admitted. "But life has to go on without her. She wouldn't want me to spend the rest of my life alone and miserable. Besides, she'll always be with me through Cassidy." He looked up at his father. "Just like Raine will always be with you through me."

The corners of Laguna's eyes crinkled up in a smile. "You do look like her, you know. I noticed that the first time I met you."

Squall snorted. "Kiros said the same thing. Ward said that I should be glad I don't look like my father."

Laguna made a face. "Yeah, yeah. Ward tries to be a comedian."

Squall laughed. He then spotted a picture of Raine sitting on a table across the room. Stepping over, he picked it up and studied it. "You know," he mused, "I always thought that Cass looks like Rinoa. Now, looking at this picture, I think she looks more like Raine." He looked over at his father. "But she has your eyes. I always wondered where those green eyes came from." He sighed heavily. "I miss her. I really do. I don't think I've ever missed her while on a mission before, but right now I just wish I could see her."

"Why don't you call her?" Laguna gestured over to the large videophone that was mounted on the opposite wall.

"That is huge," Squall observed. It took up nearly the entire wall.

Laguna grinned. "When you're the man in charge, you can get neat toys like that."

"You don't mind?" Squall looked a bit apprehensive.

"Not at all. Knock yourself out!"

Squall flashed him a brief, grateful smile, then sat down in front of the videophone. He quickly dialed Cid and Edea's private number from memory. A moment later, Edea's kind face filled the screen.

"Squall!" she cried, happily. "It's so good to see you up and around!"

"Hey, Matron," he replied, warmly. "Is Cass around? Or is she with Ma Dincht?"

"Oh, she's here," Edea responded, dryly. "And just up from a nap, so she's quite full of herself. Just a moment, and I'll go get her."

Edea disappeared. Some mild shuffling could be heard away from the phone. Moments later a small, mischievous face appeared on the screen.

"Daddy!" Cass squealed, joyfully.

Laguna studied the small face on the screen. Cass did look like Raine. But with wide, sparkling green eyes. She does have my eyes, he thought, joy and wonder filling his heart.

"Hey, kiddo," Squall replied, smiling at his offspring.

"Daddy, you got hurted!" she exclaimed, pointing to the sling he still wore on his left arm.

"It's just a little scratch, Cass," he reassured her. "I'll be okay in a couple of days."

"Where are you, Daddy? You've been gone a really long time!"

He supposed he had been gone longer than usual. "Do you have your ball there with you?" he asked. He had been using his missions to teach Cassidy a little about geography.

She held up the inflatable ball that he had bought her that also served as a globe.

"Now, where are you?"

"Riiiiight, here!" she pointed triumphantly to the small island of Balamb on her ball.

"Do you see that really big piece of land next to Balamb?" he continued, patiently.

She turned the ball slightly and studied it thoughtfully. "This one?" she pointed to a spot on the ball.

"That's the one. That's Esthar. It's a really big country. Even bigger than Galbadia. And I'm here working for the president."

Cass screwed up her face thoughtfully. "What's a pres'dent, Daddy?"

Squall pondered the best way to explain to a three-year-old the concept of a president. Finally it came to him. "Do you remember visiting your Grandpa Caraway? And how he's the president of Galbadia?"

Cassidy thought about it for a moment. Finally, her eyes brightened. "Oh! A pres'dent is someone who bosses people around all day!"

Laguna howled with laughter. He had never heard his job described in such a manner, but her childish innocence shed new light on the true nature of his position.

His hoots and howls caught Cassidy's attention. "Who's that?" she asked.

"It's the president, kiddo. President Loire. Laguna Loire."

"Ohhhh… Is he nice?"

Squall glanced at Laguna and smiled. "Yeah, he's pretty nice. Would you like to meet him?"

"Yeah!" she squealed. Cass loved meeting new people.

Laguna looked at Squall questioningly, but Squall nodded, and gestured for Laguna to take his place in front of the phone. Hesitantly, Laguna stepped over.

