A/N: Okay so here's the deal. I hate charmed now. I just... I can't watch a wholwe epside without getting a fucking headache. honestly I can't. so writing parodies for this... is just depressing. It is. I can't be force to do it. But i owe you people so I'm going to try and finish these fics. TRY! Anyway. Here's something for you to read while you wait.Oh and by the way, I still watch it cause i love henry and Paige for some reason. They're actually well played together. >. But I can't stand Billie! If she doesn't go soon and die i might just not bother anymore! And phoebe shut the fuck up with your living on my own! Fuck you bitch! Iws not going to work out! yeah, just move when your sister needs you the most you fucking selfish whore. I wish prue would come and slap you! Gah... she mnade me want Prue back... I'm going to puke now.

Title: Charmed! If you can still call it that… Season The Two.

Episode 9: Stalling clip show spectacular!

(The Set of Charmed If you can't still call it that. Alyssa, Holly and the Retard are sitting in studio chairs.)

ALYSSA: HI! I'm the beautifully talented Alyssa Milano. And these are some random people from my show. (She allows the camera a small glimpse of Holly and the Retard but motions it back to her.) Anyway, since Alex is busy doing his thing-

HOLLY: Being a lazy fucker, you mean.

RETARD: Ha. That's funny.

(Retard is shot in the brain. Nothing really changes though.)

ALYSSA: Anyway... We're going to see some clips from the old Series of Charmed he was doing that parodied our first year as witches.

RETARD: OOOH! I clip show! Like totally awesome!

(Retard is hit repeatedly in the hat with a bat. She lays unconscious.)

ALYSSA: Let's see some clips involving our first abuses of our powers!

(Clip start. Phoebe heads to the attic. She goes in and finds the Book of Shadows. She opens it and start to read.)

Phoebe: A spell to turn us into witches! Cool!

(So Phoebe does the spell and screws her sisters' lives forever. Cut to: Quake. Piper's power. The chef it's about to try Piper's meal.)

Chef: Let's see what you got.

Piper: Wait!

(Piper freezes him. She takes out the Ecstasy from her purse and puts in the food. She unfreezes him. He eats.)

Chef: Whoa! Pretty colors! You got the job!

(Cut to: Quake. Phoebe and Piper talk.)

Phoebe: Oh, chill! I'm using my powers to get dates! Look, that guy is gonna ask me to sleep with him!

Sleazy guy: Wanna sleep with me?

Piper: Prue's gonna freak if she finds out your using your powers to get laid!

KAYLEY: (Off screen.) Who's Prue?

(The tape stops and we return to the girls.)

HOLLY: You met her you dimwit!

ALYSSA: Short. Twitchy lazy eye. Bad temper.

KALEY: Oh.. can we see clips of that!

ALYSSA: Oh boy… which one?

(Clip starts. Halliwell Manor Kitchen. Piper and Prue are there.)

Piper: You had sex on the first date!

Prue: Is that bad?

(Phoebe enters.)

Phoebe: I got laid because of my powers!

Prue: We're not supposed to be using our powers!

Piper: Are you the boss of us?

Phoebe: Who's the boss?

Prue: Piper, yes I am. Phoebe, that joke was a) Old and b) Lame. No more powers!

(Cut to: Bucklands. Elevator. Prue gets in the elevator.)

Prue: I'm gonna use my powers to get to my floor faster. Anybody have a problem with that?

Elevator extras: No!

(Cut to: Park. Prue and Piper discuss.)

Prue: I need to go to Bucklands!

Phoebe: You let a kid get trap and you want to go to Bucklands?

Prue: Hey! I'm the only one working here! Piper doesn't make enough money and you are a waste of space!

(Cut to: Outside Andy's house. Prue and Andy argue.

Andy: I want you to tell me what you're hiding!

Prue: I'm not telling you anything!

Andy: Then... maybe we shouldn't see each other anymore!

Prue: Ok!

Andy: Wait! But-

Prue: Bye!

(Prue skips happily home.)

(Cut back to the girls.)

HOLLY: Shannen is going to be so fucking pissed at you, Milano.

ALYSSA: Whatever. Like that bitch can touch me. Um, let's show clips about your love life and then see if people call me a ho.

HOLLY: Oh, Jeez…

(Clip starts. Cab. Piper and Jeremy are grossing the cab driver out.)

Jeremy: No you're the cute one!

Piper: No, you are!

Jeremy: No, you are!

Piper: No, you are!

Jeremy: No, you are!

Piper: No, you are!

Jeremy: No, you are!

Piper: No, you-

(Cut to: Scene: Chinatown. Mark the ghost and Piper bond.)

Mark: My body's somewhere over here.

Piper: Too bad you're dead, I'd probably date you.

(Cut to: Scene: Quake. Piper gets the results from her Queen Bee spell. sexy guy hits on her.)

Sexy: I just want to talk to you all night long!

Piper: I better call Prue.

Sexy: Ok.

(She calls Prue, while a cute guy hits on her.)

Cute: Hey!

Piper: Um, Prue? Just wanted you to know that I'm gonna get laid and you only have Andy.

(Cut to: Halliwell Manor. Piper's there. Leo enters.)

Leo: Hey, I conveniently stained my shirt, would you like me to take it off so you can check out my naked chest?

Piper: Maybe later. Leo do you want to have sex with me?

Leo: Yes please!

(Cut to: Prue's room. Prue and Phoebe are there as Piper rushes in.)

Piper: I'm so late for work. It's just that I was having unbelievable sex last night!

Prue: Rub it in why don't you?

Piper: Ok. It was great! And I even freeze him so it could last longer!

Prue: I hate you!

(Cut to: Quake. The sisters sit in a table. A ladybug lands on the table.)

Piper: Ah! Bad luck!

Phoebe: No! Good! If you flick it lands on your lover's path.

(Piper makes sure she flicks it on the hot guy from before.)

Piper: Well, look at that! I guess I have no choice but to date him!

(Cut to: Josh's office. Piper checks him out. I mean, checks on him.

Piper: You ok?

Josh: Yes. Wine?

Piper: Sure.

(Cut to: Josh's place. Josh gives Piper the plans and an ultimatum to go with that.)

Piper: You're leaving unless I say you shouldn't?

Josh: I need to know if we're going to be a couple.

(Piper freezes him.)

Piper: Listen up! I like you and you are cute, but I can't make this decision! And I still loved Leo! And there's the Dan thing! I just can't answer you're right now.

(Cut tape. Holly looks annoyed.)

HOLLY: Those scenes were taken out of context!

RETARD: Sure…

ALYSSA: We ran out of time anyway! Next time, we'll see the funny Paige moments!

RETARD: Wasn't Paige from season 4?

BOTH: Hush!

(Fade to black.)

To be continued.