Chapter Four – Musk

Spring 4 – Friday

I sat up and looked over at the clock. It was 10:00 AM, and I was groggy at having overslept. A strange noise caused me to walk towards the door. Cautiously, I opened it and peered outside.

There was a strange crashing noise, and a feeble cry of shock. I looked towards the chicken coop and saw a somewhat familiar figure looking back at me.

"Who are you and what are you doing on my property?" I shouted at him. He raised his hands as if to tell me that he came in peace, but I stayed on guard.

"I came to talk to you," he yelled, "Are you busy?" I recognized him as Lillia's son, Rick, the dork. I sighed and ran over to the chicken coop, wanting to find out what he wanted so he would leave.

"What do you want?" I asked angrily. I seemed to hurt him with my harsh words, and his previously happy expression turned cheerless. "Hey, I'm sorry, but my parents just died. I haven't been myself lately. Can you forgive me?"

Rick smiled sadly and said, "Well of course I can. I suppose you don't really need to apologize, considering that I was in the wrong, but it's nice of you all the same." I was enchanted by his kindness; it was so different from Doctor's harshness and maturity. Rick seemed to be more carefree and sweet.

"You didn't do anything wrong," I said, "you just caught me by surprise." I glanced at the chicken coop and saw that the door was open. "What were you doing in there?" I asked. Rick's smile reappeared.

"Hey, wait right here, okay?" he asked me. I nodded and he turned to go into the coop. "Oh," he added, "and close your eyes, too." I didn't know what he thought he was doing, but I shut my eyes all the same. I heard the door creak open as he returned to me.

"Hold out your hands, okay?" he asked. I did as he said, and I felt him take one of my hands. He guided it towards him, and placed it on something soft and warm. I didn't know what it was, and thought about peeking, but I didn't want to upset him.

"What is it?" I asked. I had never touched anything like it in my life, and I could not picture just what it was. I could hear Rick chuckle as I continued to pet the thing in his arms.

"She likes you," he whispered. I laughed, and heard a sound. It was a clucking sound. I remembered Lillia talking about how her family owned the chicken farm right down the street from our own farm. Opening my eyes, I saw the chicken in his arms.

Snowy white feathers and a bright red crown, she looked like one of the prizewinning hens that one usually saw in pictures. She was the poster-chicken of health and contentment. I smiled and began to stroke her beautifully soft feathers with both hands. Looking up at Rick, I unconsciously held my breath. He was looking right at my face with and entirely indiscernible expression upon his face. It resembled the look that Doctor gave me, but it was softer and much more gentle.

"She's beautiful," I whispered.

"Just like you," he whispered back. Catching his slip, he stammered, "L-like your farm, I mean. Wow, look at it… it's wonderful!" Glancing halfheartedly about, I saw the field that was overgrown with weeds, with large stones everywhere. My barn was in desperate need of a paining job, and my pond was something reminiscent of a rotting cesspool. I couldn't help but laugh. Rick shifted his feet nervously.

Putting the chicken on the ground, he reached into his pocket. "I have a gift for you," he said nervously, "could you close your eyes again?" I did so and held out my hands, waiting. Something fell into my hands. It was small and light, and felt strangely furry.

A small peep opened my eyes. A small chick sat in my hands, looking up at me with big black eyes, peeping loudly. "Oh," I said suddenly, my eyes tearing up, "I can keep it?"

Rick nodded, and gestured at the adult hen on the ground. "Gerry here lays very good eggs, and this chick should grow up strong too. Speaking of which," he reached to pet the chick, "what do you want to name her?" I was shocked that I should have the honor of naming my first animal. I was confused and couldn't answer.

Rick saw my hesitation. "Well, I suppose I could name her if…"

"Kathy," I said. Rick gasped.

"Are you sure you'd like to name her that?" he asked me, "You might want to think about another name just in case."

"No," I said quietly, "I think Kathy is a lovely name for her. She's got my mother's eyes." I laughed at my own dumb comment and tried hard not to cry.

