A/N

First off.
I wrote the first chapter while I was in an over emotional state. I can not promise that all of my chapters will be as equally emotionally driven as that was. I'm probably not a very good writer. I write when I want. If I wrote when I had to, I wouldn't come off as strong as I needed to. I might not update that often, deal with it. I'm sorry, but I cant make myself write.

Second.
This fic is somewhat autobiographical. A lot of it will be personally driven. It might be slightly over emotional and I'm sorry if teen angst pisses you off. This might feel rushed, but I'm trying to put what happened in the course of 7 months into a 2 month period. A lot happened so just bare with me. THERE WILL BE DRUG REFERENCES. If you don't like it leave. But that is what this is about.

Third.
This will be an alternate universe. I have not completely worked out everything in this fic. I'm going to end up featuring the characters as muggles. It would just make everything easier. I am also not British, so don't expect me to type like I'm British. I don't think I am a creative person, but I like to make things my own. This fic will probably be centered around the summer and a park. As you can tell by the title. This will be because a lot of things happened this past summer to me that have changed my life.

Fourth.
I don't like to think of this as a song fic. Yes it shares the same name as a Something Corporate song and yes it will often have references to the song, but I wouldn't classify it as a song fic. Most song fics are exactly as the song goes, and that's not what I will do. The plot of this story is basically that "something's never do change," which I think is what the song means. So…

Fifth.
I will include in this fic songs I have written on my own. There are things that will happen in this fic that have happened to me. Hence the autobiography. Don't think that everything in this fic happened to me. Ok?

Sixth.
Constructive criticism is allowed. Painful, scornful words aren't. I am quite aware that my writing skills aren't up to par. I don't like to edit much of my work because then I don't feel it is raw and full of feeling. I write what I am feeling at the moment and you aren't going to change that.

Seventh.
This will probably be in the P.O.V. of Lily for most of the fic. It might occasionally switch to a different P.O.V. for a different outlook on the story.

So here we go.

Chapter 1. Stemming A Steady Flow Of Red

Looking back on my choices that summer, I know I wouldn't change them. I know I've lost friends, I know I've made them. Its not the choices that make us, it's the things we don't do that change us. I know I should have been more clear on my feelings, on my intent of things. It should have never gone any farther than I wanted it to. But it did. It went way too far.

They say blood is thicker than water. So losing you shouldn't hurt more than losing my brother. But it does. I watch the blood fall from this cut in my arm and it is washed away in the water from this burning shower, and I know blood doesn't matter. Its not the blood that connects us to people, its their personalities and actions. The way they make us feel when we are sad and lonely.

I can feel the anger coursing through my veins. But its not my veins its my life line. You see this blood is what doesn't link us together. The only thing that stops us from being related. And I would thank God, if he existed, for that. You see if we were related we could have never fallen in love. And fall in love we did.

In that fateful summer. The summer of our lives. The beginning of our lives. The beginning of our death.

"So…" She said to me, looking at me with a serious expression. "By senior year you and Andrea have to have smoked pot."
"Yeah whatever," I shrug it off. I'll do what I want, when I want.
"We should smoke next week. Its summer and we've got nothing to do." She took a drag from her cigarette and looked at me. "You want a drag?"

I look at her shrug and take the damn thing. I suck in and splutter out a cough. I take another drag. It's a trivial thing, smoking cigarettes. They don't really do much, but whatever. I hand it to Andrea with a questioning look. She takes a drag and has the same reaction; she though doesn't go back for a second drag. I've yet to come to the conclusion as to why we are passing around a cigarette. We are sitting on a hill in the borough of our town. Right next to the main pizza place off of the main street. Everyone knows me, I know everyone. My family owns a prominent café in the town.

She's my best friend, I'm her best friend. We've known each other since we were 3, but only became friends in kindergarten. 11 years of friendship, 13 years of knowing each other. We've got a pretty special bond. She's like my sister. Her name is Serena.

