Chapter Three: Tiny Little Butterflies
On August 20, Sev and Harry moved back in to Sev's Hogwarts quarters. Harry had a blast making his room exactly how he wanted it. With plenty of help from Ginny, of course.
There were also plenty of staff meetings for him to attend, so Harry was kept just as busy the last few days of summer as he was the first.
The night before the students were to arrive, Harry was tossing and turning. He woke up the morning of September 1st drenched in a cold sweat, his stomach tied tightly in a ball with tiny little butterflies flying round just to irritate him. He had to take several deep breaths before he could even think about getting out of bed. He spent the rest of the day in a tired haze.
When evening rolled around, all the teachers were called to the Great Hall. Dumbledore made a speech, but Harry barely heard it. All too soon, the doors opened, and the students came piling in. He and Ginny locked eyes, and she gave him a small smile of support. Harry smiled back, but he couldn't quite make it reach his eyes.
The doors soon opened up again and all of the first years came filing in down the center. Harry gulped. They were so, so, so…small. They all knew him as 'The-boy-who-lived.'
'Or The-boy-who'd-faced-Voldemort-many-times-and-just-wouldn't-die.' Harry's stomach clenched. Many of the younger kids in Hogwarts probably saw him in the same way. They were probably all in awe of him.
But most of the older ones, especially his house mates, saw him as simply Harry; their house mate or school mate. Or, in one very special girl's case, her boyfriend. They would probably have no respect for him. The room turned on a sickening angle. Harry had to remind himself to breathe, but for some reason, his lungs weren't responding. Or was it his throat that wouldn't work?
He thought he heard Dumbledore talk, but it seemed to come from a great distance. The smell of food reached his nose, and Harry was convinced he would throw up then and there.
He heard Sev's voice in his ear, "Take a deep breath." After much struggle, his throat, or was it his lungs, unclenched, and he managed to take in a breath. He held it there.
Sev's voice came to his ear again, "Good. Now let it go." Harry was soon able to do that as well. The room seemed to right itself.
"Try to do that again," Sev whispered. Harry did as he was told. A single knot undid itself from somewhere deep down in Harry's stomach. "Now put some food on your plate," Sev commanded.
Harry spotted some mashed potatoes and peas and spooned some onto his plate. He forced himself to take a bite. His stomach rolled again, but he forced himself to swallow it. Whether it was lead or mashed potatoes he was swallowing, Harry wasn't quite sure, but he focused all of his energy on trying to make his stomach accept the food. The table titled, and this time, Harry was able to take a breath. While he was taking another bite, he thought he heard Sev say, "I'm not sure, Albus. It's probably just nerves, though. Nothing to be too worried about, I'm sure." Harry didn't hear what the headmaster had to say in response, but he heard Sev say, "It'll blow over. I'll talk to him tonight."
Harry spent the rest of the meal eating very small proportions of mashed potatoes and peas.
When it was finally over, he felt Sev's hand grab his arm and help him up. Harry glanced up and caught Ginny's eye as she was standing up. She was trying hard not to smile, but when Harry gave her a weak one, she failed.
With Sev guiding him, Harry somehow made it down to Sev's, and technically his, quarters. Sev steered him to a couch and sat him down.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
Harry met his eyes. "I can't do it Sev! On one hand, the little kids will have too much respect, but the older ones won't have enough! I should just quit! I'm not cut out for this! I should…"
"HARRY!" Sev nearly yelled, effectively cutting off Harry's rambling. Harry blinked several times at the intrusion to his thoughts. "First off, there is no such thing as 'too much respect.' And where did you get the idea that the older ones won't respect you? After everything you did at the final battle, they might have more respect for you than the younger ones. If they don't, you're the teacher. You make them respect you."
"How do I do that?" Harry asked.
"That's something you'll figure out when the time comes. So, please, don't quit? You haven't even given it a shot yet."
Harry took a deep breath. "You've got some good points." Harry grinned. "I won't quit."
The door opened. Ginny came in and plopped herself next to Harry, pulling him into a hug. "You okay?" she asked.
He nodded, and she let go of him. "I'm fine. I got nervous, but Sev fixed that."
"You sure?"
Harry rolled his eyes. "Yes, I'm sure. But you need to get a back to the Gryffindor common room, Miss Head Girl!" he said teasingly.
"My being Head Girl had better not take away from our time together, or else I resign!" she said with a grin.
Sev laughed. "You can't resign from being Head Girl. The only way for you to not be head girl is to either graduate, or get kicked out," Sev said, and Ginny blanched. "But Harry's right, you do need to get back to the Gryffindor common room."
"Alright, alright, I'm going," she said before giving Harry a kiss on the lips. "See you tomorrow!"
"See you tomorrow!" Harry replied. Once Ginny had left, Harry said, "I'm going to bed. Good night."
"Good night," Sev said.
Harry trudged to his room, but Sev read for awhile before he also retired to bed.
A/N: Thanks to my beta, HarryEstel, for all of her wonderful help.
Thanks to everyone who reviewed (who I didn't email):
Quillian, HecateDeMort, witchfire37( )Replies to reviewers:
Aqua Mage: He can see just like everyone else can, only better because he can 'see' what happening behind walls and further. The only thing 'wrong' with his 'vision' is that he can't see color. Also, only the people close to him know that he has to use his magic to see, and it's going to stay that way.