"No," he said breathlessly, "you've got her eyes." My eyes widened in disbelief. I hadn't expected him to say something so sudden and deep. He was looking into my eyes with his jaw slightly slack, as though he hadn't expected himself to say such a thing. His large glasses showed me my own slack face and wide eyes.

The chick continued to peep loudly, the only sound around us. He glanced away, blushing deeply. "I'm sorry," he muttered, "I shouldn't have said that."

"No!" I cried as I took his hand. He turned towards me again and our faces nearly touched. "No," I said sadly, "I'm glad you did." He smiled, and so did I, but our faces only seemed to grow closer and closer.

"Scarlet," Doctor said, "How are you feeling?" I almost fell backwards as I pulled my face away from Rick. The chicken boy glanced from Doctor to me, doing some quick thinking. He backed away, seeing a reasonable explanation for my sudden retreat; when Doctor was present, I was untouchable.

"I picked you up some lunch," he said smoothly. Seeing Rick, he said, "Oh, hello Mick, I hope you're well? How is your mother?"

Rick began to look nervous. "Oh, she's not doing too well…she's still getting her episodes. I don't think the medicine is doing much, though… she keeps taking it and she's still getting her dizziness. Yesterday she collapsed," he stammered.

"That's a shame. I trust the medicine will take into effect soon," he said, "you see, it takes a while for the healing properties to build up inside the patient. Only then will we see any progress." Rick seemed indignant about this conjecture.

"She's been on this 'medicine' for five years, ever since my dad left. Don't you think that it might not be working? Maybe we should try another medicine…"

"Well it's my expert opinion that this medicine is the only thing keeping your mother's depression from overtaking her like it did when you came to me. It's working just fine," Doctor argued. Rick still seemed displeased with the medical opinion.

"Her depression is gone, but she's getting sicker and sicker each day!" he argued, "Can't we try another medicine?" Doctor's eyes glinted malevolently.

"The medicine is fine," he said venomously. I felt like breaking the silence.

"Oh, thank you for bringing such a nice gift, Doctor," I said, "Why don't we go inside and eat?" I glanced at Rick and said, "Rick was just leaving to go help his mom at the farm anyway, weren't you, Rick?" Sadly, Rick didn't catch the hint and looked hurt.

"I suppose I should be getting home," he said sadly, "I'll bring some feed and put it in the bin for you. You only need to feed adult chickens once a day. If you need any help, you know where to find me…" He began to walk away, but I didn't stop him. I only wanted to keep Doctor occupied.

Once he seemed out of earshot, Doctor laughed, "Why were you hanging around with that loser, Scarlet?"

"I, uh, he, uh, he just showed up and gave me some chickens…" I said quietly.

"Well, wasn't that nice of him?" he laughed, "I suppose that seems a lot nicer than food, anyway, right?" Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Rick look back hopefully.

"Oh," I said, "no, not really. I mean, it's so nice to spend quality time with someone, you know?" I saw Rick give me a look before he turned and continued walking away.

"Wonderful," Doctor said happily, "let's go inside."

We set out the plates that Doctor had brought, and pulled out the dishes. They looked very fancy, but even more delicious. We began eating, and I asked, "This is really good, where did you buy it?"

"Oh," Doctor said, wiping his mouth unnecessarily, "I made it myself. When one lives alone, they should know how to cook. Don't you agree?" I bit my lip and looked at the food on my plate. Doctor seemed to realize his mistake and said, "I'm not saying that you should know how to cook or anything. Please don't misunderstand me, Scarlet."

There was something in his black eyes that just captivated me. They seemed to threaten, plead, and adore all at once. For a moment, I was wondering if I was truly doing this for the town, or if this was for me.

"Doctor," I began, "do you like your job?"

He froze in place, his eyes narrowing. "Why?" he asked suspiciously as he pushed his plate away from him. A thousand thoughts were racing through my mind. I wanted to ask him so many things, but I also wanted to touch him in so many places. More frightening for me, though, I wanted him to touch me as well.