"Uh, h-hi, Cassidy," he stuttered, awestruck at the chance to finally speak with his granddaughter.

"Hello, Mr. Pres'dent Laguna, sir," she replied, formally. She studied him for a long moment. "You look like my daddy," she finally announced.

Laguna blushed, but smiled. "You think so, eh? Well, I guess that's a compliment."

Squall studied himself in a mirror that hung on the wall next to where he was standing. Did he really look like his father?

Cassidy nodded. "Is being pres'dent a hard job, Mr. Laguna?"

He chuckled. "Sometimes it is," he admitted. "Sometimes I'd rather be a SeeD like your dad."

The girl thought that over. "Zell is a SeeD, too. I'm gonna marry him one day."

Squall smacked the heel of his hand against his forehead. When would she outgrow that phase?

"Heeeeyyy," Cass suddenly said, remembering something. "My Aunt Elle lives in Esthar! Do you know my Aunt Elle?" She pointed to Laguna.

He smiled. "I knew your Aunt Elle waaaay back when she was your age."

Her eyes widened. "Aunt Elle was my age? Was that, like, a zillion years ago?"

Now it was Squall's turn to laugh. "Cass?" he interrupted, hating to end conversation. "We really need to go now. I'll be home as soon as I can."

The corners of her mouth turned down in a pout, but she nodded. "Okay, Daddy. I miss you. I love you!"

He smiled. "I love you too, kid."

"Remind me to profusely thank Uncle Laguna for this," Ellone sighed, settling back into her chair blissfully.

She and Kylah had spent the first part of their afternoon shopping to their hearts content. Kylah hadn't felt right about using Laguna's card for her own purchases, so had turned that over to Ellone and was using her own hard-earned SeeD paychecks to splurge on herself.

"I guess you're feeling better?" Kylah asked, unable to look at her. Kylah was seated comfortably in her own chair with a green mask on her face and cucumbers over her eyes. A young nail technician was working on giving her a manicure while another girl was giving her a pedicure.

Ellone was in a similar state. Both girls had also gotten their hair cut, deep conditioned, and highlighted. They planned on finishing their afternoon with a relaxing massage. "Who wouldn't feel better after all of this?" Ellone quipped, happily.

"Too bad we can't just stay here," Kylah sighed, almost dreading heading back to the palace.

"Yeah," Ellone sighed. "I've never seen Uncle Laguna looking so upset."

"Laguna?" one of the nail techs interrupted. "Do you mean President Loire? Are you two from the palace?"

Elle winced. "Yeah, we are," she admitted. "I'm the President's niece and this is one of his bodyguards."

The other nail tech looked up at Kylah, whose nails she was carefully painting. "You're a bodyguard? The president's bodyguard?" she asked, incredulously.

"Guilty as charged," Kylah replied, cheerfully.

The tech eyed her as if she couldn't believe that she could effectively defend Laguna if necessary. "Well, take good care of him," she said. "He's a good man

"Yeah," the other tech chimed in as she put the finishing touches on Ellone's nails. "He actually comes in here occasionally to get his hair trimmed."

Kylah's head popped up from the chair, knocking the cucumbers off of her eyes. "Laguna Loire actually gets his hair cut?" she asked in amazement.

Ellone laughed hysterically. "He doesn't actually cut it," she finally managed. "He just comes in for an estimate every once in a while."

Shaking her head, Kylah chuckled. "Wonders never cease," she commented. "I didn't figure Laguna would let anyone near his hair with a pair of scissors. At least, if he's anything like Irvine is about his hair, he wouldn't."

"Nah," Ellone replied. "With Irvine, it's vanity. With Laguna, it's more a matter of laziness. He just hates to take the time to come and get a haircut. Besides, he thinks he'd look like a dork with short hair."

Noting that the techs had finished with their nails, Kylah stood and stretched lazily. "Come on," she said, "lets go get those massages so we can head back to the palace."