"Lets go to the park." I stand up dusting off my shorts and smiling at my 2 best friends. The LSD trio as we prefer to call ourselves.
"Lily, that's stupid. Why don't we just go to my house?" Serena looks at me like I'm insane.
"No we should go to the park and lay around. No one will be there at this time anyways." I start to walk away and they follow me. Rarely does a fight break out between us, never between me and Serena. Its just how it goes. I can hear them slowly following me, skeptical of this. Though, that would be the normal.
"I can't believe we are going to the park. Who does that?" I hear Andrea mumbling as she slowly drags her feet. The sun is setting and the borough is closing down. There isn't much left to do.
"C'mon I'm leaving in a month and I wont be back until school starts, lets make the most of it." I turn around and they just shrug. Serena takes out two cigarettes and hands one to me. She lights hers and then hands me the lighter, where I proceed to light up. No one is around and I'm not scared of the consequences too often.

It's quiet as we walk down the street and onto the path to the park. We just look at the scenery and take in the beauty of the summer and the setting sun. When we finally get to the park we lay down in the middle of the field. Our silence is interrupted by my phone ringing.

"Hello?" My "phone voice" sends the two other girls into a fit of giggles.
"No. I'm staying at her house."
"Yes, I know. Ok Bye." I hang up the phone as quickly as possible. My mom and I rarely get along anymore. As it slowly gets darker we decide to head back to Serena's house. It's the first night of summer and so far its looking up.

When we get to her house we search for food. We turn on the TV, we laugh, we talk, and we enjoy each other's company. This is a regular night at Serena's house. We always stay at her house. Her parents are never home, we've got a lot of freedom there. Sometimes guys will come over. Sometimes we will just pass out on her floor with too much alcohol in our system for anyone's own good.

The door bell rings. We stand up and head to the door. As we open up the door we see 3 guys. There names are James Potter, Sirius Black, and Remus Lupin.

"Potter," I smile at him, he smiles back. "What are you doing here?"
"Well my sweet Lily," He gives me that sickly sweet smile and hugs me. "We heard there was going to be a hot party here."
"Oh yeah? Who told you that?" Serena gives him a look and Black barges into the conversation.
"A little birdie." He smiles at her and she just laughs.
"Whatever." She opens the door for them to enter in more. James hugs me even more and I just smile. We've known each other forever too. We pretend to hate each other, but its just for fun. We like messing with people's heads. We just like being ourselves. And for now, everything is perfect. Everything is perfect…

This was just the beginning. This was just the end to a normal life. Sometimes I wish I never did what I did. Sometimes I wish that everything would go the fuck away. It never fucking does. It never fucking will. We all have to deal with the consequences of our actions. We all have to take the blame of what is ours. This is our problem, this is my problem.

I hate myself. I never used to, but now I do. A lot can change in 20 minutes. A lot can change in 1 minute. You can't control it, but it will take you along for the ride. And now, I can't take the smell of alcohol, unless its in my hand. When I smell that liquid, I get the insatiable need to drink until I pass out. When I smell that lingering smell of cigarettes I can't help but need to smoke. And, I hate myself for it. I hate myself for everything I've done, and everything I didn't do. I hate what I do, but it makes me feel better. I hate drinking till I pass out; smoking pot till I'm incapable of standing, but it makes me feel so good.

"You've got a problem." She says to me.
"I know." I say as a tear falls down my face. I'm willing to admit I'm an alcoholic. I'm not willing to admit I'm addicted to these drugs. No I'm not.

i've been sleeping with ghosts
i've been watching stars
crawling out of the sky
and i've been hoping
i'm close to the space man movies
i call my life

and i've been
watching stars coming off of the wall
and maybe if i'm lucky i can catch them
before you fall
and you are not alone

calling out to the astronaut
i need some of what you've got
i need to be high
crawling out of the world she brought
calling out to the astronaut
i need to be high

i've got you to propel me
but i still need so much
not to be alone

and you are not alone
you are not alone
you are not alone

calling out to the astronaut
i need some of what you've got
i need to be high
crawling out of the world she brought
calling out to the astronaut
i need to be high

and i've got you to propel me
but i still need so much

The Astronaut-Something Corporate