"You don't seem to handle failure very well," I said cautiously, treading the ground that I was crossing carefully, "Is there any reason for this?" Doctor seemed to be searching my eyes for signs of why I was asking.

"I would have to say that it was the death of my parents. They both died right before my eyes. I couldn't handle losing the people that made me into the person I am today, and I broke down. I looked to the people of the town for help, but they had never liked my parents. I was shunned and ignored, and no one cared to listen. Well, no one but Carter. He heard me out, and he's been the closest thing to a friend I have ever had. I tell him things that I can't tell anyone else, and he doesn't tell anyone." Doctor's eyes stared into my own, relentlessly. I couldn't help but feel weak in his gaze.

"I'm sorry," I said breathlessly.

"You don't need to apologize," he said as he reached across the small table to brush my hair from my face, "I've been fine so far, haven't I?" My heart was pounding as thoughts raced through my mind. This was different.

Rick was different. Which different was better? Was this right? Why was he telling me all of that? Doctor stood and began to walk to the door, picking up his jacket from a stack of boxes. "I suppose you'll be wanting time alone," he said, "so you can recuperate. You can keep the basket, though."

I rose to my feet, knocking my chair over in the process. "No, wait," I said, feeling a horrible heat rising up in my chest. I felt sick as my head began to spin. Stumbling towards him, I fell into his arms.

Before I knew entirely what was happening, my hair was let down and his shirt was unbuttoned. The dreadful and horrifying heat was stronger than ever, and as he kissed me, I could feel some private emotion rising from my body, pressing me to go further, to escape the boundaries that would have been set had my parents been there.

Each kiss left a tingling sensation upon my neck. I had never felt this way before, and I couldn't understand why it felt so sickening and dizzying. He led me to the bed slowly, savoring every moment, every kiss, and every fleeting touch.

I lay down and tried to make sense of what was happening and these strange feelings, but before I could organize my thoughts, he was on top of me, pressing my body into the mattress. His breath was hot on my neck, and his bare chest glistened with sweat as he moved over me.

He hadn't tried to take off his pants yet, thank goodness, but at least he had taken that ridiculous mirror off of his head. He seemed perfectly content with kissing me and touching me, but I wanted him off. His slight moans of immense pleasure and pain reached my ears, but that wasn't all. Looking over his shoulder, I saw the most terrifying sight that I could have ever seen at that moment.

Doug, Rick, and Gotz were all looking into the window. Rick's mouth was open, and Doug just seemed embarrassed at having seen such a thing. Gotz looked murderous, however, and much to my horror, he walked in the door.

"HEY!" he yelled, sending Doctor scrambling. Grabbing his jacket, Doctor tried to hide his excitement, but it had already been not only quite obvious, but he was having trouble covering it up.

"What's with you?" Doctor cried out. Gotz glared, but then walked towards the bed, where I was lying, still dumbfounded.

"Are you all right, Scarlet?" he asked. I nodded my head, dazed still by the sickly feeling, which was fast dissipating. "What did you think you were doing? You barely know this girl!" I blushed, for Gotz was acting like my father would have.

Doctor had considerably calmed down, judging by the jacket, and he was in the process of buttoning his shirt. "Scarlet," Gotz whispered, "you don't want to go making a fool out of yourself. I'm just looking out for you, do you understand?"

"I believe she has the right to make her own decisions, Gotz," Doctor said, his voice rasping. Rick stood outside with Doug, and the both of them were whispering to one another. Doctor pushed past them as he walked out of my house without a backward glance.

A small pang of hurt hit my heart as I wondered if he would have looked back had we carried it all the way to the end. Doug and Rick entered the house cautiously. Doug ran to me and hugged me. "We were so worried about you," he said happily.

"Why would you all worry so much about me?" I asked.

"Elli came into the inn to get something to eat and told me that Doctor had left a little while earlier to come see you, and I naturally was worried about your safety!" Doug cried out, "I told you he was trouble!"