Night had already fallen over Esthar by the time Kylah and Ellone made it back to the palace with their packages. Ellone sent her parcels back to her apartment with an aide and followed Kylah to her suite once they arrived.

"You don't have to," Kylah assured her, juggling packages as she fished out her key.

Laughing, Ellone grabbed a couple of packages off of the stack she was carrying. "It looks like you could use the help."

Finally managing to unlock the door, Kylah turned the knob enough to unlatch it and kicked it open so that she could enter.

Squall was sprawled across one of the couches inside, a laptop balanced on his chest as he lazily read over his e-mail. He looked up in amusement as he watched Kylah struggle to get her treasures into the suite.

"Did you two leave anything at the stores for other people to buy?" he asked, mischief twinkling in his blue eyes.

"Maybe, maybe not," Kylah retorted, grasping at a box that nearly fell off of her stack. Glancing quickly back at Ellone, she sent Squall a pointed look. "I'm going to take these things on into my room and put them away. And figure out how I'm going to get them back to Balamb. I'll see you guys later." She turned and stumbled into her room, shutting the door behind her to give them privacy.

Ellone stood hesitantly near the door, almost afraid to step further into the room. She didn't know why she had expected Squall to be gone. Now she was wishing she had gone on to her own apartment.

Squall sat up and placed the laptop on the coffee table. Gesturing toward the couch next to him, he addressed Ellone. "Come here. We need to talk."

Gulping, she hesitantly strode over to the couch and sat gingerly on the couch, looking as if she might run at any moment.

"I may as well tell you, cause you'll hear it anyway," Squall said. "I went and talked to Laguna today."

"How did that go?" she asked, carefully.

He shrugged. "I didn't yell at him again, if that's what you're wondering. We're talking. I'm still upset that I wasn't told sooner." He gave her a pointed look. "And I'm definitely not ready to call him 'dad' or anything like that. But we are talking."

"Well, that's a start." Ellone took a deep breath. "Squall, if I crossed the line last night, then I'm sorry…" she began.

"You did cross a line or two last night," he said, not beating around the bush. "Maybe it was something I needed to see, but I wasn't ready to see it at that point. It did, however, prompt me to go talk to Laguna. And it's not like I went through it alone. Kylah was there to help me through it." A light flush crept up in his cheeks.

His sister gazed at him, an eyebrow arched speculatively. "Oh, really?" she asked, a knowing smile on her face. "I'll bet she was…"

Reddening further, Squall turned away. "…Whatever."

"So it's true?" she asked, grinning devilishly at him.

"No," he replied, still not looking at her.

"But you want it to be," she persisted. She had never actually seen Squall blush before.

"No…Yes….Maybe…. I dunno…" he shrugged helplessly.

She was quiet for a moment. "It would be okay if you did want it to be true," she finally said. "I mean, Rinoa's been gone for over two years."

Sighing, looked at the floor. "I know," he replied, quietly. "And she would want me to move on with my life."

Jerking her head toward Kylah's closed bedroom door, Ellone smiled at him. "So what are you waiting for? Go after her!"

He looked at her for a long moment. "That's kinda hard for me to do with my sister sitting here," he said, pointedly.

"I'm going, I'm going!" she said, throwing her hands in the air and rising to head to the door. She opened the door, stepped out, then stuck her head back into the room. "Am I forgiven?" she asked, shyly.

A bemused grin touched the corners of Squall's mouth. "I'll think about it and let you know in the morning," he quipped.

Knowing that things were well on their way to being back to normal between them, Ellone stuck her tongue out at Squall then fled the room.

He chuckled, shaking his head. Maybe he wasn't completely over his anger, but he was well on the way. He turned his head and let his gaze rest on Kylah's door. Faintly, he could hear her humming to herself as she puttered around her room. Sighing, he glanced down at his left hand where his wedding band used to be. It hadn't been there in over a year.

Resolutely, he stood and strode toward Kylah's door. It was definitely time to be getting on with his life.