"No you didn't," I said as he nearly crushed my ribcage, "You were the one who tried to pair me up with him, remember?" Gotz and Rick seemed shocked at my comment.

"No, I told you that you should try to get closer to him so that you could crack his shell. You took it totally wrong! Now I find you two with your bodies against one another while he's about to crack something that is not only not a shell, but not his!" Doug scolded her.

Gotz pitched in. "You don't want to rush to something like that, Scarlet. It's not good for your future. What if you had gotten pregnant?"

"You guys are taking this WAY too seriously," I laughed, "what makes you think we were even going to have sex?" I continued to laugh nervously as they stared in disbelief. "I'm sorry," I said, "I didn't think that was going to happen, though, honestly. He just lost control and I didn't try to stop him. If there is anyone to blame, it would be me."

Rick heaved a heavy sigh. The two older men turned to look at him, as did I. "Oh, um, I brought over the chicken feed. Thought you'd like to know. I just, um, heard some noises from inside the house and felt worried about you. When I got to the window, I saw him on the bed and," Rick broke off, blushing a deep crimson.

Gotz and Doug saw the way Rick and I were looking at one another and began walking to the door. "Scarlet, we'll see you later," Gotz said, walking with Doug out the door. Once they left, the only sound was that of Scruffy barking at some birds outside.

"Maybe I should," Rick began.

"No."

I couldn't believe I had just stopped him, but I had. "I need to talk to you, Rick."

He didn't seem comfortable, but I told him to sit. Sitting beside me, he stared at me, waiting. I tried to talk, but the words seemed stuck in my throat.

"I don't care if you like him more than you like me," he said. I sighed, knowing that he had misinterpreted my silence. "I've liked you since I met you, even though you probably didn't like me. I thought maybe I had a chance with you back there at the chicken coop, but I suppose that was just wishful thinking."

It was sad, the way his eyes darkened as the light slowly escaped them. I felt guilty, as though I had just crushed his heart. How could I have? I had just met him!

"Rick," I began, "it's not that I don't like you, but I need to do this."

"Why do you need to do this? Why is it so important?" he asked me.

"He needs me more than you do. He doesn't even have a friend in this town except for Carter."

"No one in this town likes me." My eyes closed as I hoped he wouldn't begin a sob story. "Ever since my dad left, I've tried to be the man of the house, but I'm pretty much the most annoying guy in this town. I don't try to deny it either. The only ones I have are the chickens."

I didn't know what to say. "I don't have to stop, do I?" he asked me.

"What?" I asked.

He looked at me, his shaggy blonde hair turning golden as the morning sun shone in through my windows. "Do I have to stop liking you?"

I smiled. "No, do I have to stop?"

Rick smiled. "Not if you don't want to."

Our faces touched but not our lips. This was much deeper than a kiss. This was the realization of loving someone, but just not knowing it yet.

I sighed, feeling pulled between the tides.

One side of me was in love with Rick and his tender sweetness. The other side was in love with the maturity and passion of Doctor.

His black eyes remained in my mind, hauntingly, almost daring me to make my move. I looked to Rick and said, "We'll see."

That night, I locked the windows, brought Scruffy in, and bolted the door. Rick had helped me feed the chickens earlier, so they were content, but I was worried more for myself.

Closing the shutters and the curtains, I finally felt solace in my small haven. Scruffy jumped onto the bed, but I didn't make her leave. It would have been too cruel for me to do such a thing. She needed the company just as much as I did.

As I lay on my pillow, I tried to sleep, but I could smell Doctor's musk on my sheets. It bothered me, but I forced myself to sleep. Just as my eyes began to shut, I saw a dark silhouette against my drapes, from the outside. Being beyond my control, I fell into a deep sleep, but I dreamt nothing.

Nothing but a musk horizon caressing and corrupting me filled my head that night. The only thing that made me ashamed was that I liked it.